The Hollywood Film Awards were held last night, and if you've never heard of the event, don't worry - neither has anyone else.
It was the first time the awards were televised. A-listers from Ben Affleck to producer James L. Brooks publicly dismissed the HFAs as a joke.
But the best indicator of just how seriously Hollywood takes the Hollywood Film Awards was Johnny Depp's BAC, which apparently peaked right around the time he took the stage:
Yes, it seems Depp employed the Captain Jack Sparrow method for coping with pre-show jitters and downed a barrel of rum backstage.