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When Lauren Conrad, Audrina Patridge, Stephanie Pratt and Lo Bosworth came up with the idea to "crash" (somehow they knew precisely where to stay) Brody and the guys' bros-only weekend in Hawaii, we knew some drama was gonna go down.

But not like this.

Spencer Pratt at LAX

At first, Brody Jenner seemed upset, to see them, but all was forgiven at the mention of shots. And why shouldn't it be. It's Hawaii, and hey, there were now cute girls in bikinis along with surfing and copious quantities of alcohol. Holla!

Talk turned to Audrina Patridge and her "hate-love relationship" with that douche Justin-Bobby. She said she's not waiting for him to come around.

Ever the gentleman Brody noted and complemented his friend on her "most revealing one-piece." Stephanie clarified again that Audzo is single.

At this point, you know where this is headed.

BEER: Helping guys make bad decisions since 1927!

Later, Frankie Delgado, Doug Reinhardt and some dude who calls himself Sleazy T teased Brody about Audrina, who told the girls that she's crushin' on Brody.

Brody Jenner assured the guys that Audzo and he are just friends and that he was thinking about his girlfriend, Jayde Nicole, who was not present of course.

During some late-night alone time, he sought to quell the sexual tension, until ...

"I don't want it to be awkward," he said. "You are sweet and a good friend, but if we decide one night late with nobody around, well, feelings are feelings."

Audrina Patridge didn't emerge until morning.

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She was in full effect on last night's episode of The Hills (which we will recap for you shortly), but what's up with Audrina Partridge and her new show?

Asked that very question at the Paley Fest event for The Hills last week, Audzo said "I get so many emails and questions [from fans who] want to know about pictures that they see of me out, and [they ask] 'Why didn't you film that?'"

"All they really see is my relationship with the girls and with [Justin-Bobby]. So this is me really opening up my personal, personal life and really letting the cameras in to exploit everything. Everybody will get to see everything."

"I'm excited about it. As soon as we're done with The Hills, I'll go right into it."

Mark Burnett (The Apprentice, Survivor) will head Audrina's new reality show.

Pretty Patridge

While grateful for The Hills for giving her career such a huge boost, Audrina Patridge is excited to go her own way. Do you think an Audrina reality show will be a hit?

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When Lauren Conrad hit the Paley Fest red carpet with cast mates Brody Jenner, Audrina Patridge, Whitney Port, Lo Bosworth and Stephanie Pratt (sadly, Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt were no-shows), a wide range of Hills gossip followed.

Spencer's sister told the crowd that the couple, whose weekend wedding is being filmed as the show's season finale, were in the "studio, making hit music."

Stephanie also dished on being a Speidi bridesmaid:

"I've never been to a wedding before. I know that [Holly Montag] is in it. I'm hoping that she is Maid of Honor because I will screw everything up."

Of the gruesome twosome's pre-wedding festivities, Stephanie Pratt said, "I don't think Spencer is allowed to have a bachelor party. Holly and I are throwing around the idea of a bridal shower before. I just hope no one objects [at the wedding]."

The conversation soon turned to - you guessed it! - the Lauren Conrad sex tape rumors that infamously dominated a full season of the reality show.

When asked if she still believes that it was Spencer Pratt who spread the rumor that she and Jason Wahler made a sex tape, Lauren said, "We have it on tape that he [Spencer] takes responsibility for it. Sorry. Spoiler alert!"

Wow, now that's a Hills spoiler we never saw coming! Follow the jump for loads more spoilers and pictures of the cast at Paley fest ...

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It was out with the old, in with the new (and insane) on The Hills as Speidi started couples’ counseling, Stephanie Pratt started her new job with Lauren Conrad, and Audrina Patridge started looking for a new man - with unexpected results.

We begin at the workplace ...

Stephanie started at People’s Revolution and in no time, head honcho Kelly Cutrone berated her for leaving a drink on a desk and eating crackers over clothes.

The next day, she ignored a ringing phone, hung up on someone, put off some key tasks, didn’t check in the right clothes and doodled on a sheet of paper.

A clearly-pissed Lauren Conrad warned her friend, who she helped land the posh fashion-house gig with no experience whatsoever, to focus or she’d be fired.

Then, on the romance front ...

On “boy lookout” since breaking it off with that loser Justin-Bobby, Audrina Patridge pondered her next move. LC suggested that there was no time like the present.

With multiple dudes, if that's what it takes to move on.

Everyone got in on the action on last night's The Hills.

The girl posse, including Lo and Stephanie, met up for a night out with Frankie Delgado and Brody Jenner, who partook in crazy PDA with girlfriend Jayde Nicole.

Certainly nothing new for those two.

Justin-Bobby happened to be there too, natch, but ignored Audrina’s attempts to get his attention, then snapped at her a bit later on. What an absolute tool.

Comforting her, Brody told Audzo she needs to have more fun and called her a beautiful girl. Jealous, Jayde Nicole responded by trying to inhale Brody's face.

