Mary-Kate Olsen
Gossip

You'd think that a man who, despite being born in the Paleozoic Era, gets ridden by a naked Holly Madison on a frequent basis would have standards.

Not the case, at least in regards to his famous magazine. Hugh Hefner reportedly wants naked Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen to pose for Playboy.

The 81-year-old men's magazine mogul - who originally asked the twins to model for him when they turned 18 three years ago - but was turned down - hopes the girls will accept his invitation to appear in a June issue.

The Olsen Twins turn 22 on June 13.

A source said: "Hugh Hefner thinks the twins are every young man's fantasy. But it may not be that easy getting them agree to pose for Playboy. They're all about high-end fashion these days. They want to do Vogue."

NOTE TO HUGH: The Olsen Twins are moderately cute on their best days, sort of resemble trolls and dress like grandmothers. Hayden Panettiere, though ...

NOTE TO FANS: Speaking of the Olsens, don't forget to play this week's new edition of our Caption Contest, featuring the gruesome twosome!

Hef also wants Lindsay Lohan to appear in Playboy and recreate the Marilyn Monroe naked swim from her movie Something's Got to Give.

A new New York Magazine shoot featuring Lindsay Lohan nude paid homage to the sexual icon Monroe. The racy shoot proved so popular that the magazine's website crashed under the massive volume of hits.

NOTE: We had a similar problem with that Vanessa Hudgens naked fiasco.

"Now we hear Lindsay is tempted to continue her nude homage to MM," Liz Smith wrote in the New York Post earlier this week.

"Playboy's Hugh Hefner has offered the young star the chance to re-create Marilyn's nude swim from the unfinished film Something's Got To Give."

We can only hope, fans of Lindsay Lohan naked. We can only hope.

Welcome back, celeb gossip and Hollywood news readers across the globe, to The Hollywood Gossip Caption Contest, a Friday tradition and fan-favorite.

Who won this version of the contest, featuring the fashion-impaired, increasingly troll-like Olsen Twins? It was a tough call, but we chose Stephanie!

The winning entry appears beneath the photo. Scroll down the page for the full list of replies, and good luck again in this week's all-new Caption Contest!

Mary-Kate: "Help Ashley my hand is stuck in this position from holding a Starbucks cup for so long."
Ashley: "Thats okay, your hand is the least of your worries."

We know Sam Lutfi is frickin' creepy.

We've been covering that fact like it's our job.

Which it is. We are in the celebrity news business.

We have a point, we swear. Osama isn't the only twisted fool making gossip headlines this week - Star Magazine has profiled the messed up Olsen Twins!

Apparently, Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen are seriously weird! Who would have guessed? Oh, right. Everybody. For the last four or five years.

Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen: Some twisted trolls.

Anyway, the new issue of Star digs deep into the weird ass world of the rich twins. One of their bodyguards evidently spoke out on the sisters and dished some pretty good gossip. Hookups! Bad breath! Dirty hair! Sibling rivalry! OMFG!

Hopefully it examines Mary-Kate Olsen's connection to Heath Ledger, and includes juicy accounts of Ashley and Lance Armstrong tanging it a few months ago.

Diana Wolozin, the masseuse who discovered Heath Ledger when the actor was found dead Tuesday, spent nine minutes making three phone calls to Mary-Kate Olsen before she called 911, the Associated Press reports.

She called Mary-Kate Olsen a fourth time after paramedics arrived.

Police sources say the calls are not relevant to their investigation since they believe Heath Ledger was dead when Wolozin arrived.

Foul play has been ruled out.

Both the New York Post and New York Daily News have reported that Ledger - whose funeral is set for today - had been dating Mary-Kate.

Certainly friends, definitely party pals and maybe more than that, Heath Ledger and Mary-Kate Olsen first met over the summer of 2006, at the time he was living at the Chateau Marmont in Hollywood, People has learned.

More recently, "Mary-Kate and Heath Ledger were casually dating for three months before Heath's death," a source says. "They were hooking up, but neither were particularly interested in making it exclusive."

