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St. Barts becomes "Slutty Island" as The Real Housewives of New York City kick their girl's vacation into high gear, but an extra guest changes everything.

We recap who's in need of medication and who should just go home in THG's +/- review.

It's the night after LuAnn's tryst with Tomas and she's being unusually quiet or as Sonja says, LuAnn is in "clamp down mode."  Whatever you want to call it, the Countess sure looks guilty.  Minus 7.  Was one night with Tomas really worth it?

I wonder if there's any real guilt here.  Would anyone be surprised if LuAnn and Jacques had an open relationship?

Sonja & Tomas

Tomas is certainly open for business as he flirts with the rest of the ladies.  Plus 10 to Tomas' broken English as he tries to use LuAnn's line and ends up with "money can't pay your class."  No.  No it can't.

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Countess LuAnn De Lesseps is standing up for herself... by saying she never lay down with a Johnny Depp-lookalike on the latest episode of The Real Housewives of New York City.

On Monday night's installment of this Bravo hit, Viewers watched the 47-year-old mother of two getting her flirt on with a Frenchman named Tomas who was dressed like Captain Jack Sparrow.

"You have to make a special pirate introduction," LuAnn Tomas. "I want to be special, not like your other pirate women."

Countess LuAnn de Lesseps

LuAnn later knocked on Heather Thomson's door, Tomas by her side, and then also placed a phone call the following day in which she seemed to reference a pirate booty call with the suitor.

But, in light allegations that she cheated on long-term boyfriend Jacques, the Countess has released a statement to OK! in which she explains what happened.

"What may have looked like infidelity on last night’s episode was in reality, a ride home and a tour of the house after an evening of fun on vacation eight months ago," LuAnn said yesterday. "Do you think I would bring a man back to a houseful of housewives (and cameras) if I were planning on having an affair?"

It's a decent question.

LuAnn says she and her man recently returned from a vacation to Lake George and are "united and happy." Are you buying her tale?

by Nosy Neighbor at . Comments

The Real Housewives of New York City head to St. Barts for a girls week but did a fun filled night turn into a "Pirate Booty Call" for one housewife?

We break down the lies, confessions, and speculation here in THG's +/- recap.

The ladies fly into to St. Barts and I must agree with Aviva and Carole.  That looks like a small plane and a bumpy ride.  Plus 10 to Carole for holding it together given her history.

The island is gorgeous. The house is beautiful and the chef is hot.  Plus 8.  What more can you ask for from a vacation?

Well, apparently admiring the eye candy isn't enough for some but we'll get to that in a bit.

Sonja & Ramona Drink

Plus 15 goes to Carole.  Love her analogy about dealing with Ramona.  Sometimes in order to avoid the toddler tantrum you just give her the lollipop.  In this case Ramona got the master suite. 

Of course she and Sonja decide to share not only the room but the bed.  Minus 7.  These two can't seem to spend ten minutes apart from one another or their favorite drink but I guess it is a girls vacation. 

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by Nosy Neighbor at . Comments

The Real Housewives of New York City never fail to amaze and confuse. It really is "All How You Spin It" as the ladies overreact as only they can.

We break down all of their drama in THG's +/- recap ...

We take another look at the end of last week's party and it's almost worth it to see Ramona's hit and run again.  She comes up behind Heather, screeches that she's always talking behind her back and then makes a run for it. 

Minus 12. Funny thing is Heather wasn't talking about Ramona at all.  She was trying to chastise Aviva

A Shocked Ramona

Can someone tell me when Aviva decided she was the keeper of the moral high ground? Her self righteousness even manages to shock Ramona.  Minus 10.  I want to say it's entertaining but it's really not.  Someone please make her shut up.

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by Nosy Neighbor at . Comments

Only The Real Housewives of New York City celebrate a party by bickering and back stabbing but perhaps that's why "The Party Is Toast."

We break down the naked models and dirty old men in THG's +/- recap.

Why oh why has someone let George leave Florida?  It's bad enough New York City must suffer its own Housewives. Must it endure their sleazy fathers? 

Dirty Dad

Minus 20. There's nothing cute or funny about George.

The constant sex jokes make me want to slap him and leave it to George to bring a sex toy to a White Elephant holiday party. George is tasteless bordering on crude and I'm with Carole. I wouldn't sit anywhere near him either.

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by Nosy Neighbor at . Comments

Only The Real Housewives of New York City can throw a Christmas party that leaves guests asking "You Want to What Me in the Where?"

We break down the entire foul-mouthed affair in THG's +/- recap!

Before we get to the dirty Santa's helpers, let's recap Sonja's logo meetings. She meets up again with Heather and her crew but adds Ramona to the mix. 

Sonja had to know this was going to get messy. What was she thinking throwing these two together? Minus 10.  

