by Free Britney at

It's been a couple of weeks since Tiger Woods was linked to Rachel Uchitel. And Jamie Grubbs. And Kalika Moquin. And Jamie Jungers, and Mindy Lawton, Cori Rist, Holly Sampson, Joslyn James, Loredana Jolie, Julie Postle and Theresa Rogers.

We've become numb to the ever-growing list of Tiger Woods mistresses at this point. Dude bedded waitesses, we get it. It's not like he was linked to a celebrity.

Or was he?!

According to Star, none other than Jessica Simpson was in "Tiger’s little black book" and days before her split with Tony Romo, she had a "sizzling meeting" with the fallen golf star at the AT&T National Pro-Am golf tournament in Bethesda, Md.

"Tiger liked what he saw and let her know it," a source tells Star, and Jess was fighting with Tony - Tiger's weekend golf partner - so "she gave as good as she got."

TOUCHY FEELY: Look at Tiger's hand ... dude's making his move!

We're not sure what that means. Presumably they mean flirting, and not other things "Jessica gave" as good as she got. But it's Tiger Woods. You never know.

Continues the eyewitness:

“Jessica felt Tony wasn’t paying attention to her, so she was like, ‘What the heck!’ She decided she would have fun with Tiger whether it bothered Tony or not.”

Phone numbers were exchanged. Then emails. Before long, bodily fluids.

Okay, we made that last part up, but would you really be surprised? Didn't think so. We can't wait 'til Jessica moves in for the kill once Elin Woods leaves Tiger.

We know what will happen after that, too. She'll get way too clingy and annoying and he'll dump her, but hey, she can always slum it with Billy Corgan later.

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by Free Britney at

Rihanna has beaten Chris Brown pretty badly ... in terms of first-week album sales for their newly-released efforts. Not the way Chris ... well, you know.

Brown's new album Graffiti debuted at No. 7 on the Billboard charts, selling 102,000 copies (Susan Boyle's I Dreamed a Dream sold 582,000 at No. 1).

That's quite a bit less than his ex, Rihanna, sold when Rated R debuted last month, entering the charts at No. 3 with sales of 181,000 in its first week.

Chris' sales didn't knock any socks off, but could've been worse.

Imagine if Walmart actually refused to sell Brown's CD - as "MechanicalDummy" (emphasis on Dummy) himself erroneously ranted on Twitter Monday.

Or imagine if he hadn't beaten the crap out of Rihanna.

Chris Brown Graffiti Cover

Still, 102,000 isn't too bad. It's 20 percent of the way to gold certification in one week, and after the way his year began, those sales look pretty solid.

He might wanna check his facts before Tweeting, though.

Monday, the "Changed Man" threw an online hissy fit over a perceived slight by Walmart. After visiting a Connecticut store that didn't have his album, Chris flipped out over the (incorrect) assumption that the retail giant banned him altogether.

"I'm tired of this s--t," he wrote on his now defunct account. "Major stores r blackballing my CD. Not stockin the shelves and lying to costumers."

Graffiti is, by all accounts, fully stocked by the Wal, however. Either Chris just didn't see it or that particular store just hadn't put it out yet.

Either way, don't quit anger management classes yet, C-dog.

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by Hilton Hater at

Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson are both moving on.

Not from each other, don't worry Robsten fans!

But each actor has expanded his/her resume beyond the Twilight Saga, as Pattinson is set to star in Remember Me, while Stewart takes on the iconic role of rocker Joan Jett in The Runaways.

The upcoming biopic focuses on the 1970s female rock group by that name, specifically Jett and lead vocalist/keyboardist Cherie Currie (Dakota Fanning). Both young actresses are pictured on the first promotional poster for the movie. See below:

Stewart, Pattinson, Taylor Lautner and company are far from finished with the Twilight franchise, of course.

Eclipse arrives in theaters on June 30 - and rumors state that Breaking Dawn might be divided up into two movies. Hooray!

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by Free Britney at

Before Tiger Woods took his crown, David Letterman was the king of extramarital sex scandals this year. The Late Show host's involved an extortion plot.

Prosecutors in the case released transcripts of conversations clandestinely recorded of Robert "Joe" Halderman, who allegedly blackmailed Letterman.

"The defendant's threat was simple: Unless Mr. Letterman paid $2 million, defendant Halderman would make public information about a purported sexual relationship between Mr. Letterman and his assistant," said the feds in court papers.

Why $2 million?

"Because that amount would enable him to visit his son [in California] without needing to demand more money from Mr. Letterman in the future."

That's one expensive plane ticket.