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Looks like - spoiler alert! - Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag are getting ready to butt heads it out once again on tonight's all-new episode of The Hills.

In the preview clip below, the buttheads hit up a couples therapist after Montag learns her smarmy man has been flirting hard core with a bartender.

Encouraged by the therapist, who is probably not even licensed, to divulge his feelings, a smiling Pratt can only muster, "I feel like I'm in a nightmare."

Heidi should just be happy he wasn't Twittering the whole time.

Unconvinced that he's taking this oh-so-authentic therapy session seriously, his plastic princess retorts, "How did you just even say that to me?"

She then tells him that he's been "emotionally checked out - in some kind of weird, stripper hotel - for a while." We have no idea what that means.

Their therapist then begs the question of Heidi Montag, regarding Spencer Pratt: "If you feel like he's checked out, what are you doing with him?"

Making money, hand over fist, would be the short answer. Check out the clip from tonight's episode of the "reality" show you love to hate ...

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Lauren Conrad may be leaving The Hills, but as sad as that will be, her best friend forever Lo Bosworth does think the show can go on without her.

In fact, Lo thinks Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt, or collectively Speidi, could probably replace the leading lady as the "reality" series' main act.

"They get great press on their own, so there's always the possibility that the show can do really well with them as main parts," Lo Bosworth told E! Online at the IS vodka-sponsored opening of new Hollywood nightspot Halo.

Lo has officially joined Team Speidi! Sort of.

Lo thinks, however, that the current season five, which debuted last Monday on MTV, may not end ALL Lauren Conrad appearances on The Hills.

"[Lauren] hasn't filmed in weeks and she's really excited about that," Lo said. "I think she'll come back for special occasions and stuff."

"But we just don't know how many episodes she'll return for or if there will be another season. It's really just all up in the air," she added.

In truth, Speidi may already be the headlining act on The Hills. His laying the smack down on Cameron was the highlight of the season premiere, and as we reported, a Spencer and Heidi wedding is supposedly planned for the finale.

Oh, and Spencer already Twittered his approval of Lo's comments, in case you were wondering. He also posted a link to a teaser for Heidi's new music video:

Awesome ... easily a 9.5 out of 10 on the unintentional comedy scale. If you're a real glutton for punishment, follow the jump to hear the full "song" ...

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Last night's season premiere of The Hills kicked off with a bang - sort of literally in the case of Stephanie Pratt's ex-boyfriend, who pushed Spencer too far.

The Hollywood Gossip's recap will consist of awarding and deducting points as we see fit. Season Five began at Lauren Conrad's birthday party on a yacht, and Stephanie convincing Heidi she could come too, despite not being invited and stuff.

Heidi Montag with No Makeup!

On to the rankings! Chime in with your own!

Audrina didn’t invite Justin-Bobby or Heidi to a surprise party for Lauren Conrad because she wanted to avoid drama. Plus 4 for being the rare voice of reason!

Minus 5 for Heidi being the worst liar ever and pathetically non-confrontational when telling Spencer her plans. But Plus 2 for his calling LC the "queen beeyotch" and describing his guys' night with just a techno beat - "nnts nnts nnts."

Minus 10 for instigator Stephanie Pratt's dishonesty and uselessness. Heidi did have reservations about coming, yet Steph lies and says it was all her idea. Weak sauce.

Spencer flirts with bartender Stacie at The Dime. He gets drunk and acts like a major tool, but this is completely in character and he does not care. Plus 6.

Stephanie's ex, Cameron, is present to witness Spencer's banter with Stacie, and texts Stephanie, who warns Heidi. We don't care if it's Spencer Pratt - what a d!ck move and blatant violation of the bro code, How I Met Your Mother style. Minus 7.

At the party, LC talked to Heidi, who rationalized that fighting is what boys do. Plus 4, because that is kind of totally true, and Plus 2 more for Lauren calling Spencer an a$$hole to her face, after which Heidi apologized for causing drama.

Spencer decided he was gonna go all Chris Brown on Cameron, and made good on that boast. Quite uncalled for, but Plus 5, because he landed like six good punches before getting thrown out, which is impressive, and the dude sort of had it coming.

Lauren to Heidi: “You were my best friend but you started dating this person who did really mean things to me. I don’t like him but I still love you.” Sniff. Plus 3.

Minus 2 for Stacie throwing Spencer under the bus when Heidi came around, then doing the same with the circumstances reversed! Shrewd, but a bit duplicitous.

Side note: Anyone know who makes the lipstick LC was wearing? We weren't huge fans of the color, but it held up throughout the weekly deluge of tears. Plus 5.

Heidi's mom, Darlene, really hates Spencer Pratt - and offers to set Heidi up with a high school ex named Colby! A noble thought, but Minus 4, because no way Colby even recognizes the silicone, duck-lipped Barbie doll Heidi has become.

