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On the season finale of Teen Mom, everything came to a head. What did Farrah Abraham decide about moving? How did Maci Bookout leave things with Ryan Edwards? Does Gary Shirley have a career as a recording artist?

All questions we may not fully know the answers to until the reunion special and perhaps beyond, but still. Absolutely edge-of-your-seat, gripping TV.

Let's break down the third season finale of Teen Mom, THG style!

Farrah Abraham on the After Show

Farrah celebrated Sophia's second birthday by putting her cooking skills to work on a cake. We don't mean to sound harsh, but ... maybe it's time for a second career path? Or a different one altogether? Thing looked rank. Minus 6.

At least she tried, though. For once. Plus 3.

The motherhood thing? Not her style! Farrah is going to "grow into my own person" and "become whole again" by ditching her daughter in Iowa and going to school in Florida. Sophia will feel so loved watching this in a few years. Minus 25.

She decided to poignantly drive around and look at places that reminded her of Derek ... the guy she broke up with and accused of stalking her, and whose parents want to take Sophia away from her. Totally realistic portrayal. Minus 11.

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"I would never leave Sophia." - Farrah Abraham on last night's Teen Mom

Despite this proclamation, it appears the youngster did exactly that, leaving her daughter with her mother in Iowa while she "attends school" in Florida.

According to Life & Style, the reality star has been in Ft. Lauderdale for months, while her mother, Debra Danielson, is now Sophia's primary caregiver.

Farrah Abraham Ditches Daughter

Was this move altruistic or purely selfish? Somewhere in the middle?

Farrah Abraham said this about her decision to leave Sophia:

"I want her [Sophia's grandmother] to be there for Sophia when I need to take care of my responsibilities, my education and earning an income for both of us."

Not that this wasn't a difficult decision. In fact, the 20-year-old admits, "I'm tugged in many different ways daily - but I don't want to limit myself or Sophia."

What do you think? Is Farrah really doing this for Sophia, or was she simply not up to the task of being a mom? She could have gone to school A LITTLE closer to home, or taken beautiful little Sophia with her to Florida. We're just saying.

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On this week's Teen Mom, Farrah Abraham butted heads with her mom regarding Sophia, while Maci made a discovery about Bentley's paternal grandmother.

Making sure Amber didn't have to work too hard (heaven forbid, what would the world be coming to), Leah's grandparents did a heck of a job pitching in as well.

Catelynn and Tyler? They're still around too. No one knows why.

Let's break down last night's episode of Teen Mom, THG style!

Farrah Abraham Image

Farrah's plans to move to Ft. Lauderdale are shockingly still in effect. She was even accepted into a culinary school. Which one? Who knows, but Plus 4 because at least it required some degree of effort on her part.

She takes her parents out to dinner for her dad's birthday and unveils the present every father craves - she booked a family counseling session!! Crickets. Minus 7.

Farrah says the idea of being without Sophia is "hard on me." Ya think? Plus 5.

It's also "good that I spend more time on myself, because I need that." Don't we all. You can't use that as an excuse to shirk responsibility, though. Minus 6.

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On this week's Teen Mom, Maci Bookout signed back up for school, Farrah Abraham tried to do the same, and Amber Portwood was released from lockup.

Catelynn Lowell and Tyler Baltierra got into a tiff about him livin' de life, but ultimately made up and made out. It's all about priorities for the youngans.

Let's break down last night's episode of Teen Mom, THG style!

Hot Maci Bookout Pic

Maci decides to enroll in classes despite how "boring" they are. Plus 4.

Kyle breaks his kneecap in an apparent motocross accident. Minus 8 for the obvious pain, but Plus 10 because Maci didn't miss class for his birthday.

She did go to the salon, though, going "blonde and long" with platinum extensions. Plus only 2, because she looks good, but she already was so cute naturally, and this is an "I'm available at the club" kind of appearance.

"I don't work anymore." - Ryan Edwards. Did he ever? Minus 5.

The previews for next week show him - what else - partying. Hey, he's got time. But Plus 3 because Maci tells him point blank he won't have Bentley.

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On last night's Teen Mom, there were no major bombshells or blowout fights. Just a lot of family moments we can all relate to. Well, for the most part.

Clearly, Catelynn's family situation is unique, while Amber's entire existence is complete upheaval. But this episode was more about the little things for all.

In which case, bravo, MTV. Let's break down last night's Teen Mom:

Catelynn Lowell, Father

"I'm just excited to have one of my stable parents around again." - Catelynn Lowell. Minus 7 for the fact that the bar is set so low. We've arrived at the point where "stable" means non-incarcerated and relatively non-insane.