According to excerpts, Halderman's intent was "crystal clear" in that was going to claim the negotiations were a business transaction for a screenplay.

Late Show Host

Robert "Joe" Halderman stands accused of trying to extort David Letterman.

He would use that as legal cover to shake down Letterman, who slept with ex-assistant Stephanie Birkitt, who was living with Halderman at the time.

Prosecutors rejected Halderman's screenplay story, citing remarks he made about storing "copies of the dirt he had" on David Letterman just in case.

"The only way to be sure that I never talk to anybody is for somebody to kill me. Well, you know, I don't want that to happen," Halderman said.

What the hell does he think this is, The Departed?

He apparently thought so: "I'm not sure how crazy this guy is, or um, how dangerous he might be," Halderman said, per court papers. "Should I be fired, mysteriously ... if my house burns down ... any number of things."

"I have no idea who or what he is or is capable of."

A hearing in the case is set for January 19.

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by Free Britney at

Frances Bean Cobain, daughter of the late Kurt Cobain, is now under the guardianship of the rock legend's mom and sister after her mom lost custody.

In turn, Frances Bean has incurred Courtney Love's Facebook wrath.

Courtney Love, Frances Bean Cobain

No reason was given for the guardianship change or her loss of custody, as the Cobains say it's a private matter. But Love recently ranted on Facebook:

"I hate to sound cold but any kid of mine who pulls this $h!t has lost her position. She was deceptive, she lied and even worse she's lying to herself."

"My daughter is not always honest."

Love says Frances Bean Cobain isn't as rich as she thinks and is "clearly deluded" if she thinks she can buy her grandmother a "small house in L.A."

Frances Bean Cobain and her estranged, insane mother Courtney Love.

Says Frances' 45-year-old crazy mom, "I'd love to see how that works ... She thinks she has all this money. The point is, I have all the money she has."

"You could've asked for emancipation..." Love cyber-scolds her daughter. "You realize this will put you in juvenile family circus three times in your life?"

Courtney says Frances has "bad people around her and wants it both ways." She then proceeded to call out several of Kurt Cobain's family members and even tells her daughter that her beloved paternal grandmother "killed your father."

Wow. That's even worse than accusing Jamie Spears of molesting Britney.

Signing off, Love does say, "I love you and always will unconditionally."

A court hearing on the matter has been scheduled for February 10.

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by Free Britney at

Like, OMG. Angelina Jolie was apparently thisclose to ending it all before Brad Pitt heroically saved her from a rash suicide attempt, a certain tabloid reports.

While we can't avoid giving the National Enquirer its due - they blew the lid off Isaiah Washington f-word gate, John Edwards' love child with Rielle Hunter and Tiger Woods' affair with Rachel Uchitel - we're not buying this for a second.

Whether you believe it or not is up to you, but the gossip rag reports that after recently falling into a deep depression, Angelina Jolie attempted suicide!

Fortunately, life partner Brad Pitt sprung into action to make sure the mother of his 147 children wasn't Taking Lives - wow, she walked into that one.

The sultry brunette beauty confessed to Brad that she was afraid her suicidal tendencies would return after learning he had made plans to move out.

That would seriously drive us to end it all too.

BRANGELINA BEDLAM! Phew, Brad saved Angie in the nick of time.

Not that this actually took place, mind you, but we're guessing when the Enquirer editors made it up, Jennifer Aniston somehow factored into the mix.

Fortunately (and laughably) Pitt assured her the separation was temporary, and their love would survive the test. This is Oscar-worthy material here.

"Brad was in France checking on their chateau recently, and Angelina was in Los Angeles with the kids when she called him in a panic," a friend divulged.

"She told him, 'When you're not around, I get these terrible feelings. I got the same feelings when I was younger, and that's when I tried to kill myself.'

"Angelina said, 'I feel lost without you. I'm being abandoned.'" Thankfully, though, Angelina Jolie is still among the living as of right now. Good job Brad!

Nice Brad reassured high-strung Angelina he wasn't leaving for good, even if they're apart, saying "I'll always be there for you and the kids, I promise.'"

More on her bitter showdown with Jen next week, we're sure, thanks to tabloids have an In Case of Slow Gossip Week, Create Brangelina Gossip policy.

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by Hilton Hater at

People magazine has recognized Taylor Swift with her second-biggest honor of the week.

First, THG editors named the superstar the seventh most important celebrity of 2009.

Now, the aforementioned publication has placed Swift on the cover of its special year-end issue, dubbing her one of the 25 most fascinating individuals of the past 12 months. Replied Taylor, when asked about her life these days?

