I feel badly for you Nadya. You were young and reckless and (and probably not mentally stable) and were exploited by a ruthless doctor who wanted fame. But you live in an cold, dying country that doesn't promote community and caring. I feel sad not just that this is the only way you can survive. I feel as badly for the people whose lives are so empty they get an adrenalin rush by watching other people suffer and by wishing they could feel superior. They are not as strong as you are.
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