In early May, Bethenny Frankel gave birth to an adorable girl named Bryn.
But in the warped reality show universe, this event took place last night, as Frankel went into labor five weeks early on Bethenny Getting Married. It made for some exciting TV, as detailed below in our weekly show recap...
Bethenny went to a baby safety and CPR class with other ritzy Upper East Side mommies-to-be on this episode. “I don’t like any of this and it scares me,” Bethenny says about all the back blows, chest compressions, and rescue breaths.
The leaders of this course also teach the participants how to break down a stroller to throw in the trunk of a cab and how to install a car seat in a Town Car. I am guessing this course does not include a lesson on how to install a car seat in a Kia.
Next, Bethenny’s friend Lauren visits with her baby and baby nurse. The baby nurse is wearing scrubs and a skeptical smirk. Evidently this nurse, Gina, will come and work for Bethenny when Gina’s done keeping Lauren’s progeny alive for the first month of life. (All bets are off on what happens to the poor baby after Gina exits. Most likely a Russian nanny will step in and take over lest Lauren have to actually do anything for her own baby.)
Lauren is so thin and trim she looks like she must have had the baby via surrogate. She has no post-pregnancy bloat or double chin whatsoever.
“I was curious to get some perspective on what a newborn looks like,” Bethenny says about the purpose of the visit. Lauren tries to get her very fussy baby to stop crying and you can bet that Gina was dying to just grab the poor kid away from its bony mom and calm it down herself.
One early morning that week, Bethenny and Jason wake up to find that Bethenny’s water has broken. She expected a “Niagara falls” gush of water like in the movies but it’s just a puddle in the bed and a trickle down her leg. Bethenny is still five weeks away from her due date.
“This is happening?” asks Jason. Bethenny adds, “We’re not ready. We have no bag packed, we have no baby’s room, we have no bassinette. We have nothing.”
While looking over the list of what to bring to the hospital, Jason says, “It says to bring several copies of your birth plan. We don’t have a birth plan.” Thinking she might have time to kill, Bethenny packs her book that needs editing. “Don’t pack thongs,” wisely suggests assistant Julie. “You’re not going to want something in your vadge after you have a baby.”
I would have to agree.
Then, Bethenny and Jason run around their bedroom buck naked for a little while. I’m sorry, but don’t they ever want to tell the cameras to scram and give them two seconds of privacy? I think showering counts as a time when cameras don’t have to be filming a person. At least not for a show broadcast on a network other than Cinemax or The Playboy Channel.