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On last night's Teen Mom, Farrah Abraham took her newly-paid-for breasts on a modeling gig in Colorado, making hard-earned money to support Sophia.

Meanwhile, Maci Bookout took the plunge and moved in with Kyle King, a relatively nice, stable individual who even has a job. So things are going well, right?

WRONG, according to In Touch, which claims Teen Mom RUINED their lives! Anorexia! Addiction! Abuse! Living on popcorn and cigarettes! Oh, the horror!

Teen Mom Stars: RUINED!

Besides the walking train wreck that is Amber Portwood, it's hard to see how MTV is ruining their lives. Seems to us like they were in tight spots already.

If anything, aren't they getting paid, and thus supporting their kids?

Maybe it sends the wrong message to viewers, but for these girls specifically, how has it been bad? Farrah and Maci seem to be making positive steps.

Sure, maybe they're "bribed" to be on the show. Sure, maybe getting a boob job wasn't a good idea. But it helps her model and support herself, right?

Call it what you want, they do this of their own free will. They still struggle, sure, but those struggles are documented in a realistic way most shows can't match.

It's hardly MTV's fault for showing it like it is.

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Three of the four Teen Mom stars moved in with their significant others on last night's episode. The lone exception, Farrah Abraham, lost hers years ago.

Of course, while Amber Portwood deals with that boob Gary Shirley, Farrah is focused instead on her new boobs and modeling career, not relationships.

Let's break down last night's episode, THG style!

The Fair Farrah

On good terms this second, Amber and Gary move into a house. He's got a job doing "in-home health care." And apparently raiding people's kitchens. Plus 7.

No sooner does he proclaim "It's gonna be great," than a step in the house literally collapses under the weight of the moment. And Gary. Amazing. Plus 14.

His excuse: "pressed wood, ain't my fault." That's what they all say. Minus 2.

Before long, the squabbling begins, with Gary telling Amber, "Watch your mouth before I take Leah from ya." Producers? Fist-pumping. DCFS? Cringing. Wash.

Amber's brother, with whom they were supposed to meet up, warns, "It's gonna come back and bite you in the ass one day." More like every day. Minus 8.

Five words: Gary Shirley. Shirtless. Water park. Minus 12.

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The third season premiere of Teen Mom may only have earned two points from our critic this week, but it resulted in a record-setting performance for the MTV hit.

The episode attracted 3.65 million viewers, making it the most-watched premiere in franchise history. It was also the number-one telecast on TV among women between the ages of 12-34.

In other words (gulp!): the next generation.

Farrah Abraham and Child

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Having children while basically still children themselves can be tough going, but Amber Portwood, Maci Bookout, Catelynn Lowell and Farrah Abraham are taking life one day at a time and making the best of their situations.

The (sometimes) fabulous foursome is back for a new season of Teen Mom on MTV. Let's break down last night's third season premiere, THG style:

Farrah and Sophia Picture

Farrah Abraham is working hard! She's in culinary school, waitressing and modeling to make ends meet. No plug for the most anticipated book of the year, though? Golden opportunity wasted there. Minus 3.

"Being a good mother is a full-time job too," she adds. Yes. Plus 5.

Not sure what's more ridiculous, the fact that Farrah claims she's getting plastic surgery on her chest "for her daughter's future," or the fact that she wrote "Here for Boobs" on a medical form. We'll call it Even.

Farrah wants a "C you can see." Plus 4, we begrudgingly admit, because she is a model and this may help her support her kid, but Minus 8 for MTV now glamorizing plastic surgery and glorifying teen pregnancy.

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It's already been quite a long time since Teen Mom star Farrah Abraham has been ready for romance. And it may be a long time still to come.

After ex-boyfriend Derek Underwood died in December 2008, the teen put dating on hold so she could focus on raising their daughter Sophia.

According to the reality star, now 20, that will change. Just not yet.

Farrah and Sophia

"I'm pretty positive you might see me on a date again," the single mom says ahead of this evening's Teen Mom season premiere. "The fun thing is I get to go on dates and meet random guys and not be so serious."

"I get emails and letters at home like, 'Find me on Facebook,' but how many of those guys are really sincere?" muses the mother of Sophia, now 2.

There are plenty of obstacles in her way, it's true.

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Teen Mom star Maci Bookout is not a happy woman.

On this evening's season premiere of Teen Mom, she learns that her baby's father, Ryan Edwards, has been skipping out on child support payments.

In the clip below, when she calls to inquire about the missed deposit, she gets a rather rude awakening when it comes to the unemployed Edwards.

