Tale of the Tape News

The Hollywood Gossip staff is proud to bring you Tale of the Tape, in which we break down prospective matchups within the celebrity gossip world. The following battle is one involving two upcoming - and sexy - reality TV stars.

Jason Mesnick won the hearts of millions on The Bachelorette, only to be nixed by DeAnna Pappas. But he'll be back as The Bachelor in January! Meanwhile, former amateur porn director Ray J apparently landed a dating show, too.

Pitted against each other, which of these single studs will emerge victorious in a grueling, 10-round battle? Let's find out. Ding, ding!

Which of these hunks will fare better on his own show?

1. FINISHED BEHIND ...

Jason Mesnick: Jesse Csincsak
Ray J: Kim Kardashian
Edge: Ray

2. CONDOM ENDORSEMENT DEALS

Jason Mesnick: 0
Ray J: 1
Edge: Ray

3. MEMORABLE QUOTES

Jason Mesnick: "All I am missing, really, is someone to share my life with."
Ray J: "Tomorrow we're gonna get up and f*%k again."
Edge: Even

4. DAY JOB

Jason Mesnick: Successful financial exec / estate planer
Ray J: Occasional rapper / actor / producer
Edge: Jason

5. BEST-KNOWN FAMILY MEMBER

Jason Mesnick: Son Ty, 3
Ray J: Sister Brandy, 29
Edge: Jason

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The Hollywood Gossip staff is proud to bring you Tale of the Tape, in which we break down prospective matchups within the celebrity world. The following battle has been brewing for years - and not just because of an on-field rivalry.

Since his trade to the Yankees in 2004, Alex Rodriguez has been a lightning rod (haha) for controversy, choking in the playoffs and boinking manly strippers. Star teammate Derek Jeter, meanwhile, just quietly does his (play) thing(s).

It's so on. Which of these prime-time players will emerge victorious in a grueling, 10-round slugfest? Let's find out. Ding, ding!

Who's the better player - off the field - Derek Jeter or Alex Rodriguez?

1. MOST RIPPED GIRLFRIEND

Alex Rodriguez: Joslyn Morse / Alicia Marie (tie)
Derek Jeter: Jessica Biel
Edge: Jeter

2. MOST FAMOUS UNION

Alex Rodriguez: Soon-to-be dissolved marriage to Cynthia Rodriguez
Derek Jeter: Gabrielle
Edge: A-Rod

3. "FRIEND" SEEN MOST ON MTV

Alex Rodriguez: Madonna
Derek Jeter: Vanessa Minnillo
Edge: A-Rod

4. MEMORABLE TRADES

Alex Rodriguez: From Texas to New York for Alfonso Soriano
Derek Jeter: Mariah Carey for Jordanna Brewster
Edge: Jeter

5. HATED BY

Alex Rodriguez: Believers in the tenets of marriage
Derek Jeter: Red Sox fans
Edge: A-Rod

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The Hollywood Gossip staff is proud to bring you Tale of the Tape, a feature in which we break down prospective matchups within the celebrity world. The following one that has been brewing for awhile - and is getting more heated by the day.

Carrie Underwood, our current Caption Contest subject, used to date Tony Romo, who is now dating Jessica Simpson. But he may still be pining for Carrie, and Jessica is jealous, and apparently talkin' smack about Carrie (see photo below)!

It's so on. Which of these women of Tony Romo will emerge victorious after a grueling, 10-round fight? Let's find out. Ding, ding!

Jessica Simpson takes a thinly-veiled shot at Carrie Underwood's vegetarianism.

1. ATTITUDE TOWARDS THE OTHER

Carrie Underwood: Not acknowledging the bitch
Jessica Simpson: Passive-aggressive t-shirts
Edge: Carrie

2. TALENT

Carrie Underwood: Loads
Jessica Simpson: N/A
Edge: Carrie

3. GRAMMY AWARDS

Carrie Underwood: 3
Jessica Simpson: N/A
Edge: Carrie

4. INSANE FATHERS

Carrie Underwood: N/A
Jessica Simpson: Joe Simpson
Edge: Carrie

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The Hollywood Gossip staff is proud to bring you Tale of the Tape, a feature in which we break down prospective matchups within the celebrity world. The following is an obvious one.