As for what drew the two together, says the source:"They had a bond that was based on partying ... they had a lot of the same tastes in partying ... like, in terms of where they liked to hang out in New York, what time they would want to go out. They just had the same sensibility."

In other news, Fox News' John Gibson has issued an "apology" for ridiculing the death of Heath Ledger the other day. It's far from sincere.

Is there anything the Olsen Twins - or as PETA calls them, the trashy, fur-wearing Trollsen Twins - love more these days than making out with random dudes?

Well, E! Online reports that Mary-Kate Olsen is the latest of the brittle twins to be spotted in a club with her tongue lodged firmly in the throat of a beautiful man.

The lucky fellow? Dave Annable, of Brothers & Sisters fame. Holla!

Dave Annable, who does a terrific job as the youngest of said siblings, Justin, on the acclaimed series, is quite a hunk. We can see what Mary-Kate Olsen sees in him.

Another plus is that he's only seven years older than Mary-Kate Olsen, which is much more respectable than her sister's alleged Lance Armstrong hookup.

Nevertheless, we don't expect Dave Annable to last - Mary-Kate boy toys never do. We'd love to place bets on which famous stud one of our favorite, frail twins will make out with next, but we just can't. Oh whatever, we'll give it a shot. Some odds:

• Sean Avery - 3:2
• Hunter Parrish - 4:1
• Stavros Niarchos - 9:2
• Cisco Adler - 6:1
• Max Snow (whatever happened to that guy) - 20:1
• Perez Hilton - 2,000:1

With Mike Vick and his cohorts safely behind bars, PETA is going after the evil Olsen Twins, dedicating an entire website and MySpace to that effort.

Fittingly, they have dubbed the anorexic former child stars "The Trollsens" and individually named them Hairy Kate and Trashley Trollsen.

The animal rights group is targeting the traveling freak show petite actresses for wearing fur and also including it in their individual fashion collections.

A PETA statement reads: "No one would argue that Mary-Kate and Ashley could use some meat on their bones, but the last thing they need is hair on their backs."

Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen, you just got served. And we're sure as hell not talkin' about a plate of food. Couple of frail, anorexic waifs, these two.

Indeed, the truth hurts. The Trollsens MySpace reads:

"Hi, we're Hairy Kate and Trashley Trollsen. Like most trolls, we live under a bridge and wait for furry animals to walk by so we can skin them and wear them as hats. Because we're celebrities, we don't have to live by the same rules that ugly people like you do, and if we want to wrap ourselves up in someone else's skin, or drape our bodies in the rotting remains of someone's family, we totally can! And do we ever!"

Of course, these words may fall upon deaf ears. Living in their little troll bubble and only emerging occasionally for naked trysts with Lance Armstrong or Sean Avery, the Olsen twins likely don't give a rat's behind about this. Just saying.

Was it a kidney infection, as is being widely reported, or something else that sidelined Mary-Kate Olsen for the past week? Did Sean Avery or Stavros Niarchos do a number on her heart, or did she merely suffer renal failure?

We may never know.

Regardless, she's been out of commission - but is now determined not to let her frail condition keep her down. Malnourished but optimistic, Mary-Kate Olsen hit the streets of New York, with huge bodyguards aiding her every step, yesterday.

Mary-Kate Olsen gets some fresh air on what may be one of her last days.

Despite fears that a rogue breeze might finish her off any second, the brittle actress forged on, determined to pick up some new thrift store designer clothes.

We urge everyone to pray Mary-Kate Olsen makes it through the week. And to put their Full House DVDs up on eBay, because they could double in value real quick.

If Sean Avery has gone back to Lake Bell, one can't blame Mary-Kate Olsen from taking out her anger at the hockey star by pucking around with an ex of her own.

Perez Hilton is reporting that Mary-Kate Olsen was getting very "friendly" with ex-boyfriend Stavros Niarchos at Hyde on Monday night. Oh, snap, Sean!

Are you surprised? Stavros Niarchos, who, in addition to Mary-Kate, used to give out free rides on the bone rollercoaster to the likes of Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton, isn't known universally as the Greek God of Poontang for no reason, people.