"It feels like this ongoing dream."

It's pretty much impossible to dislike Swift, considering she sounds more mature and more grounded the more successful she becomes.

"You can stay the same person, even if everything around you changes," she tells the magazine. "I would like to think everybody out there isn't just waiting for me to trip and fall and stumble out of a club drunk."

Also honored by People in the issue: Kate Gosselin, Sandra Bullock, Jacyee Duggard and Robert Pattinson. It's an eclectic group. But, hey, it's been an eclectic year!

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by Free Britney at

Jake Pavelka was billed as Mr. Perfect last season on The Bachelorette.

Too perfect, in fact, for Jillian Harris, who found no spark with Jake despite the hunky pilot's good looks, sweet demeanor and readiness to settle down.

Ben Flajnik, The Bachelor Cast

Now, as the newly-minted star of The Bachelor, Jake is buckled up and will be calling the shots on the 14th installment of ABC's reality dating bonanza.

Below, he gets ready for takeoff in a new Q&A with the N.Y. Post ...

Q: You said you “had your heart broken” by Jillian on The Bachelorette. Was it weird to watch after you finished taping? How do you feel about her now?

Jake Pavelka: When I left the show, I was really very disappointed; I thought there was really a connection there. We spoke the same love language.

I felt like I had been dumped out of a real serious relationship. It was definitely tough watching Jillian on TV. I handed her my heart; it didn’t work out.

Q: You’ve said you "believe in the process" of meeting someone on The Bachelorette or The Bachelor. But a lot of the couples from the show break up.

Jake Pavelka: I don’t understand why more haven’t worked out. They make it possible to completely ignore the camera. They don’t put you in weird situations. They've never said “Can you retake this?” or “Can you say this?” Everything was realistic.

EDITOR'S NOTE: What a liar.

Q: Did you know right away who your favorites would be?

Jake Pavelka: I heard that I’d probably know my final four would be as they were getting out of the limos [on the season premiere episode]. But to be honest, I had absolutely no idea for several episodes who the final four would be.

Q: If you could send Jillian a message now, what would you say?

Jake Pavelka: "Congratulations, that’s unbelievable about your engagement [to Ed Swiderski]. I'm a huge fan. Maybe in the future we can be friends.”

Will Jake be a good Bachelor?

 

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by Free Britney at

Yesterday, readers were given the challenge of writing the best caption for this classic picture of Jon Gosselin gesturing and saying ... well, that was up to you.

Your THG Caption Contest winner for this pic: shellga.

Congratulations on a job well done! The winning entry appears below the photo, and you can click here to read the full list of submissions sent in for it.

Thanks to everyone for playing! Good luck next time!

He Likes 'Em This Big

STORK? WHAT STORK? DID SOMEONE SAY STORK??? SH...TT!!!!

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by Free Britney at

With each passing day, it's looking like less of a question of whether Elin Nordegren Woods will leave cheating husband Tiger and more a matter of when.

Moving crews yesterday descended on the family's Florida mansion, where Tiger Woods' furious wife has been living since his sexual escapades blew up.

Elin Nordegren and Her Children

"She's making plans to move out and take the kids," a New York Post source said. She's planning to go somewhere warm and Tiger-free for Christmas."

As for why the scorned spouse, who's already been seen without her wedding ring, stuck around this long? "Their son had the flu, but he's now recovered."

Workers pulled up to the Windermere, Fla., estate in a truck with ladders, buckets and rope, and began carting out items such as carefully wrapped art.

Elin Nordegren spent about 10 minutes instructing movers before driving off in her red Buick SUV with daughter Sam, 2, and son Charlie, 10 months.

Tiger and soon-to-be-ex-wife Elin Woods with kids Sam and Charlie.

Adding to Elin's stress - and giving her even more reason to divorce Tiger - might be a new claim by several Tiger Woods mistresses that he paid them.

Not just for sex, although he has been accused of that too. Reports say Tiger shelled out thousands to keep them quiet about any steamy sexual antics.

The billionaire golfer would typically wire his stable of women $5,000 to $10,000 apiece each month, although one may have landed up to $20,000.

"The money comes via a wire transfer," one of the alleged ex-mistresses said. "There's no contract about it. There's no discussion about what it's for."

We all know what it's for, though: Shutting up. Or liposuction.

Tiger Woods is also said to have contacted some of his mistresses after the epic fight with his wife over Thanksgiving weekend exposed his secret life.

"Elin took his cellphone away [after the fight], so he had to call [me] from his land line at home," one said. "He hasn't called in at least a week, though."

Tell us what you think: Elin Woods should ...

 

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