Sonja's Logo Meeting

Minus 9 to Heather and her crew as they try to push their point of view and are not always listening.  I like the silhouette of the lady in the logo and the font could be sexier.  Adding the naked guy just seems silly.

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by Nosy Neighbor at . Comments

The Real Housewives of New York City travel down to Miami to meet up with "Dirty Ol' Dad." The ladies brought their swimsuits, their heels and plenty of crazy as we recap it all in our THG +/- review.

Miami is beautiful. The sun, the sand, the surf.  Why do the Housewives have to bring along their craziness?

Aviva's Fish Face

But let's start off with Carole. Since someone is offering to make her new novel into a TV show, finishing it is kind of important. The problem is she's been working on it for four years and she's can't stand to write about her protagonist for one minute more. Minus 10. If Carole doesn't like her main character, why will any else?

Off to Miami we go where the ladies check in with Carole's friend Ranjana at her palace in the sky. Plus 11 because the place is amazing. The view is spectacular and even Aviva with her fear of heights manages to hang out on the balcony.

Ranjana shows the ladies how to do face yoga which she obviously takes quite seriously. It might sound silly but it definitely works for Ranjana. At 56 the woman has beautiful skin. Plus 8.

That Ramona and Sonja manage to act like disruptive brats is no surprise. It seems to be the way they act at all parties.

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The Real Housewives of New York City are "Blinded By the Wine" and the gorgeous Miami skyline but is it enough of a distraction against the pervert who came to dinner?  We recap the strange photography and lewd dinner conversation in our THG +/- review.

Ramona can't wait to have lunch with Carole and Sonja. She's hoping to get all the dirt on Heather when something unexpected happens. The ladies only want to bitch about LuAnn. 

Plus 7.  Ramona's more than happy to go along with that conversation, unexpected as it may be.  Little does she know what LuAnn has in store for her next.

As Ramona's saying how nice it is that she and LuAnn can at least be civil to one another in public, LuAnn's polite facade gives way to some mean spirited and oh so pretentious wine games.

Does Ramona Know Her Wine?

The set up is to blindfold Ramona in front of a crowd and ask her questions about her own wine in the hope that she'll embarrass herself.  Minus 12 to LuAnn and partner in wine snobbery Jaques. LuAnn needs to go back and read her own etiquette book. They may have found it funny but it's just plain mean to make fun of one of your guests…even Ramona.

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by Nosy Neighbor at . Comments

The Real Housewives of New York City finish off their trip to London and head back home. But "Good Trip, Bad Fall" finds the ladies in a bitter battle of royal proportions. Let's recap showdowns in our THG +/- review.

Um…what is Sonja doing?  Shouldn't someone tell her that one's face is not normally the part of one's anatomy that you usually stick in a bidet?  Plus 10 because you can always count on Sonja to do something so wacky that you can't help but laugh.

If only the rest of the Housewives had a sense of humor.

Boozy Brunch Pic

The rest of the London contingent is suffering through the Royal Wars as the Countess really gets under the Princess' skin.  Plus 8 because it does become quite funny. 

No matter what Carole says, Luann has done it and done it better. Is Luann's game of one upsmanship being done purposefully or can the Countess really not help herself. I think it's just her inherent need to believe she's better than the rest of the world.

But minus 11 because when Heather attempts to subtly call Luann out on her behavior it flies right over the Countess' head.  Luann does point out that she's had to cut many of her female friends out of her life because they became jealous, back stabbing, husband stealers. Wow. Someone still sounds a little angry.

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by Nosy Neighbor at . Comments

The Real Housewives of New York City head across the pond in "I'm U.K., You're U.K." It has everyone feeling OK, but what about those who were left behind? We recap all of the fake accents and awkward corporate cheerleading in THG's +/- recap!

Sonja, Luann, and Carole head off to London and you'd think after a red eye transatlantic flight everyone would be ready for a nap but not these girls.

Plus 10 because they're here to shop and they're not wasting a minute.

Plus 8 to Carole when she calls Luann Pumpkin Head. I couldn't help but laugh at that. Then she brushes it off by saying that she only calls her most gorgeous girlfriends by that moniker ... Is Luann really buying that?

The Real Housewives of NY Season 5 Cast

Heather's obviously looking to impress the ladies with the penthouse but there's a price to pay: they have to attend Heather's Yummie Tummie corporate dinner. Minus 12

hose Rah! Rah! company dinners can be so boring but it'a 10 times worse if you don't work there. To make things even more awkward Heather makes everybody, including the ladies stand up and say what they love about Yummie Tummie. Ugh.

If things weren't uncomfortable enough, Luann calls Carole out for not standing during her turn. Minus 9. The Countess might write books about etiquette but that was a definite dig at the Princess.

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