"If payments aren't coming in, we can file a contempt with the court," the agent tells a surprised Maci Bookout. "Which typically means community service and, in most cases, six months in jail or a large lump sum payment."

Later, a shocked Bookout calls a pal to report her findings. "Can you get me a new baby-daddy?" she asks. Wishful thinking. Watch the clip:

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“Today has shown me it’s time to start a new beginning for my girls andddd Myself.” - Leah Messer, amid news that Corey Simms knocked up Amber Scaggs

Teen Mom 2 star Leah is loving life these days. Despite her recent, upsetting split with husband Corey, she's determined to put her best foot forward in life.

The mom of twins Aleeah and Aliannah may be struggling through pregnancy rumors, custody battles and divorce proceedings, but she's soldiering on!

Cute Leah Messer

Adorable 17-month-old twins, the girls light up Leah's life like nothing else. Messer wrote this sweet message on her Facebook page just last night:

“I made spaghetti for dinner. It was delicious! The girlies are tucked into bed now, and this is mommies time to clean up && do some laundry!”

Adds the newly-single reality star, “I feel so freakin’ accomplished. ♥ I love my life as a mommy and that’s how I want it foreverrr! :) ”

It's unclear if Simms really got his new girlfriend pregnant, but Leah and Corey filed for divorce in April. Sad, but at least she's moving on.

[Photo: WENN.com]

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Teen Mom star Amber Portwood is going to rehab.

“I am going to rehab for anger control issues and depression,” she confirms to Star (via Radar) and after the month she's had, it's a wise move.

Losing Her Baby FOREVER

“I’m on medication at the moment to just help me relax," she adds. "I’m in a vulnerable state right now. I know people want a lot of answers.”

Mostly, we just want her to live to see age 22.

Last week's meltdown was merely the latest in a series of ugly incidents for the Anderson, Ind., native, who has more run-ins with police than we can count.

News that Amber Portwood was hospitalized after a suicide attempt broke last week. She was found by police and later admitted she had taken pills.

Earlier, she had a disturbing conversation with baby daddy Gary Shirley, telling him she was depressed about her life and just wanted to end it all.

Shirley called 911 after this happened.

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Gary Shirley, baby daddy and sometime-lover of Amber Portwood, says he's firmly in the Teen Mom star's camp as she recovers from her hospitalization.

That he even has to clarify this says a lot about their relationship, but so be it. The way things went down June 14, it wasn't a foregone conclusion.

Shirley, the voice on the Amber Portwood 911 call that resulted after she allegedly wanted to take her life last week, takes some of the blame for it.

He denies cheating on her, but admits his "childish and immature" actions and comments over the years were wrong and he fully supports her now.

Gary Shirley and Amber Portwood Picture

In the wake of her suicide attempt, Gary took to his Facebook to speak out in support of Amber and reassure everyone that he’s always in her corner.

“I have made threatening comments before yes ... but the last time was a year ago,” Gary writes on his Facebook wall. “I have grown up since."

"I really realized how much it hurts a mother and I’m deeply sorry.”

“I re-watch this stuff it kills me to see things I say or do and just how childish and immature I look. I’m very pro-Amber,” Shirley says of Portwood.

A source says Gary is “trying to keep his mind off stuff with Amber by filling his time with friends” since she was released from the hospital.

After undergoing a 72 hour “psychiatric evaluation” at St. John’s hospital, Amber Portwood is currently recovering at home in Anderson, Ind.

[Photo: Fame Pictures]

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Leah Messer is reportedly devastated over a report that Corey Simms' girlfriend Amber Scaggs is six weeks pregnant with the couple's first child.

As if their heartbreaking breakup wasn't enough. For Teen Mom 2 star Leah, who has two daughters with Simms, it's one shocker after another.

Corey’s new girlfriend, Amber Scaggs, is a mom herself. Now daughter Bralyn, 1, may be getting a sibling, as reports say she's expecting again.

Protection? Who needs it, are we right people?

Corey Simms, Leah Messer Pic

Corey and Leah in happier times. Tanner ones, too.

“She took a pregnancy test and it came out positive,” Amber’s friend Kacy Lynn Rogers confirms. “I know that she was with Corey around Easter, and she is approximately six weeks pregnant, so it makes sense.”

TOTALLY makes sense, Kacy Lynn.

But reportedly, neither Leah nor Corey - who are not even divorced yet - know that Amber is expecting (although tabloid sources apparently do). 

Why wouldn't Corey Simms know if he knocked up Amber? Because he's not even on speaking terms with Scaggs at the moment, natch.

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