The Real Housewives of New Jersey

She hasn't even appeared on a single episode of The Real Housewives of New Jersey, yet Melissa Gorga is already causing tension.

The season three cast addition may be the sister-in-law of Teresa Giudice, but that doesn't mean Teresa is pleased about her inclusion on the show. In fact, it's quite the opposite.

"When Teresa got word that her sister-in-law was asked to be part of the show she said, ‘If she’s going to be on the show, then I’m not going to do it," a source told Radar Online. "Teresa and Melissa don’t get along... They don’t speak."

In other words: Bravo has struck ratings gold by adding Gorga to the cast.

Continue Reading...

Teresa Giudice might be leaving The Real Housewives of New Jersey, but her family will still be represented on season three of this Bravo hit.

Multiple sources confirm that Melissa Gorga, Teresa's sister-in-law, has joined the cast and is already being filmed by the network. She's actually the mother of the little boy that caused such controversy between Giudice and Danielle Staub on this week's reunion special.

One, big, happy, attention-craving family: Melissa Gorga poses alongside Teresa Giudice and relatives.

Gorga formerly served as the secretary for her husband when he was in the landscaping business. The family is far from poor, as a source tells Radar Online:

Continue Reading...

Would you watch The Real Housewives of New Jersey without Danielle Staub and Teresa Giudice?

Viewers may be faced with that dilemma next season, as the former loon has already been fired from the show. And sources now say the latter is threatening to quit unless she receives a hefty raise.

Insiders tell TMZ Teresa wants her salary doubled - she needs the cash to help cover financial debts discussed in the cover story above - and she isn't alone, as "several of the women are no longer satisfied with their deals," reports state.

Supposedly, the Housewives won't show up to begin filming a third season this week if they don't get new contracts.

Continue Reading...

Teresa Giudice tried to physically assault Danielle Staub on Monday night's Real Housewives of New Jersey reunion special. Relive the madness NOW.

And while one doesn't need to explain why such an action would be desirable (raise your hand if you don't want to assault Danielle Staub), Giudice wrote about the incident in her latest Bravo website blog.

Focused on the reference by Staub to her nephew - she accused Teresa of not acknowledging his birth - Guidice says she initially was confounded.

"I had no idea what she was talking about because I WAS there [at the hospital]," she writes. "But then I realized what she was saying – that she had been digging around my extended family and trying to find dirt on me and defame them. And I just had it. I will not stand for that (or sit still anyway)."

Danielle seemed to be implying that Giudice's nephew was actually her husband's love child.

Continue Reading...

From sex tape talk to a near-beatdown, last night's Real Housewives of New Jersey reunion special was as scripted entertaining as hyped.

While every second of this nauseating nonsense could have its own in-depth special, we've broken the night down to our favorite moments. Foremost them:

1. Jacqueline and Teresa alleged that Danielle Staub had sex with her boyfriend in front of Teresa's kids. Said Giudice, quite simply: "You're a pig, you're disgusting and you're desperate."

2. Teresa, on her rumored financial woes: "I have my husband, I have my four beautiful daughters and that's all I need." Let's see if she maintains that attitude when she's residing in a cardboard box next month.

Continue Reading...

Danielle Staub is a former drug dealing prostitute who spends her time on The Real Housewives of New Jersey surrounded by bodyguards with guns, lashing out at her castmates. She's also stalking them.

In other words: there are plenty of reasons to dislike this reality star. But Jacqueline Laurita has broken it down very simply for readers.

"She had a mission to destroy people," Laurita told People of her co-star's behavior on season two of the Bravo hit. "There was stuff going on that we didn’t talk about because it would draw too much attention to it. If we addressed the lies she was spreading, it [would] keep it going.”

Jacqueline's 19-year old daughter, Ashley, had her own run-in with Danielle during a country club brawl a few episodes ago.

Continue Reading...

On next week's Real Housewives of New Jersey reunion special, Danielle Staub goes insane and storms off the stage. Watch a clip of the hilarious antics HERE.

But, in truly shocking news, this is not the craziest example of behavior exhibited by this reality star over the last couple weeks.

Presenting the face you'd least want to see out your window.

Sources tell the latest issue of Life & Style that Danielle is determined to appear on the next season of this Bravo hit, despite the fact that she's been fired by producers. How would she accomplish this goal? By stalking her castmates, of course.

"She spends her days driving around Franklin Lakes, slowing down outside her co-stars' houses," an insider told the tabloid, while a second added: "None of them needed security before. But now everyone's nervous."

Continue Reading...

Why'd you call her a coke whore?
Bitch, I'm gonna pin you down!
You are insane. You need to be medicated.

