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Vanessa Bryant
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Kobe Bryant, Wife Say Maria Jimenez is Full of $h!t

Los Angeles Lakers star Kobe Bryant and his wife have filed legal papers in response to the lawsuit that former housekeeper Maria Jiminez filed against them.

Jimenez claims that Kobe's wife, Vanessa Bryant, was abusive and disrespectful to her, screaming, swearing and even forcing her to put her hand in a bag full of dog feces to retrieve a tag from her blouse that she accidentally chucked.

In Kobe's court documents, he and Vanessa say they paid the maid $50,000 a year, gave her time off, lavished her with gifts, and were totally really nice.

Kobe and his wife say the maid ate meals with them and when she asked for time off to visit her family in Peru, Vanessa gave her paid leave of absence.

Kobe Bryant, Wife Vanessa

TROPHY COLLECTION: Kobe Bryant displays his prize possessions, the NBA's Larry O'Brien championship trophy he helped L.A. win in June, and his wife's cleavage.

The Bryants' response to the lawsuit says Maria Jiminez is making stuff up, that she was fired for a reason, and the claim that her privacy was violated because of home security cameras is dog $h!t since she knew cameras were rolling.

Giant Boob Alert: Kobe Bryant, Wife's Cleavage

In 2004, soon after Kobe Bryant was accused of sexual assault and admitted to cheating on his wife, he bought Vanessa Bryant an eight-carat diamond ring.

Based on photos of the couple at this year's ESPY Awards, it's clear why: he needed something large enough to match her breasts! (And he had to apologize for the whole infidelity, accusatory rape thing.)

Indeed, Kobe has been nominated for Best Male Athlete and Best Championship Performance at this year's ESPN-sponsored ceremony, but his wife has already sewn up the award for Most Ridiculous, Gigantic Cleavage.

As you can see below, her nipples have also won Most Unwelcome Red Carpet Guests. Put those things away, Vanessa!

The Nipples of Vanessa BryantVanessa Bryant, Nipples

[Photos: Fame Pictures]

Based on his attitude and general awfulness as a human being, we think Kobe Bryant is a piece of $hit.

In related news, Vanessa was accused of forcing her former maid to wipe her hand with dog feces earlier this year.

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