Next week, David Cook will take on David Archuleta in what may be the most anticipated American Idol finals match-up of all-time. Forget Tuesday night, though.

Who will emerge victorious in the following 10 rounds? Let's find out. Ding, ding!

1. PAST IDOL HE MOST REMINDS US OF

David Cook: Chris Daughtry
David Archuleta: Clay Aiken
Edge: Cook

2. FAMILY TIES

David Cook: Cancer-stricken brother, Adam
David Archuleta: Insanely controlling father, Jeff
Edge: Cook

3. FIRST NAMES

David Cook: David
David Archuleta: David
Edge: Even

4. BEST PERFORMANCE

David Cook: "Always Be My Baby"
David Archuleta: "Imagine"
Edge: Archuleta

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The Hollywood Gossip staff is proud to bring you Tale of the Tape, in which we break down prospective matchups within the celebrity world you probably never considered. Because they are pointless, and above all, not real.

Two of our favorite athletes, Yankees slugger A-Rod (Alex Rodriguez) and tennis star A-Rodd (Andy Roddick) are no stranger to media attention - but it's their lovely significant others who have been getting equal exposure of late.

Let's see how Roddick's fiancee, model Brooklyn Decker, stacks up against Alex's better half, Cynthia Rodriguez, in a grueling 10-round bout. Ding, ding!

1. AGE

Brooklyn Decker: 20
Cynthia Rodriguez: 34
Edge: Brooklyn

2. FREQUENTLY WEARS ...

Brooklyn Decker: Bikini
Cynthia Rodriguez: Scowl
Edge: Brooklyn

3. NICKNAME

Brooklyn Decker: B-Deck
Cynthia Rodriguez: F-Rod
Edge: Cynthia

4. SPORTS ILLUSTATED SWIMSUIT ISSUES

Brooklyn Decker: 3 (2006-2008)
Cynthia Rodriguez: 1 (2004)
Edge: Brooklyn

5. HANGS WITH ...

Brooklyn Decker: SI's Dr. Z
Cynthia Rodriguez: Daughter Natasha
Edge: Cynthia

6. KNOCK ON FIANCE/HUSBAND

Brooklyn Decker: Can't win the big one; Return game, backhand and volleys are suspect for top ten player
Cynthia Rodriguez: Greedy, self-centered, bad teammate, not clutch
Edge: Cynthia

7. LIPS

Brooklyn Decker: Quite possibly the most perfect thing ever created
Cynthia Rodriguez: Umm... not purple like her husband's, at least
Edge: Brooklyn

8. HER MAN PREVIOUSLY PINED FOR ...

Brooklyn Decker: Mandy Moore
Cynthia Rodriguez: Jessica Canseco
Edge: Brooklyn

9. WHATEVER YOU DO, DON'T MENTION ...

Brooklyn Decker: Roger Federer
Cynthia Rodriguez: Joslyn Noel Morse
Edge: Cynthia

10. SPORTS TERM THAT MAY ALSO APPLY TO SEX LIFE

Brooklyn Decker: Love-love
Cynthia Rodriguez: Getting to third base
Edge: Brooklyn

THE VERDICT: A strong fight all the way to the end by both competitors, but like her husband, Cynthia just couldn't come through when it matters most. It's Decker, the Sports Illustrated hottie, dispatching Mrs. Rodriguez, 6-4!

The Hollywood Gossip staff is proud to bring you Tale of the Tape, in which we break down prospective matchups within the celebrity world you probably never considered. Because they are pointless, and above all, not real.

Today's showdown features a trio of namesakes - each of which was an unknown before bursting onto the Hollywood gossip scene (for varying reasons) this year.

That's right, it's a battle of the Blakes - American Idol runner-up Blake Lewis, Amy Winehouse's husband Blake Fielder-Civil, and Gossip Girl star Blake Lively! The gloves are off, ladies and gentlemen - let the battle begin!