Sean Avery may be good at hockey, but Stavros Niarchos is the true player.

It remains to be seen if Sean Avery and Mary-Kate Olsen have officially ended their fling. But at least Lance Armstrong and Ashley Olsen are still hittin' it.

While Ashley Olsen and Lance Armstrong seem to be going strong, twin sister Mary-Kate Olsen had better watch her back with her new athletic star squeeze.

According to the New York Post, New York Rangers hockey standout Sean Avery, who met Mary-Kate Olsen through a mutual pal, Bungalow 8 owner Amy Sacco, is two-timing Mary-Kate and seeing his ex-flame, Lake Bell, behind her back!

Sean Avery (right) sure is pumped up after scoring... with Lake Bell!

What will Mary-Kate Olsen think when she hears this news? Who knows. But there are plenty of other NHL players chasing celebrity tail if she's interested.

Sean Avery is not exactly known for his gentlemanly ways, of course. New York Post sources say after he split with Elisha Cuthbert, Sean Avery went around telling people he dumped The Girl Next Door star, not the other way around.

Forget about Tony Romo, Matt Leinart and Tom Brady for a second.

Lost in the NFL quarterbacks' quest to dominate celebrity gossip headlines are the efforts of more than a few past and present NHL stars to slip one between the pads (if you know what we mean!) of certain celebrities.

While few NHL players match Romo or Brady's notoriety - more people have already read this post than watched last year's Stanley Cup Finals - more than a few hockey stars have scored - and skated on thin ice - with Hollywood's finest. Below, we separate the bottom-feeders from the true players ...

HIT THE SHOWERS

José Theodore. The Colorado Avalanche netminder partied with Paris in 2006 while girlfriend Stéphanie Cloutier was pregnant. You'd think a goalie, of all people, would be able to fend off such a brutal attack. Here's hoping he at least used protection... and we don't mean his 30 pounds of hockey equipment.

A FULL HOUSE ... OF KIDS

Valeri Bure. Full House star Dave Coulier introduced Bure to his Canadian co-star cutie, Candace Cameron, in 1996. The rest (marriage, three kids) is history.

Wayne Gretzky. How can we leave off the legend who wed and has four kids with actress/model Janet Jones. Wayne revealed to Howard Stern that he and Janet Jones "consummated their relationship" the night they met at an L.A. Lakers game in 1987. Stern's reply: "That's why they call you The Great One."

GAME MISCONDUCTS

Jordin Tootoo. Nicknamed The TooToo Train, the first native of Canada's Nunavut territory to make it to the NHL was an inspiring story. When the Nashville Predators enforcer hooked up with American Idol alum and country singer Kellie Pickler this spring, it was a match made in... an alternate universe. But a happy one just the same. That is, until he messed around on Kellie, who later told a sold-out crowd that her new theme song is Carrie Underwood's "Before He Cheats" and said she hoped Jordin Tootoo's teeth would be knocked out in a game. [*whistle*] You can take that TooToo Train straight to the penalty box, Jordin.

Sean Avery. The 27-year-old New York Rangers winger already has 913 career penalty minutes, and his off-ice exploits have certainly landed him in the sin bin of love more than once. Sean Avery is supposedly dating Mary-Kate Olsen and has been linked to Rachel Hunter and Elisha Cuthbert. He is also rumored to be the subject of Justin Timberlake's "What Goes Around... / ...Comes Around."

CUP CONTENDERS

Mike Comrie. Hilary Duff is known for being a good girl among raunchy celebs, but Mike Comrie is melting her ice! The two have been dating since July, and recent reports have Hilary gettin' freaky with the Islanders center - in public no less! The 2000 Hobey Baker Award finalist is now on his fifth NHL team, but it looks like he might be on Team Duff for quite some time.

Mike Modano. In December 2006, Mike Modano signed a lifetime deal with singer, Playboy centerfold and Dancing with the Stars alum Willa Ford. The former #1 overall pick has always known how to light the lamp (507 times career), and he's certainly lit a fire with Willa Ford. Modano hoisted the Stanley Cup in 1999, but snaring a trophy (wife) like this might be his best career goal.