by Hilton Hater at . Comments

According to Tila Tequila, her and God are, like, total BFF.

The professional Tweeter has posted a series of messages on her social networking site, each one giving thanks to The Man Upstairs for the role He apparently played in her lawsuit settlement with former sex partner Shawne Merriman, along with His influence on her imaginary adoption.

Scarcely Clothed

As always, no jokes or one-liners can even do justice to Tila's Tweets. So take it away Crazy Pants...

  • OMG I have such happy news!!!!!!!! All I can say is "The Truth Shall Set YOU FREE" Amen to my best friend GOD! My lord savior! My everything.
  • All I have 2 say is I been through so much! All painful things, but I remain graceful and take it all in with a grain of salt! I never lie!
  • So in the end, I'm always so fierce because the one thing I have that other people don't have, is the Truth about my life! God is great!!!!!
  • I just want to say that I'm madly in love with my baby daddy cuz he's madly in love with me too!! A wedding on the way???

We're mere celebrity gossip bloggers. We don't pretend to have inside information on what God is up to.

But, come on. There's no way He's been there for Tila. The woman is insane, and He has far more important things to do, like be exploited by Sarah Palin at highly-paid speaking engagements around the country.

by Hilton Hater at . Comments

Next thing you know, Heidi Montag will say her breasts are fake and Jon Gosselin will admit he cares more about attention than his children...

In a development only anyone with a pulse could have seen coming, Tila Tequila has insinuated that she's having a miscarriage.

THG predicted the demise of her fake child in late January, as we asked readers to name the date on which the troubled bisexual would start to Tweet about losing her "baby." Who had February 15 in their office pool?

Earlier today, Tila left multiple messages that implied she was on the verge of suicide due to miscarrying her fetus. Neither of these events are joking matters, but this is Tila Tequila. Nothing is off limits if it extends your 15 minutes in the spotlight another second or two...

Miscarriage Tweet

** UPDATE: Tila will not be killing herself. The reason?

She has "been APPROVED to adopt my own baby boy 2-3 years old from RUSSIA!!! I will be his Mommy by the end of the year!!"

If this were remotely true, we'd make some joke about it being the worst Russian idea since Communism. Instead, we'll ask readers to start a new pool: When will this adoption "fall through" for Tila?

by Hilton Hater at . Comments

We hope you're sitting down for this.

You best not be operating any heavy machinery when you hear the news.

Seriously, this is more stunning than Chris Harrison's announcement that The Bachelor will have a shocking conclusion. Are you ready for it?

Tila Tequila is not pregnant. We'll give you a few moments to digest this startling revelation...

Buried in a series of Twitter messages late last week, Tila wrote the following:

New Tila Tweet

Today, of course, she made another reference to her "baby daddy" in a post. This woman is so bat $hit crazy confusing!

Even if Tequila is (gasp!) not actually knocked up, she's still threating the universe with a child. She Tweeted last night:

Im in the process of adopting a baby from Kazakhstan, just like Casey's Daughter. That's all she wanted so Im adopting a child there. xoxo.

Whatever. We're just glad Tila didn't die over the weekend. Our life would be so much less funny (although so much more truthful) if she had.

by Hilton Hater at . Comments

The fake pregnancy chatter is dying down.

The abortion threats didn't net that many headlines.

That stalker story only lasted for a day.

So, what is an attention-starved, talentless celebrity such as Tila Tequila to do next? Pretend like she's on the verge of death, of course.

The former Penthouse pin-up bumped her head yesterday. It was so serious that she had time to Tweet non-stop about what it could actually result in. To wit:

Tila Tequila Twitter

Tila was released from the hospital and returned home last night. She hasn't posted a Twitter message in hours.

Maybe this really is serious! (Editor's note: it's not.)

by Free Britney at . Comments

There's no denying during Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson's lesbian relationship which one acted as the "man." Not hating or criticizing, just saying.

That said, it comes as little surprise (to us at least) that Samantha is being accused of abusing the troubled Lohan during their volatile time as a couple. 

Rumors are swirling on the Internets that Ronson beat and choked the alleged actress, but the former pair said it's not so, and presented a united front.

At least to dispel the myth ... and threaten lawsuits.

One of the two faux-lesbians actually looks hot here!

"This is become a bit much," Lindsey Tweeted. "Samantha R never raised a hand to me. I never said she did. Enough is Enough. Focus on important world issues."

That's right, because the Jesus Christ poser cares so much about world issues and not clubbing, partying and enjoying the perks of fame every night. Anyway.

Samantha retweeted that and sent her ex a nice response.

"Thank you for clearing that up. The high road was giving me a nose bleed!," Samantha wrote to her former b!tch ... as well as to the entire Twitter universe.

"To ANYONE who perpetuates this rumour accusing me of being violently abusive after both I and @lindsaylohan have denied it: I WILL take legal action."

Nice to see them fighting others, and not each other, for once.

by Hilton Hater at . Comments

Tila Tequila hasn't just returned to Twitter, folks.

She's also returned to men!

On the day after she re-opened her social networking account, the mentally unbalanced liar didn't disappoint those that follow her Tweets just to laugh at what nonsense she'll spew next. The latest?

Tequila is sleeping with her baby daddy... who she might be falling for... yet who is "NOT ALLOWED to tell anyone who he is" because he signed a non-disclosure agreement... yet who she previously claimed was The Game and adamently insisted she would out in nine months after he denied the charge.