1. BIRTHPLACE

Blake Lewis: Redmond, Washington
Blake Lively: Burbank, California
Blake Fielder-Civil: London, England
Edge: Lively

2. GENDER

Blake Lewis: Male
Blake Lively: Female
Blake Fielder-Civil: Male
Edge: Lively

3. DISTINGUISHING FEATURE

Blake Lewis: Baby face, earrings
Blake Lively: Long, blonde hair
Blake Fielder-Civil: Track marks
Edge: Fielder-Civil

4. NOTABLE TALENT

Blake Lewis: Beatboxing
Blake Lively: Acting
Blake Fielder-Civil: Witness tampering
Edge: Fielder-Civil

5. EARLY WORK

Blake Lewis: Joined a cappella group KickShaw after high school in 1998; went solo beatboxing under the name B Shorty in 2002
Blake Lively: Starred in The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants
Blake Fielder-Civil: Was a record company assistant
Edge: Lewis

6. LOOKING FORWARD TO

Blake Lewis: Big sales of debut album
Blake Lively: Her 21st birthday
Blake Fielder-Civil: 36 months in jail
Edge: Fielder-Civil

7. FAN CLUB NAME

Blake Lewis: Blaker Girls
Blake Lively: Blake Lively Fan Club
Blake Fielder-Civil: Come on
Edge: Lewis

8. CHIEF RIVAL

Blake Lewis: Jordin Sparks
Blake Lively: Blair Waldorf
Blake Fielder-Civil: Sobriety
Edge: Lively

9. HARSHEST CRITICS

Blake Lewis: Simon Cowell
Blake Lively: Lily van der Woodsen
Blake Fielder-Civil: Amy Winehouse's parents
Edge: Lewis

10. LITTLE KNOWN FACT

Blake Lewis: Makes a cameo in Jordin Sparks' "Tattoo" music video
Blake Lively: Bart Johnson, who plays Troy's (Zac Efron) dad in High School Musical, is married to Blake's sister, Robyn Lively!
Blake Fielder-Civil: Parents' names are Giles and Georgette
Edge: Lively

THE VERDICT: It was a lengthy matchup - and luckily, the lovely Lively wins it with four points, narrowly edging her male Blake competitors with three each. For whatever it's worth, however, Fielder-Civil is the only Blake we've seen naked ...

The Hollywood Gossip staff is proud to bring you Tale of the Tape, in which we break down prospective matchups within the celebrity world you probably never considered. Because they are pointless, and above all, not real.

The Hills' Spencer Pratt, who's taking political science classes at USC, says: "I'm gonna run for governor. If Arnold Schwarzenegger can be governor of California, then Spencer Pratt can be the governor of California. [Heidi Montag] would be a great first lady!"

Delusions of grandeur? Let's see how Heidi Montag stacks up against a former first lady, Hillary Rodham Clinton, in a 10-round bout. Ding, ding!

1. RESIDENCE

Heidi Montag: Hollywood, California
Hillary Rodham Clinton: Chappaqua, New York
Edge: Hillary

2. EXPERIENCE

Heidi Montag: Former student at Fashion Institute of Design & Merchandising (dropped out), intern at Bolthouse Productions.
Hillary Rodham Clinton: Holds degrees from Wellesley College and Yale Law School, served two terms as First Lady, in second term in U.S. Senate
Edge: Hillary

3. FAVORITE CLUBS

Heidi Montag: Area, Hyde, Les Deux
Hillary Rodham Clinton: Senate Judiciary Committee
Edge: Hillary

4. CAREER ASPIRATIONS

Heidi Montag: Becoming U.S. President
Hillary Rodham Clinton: Singing, acting
Edge: Even

5. HATERS' AMMO

Heidi Montag: New fake boobs, Spencer Pratt, really annoying voice
Hillary Rodham Clinton: Flip-flopping, carpetbagging, abrasive personality
Edge: Heidi

6. LOVES TO BITCH OUT ...

Heidi Montag: Lauren Conrad
Hillary Rodham Clinton: Conservatives
Edge: Hillary

7. SCANDALS LINKED TO

Heidi Montag: Lauren Conrad sex tape
Hillary Rodham Clinton: Whitewater
Edge: Heidi

8. RIGHT HAND MAN SUCKS ...

Heidi Montag: At everything
Hillary Rodham Clinton: Cigars
Edge: Hillary

9. OBAMA IS ...

Heidi Montag: A good way to describe her future music career
Hillary Rodham Clinton: Her chief competition
Edge: Hillary

10. PLANS FOR IRAQ

Heidi Montag: Paying a plastic surgeon to enhance hers
Hillary Rodham Clinton: Phased withdrawal of the troops
Edge: Hillary

THE VERDICT: Hillary steamrolls Heidi, 7.5-2.5, en rote to securing the Democratic nomination. Or at least Hollywood Gossip glory on this day.

