by Hilton Hater at . Comments

While most of our staff is sitting in stunned silence over the alleged existence of yet another Danielle Staub sex tape, thank goodness for our Real Housewives critic.

She sat through another hilarious, entertaining, nauseating episode of The Real Housewives of New Jersey last night and filed the following report...

Let me just start out by saying that the entire focus of this episode was women trying to get other women out of their lives while simultaneously talking, thinking, texting, Facebooking, and scheming endlessly about these same women.  Danielle wants the Manzo ladies out of her life for good.  The Manzo ladies want Danielle out of their lives for good.  Hmmm... normally you would think that this could work out well for all of them pretty easily. 

Just stop talking to each other, right?  No, it’s not that easy when you are a New Jersey housewife.  You must first make the woman/women you hate the center of your life and the focus of your every waking moment before you can finally expel them for good. D'uh!

The Housewives Girl

But before we delve into all of that, let’s start out where the episode started out:  Teresa and daughter Gia at Gia’s modeling and acting school.  Teresa drives Gia to her acting class in the family’s Maserati. As I see this I am immediately reminded of reading a headline this week that Teresa and her hubby, Shirtless Joe, are millions of dollars in debt and that several of their many homes are in danger of being repossessed by the bank.  

Teresa, I would encourage you to enjoy that Maserati and your new Palace of Marble and Onyx while you still can.  Soon you’ll be living in a dilapidated ranch with minimal square footage and it will become all too apparent how annoying your daughters are when you can’t hide from them in your pool house

Teresa makes nice with the other parents in the waiting room of Gia’s acting and modeling school. She relishes the opportunity to shoot the shit with people in the biz.  “It’s typical for me to speak to other parents whose children are also models and actors.  It’s refreshing to be around people who can relate to you,” says Teresa of these people who are all giving her the snake eye every time she opens her trap.  She also reminds us and them, “I’m so not a stage mom.”  One dad cringes.  We cringe along with him.

Gia wants a part in a new Christian Slater movie but it doesn’t work out.  We learn that her Jersey accent is preventing her from getting the parts she so desires.  Well, that and her total inability to act or memorize lines - but I digress.  Teresa is dumbfounded by all this hoo-ha.

“I really don’t know what a New Jersey accent is because I was born here and raised so to me I don’t feel like I have a Jersey accent.”  My gawd - has this woman nehvuh been outta Joisey?  A dialect coach is brought in to help de-Jersey Gia’s speech.  Much time is devoted trying to get Gia to stop pronouncing the word “coffee” as “quaw-fee” without much success.  All the other words in the English language (oh, besides “dog” verses “dwog”) are left for later as her coach slumps over in exhaustion and Teresa and Gia leave. 

Teresa and Daughter

Evidently it is Danielle’s birthday and our favorite nutjob is having her “first grown-up party.”   This statement is not clarified and no one knows what it means exactly but things move forward despite this confusion.  That two-faced minx Kim G. is hosting a party for Danielle and the two women exchange words before the party. 

Kim G. is upset over how things went down at the Brownstone during the cancer benefit.  Danielle refuses to make any apologies.  The people doing their hair and makeup raise their eyebrows and exchange looks of thinly veiled terror.  You know they are scanning for the closest exits to flee through in case these women start going at each other with their claws and fangs extended.

Once the party starts the conversation predictably turns to the Manzos and Danielle asks her guests, “Do you know how much satisfaction they’re going to get out of knowing that on my birthday party that this is what’s happening?”  But when a person tells Danielle she cares too much about the Manzos she gets hissy and sticks up her finger and says, “Oh no, no, no.  I do not care about them.  What I don’t care to hear about is them on my birthday.” 

Continue Reading...

by Free Britney at . Comments

Ali Fedotowsky continued to narrow the field on The Bachelorette last night, with 11 roses doled out and three dudes sent packing. It was mostly predictable stuff.

Justin Rego, a.k.a. Rated R, was anything but, however. He's getting railroaded a la Vienna Girardi and/or he's just a deceitful pig, depending on who you ask.

