by Hilton Hater at

Bravo is asking viewers to go back in time.

See, Bethenny Frankel is already married. Moreover, she's already given birth to a daughter. But that isn't stopping Bravo from thinking viewers will have an interest in watching how this all came aboard, as Bethenny Getting Married premieres tonight.

Bethenny at the VMAs

Sadly, the network is probably correct.

So, what will this spin-off be about? Frankel tells E! News one thing for certain: it will NOT feature any Real Housewives of New York City:

"It's not my life anymore. It's not a cliché when I say I don't believe in staying at a party too long... This is a time I really want people who are good for me, good for my family. I want clean energy and everyone to be happy."

Cameras will actually follow Bethenny into therapy, something she says was her idea.

"I need therapy [but normally] I don't have time to go. To be able to have therapy once a week [for the show], I run there. I don't even notice the cameras. It's a true depiction of my life, [and] I've learned a lot."

Wait - what?!? Bethenny needs psychiatric help... but doesn't have time to go unless it's for a show... and this is a true depiction of her life?!? That might be the least logical statement we've ever heard (and we've listened to Tila Tequila speak!).

In closing, Bethenny wants everyone to understand her better and says:

"I could have a C-section and not be on any pain medication, but if you give me too small a portion at the ice cream store I have a nervous breakdown. That's the kind of person I am."

And this is the kind of person people want to watch?

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by Free Britney at

Like parents across the country, Kate Gosselin enjoyed a nice, relaxing Memorial Day weekend at home with the kids. But it's back to reality TV soon!

With Dancing with the Stars now behind her, Kate's new TV effort is the revamped Kate Plus 8, which kicks off this coming Sunday, June 6, on TLC.

Dead Opossum Style

You know you missed her.

Fittingly, it's been exactly a year since Jon and Kate Gosselin split. Leaving her husband behind, the reloaded show will feature the single mom alone.

She's so excited to turn over a new leaf with the new Kate Plus 8, she's billing herself "Clean Slate Kate." We prefer "Irate Kate," but whatever works.

Didn't you miss your weekly Kate Gosselin fix?!

It'll be great to see those eight little faces back on screen in any case. No word if their trips to the child psychologist will be featured, or if Kate needs help parenting.

Will you watch the reloaded Kate Plus 8?

 

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by Hilton Hater at

Nicole Scherzinger may have won Dancing with the Stars, but no perfect score on any routine is as impressive as what Michael Ventrella accomplished this season on The Biggest Loser.

The contestant first weighed in at 526 pounds this season, eventually shedding more than any player in show history and finishing his run at 262 pounds. It was more than enough to make him champion.

“I thought there was a glitch in the matrix!” said th 31-year old from Chicago after he won the title. “I thought, ‘What is wrong with the monitor?’ I can’t believe this. I just proved no matter what it is, possibility or not, it can happen.”

This is Michael Ventrella BEFORE... and this is Michael Ventrella AFTER. Wow.

Earlier in the night, Ventrella said:

"I knew going onto the ranch that I needed to save my life. The only way to do that was to bare all. I left everything I loved, everything I hated - I had to get over it. I dedicated myself so much. I had to reach into a place inside of me I didn't think existed. Even to this day, I don't feel like I'm done yet. I'm going to keep going."

Amazing stuff. We wish Michael the best in his quest to remain happy and healthy.

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by Hilton Hater at

Not all viewers believe this season of American Idol has been a bore.

But we can all agree on one thing: it's been far less nutty than seasons past.

That's because Paula Abdul couldn't reach a new contract with Fox last August and walked away from the show. However, there's good news on the slightly insane judge front: Abdul is returning to reality TV!

She'll serve as producer and lead judge on Got to Dance, a CBS competition that premieres in early 2010. According to a press release, the series will cover everything from “ballroom to break dance, bhangra to ballet, and tap to tango."