The Hollywood Gossip staff is proud to bring you Tale of the Tape, in which we break down prospective matchups within the celebrity world you probably have never even considered. Because they are pointless, and above all, not real.

Earlier this week, the claws came out as TV cheerleaders Hayden Panettiere and Minka Kelly (meow!) battled for Hollywood Gossip glory. Today, a pair of cute SoCal products go head to head. Who will emerge victorious when Lauren Conrad goes 10 grueling rounds with Matt Leinart? Let's find out. Ding, ding!

1. SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA TIES

Lauren Conrad: Born in Newport Beach, grew up in Laguna Beach, attends Fashion Institute of Design & Merchandising
Matt Leinart: Born and raised in Santa Ana, started for three years at quarterback for USC
Edge: Matt

2. ONE-TWO PUNCH

Lauren Conrad: Audrina Patridge, Whitney Port
Matt Leinart: Anquan Boldin, Larry Fitzgerald
Edge: Lauren

3. NOTABLE FLINGS

Lauren Conrad: Stephen Colletti, Jason Wahler, Brody Jenner
Matt Leinart: Kristin Cavallari, Britney Spears, Paris Hilton
Edge: Matt

4. BIGGEST WEAKNESS

Lauren Conrad: Hollywood clubs, bad boys
Matt Leinart: Hollywood clubs, weak-side blitz
Edge: Even

5. MARKETABILITY

Lauren Conrad: Has her own reality show, The Hills, and her own fashion line, plus numerous endorsement deals and a great magazine internship
Matt Leinart: Signed six-year, $51M contract with Arizona Cardinals
Edge: Matt

6. MAJOR ACCOLADES

Lauren Conrad: Teen Choice Award for Favorite Reality Star
Matt Leinart: Heisman Trophy
Edge: Matt

7. CONTROVERSIAL INCIDENT

Lauren Conrad: Sex tape rumors
Matt Leinart: Custody and child support battle with Brynn Cameron
Edge: Lauren

8. BUSH CONNECTION

Lauren Conrad: Rich Orange County parents probably voted for George W.
Matt Leinart: Played with Reggie at USC, sees plenty in free time
Edge: Matt

9. MEMORABLY BLEW ...

Lauren Conrad: Jason Wahler.
Matt Leinart: A 23-3 fourth quarter lead against the Bears.
Edge: Even

10. MEMORABLY THREW ...

Lauren Conrad: ... down with that bitch Heidi Montag.
Matt Leinart: ... the game-winning TD pass to Larry Fitzgerald in Week 14 against the first-place Seahawks
Edge: Lauren

THE VERDICT: Matt Leinart squeaks out a 6-4 win over LC, but lest Lauren be disappointed by her showing, rest assured: we'd much rather watch a new episode of The Hills than an Arizona Cardinals game. They are bad! Every year! It's uncanny.

The Hollywood Gossip staff is proud to bring you Tale of the Tape, in which we break down prospective matchups within the celebrity world you probably have never even considered. Because they are pointless, and above all, not real.

Our current match-up features a pair of young, beautiful TV cheerleaders. Who will emerge victorious when Heroes star Hayden Panettiere goes 10 grueling rounds with Friday Night Lights star Minka Kelly? Let's find out. Ding, ding!

1. STRANGE, SEXY FIRST NAME

Minka Kelly: Check.
Hayden Panettiere: Check.
Edge: Even

2. CHEERS FOR ...

Minka Kelly: Dillon, Texas
Hayden Panettiere: Odessa, Texas
Edge: Minka (better pass defense)

3. TV DAD IS BEST KNOWN FOR ...

Minka Kelly: Panther pride, running successful car dealership
Hayden Panettiere: Shady dealings with an organization known as The Company that is aware of people on the planet with unusual abilities.
Edge: Minka

4. ABILITY TO RECOVER FROM PAIN

Minka Kelly: Average for a 17-year old girl.
Hayden Panettiere: Unparalleled.
Edge: Hayden