Major Phony

Makes perfect sense, right? In Tila's attention-hungry world, absolutely. Relive her most entertaining Tweets over the last few hours below:

  • Anyway, even tho I'm already preggers, It's time for more baby making time tonight! Oh boy! I can't wait! Been a while!!!!!!! LMAO! shhh!
  • My baby daddy, is here eating all of Mommy and baby's food!!!! Ol lazy assss! LOL
  • MY BD just left....we have a funny joke. I'm like "JUST CUZ U MY BABBY DADDY DONT MAKE U MY BOO!" lol
  • I think my babby daddy is falling in love with me.....I told him that he bet not do that cuz I dont wana hurt him....
  • But Imma tell u a little secret, I'm falling for my babby daddy too! DUM! DUM! DUM! DUM! And the Saga continues...it aint spose 2 b this way
  • and YES Im still a lesbian but, I give my baby daddy that exception. I want to love the father of my child at least so the baby is loved too
  • Any men out there who would like to be my next baby daddy?? This is quite addicting!

You heard her, guys. Tila is already on the prowl for the next man to knock her up. We'd tell you to make a run for it, but there's no need to worry: she's not actually pregnant.

by Hilton Hater at . Comments

We don't give Miley Cyrus credit often, but we can say this about the 17-year old: she deleted her Twitter account and never looked back.

She's also not clinically insane.

The same can't be said about Tila Tequila, who claimed to have quit the social networking service on Monday (because it's the "MOST HATEFUL, DEVIL WORSHIPPERS, RACIST, AND VIOLENT COMMUNITY THAT I HAVE EVER EXPERIENCED"), only to fire it back up today.

She wrote:

"Damn Twitter was f***ing BORING without me huh? I would be bored as hell if I were U and I wasn't on twitter anymore! hahhaha jk xox."

That sure is a funny joke. Almost as funny as lying about a pregnancy.

Tila Tweet

That 1 day has arrived... God help us all.

Because Tila is committed to a mental asylum in the near future, we can only hope to her followers, she continued to Tweet about her return:

"Did ya;ll miss me?? I see all the OG's here! YAY! No more filthy haters and Media peeps following! So many famew****s on my tail & would do ANYTHING to get fame by name dropping me! LOSERS!"

Well, she asked. Now it's time to answer: Are you glad Tequila is back on Twitter? Did you miss her?

by Hilton Hater at . Comments

Greg Oden is a 22-year old center for the Portland Trail Blazers.

He was the first overall pick in the 2007 NBA Draft, but missed his entire rookie campaign due to an injury and was sidelined again for this year with a knee injury in December.

So, what's a bored NBA seven-footer gonna do with his free time but take naked photos of himself on Twitter?

Oden might be a professional star, but he looks to be playing in the bush leagues below... if you know what we mean!

Continue Reading...

by Free Britney at . Comments

Some creature got into Jessica Simpson's bed over the weekend.

No, it wasn't John Mayer, Tony Romo or Billy Corgan. It was just a dog named Sammy. We have no idea why we're writing about this.

Simpson and Romo Photo

"Sammy and I are falling asleep," the alleged singer Twittered.

"Sweet snuggle companion."

Former star Jessica Simpson pretends to be asleep as she takes a picture, later posted on Twitter, of herself snuggling in bed with a cute, likely displeased pooch.

Last September, Simpson's beloved maltipoo Daisy - a gift from ex Nick Lachey - was snatched by a coyote in L.A. Her poor little companion was never found.

Apparently subscribing to the Kim Kardashian school of Twittering and sharing with us her every mundane move, Jessica took the time to elaborate on this.

"Sammy and I are falling asleep. Sweet snuggle companion," she wrote. "Thx so much Jeannia and Evan for letting me have her for the night :)"

Daisy is still the only one in her heart, though: "Sammy isn't my new pup. I borrowed her for the night from my friends :)"

We now return to actual news.

by Hilton Hater at . Comments

It was a busy day of cheering on the New Orleans Saints, Tweeting and self-promoting yesterday for Kim Kardashian.

The large-breasted former sex tape star attended the NFC Championship with friends, family and a homemade sign (below) for boyfriend Reggie Bush.

Unlike Kim, Reggie actually accomplished something in his chosen profession, scoring a go-ahead fourth quarter touchdown on a five-yard pass to Drew Brees. The Saints defeated the Vikings 31-28 and will take on the Colts in Super Bowl XLIV.

This will give Kardashian more opportunities to offer Bush support via Twitter, while also telling fans to watch her reality show. A few sample Tweets from Sunday:

  • i live for the one hour episodes! don't you?
  • Who's watching Keeping Up With The Kardashians??? West coast!
  • I'm so proud of my baby! 
  • Superbowl baby!!!! WOW no words! Congrats New Orleans
  • Check out my Saints sign!!! Who dat!
  • After the game going to watch Keeping Up With the Kardashians! This episode is crazy! Hard for me to watch the boxing matches!
  • Getting ready to go to the Saints game! Let's go New Orleans! Who dat!!!!

Twitter Quotes

Fuck Michael sam.

@Escobar_Pleaser

I'm already tired of hearing about Michael sam's lust for dick.

@cougar_prey
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