The Real Housewives of New York City

This week on The Real Housewives of New York City, the Moroccan adventure began and there seemed to be a contest for who could be the ugliest American.

Join THG for its +/- recap, with points awarded for the worst behavior! Yes, since these are the Real Housewives, inappropriate and ridiculous are positive ...

The first group headed to Morocco included Luann, Jill, Kelly, and Cindy. The four behaved themselves, more or less and arriving without incident. Minus 5 each.

Luann made certain the staff greeted her properly as Countess de Lesseps. Oh, that Countess title just never gets old. Plus 3 for ego. She also earned a Plus 2 for name dropping when she subtlety inserted that Brad Pitt just left the Riad. She's back up to zero points.

Kelly gushed that this was a trip of a lifetime. She loved the Riad, calling it warm and luminous and was concerned about greeting the staff properly. Kelly obviously didn't know we were vying for ugly American points today. Minus another 5 for such appropriate behavior.

Ramona's worried this trip won't meet her standards. She must have the right type cotton sheets, her feather pillows and "I need my Pinot Grigio at all times." Ah, good to know she'd be coming to Morocco with an open mind. Plus 3. Add an additional point for the mention of her Pinot.

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The Real Housewives of New York City were back this week for plenty of sniping, tears, and Pinot. As Luann plans to take the ladies on a Moroccan vacation, Cindy buses the girls out to the Canyon Ranch Spa and Ramona ...

Well, Ramona continues to guzzle her own wine.

THG breaks it all down in our +/- recap below!

Luann decides to treat the ladies to a fabulous vacation… to Morocco. Where can I find a friend like Luann! Plus 10.

Jill and Cindy are in immediately. Plus 5. Ramona reacts negatively. Morocco's too exotic for her but on further thought says she'll make it work. Maybe she's afraid the country doesn't carry her Pinot. Minus 3.

Alex is in but laments that Simon doesn't like couscous. For having her relate everything back to Simon, Minus 2. Kelly agrees to think about it and after the fiasco that was last year's trip, I don't blame her for hesitating. She gets a Plus 1 for just considering it.

What's up with Luann's hoop earrings. I know these ladies like their jewelry large but my dog could jump through those. Plus 1.

Luann calls Ramona out on attacking Jill at the party last week. Plus 4. Ramona of course blames it all on Jill. Minus 3.

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The Real Housewives of New York City as we know them may soon be no more.

According to network insiders, Bravo thinks the current cast is too poor - no, seriously, too poor - and wants to "replicate" the mega-wealthy cast of its Beverly Hills franchise.

"They want an entirely new cast," a source tells The New York Post. "They want rich, rich women, like Adrienne Maloof and Camille Grammer, dripping in glamour and $10 million penthouses. And they don't want to fake it. They are discreetly reaching out to women who fit the bill."

The Real Housewives of New York City premiered its new season on April 7 and has been garnering decent ratings. But the first season finale of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills was the highest rated finale of any in the franchise's history.

In response to this rumor, a Bravo rep simply said: "We are always casting for new housewives in every city."

It's just Jill. It's just Ramona. It's just the housewives at their bitchy best.

At the launch party for her new wine, Ramona can't stop screeching at Jill. Jill walking away does nothing to halt her tirade. Ramona can't seem to stop herself.

Perhaps she needs to drink a little more of her own wine or more than likely, she's had way to much of it. 

Earlier, Ramona has a photo shoot. She feels her picture needs to grace the cover of her products. I'm shocked.

Ramona playing model is always downright frightening. Her "sexy eyes" are just plain creepy. Then an assistant tells her she looks like a young Pamela Anderson.

Wow. How much money do you have to pay to get that much sucking up.

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Jill Zarin is back and thank goodness. I have to admit, I actually missed her.

She says her time away gave her a chance to reevaluate her priorities and she plans to stay out of the gossip and the drama. Right. That lasts all of five minutes.

I almost can't blame Jill for that though. These ladies breathe drama and they can't open their mouths without gossiping. 

Ramona not joining the group for lunch makes her the instant topic of conversation. Kelly laments having to confront Ramona about her threatening text message.

The drunken text wasn't nice but I wouldn't call it threatening. As Sonja put it, "a threat is a horsehead in your bed."

But the group decides that Kelly needs some help and Sonja role-plays giving the funniest most spot on Ramona impression to date. How much time do these ladies spend together anyway?

Since Luann calls Ramona a "nasty little fighter" Kelly brings Sonja along for backup. 

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How can you not love the Hamptons? It's so beautiful, so peaceful. 

That is until the housewives arrive, drink all the Pinot and steal the dip.