All of these quotes and more are part of the two-part Real Housewives of New Jersey reunion special that kicks off Monday night, August 30.

That's right, folks: last night's surprisingly boring installment of the most scripted show on television was not the final appearance for Danielle Staub and company on your television screens this summer.

Bravo will milk the franchise for every last viewer and brain cell it can, pitting insane, self-centered housewife against insane, self-centered housewife in a battle of which unstable nut job will finally cause you to throw your TV out the window.

Our money, naturally, is on Danielle. Watch her scream and yell and storm off the stage in the reunion clips below...

Continue Reading...

If rumors are to be believed, Danielle Staub appeared in her final, non-reunion Real Housewives of New Jersey episode last night.

Fortunately, the mentally unbalanced nut job gave our reality show correspondent plenty to write about, as she wraps up her hilarious reviews below. Enjoy...

Saying goodbye to this show felt a lot like when I was a summer camp counselor and I had to say goodbye to the most annoying girl in my cabin.  It’s sort of like, oh, 'I’m going to miss her so much even though she’s mostly a gigantic pain in my ass.'

You know that once in awhile (and I mean ONCE in a LONG, LONG while) she could be funny or entertaining and you start thinking that the times where she was funny and entertaining were much more numerous than they actually were.  And you get all nostalgic and think you selfishly pissed away your good times together, that you were a bitchy counselor who just focused on all the stupid shit she did.

And you throw yourself onto your metal bunk bed with the 30-year-old, plastic-encased, stained, thin-as-hell mattress and allow your eyes to fill with tears because you know you’ll never see each other again and you wish, despite all you experienced with her that summer, that you could catch one last glimpse of her and give her one final hug goodbye.

Well, sort of like that.

I’m not going to lie, I am happy to unlock from my ankle the ball and chain that is this show.  I toss it gleefully in the river.  But it did have its good moments.  Sometimes it was kooky and silly and gleeful in its trashiness.  But, nevertheless, I say goodbye for now, Franklin Lakes!  Goodbye, batshit crazy Housewives!  Let’s hope you manage to survive until next summer when we meet again.

The penultimate episode started out with the whole House clan heading over to Teresa’s house to feast upon bowls of olive oil with hunks of Parmigiano-Reggiano drowning in it.  They discuss, of course, the Prostitution Whore and the case against Ashley, the moron daughter.  Caroline is getting all hot and bothered about this stuff. 

“She just is so driven to try and hurt every single one of us.  The bottom line is, she just won’t go away.”  Caroline has the brilliant plan that she should go set things straight with our beloved Danielle.  (Hmmm..I wonder who came up with this idea?  Maybe…THE PRODUCERS?)  Caroline doesn’t seem to remember that every other Housewife has tried this only to have their various encounters with Danielle go spectacularly awry.  Caroline says she’ll don a bikini and dive into the mud pit with the Prostitution Whore as long as her homies have her back.  

Back at her moldering cave, Danielle gets Caroline’s text.  Caroline has written, “I’d like to put an end to all the nonsense,” and the Prostitution Whore doesn’t like that.  But Danielle is a strong, independent lady now and she’s going to this little get-together, come hell or high water.  She reminds her daughters to trust her because they’ve been praying about it.

What does this prayer sound like, you ask?  Danielle:  “Dear Gawd, please flip Dina’s Mercedes into a ditch.  And give Caroline the flesh-eating virus.  And have Jacqueline get run over by a freak escape bullet train.  And let Teresa’s daughters cannibalize her.  Oh, and let me find my biological mom and please make her an heiress.  Amen.”  Daughters:  “Dear Gawd, please send Child Protective Services to our house right now.  Mommy scares us.” 

In Danielle’s own words, “I’m not in fear no more.”  Her daughters roll their eyes as Mommy Dearest declares she will be heading into battle. 

“I will get the dignity and the respect that I deserve,” she declares.  Of course you will, honey!  Just like you did at the table-flipping dinner.  I mean, just like you did when you met with Dina at the restaurant.  No, I mean just like you did at the baby cancer dinner thing!  No, wait!, I mean just like you did at the fashion show!!  NO, HOLD ON, just like you did when you took Ashley to court!!!  Oh, screw it. 

You’ll never get the dignity and respect you deserve, Danielle, because you deserve no dignity and respect.  You deserve to be thrown face-first down into a sewer in a very heavily populated urban neighborhood.

Poor, poor Discount Danny shows up at Danielle’s fortress of solitude.  He hasn’t been fed or watered in a few days and is just looking for Danielle to throw some scraps his way.  Unfortunately for him, he gets the 4-1-1 on Danielle’s text from Caroline while he squats on the stairs in his stocking feet, stomach growling. 