Obligatory Brody Jenner sightings and dueling heart-to-hearts! Plus 4.

Lauren to Steph: “I think it was inappropriate for her to be there and if you were really my friend you would have been like, ‘Hey don’t go.’ You have to stop pushing [her] on me. It’s not fair.” A tough overdramatic, LC, but kind of true. Even.

TOTAL: +7! Not a bad season premiere for The Hills. Comment away!

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Heidi Montag isn't exactly shedding too many tears as Lauren Conrad prepares for her swan song fifth and final season of The Hills, premiering tonight.

"We don't need her," she said. "We'll miss her. I just don't know if we need her."

The duck-lipped bimbo says she "wasn't surprised" that her former BFF is leaving the show that has made her a household name in the past few years.

"I know she hasn't been wanting to be doing this for a while, and [the life she really leads] is not on camera," Heidi Montag says. "So I think it's an appropriate closing chapter for her. I'm sure she'll have fun and success."

"She's gotta leave the drama to the pros!" adds Montag of The Hills (follow the link to check out some sneak previews from tonight). "I definitely don't want to go anywhere anytime soon. That's my home and I'm so grateful to be on it."

Meanwhile, Montag is at work on her debut album, which she hopes to release by the end of the summer. But don't expect Lady Gaga to make an appearance, as Spencer is quick to call the rising pop-dance diva "overrated."

"I can't get over that she is a huge pop icon of the world," Spencer Pratt said Friday on Atlanta's Q100. "People are acting like she's the new Britney Spears."

"I don't know why this girl gets so much attention and press. I guess if you dress like a fool and have crazy, ridiculous haircuts, people start paying attention."

Asked to name five artists Heidi Montag is more talented than, Spencer Pratt said, "Britney Spears, Lady Gaga, Madonna, Beyonce and Christina Aguilera."

"I wouldn't even compare them to Heidi's level," he went on. "I am in the studio everyday with Heidi I know what's coming. I can make claims like that."

We could make some pretty undisputed claims about Speidi right now, but it's all been said before. In honor of tonight's season premiere at 10 p.m., click to enlarge more pictures of the plastic pair and the rest of The Hills stars below:

Follow the jump for many more photos!

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The Hills are alive for season five - and while the MTV quasi-reality show has been on a long break, the SoCal drama we know and love looks like it's continued.

Case in point: The much-hyped Heidi Montag-Lauren Conrad "reunion."

The former BFFs-turned-foes had apparently sort of patched things up and started texting and talking again, leading Heidi to think that she'd be getting an invite to Lauren's birthday party (which took place in February).

But things never go as planned - we are talking about Speidi here. Apparently Heidi didn't get asked to come, as Stephanie Pratt gives her the 4-1-1 ...

Follow the jump for two more clips from tonight's The Hills - in the first, Lauren Conrad tells Stephanie her problem with being friends with Heidi (Spencer), and in the second, Heidi and Steph plot to hang with LC behind his back ...

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With all the speculation circulating after The Hills Season 5 trailer seems to hit at Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt splitting up, the gruesome twosome decided to call Ryan Seacrest's radio show on Friday to set the record straight.

Well, by setting the record straight, what we really mean is giving vague, vomit inducing, self-promoting answers. We're talking about Speidi here.

"Rumors, rumors," said the smarmy celeb gossip Svengali known as Spencer Pratt. "Breaking up? I could never do without the love of my life."

As for reports that they're planning a public "break up" via a four-part magazine story netting them $200,000 - a la their staged their Cabo "wedding"?

"Wow, can you get that deal for us?" asked Heidi. "That would be great."

"So you are breaking up," responded Ryan Seacrest.

"No," insisted Heidi Montag, before dropping a little Hills spolier-plug: "I mean, you'll have to tune in Monday to see we are having some difficulties."

Weak.

It's Speidi's world. We just live in and write about it.

The plastic pair's so-called "difficulties" this season apparently stem from him hitting on a bartender and, according to Heidi Montag (as if she isn't 100 percent aware of it), "God only knows what else he's been doing."

"So did you hook up with the bartender?" asked Ryan.

"You'll have to tune in on Monday night," replied Spencer Pratt, to which Ryan Seacrest could old offer up a short, simple reply that sums up our feelings toward this article, as well as toward Speidi as a whole these days:

"That answer bores me."

Amen. At least her April Fool's Day pregnancy Twitter announcement was kind of interesting and creative. Click to enlarge more recent Speidi pics below ...

  • Gooooooal!
  • Speidi Sucking
  • Yay Perez!
  • Speidi Sighting!

The Hills Quotes

Brody's girlfriend is pretty. With very large breasts.

Lauren Bosworth [on Cora Skinner]

Someone with a great sense of humor is the most important thing, and someone who really supports me in everything I do... I don’t ever want to make an excuse for trying to work hard and having my own life. I love a guy that supports that and loves that.

Lauren Conrad [on men]
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