I used to think Kelly was the crazy one of the group but lately I've begun to realize that that title is up for grabs. Ramona scares me. I think it's the crazy eyes. She makes Kelly look sane. The fact that Ramona has no filter between her brain and her mouth is highly entertaining to watch but must be hell to live with.

I lost track of the number of people Ramona offended in this episode.

First she calls out Luann's mothering abilities at a party. Granted, I question the idea of leaving two teenagers virtually unattended for a couple of days.

Who is this "mother's helper" Luann speaks of? Luann's kids come across as intelligent and well behaved but even the best teenagers find trouble.

That being said, Ramona still had no business questioning Luann's parenting and certainly not in public.

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The Real Housewives of New York City were back again last night with speed dating, runway walks, and hair removal, and the results are simply ridiculous.

Ramona is asked to take another run at the catwalk. Given the fiasco her walk created last year I can only imagine that she's invited back as a publicity stunt.

It's hard to say which is funnier, Ramona's zombie eyed expression or the height difference between her and all of the other models.

One by one these tall, slender, professional models hit the runway and then there's Ramona and you have to look two feet lower.

As one of the ladies quipped, it's like Ramona is the mascot.

Alex gives modeling a go as well with a campy photo shoot. OK, I guess it's trying to be high fashion but the entire picture was absurd. I'm not sure what was worse, the hair teased to look like a brillo pad, the overly dramatic eye makeup, or Alex's strange expressions.

Then Alex shows up to Ramona's event wearing the get up she was photographed in.

I know she says she had to run straight from the photo shoot, but showing up with that hair took guts. The ladies comments range from asking if she wore a wig, wondering if she'd had an electrical shock, and thinking she was a koochi girl. 

I will say I enjoyed parts of Ramona's speech.

Her father refused to pay for her education because he thought it would be a waste of money since she'd just get married and have babies. Coming from that sort of environment to running her own businesses, Ramona is an inspiration.

Unfortunately, that only applies to business, not necessarily friendship.

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You know you were hoping for this when you got up today.

Simon van Kempen just joined an exclusive club - Countess LuAnn, Danielle Staub and Kim Zolciak are members - of Bravo cast members who put out music.

We'd say sing, but he doesn't really do that (nor do they). At least in Simon's case, The Real Housewives of New York City star seems to be going for humor.

At least we hope. "I Am Real" is a bass-thumping, synth-heavy dance track filled with defiant lyrics aimed at "cheeky tongue waggers." You gotta hear it:

Simon van Kempen - I Am Real

It's all about ME.

That's the theme as Sonja takes center stage. So, the Marriage Equality of New York (MENY) march asks Sonja to be the Grand Marshall? Is she really that big of a draw?

I mean I know I'm not their target audience but still, Sonja's a gay icon?

Oh, and in case you missed it, it's Sonja Morgan's special day. 

It's a scary, scary world when Kelly Bensimon is the voice of reason.

The ladies (and Simon) make fools of themselves. The wedding gowns look ridiculous as Luann's keeps popping open, Sonja wears a toga inspired number (perhaps this was her goddess impression) and Alex looks absurd as she bickers with everyone in her veil.

How could Sonja not let Simon speak? It's about gay marriage. Poor Simon wore his sequin rainbow tux. He took the jacket out of the closet. He'd like his opportunity now. "I like my men," says Simon. Yes, Simon. We never really questioned it.

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The Real Housewives of New York City are back and time away has done nothing to heal old wounds. Perhaps if these ladies retracted their claws, it might slow the bloodshed. But then again, what fun would that be?

Bethenny Frankel has jumped ship to start her own reality series but Jill Zarin is still smarting from the loss of the friendship.

In true Jill fashion, she lays all of the blame at Bethenny's door, stating that her former friend is just one of the those women who no longer has a need for her girlfriends as soon as she finds a husband.

Ah, Jill. Nice way to take your share of the responsibility for the breakup.

Jill's losing friends fast. Alex and Jill just can't stay away from one another and Ramona keeps fueling that fire. Seems that Jill's good friend is enjoying throwing arch nemesis Alex in her path every chance she gets. 

The new and improved Alex says her goal is to voice her opinions but it looks more like she's gunning for a fight. There's speaking your mind and then there's just being bitchy. I'm not sure Alex knows the difference yet.

Speaking of bitchy, Alex's little scene with Jill at the wedding certainly showed her spiteful side. Although Jill's explanation about being on an "honorary committee" sounded patently absurd.

Apparently it's a committee for people who care enough to lend their name but not quite enough to actually show up for the event.

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