Either way, this guy is quickly becoming one of the best Bachelor villains in years. When Rated R draws Vienna comparisons from Ali herself, we're speechless.

According to The Bachelorette spoilers, he's not only there "for the wrong reasons," but was dating two other women, making his tearful BS all the more awesome.

THG breaks down all the action below in its plus-minus index ...

Cue obligatory helicopter ride and bring-them-closer-through-adversity stunt: Ali and Roberto must walk a tightrope, literally, to reach their dinner date. Minus 5.

Not even that cliched cheesiness can dampen the appeal of Roberto Martinez, however. He's hot, speaks like 31 languages and played pro baseball. Gulp. Plus 12.

Ali Fedotowsky and Roberto Martinez

RIDE OF HER LIFE: Will Roberto Martinez take Ali on just that?

Roberto asks Ali Fedotowsky if she knows how cute she is. Barf, but Plus 2.

On the group date, the guys film a music video for Barenaked Ladies. We're fans, but Minus 6 because ABC is really scraping the bottom cross-promotional stuff.

Each guy gets a scene with Ali and the true colors come out. Jonathan crumbles under pressure, Kirk pretty much mauls her and Frank gets mad jealous. Plus 3.

Kirk gets the rose, but weatherman makes the video. Minus 4.

Chris Lambton talks about the tattoo across his heart, which is his late mom's signature. A little weird, but a sweet sentiment from an overall cool guy, so Plus 9.

The video shoot, while supremely lame, provided us with gratuitous Ali bikini, tub, pool and lingerie action, a point that mustn't be overlooked (see gallery). Plus 10.

  • Ali in Bed
  • Getting Rubbed Down
  • In the Swimming Pool
  • Flirting with Fedotowsky
  • Beach Babe Ali
  • Ali Fedotowsky in Lingerie

SEX APPEAL: The Bachelorette cranks it up to 11. Or at least like 7.5.

Now for the highlight of the night: Miffed by his lack of alone time with Ali, Rated R hobbles two miles on crutches to her place. Supposedly. We doubt it. Minus 9.

You have to give the producers credit for orchestrating that, though. Him limping up during Ali's talking head and her feigning surprise is worth a Plus 8 in itself.

Plus 13 more for Rated R's sob story about his absentee dad and his pleas for the guys to accept him, even after he blatantly (and happily) d!cked over Hunter.

Speaking of Hunter, his date went nowhere due to his utter lack of game. No rose for you. Minus only 2, because while a waste of time, Ali got the message.

Running out of time, Steve sets up a picnic, but can't open the champagne. Ali wonders why his hand doesn't work; Steve says it's numb. Why, Steve?! Minus 5.

Chris L. and Ali bond over flip cup. He's totally winning. Plus 3.

Ali inadvertently outs Justin Rego to Roberto, who narcs on him to the guys, and all hell breaks loose. But they're just pissed they didn't think of it, so Wash.

TOTAL: +29. SEASON: +50.

Roses: Kirk and Roberto (earlier); Chris L., Jesse, Chris N., Ty, Kasey, Craig, Frank, Jonathan and ... Justin. After all that, Rated R lives to fight another week!

Out: Hunter (earlier); John and Steve.

by Hilton Hater at . Comments

We already know that the past of Danielle Staub is littered with drugs, prostitution and arrest records.

But might it also be filled with multiple sex tapes?!?

In June 2009, this Real Housewife of New Jersey successfully used the legal system to block a video of her and ex-boyfriend Steve Zalewski getting it on. Raunchy case closed, right?

Apparently not.

A Real Housewife of NJ

TMZ reports that Hustler Inc. has uncovered another 75-minute tape of the Garden State's most reviled reality star spreading her legs for mystery man. It was allegedly shot in September, months after the aforementioned case was settled.

It won't be long until we have confirmation of this tape's existence: it's scheduled to be released on June 14. That's in less than a week!

Speaking of Staub, Zalewski once said: "Not only does she want to have sex all the time, but she loves the thrill of doing it in public places, where she might get caught.

"She wanted to make love in restaurant bathrooms every time we went out - she'd get excited and say, 'The people can hear you doing it outside!'"

