by Tattle Taylor at . Comments

If respiration weren't an automatic function, some people would be in capital T-R-O-U-B-L-E because they are, quite frankly, too dumb to breathe.

(This actually includes the person/people who leaked the Jennifer Lawrence nude photos this weekend...FYI.)

Grammar Counts
If we put Grandpa in a COMMA, we would have to shrink him.

We're not saying these people didn't pay attention to ANYTHING AT ALL in school, but we are saying they didn't pay attention to much. Particularly history, geography, biology, English, and sex ed.

Gym, tan, laundry might have been their mantra. 

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by Hilton Hater at . Comments

We know they're good for driving dogs crazy.

But who would have guessed that squirrels were also good for so many laughs?

First, there was this epic squirrel photobomb. Then, there was that time a squirrel dropped his nut from a role and reacted in hilarious fashion.

And now we present a video in which Robert and Nacy Krampf come up with a solution to prevent a squirrel in their backyard from stealing grub out of their bird feeder: Vaseline!

Nancy placed (non-toxic) lip balm on the pole that leads to the feeder and it worked both perfectly and hilariously.

Watch now as this persistent squirrel gets thwarted in his effort to steal some food... again and again and again and again....

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by Hilton Hater at . Comments

It's official: one cannot remain angry at a pug. It's physically and emotionally impossible.

In the following video, the owner of a young dog named Bandit tries to explain to the canine how he can fix some unruly behavior. It would be nice, for instance, if Bandit stopped chasing around cats.

That's not an unreasonable request. But it's also not something the owner can be too stern about, considering Bandit's response to this guilt trip.

He sits. He listens. He stares down in shame. And he looks at his master with the widest, cutest eyes you will ever see in your entire life.

Seriously, you MUST watch how this pet reacts to being chastised:

And here with thought the most adorable thing a pug ever did was recreate the movie Elf.

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by Hilton Hater at . Comments

Imagine finding out that the Kim Kardashian sex tape was produced by Kris Jenner.

Or that this family's reality show is actually scripted by E!.

Children around the world are now grappling with a similar shock, as the creators of Hello Kitty made a startling announcement last week: Hello Kitty is not actually a kitty!

She's a little girl named Kitty White - and the little girl in the following home video is none too pleased about this revelation.

“I hate it,” the child says. “She looks like a cat, she cannot be a human. She is a cat that acts like a human."

Check out the footage below and take note of the girl's sister in the background, who jumps in to the confusing/depressing/anger-filled fray with a very good question of her own:

We're very sorry, young lady. But it could be worse.

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by Tattle Taylor at . Comments

There's one perk of being a freelance writer: working from home in the comfort of my yoga pants while listening to Taylor Swift's "Shake It Off" on repeat.

All with nary a concern that I might offend the entire office simply by using the microwave. Imagine the people that have to go to the office and deal with ... PEOPLE.

That's when the passive-aggressive behavior kicks in, and kicks in hard. But it also results in some hilarity, such as these classic responses to others' notes:

Then there's apartment life, where the fight for parking, the neighbors having loud sex, and community trash collection cause people the same sort of rage.

So what do people do when they experience this sort of anger, frustration and stress? Why they confront the offenders, of course! No. No they do not do that.

They send passive aggressive notes and become MY PEOPLE. Then people respond to those notes in similar fashion and also become my people.

Even though I don't actually want to work around people. Shrug.

by Hilton Hater at . Comments

We may need make an addition to this awesome wedding fails video.

A Reddit user recently posted a shot of himself standing alongside an ice sculpture at his buddy's wedding.

The piece of art was originally made in the shape of a dolphin, but, as this guest points out, it looked a lot like a certain male body part after the fins started to melt.

Someone shield the bride's eyes! She isn't supposed to see this thing until the wedding night!

Wedding Ice Sculpture Fail

It could have been worse for the newlyweds, of course.

A dog could have served as their ring bearer... and we all know how that often goes.

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by Free Britney at . Comments

Flirting via text message carries the inherent risks of not being present to gague the other person's reaction, or even hear the tone of their voice on the phone.

It also gives the recipient of your electronic overtures ample time to process what you have just put forth, and to formulate an appropriate response

As a result, it can lead to getting shot down in epically hilarious fashion ...

It's Morning
And it's a great setup for that burn.

Technology has really done a number on the ancient ritual known as flirting.

Not just by ruining our grammar and giving birth to emoji sexting, but on a more significant note. Behind screens, our inhibitions lower and our honesty rises.

This can be a good thing or a bad one, but either way, it's entertaining.

Scroll through the gallery above and prepare to cringe and LOL at the same time, because while we feel bad for the rejected, some of these zingers are amazing.

Then bow down to these people who are masters of text message flirting.

by Hilton Hater at . Comments

There are certain responses parents hope for when delivering news of a pregnancy to their children.

Perhaps a few tears of joy? Or an excited expression of gratitude? Pretty much anything except how the boy in the following video reacts.

Sitting alongside a young sibling, the child is VERY disturbed by his mom's news. He's stunned, he's angry, he can't comprehend why she would do this.

"This is exasperating," the boy hilariously says at one point, ending his rant by asking his mother to buy him ear plugs for the impending child.

It's an amazing piece of footage and you need to stop whatever you are currently doing to watch:

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by Hilton Hater at . Comments

Kids often say the darndest things.

Like "F-CK!" after being doused with water as part of the Ice Bucket Challenge.

They also write the darndest things, as evidenced by the following spelling mistake made by a six-year old in Great Britain.

Not only did this misguided young man believe “cinnamon” is spelled “semen,” but he also circled that it smells “good.”

Fortunately for the Internet, this toddler skipped the following question, which asked for more details about the word in question and which likely could have led to some very inappropriate jokes.

Semen Smells Good

Don't worry, though, anonymous little guy.

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by Hilton Hater at . Comments

Everyone wants a piece of Nicki Minaj these days.

The singer's Anaconda video has broken the VEVO mark for most views in a 24-hour period, which has led to Victoria Justice Twerking her way through her own rendition of the song and, now, to a rather unexpected parody of the footage.

It comes from South African comedy team Derek Watts and the Sunday Blues and it replaces most of the song's soundtrack with farts.

Yup. That's it. The video now features a lot of Nicki's butt and a great deal of Nicki farting because, let's face it, farting is always funny...

Nicki Minaj will keep having the last laugh, of course.

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