Discount’s theory is that Caroline is the ruler of the clan.  He’s sort of listening to the Prostitution Whore but you can see in his eyes that he’s over it too.  He wants a hot meal and a spin-off show or he’s giving up this charade of being friends with Danielle.  Even trashy ex-con bodyguards with Supercuts haircuts and Wal-Mart jeans can take only so much.

Continue Reading...

Has Danielle Staub really been fired from The Real Housewives of New Jersey?

As viewers consider this strong possibility, they were treated to a new episode of the hilarious/nauseating Bravo series last night. Our THG correspondent has every detail covered. Follow along now...

It struck me tonight:  Watching this show serves the same purpose as visiting a Roman vomitorium.  I feel queasy just changing the channel to Bravo now.  The nausea intensifies as I hear that fakey Godfather-like music start up.  My thoughts begin to race:  Can I handle it one more time or will this be the night that I bash myself over the head with the flat screen? 

Obviously I survived because here I am to share my random musings with you.  Here is the thought that compels me:  One more episode left! Yes, my dearies, we’ve come this far - we can make it to the bitter and horrifying finale.  Let’s all hold hands, say a little prayer, and take a deep breath as we dive in.  It’ll be over soon.

The Housewives, Househusbands, Houseinlaws, Houseelders, and Housebrats dock in Naples. Everyone seems to be excited to get off the ship, especially Teresa’s whiny daughters.  Shirtless Joe bitches as he throws and kicks their 10 million bags down hallways and out of elevators.  He’s grouchier than ever. 

He’s cursing and stomping around having a tantrum.  Teresa tells us that he is pissy because he’s away from his businesses.  I believe that, if by “businesses” she means “half-empty bottles of booze in the basement at home.”

Once aboard the first of several ginormous buses, the nasty touristy kind, Teresa’s girls predictably break down.  Caroline shoots Teresa the snake eye but it is unfortunately ineffective.  “I don’t feel responsible at all if people are in a crappy mood.  That’s on them,” says Teresa.  Later, while exploring their hotel room, the Giudice bambinas discover a bidet, which Teresa refers to as a “beh-deh.” Joe, reminding us that he is a savvy world traveler with infinite knowledge about European culture, adds helpfully, “They’re like douches.”

I never thought I’d be so happy to see the Prostitution Whore and the decrepit lair she haunts but these annoying scenes of Italian tomfoolery are making me crazy.  Danielle reminds her defenseless daughters about her fight with Kim G. and then has a few moments of verbal diarrhea about finding her birth mom. 

At one point Christine uses the word “ass” and Danielle gets all bent out of shape.  “You’re too beautiful and too spiritual to speak like that,” says the woman who runs around town screaming profanities at other women across parking lots.

Discount Danny comes to visit the Prostitution Whore.  They go to have some panini.  Poor Shirtless just wants to enjoy his hot n’ crusty, cheesy n’ olive oily panini but Prostitution insists on yammering away about the other Housewives.  Discount listens as Danielle explains that Ashley “has terroristic tendencies.” 

Danielle is positive she will be attacked by Ashley in the parking lot when she is just trying to get her precious panini.  Discount does a good job pretending to be interested.

Danielle has a private investigator come over so he can begin sleuthing around the backyard turning over rocks and studying the moss carefully with his magnifying glass while he smokes a pipe and twirls his moustache.  Sherlock Holmes doesn’t give her very much hope of finding her teenage birth mom and Danielle lets us know that she wants no drug addicted or homeless biological mommies. She just wants a rich one that will let her inherit a ton of unearned money.

Later Sherlock calls the Prostitution Whore to let her know that finding the records of the birth mom might take up to ten years.  None of us cares one tiny bit, even when Danielle fake cries and tries to act all sensitive and damaged and tells us she’s leaving it in God’s hands.  We don’t care whose hands she’s leaving what in, as long as we don’t have to hear about it anymore.

Back in Italy everyone boards yet another big ass bus to go somewhere, I think to terrorize a small country village.  Shirtless is cursing up a storm while his daughters beat each other senseless.  “Joe on the bus, he was tired, he was cranky, and he was just lashing out at everybody,” Caroline explains.

Everyone is rolling their eyes and making their fingers look like guns ready to blow their brains out as Shirtless slurs and hollers from his seat.  I keep waiting for Albert to yell, “Shuddup already!”  Now a conflict between the dudes would have actually been an entertaining moment in this backed-up sewer of a show.

Continue Reading...