Soon, they may be seeing Danielle doing it inside. Yuck!

by Hilton Hater at . Comments

Charlie Sheen allegedly held a knife to the throat of his wife last year.

Yet it's the public that has so far been punished for this act.

We've been forced to continually hear about this star, including the hefty raise he received from CBS to resign with Two and a Half Men.

The drama was scheduled to end yesterday, as Sheen appeared in court and all reports indicated he has reached a plea deal that would send him to jail for 30 days - but the agreement "hit a snag," sources say, and Sheen's sentencing has been pushed back until July 12.

"The prosecution discovered that Sheen does not qualify for work release because he is not a local resident. He does qualify for useful public service, which has stricter rules, which Sheen nixed," said an insider.

As pictured, Sheen appeared court in sunglasses, a dark suit and tie.

When TMZ asked if he was content with the plea bargain, he said: "I guess. "As [happy] as I can be."

We have an idea for the prosecution: instead of any jail time, Sheen should be forced to watch reruns of his abysmal sitcom on an endless loop for a month. That will scare him straight.

by Free Britney at . Comments

Sorry, guys worldwide. Gemma Arterton is now a married woman.

The Prince of Persia star swapped vows with Italian love Stefano Catelli in a picturesque hilltop ceremony in the Spanish village of Zuheros, Britain's Daily Mail says.

Luisana Loreley Lopilato de la Torre and Michael Buble

Catelli proposed last summer and they made it official Sunday.

The 24-year-old said she knew he was the one immediately, writing in her journal the night after they met that she had met the man she was going to marry.

Gemma Arterton is now Mrs. Stefano Catelli!

"I gave that diary entry to him for his birthday two weeks later," Arterton, who also got Daniel Craig hot and bothered in Quantum of Solace, told InStyle.

"But it didn't freak him out, because he was thinking the same thing. I just really want to spend the rest of my life with him. He's just an amazing man."

Amazingly lucky, too. Congratulations to the newlyweds - and scroll through some Gemma Arterton pictures for good measure. They're pretty.

by Free Britney at . Comments

Lindsay Lohan has gone to great lengths to deny the press its coveted money shot - the troubled actress donning the court-mandated SCRAM ankle bracelet.

The rest of her body, though? No such qualms.

Over the weekend, Lohan was seen doing a beachy cavewoman photo shoot in Malibu wearing nothing but lingerie and boots and clutching a bow and arrow.

That's just plain silly. Maybe they'll airbrush it:

Hear Her Roar

HEAR HER ROAR: But keep that anklet covered up!

At least at some events, like the weekend's MTV Movie Awards, full-length dresses and pantsuits work. This is effectively a lingerie shoot, however. Absurd.

Fortunately, despite LiLo's best efforts, the alcohol-monitoring bracelet made a cameo after all. Sure, you can't see her face AND the thing together, but hey.

Click to enlarge more Lindsay Lohan pictures depicting the beach blonde brandishing a bow and arrow for acclaimed photographer Ellen Von Unweth ...

  • Cheeky
  • Lindsay Lohan Ankle Monitor
  • Bow and Arrow
  • Me Cave Girl!
  • Nice Uggs

[Photos: Fame Pictures]

by Free Britney at . Comments

We realize people grieve in different ways.

But for Gary Coleman's self-proclaimed wife (not actually his wife anymore), that means a non-stop PR tour talking about their "golden" relationship.

And selling Gary Coleman death photos.

On Good Morning America, Shannon Price said the two were to renew their vows (since they divorced in 2008 after marrying in 2007) in the future.

A little convenient, since she was not named in the will Coleman left behind. She did, however, have legal authority to take the star off life support.

Her attorney, however, has argued in recent days that the 42-year-old had always intended for his once (and apparently future) wife to be provided for.

She's sure taking that into her own hands.

Shannon Price Mug Shot

PAY THE PRICE: Shannon's mug shot from her 2009 domestic abuse arrest. No one suggested she had a role in Gary's death, but her conduct since then is deplorable.

Shannon Price says she has been "plagued by rumors" that she had something to do with his passing, either by pushing him to cause his initial fall, a claim she denies, or that she did not think through pulling the actor off life support.