5. LEGAL?

Minka Kelly: Oh God yes.
Hayden Panettiere: Barely.
Edge: Minka

6. BEFORE YOU KNEW THEM

Minka Kelly: Had roles in What I Like About You and American Dreams.
Hayden Panettiere: Appeared on soap operas One Life to Live and Guiding Light.
Edge: Hayden

7. BAD GIRL CRED

Minka Kelly: Father was in Aerosmith, mother was a Las Vegas showgirl.
Hayden Panettiere: Lives with her folks, has 1 a.m. curfew.
Edge: Minka

8. D-LIST BOYFRIEND(S)

Minka Kelly: Recently broke up with Fantastic Four star Chris Evans; recent rumors have linked her to Harry Morton.
Hayden Panettiere: Has been going out (and engaging in PDAs) with former Laguna Beach star Stephen Colletti for a year.
Edge: Minka

9. REALLY RANDOM FACT

Minka Kelly: Grew up in Albuquerque, N.M., dreaming of being a surgeon.
Hayden Panettiere: In the animated Dinosaur, lent her voice to a creature named Suri!
Edge: Hayden

10. CAREER ACCOMPLISHMENTS

Minka Kelly: Umm, makes Friday Night Lights a whole lot brighter?
Hayden Panettiere: Starred in TV commercials at age one; Current Neutrogena cover girl; Working on debut album; Voted sixth on FHM's 100 Sexiest Women of 2007; Has made estimated $2 million in 2007 alone.
Edge: Hayden

THE VERDICT: The Friday Night Lights sexpot pulls a stunning upset, ousting Hayden by the slimmest of margins, 5.5-4.5. Guess you better tune in to watch Minka Kelly on Friday nights, starting October 5! Don't count out the Heroes starlet, though. She has a tendency to bounce back rather quickly.

The Hollywood Gossip is proud to bring you Tale of the Tape, in which we break down prospective matchups within the celebrity gossip world that you might never have considered… because they are entirely pointless, and above all, not real.

Heidi Montag is a goddess… at least as far as Spencer Pratt is concerned. But how does she match up to the King of Kings, Jesus Christ Himself? Does The Hills star stand a chance in a grueling 10-round bout? There's only one way to find out.

1. HUMBLE ORIGINS

Heidi Montag: Crested Butte, Colorado
Jesus: Nazareth, Northern Israel
Edge: Jesus

2. APOSTLES

Heidi Montag: Jordan Eubanks, Spencer Pratt
Jesus: Peter, Andrew, James, John, Philip, Bartholomew, Thomas, James, Matthew, Simon, Thaddeus, Judas
Edge: Jesus

3. FOLLOWERS

Heidi Montag: One million per episode
Jesus: 2.1 billion worldwide
Edge: Jesus

4. BIGGEST ADVERSARY

Heidi Montag: Lauren Conrad
Jesus: The Prince of Darkness
Edge: Heidi Montag

5. MIRACLES OF NOTE

Heidi Montag: Accepted into the Academy of Art University and the Fashion Institute of Design and Merchandising, made her boobs larger
Jesus: Walked on water, turned water into wine, fed thousands with two loaves of bread and five fish, rose from the grave
Edge: Jesus

6. SIGNATURE LOOK

Heidi Montag: Overpriced designer chic
Jesus: Turn of the (1st) century retro
Edge: Jesus

7. TRADES

Heidi Montag: Intern and event planner at Bolthouse Productions, reality TV star, aspiring singer and actress
Jesus: Carpenter, messenger of God
Edge: Jesus

8. WORDS OF WISDOM

Heidi Montag: "I feel like, 2006 was, like, a hard year for friendship." - Season 2 of The Hills
Jesus: "Truly, truly, I say to you, He who believes in me will also do the works that I do; and Greater Works than These will he do." - John 14:12
Edge: Even

9. CAREER ACCOMPLISHMENTS

Heidi Montag: Appears on reality show, gets into the cool clubs like Les Deux, may pose nude in Playboy, has become celebrity gossip mainstay
Jesus: Died for our sins
Edge: Jesus

10. WILL RETURN…

Heidi Montag: Later this summer in Season 3 of The Hills
Jesus: Someday
Edge: Heidi Montag

THE SKINNY: Sorry, Heidi. As much as you aspire to fame and fortune, you can't play with the big boys. Christ takes it in an 7.5 - 2.5 rout.