Rambling, incoherent critiques and a lot of comments on the contestants' outfits? Don't worry: Paula will have all that covered, too.

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by Hilton Hater at

How do you upstage one of the most buzzed-about series finales in TV history?

By airing a reality show competition that features an ailing rock star who was rushed to the hospital with a brain hemorrhage a month ago.

Such was the position Doald Trump found himself in last night. Bret Michaels, on the mend from last week's stroke and preparing for surgery to repair a hole in his heart, appeared on the live Celebrity Apprentice final and took up the task of creating a new flavor for Snapple.

As soon as he showed up, opponent Holly Robinson-Peete never stood a chance.

Donald and Bret

Thanks to his creation of Trop-A-Rocka Blend, Bret was named this season's winner, assuring the American Diabetes Association (his chosen charity) of $250,000.

Despite her second-place finish, Peete received the same amount for her charity, the HollyRod Foundation, which supports those with autism. Both flavors of Snapple tea are on sale for a limited time, with proceeds going to support these causes.

Congratulations, Bret. To celebrate, please go home and rest. Sheesh!

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by Hilton Hater at

Bret Michaels has signed on for a new reality show.

No, it isn't titled ICU For Dinner Tonight: The Trauma Ward of Love.

Backstage Bret

Instead of filling his tour bus with a bevy of busty blondes, the recovering rocker will instead let viewers in on his private life.

The name of this VH1 series will be Bret Michaels: Life As I Know It and it will give fans "an insider's look at Bret's home life when he isn't touring, shooting, partying and rocking out," according to a network press release.

The series will premiere this fall, as Bret is actually planning to return to the stage soon, just a month after a near-fatal brain hemorrhage.

"After Bret's recent appendectomy and life-threatening brain hemorrhage, we're so happy that he is on the road to recovery and coming back to VH1," said Jeff Olde, executive vice president of original programming and production at the network.

"Bret is family to us and has always been a huge hit on the network, headlining several series and specials that have garnered record-breaking ratings and made a strong connection with our audience... We'd like to celebrate Bret's recovery with this sneak peak special featuring the next chapter in Bret's story on VH1.

"It's a never-before-seen look into Bret's family life."

That sounds lovely and all... but nary an overflowing bosom?!? Come on, Bret. Don't change who you are. Don't let the aneurysm win!

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by Free Britney at

Emilio Masella was recently dumped by Snooki via voicemail. It was sad.

Fortunately, the Gold’s Gym trainer is mending his broken heart the best way anyone can - by jumping right back into the dating game, and reality TV universe, with the assistance of The Hills star Spencer Pratt.

Spencer's production company, Douche Pratt Productions, is teaming up with Emilio Masella on a new dating show, Fist Pumping for Love. LOL.

It will Jersey Shore star Snooki’s ex as he travels the country “in search of love.” There you have it, the first official Jersey Shore spinoff idea.

SEE YA, SNOOK: Emilio seeks a "real" guidette.

“It is the perfect partnership for me as a growing player in reality television,” Spencer Pratt said in a statement. Of Emilio Masella, he added:

“You haven’t seen nothing yet.”

“I am tired of these fake Italian girls,” says Masella, who dated the controversial Jersey Shore star (real name Nicole Polizzi) for four months.

“I want a real guid-ette who can speak Italian. We are prepared to search from Hollywood, Calif., to the streets of Howard Beach in Queens, N.Y.”

We can't wait to watch.

Filming started Wednesday night in Masella’s local bar and continues this weekend in the Long Island club Glow. Spencer’s plastic wife and The Hills costar, Heidi Montag, is also listed as an executive producer of the show.

V. I. Pimp

BLING-BLINGIN' IT: Spencer's getting a bit desperate these days, no?

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by Free Britney at

Kate Gosselin's elimination from Dancing with the Stars did not mark the end of her reality TV career. It's official: TLC is bringing back Kate Plus 8.

It's a go at the network after the local Department of Labor says the eight children have been cleared to continue their careers as reality TV stars.

