by Free Britney at . Comments

John Parr, whose "St. Elmo's Fire (Man in Motion)" became an international rock smash in the 1980s, has reworked its lyrics in honor of Denver Broncos quarterback Tim Tebow.

Seriously. Parr personally recorded "Tim Tebow's Fire" (below).

"I was inspired by Tim Tebow, so I wanted to modify the lyrics … in his honor of the way he lives his life as being a great example," Parr told FOX31 Denver.

Words fail us, but fortunately Parr has us covered. Listen:

The great thing about this "St. Elmo's Fire" cover is that it's not really a cover. It sounds just like Parr's title track to the 1985 Demi Moore-Rob Lowe film.

In "Tim Tebow's Fire," he sings, "I can see a new horizon underneath the blazin' sky. I'll be where the eagle's flyin' higher and higher. Gonna be your man in motion, all I need's my Broncos team. Take me where my future's lyin,' Tim Tebow's Fire."

They're still going to be demolished by New England, but amen.

by Hilton Hater at . Comments

The Patriots will defeat the Broncos in the second round of the NFL playoffs this Saturday night. That's just a fact, proven by this in-depth analysis of the teams.

Now, to continue with our game-by-game breakdown, we tackle (get it?!?!?) the Saints and the 49ers. Who will win? Find out now, based on the following, vital facts, stats and comparisons...

Saints vs. 49ers

LOCAL DELICACY:
Saints: Gumbo
49ers: Rice-A-Roni
Edge: Saints

MOST LIKELY TO SEE ON THE STREETS OF THEIR HOMETOWNS:
Saints: Girl-on-girl action
49ers: Man-on-man hand holding
Edge: Even

FAN SUPPORT:
Saints: Who Dat Nation
49ers: People in Northern California care about sports?
Edge: Saints

MOST MEMORABLE SUPER BOWL MOMENT:
Saints: Tracy Porter's game-clinching interception in Super Bowl XLIV
49ers: John Taylor's game-winning touchdown reception in Super Bowl XXIII
Edge: Even

RELATIONSHIP TO REGGIE BUSH:
Saints: Employed running back when he dated Kim Kardashian
49ers: None
Edge: 49ers

THE VERDICT: This will be a close game but the Saints take two of the five categories, while pulling even with the Niners in two others. We can't bring ourselves to bet against Drew Brees and the abundance of gumbo in New Orleans and, really, neither should you.

WHO DO YOU THINK WILL WIN?

 

by Hilton Hater at . Comments

The intern who writes Kim Kardashian's blog Kim Kardashian is an idiot.

In a new website post, the reality star asks her drones "dolls" to vote brother-in-law Lamar Odom into the All-Star Game this year. There are just two problems with this request:

  1. Odom is averaging a paltry 6.7 points and five rebounds per game this season, down from career numbers of 14.5 and 8.8, respectively.
  2. Someone might wanna tell Kim that Lamar no longer plays for the Lakers, following an immature trade demand because his feelings were hurt that Los Angeles wanted to upgrade its roster. Notice the photos Kim included with her plea:
Kim for Lamar

To vote Odom on to the All-Star roster would be an insult to professional basketball. It would take away a spot from a player who actually deserves it.

Seriously, Kim, for someone who spends so much time underneath with athletes, we'd think you'd have more respect for the world of sports.

by Hilton Hater at . Comments

If betting on sports were legal, the THG staff would be a rich group. We went 3-0-1 in opening round NFL playoff predictions last weekend, even correctly forecasting Denver's upset over Pittsburgh.

Stick with us, readers. We know what really counts in these matchups.

Now we're back to tell you which teams will advance to their respective conference championship games. First up: Five key comparisons between the New England Patriots and Denver Broncos, who square off Saturday night at 8 p.m.

Pats vs. Broncos

NUMBER OF TIMES QB HAS GOTTEN LAID:
Patriots: At least two
Broncos: None
Edge: Patriots

QUARTERBACK-BASED PROOF THAT GOD EXITS:
Patriots: This wife
Broncos: This play
Edge: Patriots

EXPERIENCE WITH CHAD OCHOCINCO:
Patriots: Disappointing free agent pickup
Broncos: None
Edge: Broncos

STAR PLAYER'S GOD-GIVEN ABILITY:
Patriots: Dancing
Broncos: Everything
Edge: Broncos

POSSIBLE ACHILLIES HEEL:
Patriots: Pass defense, running game, overconfidence
Broncos: Satan
Edge: Patriots

THE VERDICT: It will be closer than people expect, but the Patriots take it. Seriously, if Tebow is tight with the son of God, Brady must at least be BFFs with His nephew. The Golden Boy has a huge day.