Plus 4, though, because at least Dave trusts Catelynn's judgment.

Despite not seeing Catelynn in four years, Dave, who's in Michigan for a job opportunity, proclaims Tyler a "good kid" and seems accepting of his daughter and where she is in her life nowadays. All in all, it could be worse. Plus 8.

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Is Maci Bookout losing it? She wants another baby? Seriously?!

We think, given that these episodes are taped SO far in advance (even by reality show standards), that either Bookout had a change of heart, or this whole missive was manufactured to give sites like THG something to talk about.

In which case, bravo, MTV. Let's break down last night's Teen Mom:

Maci, Bentley

When 19-year-old Maci told her she wanted another baby, Sharon's response was simple. Six words: Have you lost your damn mind? Plus 12.

Maci's reasoning: "Bentley goes away half the week, and I'm just sitting there bored. If I had another baby, I wouldn't be bored." Minus 5.

If she's bored, she could watch some shows - 16 & Pregnant or Teen Mom for example - to remind her how hard having a baby is. Plus 3.

Or re-enroll in the classes she dropped. Minus 8.

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Leah Messer was heartbroken when she and Corey Simms divorced.

Imagine how the Teen Mom star feels about the father of her young twins trying to get in co-star Jenelle Evans' pants? To say nothing of how stupid it is for his own physical and mental well-being, that's just a harsh move by Corey!

Insiders say he’s "hitting Leah where it hurts the most" by trying to get his freak on with Jenelle, who, to her credit, reportedly wasn't having that.

Corey Simms, Leah Messer Pic

“She was shocked he would hit on her, and she immediately told Leah,” a source close to Leah reveals, but Corey wasn't about to stop just yet.

After Jenelle Evans’ rejection, Corey tried to get with 16 and Pregnant star Nikkole Paulun. Sources say he was more successful this time around, too.

“They’re hooking up,” reveals a source.

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Growing up is hard to do, especially for kids with kids.

But for these hard-working, well-meaning Teen Mom stars (and Amber Portwood), it's something they must do. The question is whether they can pull it off.

While some cast members seem to be fast-tracked toward adulthood, others still seem stuck in neutral. You wonder when and if they'll come to their senses.

Let's break down last night's episode, THG style!

Maci and Kyle

Kyle King quits his job in Nashville to move near Maci. She repays him by dropping most of her classes. Plus 11 for love, Minus 12 for lack of long-term thinking.

Seriously, Maci Bookout, what's your major? Slacking? Eesh. Minus 8.

Ryan is, however briefly, more gainfully employed than Kyle! Plus 4.

Bentley's dad hires a lawyer to ensure his custody arrangement is legit. Even though he's adversarial, he does seem to care about parenting for once. Plus 2.

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Amber Portwood's brother is defending her after her daughter Leah was shown playing with Gary Shirley's condoms on last week's Teen Mom episode.

Shawn Portwood takes issue with the way the producers portray his sister, calling MTV "spineless soulless individuals" in a rant posted on his blog:

"First, I would like to congratulate Teen Mom star Gary Shirley for doing something he should have been doing for a while now, wearing condoms!" 

Amber, Gary, Leah Picture

"Second, my hat goes off to you MTV for getting a close up of the Trojan Magnums seen around the world," Shawn adds of Gary's brand of choice.

"Though they got a classic shot of my little niece playing with condoms; I wonder how it came about in the first place," he wrote, implying that the scene may have been - hope you're sitting down for this one - staged.

Shawn then went on to bash MTV for broadcasting the now-infamous incident where Amber Portwood attacked Gary Shirley. The network should have shelved the video, notifying authorities in private if at all, he suggested.

What, and give up huge ratings at Leah's expense? Puh. Lease.

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Gary Shirley always lives large, but usually just in the literal sense. We are saying he is morbidly obese, in case you did not catch the inference.

Earlier this summer, however? Wow.

The baby daddy of Amber Portwood went on an epic strip club bender, dropping FIVE GRAND on 11 hours of mediocre half-nude action.

Back Dat THANG Up!

Talk about a good use of five Gs.

The Teen Mom fixture absolutely made it rain at a 24-hour strip club in Miami, Fla., unleashing a constant stream of cash from 1 a.m. UNTIL NOON.

According to sources inside the club, Gary Shirley kicked off the evening in the VIP area, then moved the action over to the champagne room.

Amber and Leah would be so happy to hear it.

Check out TMZ's full gallery of the affair, if you care, but don't expect to see any of the human race's more attractive members. Just saying.

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