"People can say whatever they want 'cause I know the truth. I would never hurt my husband, ever. I would take my own life before I would harm him."

Maybe so, but that was one nonchalant 911 call.

"The doctors advised me that it was grim and, you know, he went into cardiac arrest and the doctors advised me that this was the best thing for him."

She reiterated those comments on Entertainment Tonight, saying she did what was "best for him," and claiming that "he was already a vegetable."

She also revealed to ET his last words: "He said, "I love you and my head hurts.' Those were the last he said to me because he was in a lot of pain."

We're sure he'd approve of her telling the world this to make money. Sick person. Follow the jump for a clip of Price on Good Morning America ...

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by Free Britney at . Comments

The Hills fans have always loved to hate Speidi, a.k.a. Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt. But more people now gradually find themselves just plain hating them.

Once close to or at least tolerant of the dastardly duo, family, friends and pretty much anyone associated with the plastic pair are now keeping their distance.

"Everybody associated with Heidi and Spencer is re-evaluating their relationship with them as they're likely to bring them down with them," a source advises.

Over the years, Heidi and Spencer have alienated many people in their lives, starting with Montag's former BFF Lauren Conrad and most recently her family.

Spencer even called the cops on her mom, Darlene Egelhoff, when she dared show up unannounced. But hey, anything that maintains the couple's visibility.

And Stay Out!

Shameless Speidi knows no boundaries. [Photo: PacificCoastNewsOnline.com]

They've been entertaining in their manipulation of the gossip game for years, but for many, their behavior over the past few months has crossed the line.

From Pratt's tirades and obsessions to Montag's plastic surgery and sexual harassment claims against Adam DiVello, no one wants anything to do with them.

The two broke up last month, supposedly, in what many assume is yet another publicity stunt. But does anyone even care anymore, one way or the other?

"They'll do anything to stay in the news, which includes increasing their wacky behavior," a source adds. "They're doing anything they can to stay relevant."

"Even if that means Tweeting about other celebrities and scheming, they will go after absolutely anyone or anything that will make them more relevant."

Like faking a separation and planning a reconciliation? Don't put it past them ... not that you would, but still. The evidence of a breakup hoax is mounting.

Heidi and Spencer's split is ...

 

by Free Britney at . Comments

Is there trouble in paradise between Christina Milian and The-Dream?

According to MediaTakeOut, there most certainly is, backing up rumors we've heard about problems the R&B singer and actress have been having for months.

Dream's recent encounter with another woman, who he reportedly picked up at an Atlanta club and drove to hot spots around the city, is never a good sign.

Doesn't look like she was just a fan posing for photos, either, as they were seen in the same car on different occasions before "disappearing" together later.

Christina Milian and The-Dream tied the knot last year and welcomed their first child, a baby girl, just a few months ago. Is it all coming apart so soon?

Follow the link for more photos like the one below ...

The-Dream poses with The-Skanks he met at The-Club.

by Free Britney at . Comments

Alanis Morissette neglected to mention on the American Idol season finale last week that she had just gotten MARRIED on May 22. The nerve of some people!

The Canadian singer married rapper Souleye, whose real name is Mario Treadway, in a quiet ceremony at their Los Angeles home. Congratulations to both!

Tamera Mowry, Adam Housley

This marks the second surprise wedding story of the day, following news that Kathryn Rogers and Rush Limbaugh tied the knot over the weekend in Florida.

"So happy to share with you that my man, Souleye, and I got married," Alanis wrote on Facebook. "We're very excited to embark on this journey with each other."

Alanis Morisette is now Mrs. Mario Treadway!

It is the first marriage for the pair, who have been dating since 2009. Alanis was previously engaged to Ryan Reynolds, who married to Scarlett Johansson.

She was also in a relationship with Dave Coulier of Full House fame. Uncle Joey is believed to be the guy whose behavior inspired Alanis' "You Oughta Know."

That's pretty funny stuff. Congrats once again to Alanis after her big Facebook post today. NOTE: Follow the link to become a fan of THG on Facebook.

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