What's a parent for if he can't impart his life's wisdom and comfort his daughter in her time of need? Enter Michael Lohan, perennial Father of the Year candidate.
Mike, who spent three years in prison after being convicted of insider trading, has a little advice for Lindsay Lohan, who must report to jail on July 20 for 90 days.
"It's not going to be a good experience for her. Right now, she should be working on rectifying the situation and getting better," worried Michael tells Us Weekly.
"It's just a horrible experience. Twenty-three hours a day, she'll be locked up. I'm going to get her out of that cell as much as I can. And Kate will be there, and we'll work to get her out of that cell as much as possible."
Kate is Kate Major, his fiancee, with whom he dined at New York's STK restaurant. Kate worked as Linds' assistant and dated Jon Gosselin last year. Gross.
SO HELPFUL: Michael is always looking out for attention Lindsay.
Michael admits Lindsay is currently refusing to speak to him "because she knows I still want to throw her in [rehab]. I've been trying to tell her how much I love her, that I'm behind her, that when she's ready, I'm ready to help her."
He adds, "If she would just realize that what she's taking is toxic. Dina has denied that Lindsay is on prescription meds. Lindsay has denied that she is on prescription meds. Her friends have. Everyone has! And look at her! They're lying."
But Lindsay, who may appeal her sentence, "is not a criminal. She's a person with a disease. She really is. She needs help. She needs medical attention."
Never one to leave well enough alone, or shut the f**k up for any reason, M-Lo had a few words for his ex-wife: "Dina should be concentrating on helping Lindsay get off prescription drugs instead of stealing Fudgy the Whales from Carvel!"
Oooh, good one. Jackass.
Lindsay belongs in ...