by Free Britney at . Comments

Sex spreadsheets are hot right now, even if the sex lives of those using Microsoft Office to chronicle the daily void they're experiencing are far from it.

It all started when one woman discovered her husband's spreadsheet of her excuses for turning down sex, a list that promptly went viral on Reddit.

That was followed by an epic, but fake rebuttal from the wife’s point of view, further illustrating the absurdity of using Excel for this passive aggressive purpose.

Now, we see a chart published on Guyism, allegedly compiled by a woman who eventually divorced the husband in question. You can see why here:

Wife's Sex Spreadsheet

Seriously. Can't imagine why this union didn't stand the test of time.

The Tigers have had some great seasons lately, and yes, keeping a daily list of reasons for turning down sex is kind of insane in its own right, but still.

Get it together, dude. Are you serious, pulling some of this stuff?

How bad can it be? Unlike the first woman in question, this one clearly wanted some! Do you really want to pass out every night and let the Magic Wand do your job?

What an embarrassment to the gender.

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by Hilton Hater at . Comments

There are two sides to every sexually frustrated story.

Earlier this week, we published an amazingly hilarious spreadsheet created by a real-life husband who documented the reasons his wife turned him down for intercourse nearly every night for a month.

(Example: "I'm watching the show," which was a Friends rerun.)

Now, in response, website The Funny Sister has written a pretend spreadsheet of its own, one that explains the female side of things behind closed bedroom doors.

Sadly, this is not the actual wife’s reply - but we're guessing she could relate to complaints such as being exhausted, being annoyed at his lack of help around the house... and then actually being impressed that he may have figured out foreplay.

Fake Spreadsheet

What do you think, readers?

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by Hilton Hater at . Comments

Well... this is one way to handle a lack of sexual intercourse with your wife.

A frustrated husband recently emailed his better half an unexpected spreadsheet prior to her leaving for a business trip: it documented all of her excuses over the past month for NOT wanting to get it on with her mate.

Because she either wanted to shower… watch TV… wake up early… or feel less full, the couple only knocked boots three times over the course of 30-plus days. 

Sex Excuse Spreadsheet

We know what many husbands are probably thinking:

Three times? Dude, consider yourself lucky!

And we also know what many women are thinking:

This guy is never getting any sex from his wife ever again.

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by Hilton Hater at . Comments

Well, boyfriends around the world, the bar has been raised yet again.

In the following video, a man named Jehan combines his girlfriend’s favorite things (Michael Jackson, Beyonce, Mickey Mouse, etc.) to create a truly epic marriage proposal.

It features a costumed flash mob, a number of hit songs, some very impressive moves and, oh, right: Jehan actually asking for his love's hand in marriage!

Also, tears. So many tears of joy and shock and happiness:

Is this more impressive than an underwater marriage proposal in which nary a word is uttered?

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by Free Britney at . Comments

THG WARNING: Not unlike Human Barbie or this week's article about amoebas eating eyeballs, the images you are about to see cannot be unseen.

In fact, you may wish you had some of the aforementioned amoebas.

That being said, despite the mental and emotional scars you are more than likely to inflict upon yourself if you continue, we could not ignore this story.

A single guy known on the Internets only as ARuFa decided his life at home was too lonely, so he turned his shower head into a girlfriend. Naturally.

While the results are straight out of a horror film instead of a dating profile, she does serve her designed purpose (we guess) and he looks thrilled. Awesome?

Click through the gallery below, if you can stomach it, to see how the two came together and how they do their thing in the shower ... then call your therapist ASAP:

Girlfriend or Showerhead?
In the case of this lonely dude's bathroom, they're one and the same! Click to see how she came together!

by Hilton Hater at . Comments

Once a boyfriend fakes a plane crash in order to propose, you think you've seen it all, right?

Thanks to a Florida resident who took his girlfriend to the Keys for a Scuba trip, however, the answer is delightfully wrong.

Watch the following video to see one of the most unusual proposals you'll ever witness, as nary a word it uttered, yet endless emotions are on display.

There's little wonder why this footage has gone viral.

Where does this gesture rank among the fire drill proposal and the time Kanye asked for the hand of Kim Kardashian in marriage?

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by Free Britney at . Comments

As we've seen from our collections of epic breakup text messages and awkward Facebook breakups, ending a relationship is never an easy thing to do.

That doesn't mean you can't do it with panache, however.

Even in the 2010s, some breaker-uppers are still doing it old school style, via letter. A throwback to simpler, yet equally passive-aggressive times, it beats texting any day.

The breakup letter still accomplishes the task at hand and allows the person to avoid the awkwardness of face-to-face dumping, yet it's just a bit more personal.

Very personal, in some cases. Not to mention harsh.

At least the people on the receiving end of these memorable missives can take solace in the fact that, well, at least this could have been on Facebook:

You'll Be Okay
With your hot body you'll find another hot chick ... this breakup just makes sense.

by Hilton Hater at . Comments

Feeling lonely these days? Wondering where you'll ever find Mr. or Mrs. Right? Jealous of all your married friends?

THG is here to, once again, give you a reason to feel A LOT better about your love life... or lackthereof.

Aside from these 9 Things That Are Better Than a Significant Other, consider what happens to couples once they agree to take the marital plunge.

No, we're not talking about a lack of sex. We're talking about cringeworthy engagement pictures that will leave you wondering what the heck the betrothed twosome were thinking.

Why is one partner not wearing a shirt? Why do the subjects look so serious? Why is there a bow and arrow?

We can't answer any all of these questions. But we can leave you asking them and many more as you flip through the following photo gallery:

The only thing more awkward than these images may be the way in which many men actually proposed to their girlfriends.

by Tattle Taylor at . Comments

Sure, we all thought Kanye West's proposal to Kim Kardashian was over the top. And, yeah, we've rolled our eyes whenever we've seen one of those flash mob marriage proposals go viral on Facebook.

But y'all. Those proposals were actually good compared to what we're about to show you.

We're talking vandalizing your own property, proposing via Facebook and a few that lead us to wonder what, exactly, it is the asker is even proposing in the first place.

Behold, 15 cringeworthy marriage proposals that might put Mama June and Sugar Bear to shame. Seriously, folks, do not try these at home. Or at the ballpark. Or on the freeway...

Emoji Are For Lovers
Real men say "I love you and want to marry you" with emoji hearts.

by Hilton Hater at . Comments

With apologies to Anchorman, brawls between rival news teams are not the only things that can escalate quickly.

Sometimes you're chatting with a guy online... and all appears to be relatively normal... and then, BOOM! He hits you with a very personal question, typically related to one of your private parts.

Such is the theme of Straight White Boys Texting, a Tumblr dedicated to overly anxious men on the Internet.

This totally classy (and very effective!) phenomenon is not reserved for straight white boys, of course. It's safe to assume the following failed attempts at online seduction were perpetrated by those across all ages and backgrounds.

Have you been victimized, female readers? Take comfort below in at least realizing that you aren't alone:

In other Failed Text Message news:

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