WHO DO YOU THINK WILL WIN?

 

by Free Britney at . Comments

Chad Ochocinco and Evelyn Lozada are still very much together, and still getting married. But it was a close call, requiring the NFL star to save their relationship.

He did it the old fashioned way: Groveling.

Lozada put their wedding plans on hold after she suspected 85 was stepping out on her, but did not 86 the relationship altogether because Chad stepped up.

Ochocinco and Evelyn Lozada

According to sources, Ocho broke down this week and apologized (for exactly what, it's unclear), saying he would do whatever it took to win Evelyn Lozada back.

He even suggested the two go to couple's counseling. Impressive.

Evelyn agreed and they'll seek help to work out their trust issues.

Through her rep, Evelyn said the following, "The strain from our busy schedules started to take a serious toll on our relationship. Yet after spending much needed quality time together, Chad and I are in a good space."

Congratulations on the upcoming nuptials, again!

[Photo: WENN.com]

by Hilton Hater at . Comments

Simply put: we told you.

Our exhaustive, in-depth analysis of the Steelers/Broncos first round playoff matchup revealed that Tim Tebow would lead Denver to an upset, despite the seemingly long odds against this man of God and his hilariously low completion percentage.

We believed, and Tebow proved us correct, finishing his best day as a professional by becoming just the third quarterback in NFL history to finish his postseason debut with over 300 yards passing, and at least one touchdown passing and rushing. His final throw was an 80-yard touchdown to Demaryius Thomas in overtime, which clinched a 29-23 victory over the Pittsburgh Steelers.

Watch the final play below and just have faith*, football fans.

* Until next Saturday night, that is. Tebow and the Broncos will get CRUSHED by the Patriots. You can mark it down now.

by Hilton Hater at . Comments

Ah, the life of a famous person. You can pretty much admit that you beat up the mother of your children... and then make a deal with a judge that allows you to fight for millions.

Such is the case for Floyd Mayweather Jr., who was sentenced to 90 days in prison last month on a domestic violence charge, but has now successfully postponed his jail time until June. This means he'll be free to fight in Nevada on May 5.

Floyd Mayweather Jr. Photograph

"We are pleased that the judge granted postponement of Floyd's surrender date so that he can fulfill his commitment to Las Vegas to deliver his promised mega-fight and the economic benefits it provides to the community," said Leonard Ellerbe, a representative of the fighter.

No opponent has yet been named for the May 5 fight.

Mayweather will then begin serving his prison term on June 1. He must also complete 100 hours of community service and pay a $2,500 fine.

[Photo: WENN.com]

by Hilton Hater at . Comments

The NFL will feature four Divisional Round playoff games this week, three of which we've already determined the results for via a detailed, scientific comparison of players and team traits. To wit:

Now, for the matchup that will air actually first tomorrow afternoon, let's rundown the most important aspects of the Cincinnati Bengals and the Houston Texans...

Texans vs. Bengals

1. TOTAL OFFENSE (YPG)
Bengals: 319.9
Texans: 372.1
Edge: Texans

2. TOTAL DEFENSE (YPG)
Bengals: 316.2
Texans: 285.7
Edge: Texans

3. TEAM RUSHING (YPG)
Bengals: 111.1
Texans: 153
Edge: Texans

Continue Reading...

by Free Britney at . Comments

Prized high school football recruit Landon Collins chose Alabama over his home state LSU Tigers, a decision which didn't sit well with some Louisianans.

Chief among those upset with his choice? His mother!

The Geismar (La.) Dutchtown HS star made his commitment live on ESPN during the annual Under Armour High School Football All America Game, family by his side.

Collins, a safety who is the #15 overall recruit in the nation, was quickly upstaged by her as he announced his intention to "Roll Tide Roll" next fall.

Rather than offer excited words of support, Collins' mom dropped a "Geaux Tigers" chant and other pseudo attacks against her own son, plus some amazing eye rolls.

Check it out:

by Free Britney at . Comments

Connell (Wash.) High's Cole Vanderbilt was an unknown in the basketball world, but all that changed two days ago, when he became one of the most hated players around.

A viral YouTube video of some of his hilariously uncalled flagrant fouls turned him into a pariah. He can thank Michael Christenson, who filmed the Connell-Highland game.

He was trying to show that the league needed better officials, but he made Vanderbilt and Kennan VanHollebeke look like the dirtiest players ever in the process.

Fair? Unfair? Check out the compilation of their fouls below:

x Close Ad