Kate Chows Down

This despite the objections of her own brother, Jon Gosselin and millions of us across America who are just plain sick of her. Stick it to 'em, Kate!

A rep for the Pennsylvania Department of Labor and Industry says the correct paperwork for the show was submitted and approved ... and said:

"The proper steps have been taken and the kids are permitted for Kate Plus 8." Thank goodness. And tough luck, Jon. How's your career going?

KATE PLUS 8: Gosselin and the gang are running it back!

No word if the reloaded Kate Plus 8 will feature Jon in any way, as he was the one who axed the original show for starting to phase him out exploiting the kids.

Our guess is for the right price, he won't object this time around. Especially if he succeeds in pursuing a rich cougar to bleed money and sexual favors from.

As for Kate's other TLC spin-off (yes, there are two proposed Kate Gosselin shows in the works), tentatively titled Twist of Kate, no paperwork has been filed.

Without the Department of Labor signing off, you can bet that TLC won't push its luck. So this may indicate that the children may not be joining her there.

Are you excited for Kate Plus 8 2.0 apparently coming back?

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by Free Britney at

Rachel Uchitel, the O.G. Tiger Woods mistress, has been hitting a Vegas dance studio, reportedly in preparation for - you know it! - Dancing with the Stars.

That would trump Kate Gosselin tenfold on the stunt casting scale. What's her title, Rachel Uchitel, Tiger Woods (and David Boreanaz) Home Wrecker?

Fourth Place Finishers

This rumor has not been confirmed by ABC, however, so take it with a grain of salt. Also, we've learned Rache has other, more entrepreneurial plans.

Her own reality dating show.

Rachel Uchitel, two producers and an agent have gone to four different cable networks, pitching a show called - yes, we're serious - "Romancing Rachel." 

NO SHAME: Rachel Uchitel plots her next move(s).

The premise? Rache has a hard time meeting guys, thanks to recent events. Hey, it's hard out there for a home-wrecking, money-grubbing mistress!

Guys - hopefully not married ones - will court her on the show, which Uchitel has pitched to E!, VH1, Oxygen and Lifetime. Lifetime and E! passed.

VH1 (to the surprise of no one) and Oxygen are still in play, and one of the producers is Scott Jeffress (Jersey Shore, The Bachelor), so who knows.

What absolute trash. Her going dancing is one thing, but who would consider watching this?! Oh, who are we kidding, we're in. On one condition, that is:

Elin Woods busts in on the climactic date with a 9-iron.

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by Free Britney at

In what would possibly be the most absurd reality show of all time (and that's saying something), a new one is in the works that would be hosted by ... wait ...

 ... Michelle "Bombshell" McGee and Jamie Jungers.

Tattoo Magazine

According to the creator, it's about celebrities who cheat on their loved ones. Inspired by Tiger Woods and Jesse James and starring their mistresses. Genius.

Jesse James' alleged mistress - the one with that tattoos on her face - and Tiger Woods' trashy lingerie plaything have both agreed in principle to this, too.

Just when you think you've seen everything ...

ANGRY WHITE GIRL: A face made for the dark reality TV.

Celebrity Cheaters is the brainchild of Bobby Goldstein, creator of (yes) Cheaters. The show will attempt to "catch celebrity cheaters with their pants down."

Sounds like a slam dunk hit if ever there were one.

Ironically, Michelle McGee once applied to be on Cheaters to trap her ex. She was denied. No word if it's the same ex she may have wanted to have killed.

The show hasn't found a home yet, but Goldstein says McGee and Jaime Jungers have both agreed to do it, although no contracts have been signed yet.

Given that these two are among the most vocal mistresses (after the fact, not during) of the respective married celebs, we're not surprised in the least.

TIGER PAID ME: Then she kept on getting paid by milking her 15 minutes of quasi-fame for every cent they're worth. The lovely Jamie Jungers, everybody.

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