Kristin Cavallari
Gossip

This week on The Hills, Audrina Patridge and Kristin Cavallari continued to feud over Justin-Bobby, while Spencer threw an "adult" birthday bash for Heidi.

As always, The Hollywood Gossip editors take a look back at last night's The Hills (as we do for The City) awarding and taking away points as we see fit ...

Brody Jenner and Kristin Cavallari walk on the beach waxing philosophical about what it would be like if they dated again. Cue cards, anyone? Minus 2.

Heidi Montag totally blackmails / guilt trips Spencer Pratt into throwing her a birthday party since she let him get his "porno pad." Ah, marriage. Plus 7.

Hearing Brody and Jayde are "on break," Audrina says Brody will never get lucky with another Playmate. Huh? All Brody does is date hot girls! Minus 3.

Kristin puts Justin-Bobby on the spot by talking about getting together with Audrina and dishing about him. Plus 6 because this made him so awkward.

WTF is that on Justin's head? An Elvis wig? Minus 1.

Worst. Fake. Love. Triangle. Ever.

LOL at the random Valley Girl Heidi clones who show up at her party. Plus 4, and Plus 2 more for Spencer surprising Heidi with two little dogs, which are so cute. Although that now gives her three mangy animals to clean up after.

The more we watch Kristin Cavallari, the more obvious it becomes why her acting career hasn't taken off. Not exactly news, but still, obligatory Minus 1.

Audrina passive-aggressively tears Kristin a new one behind her back during a heart-to-heart with Brody. Plus 5, because what she said was so true.

Kristin on Justin: "I have no respect for him now. None." Minus 3, because girls who say this about J-Bobby still can't keep their pants off his floor.

Lo actually plugs her Twitter on camera! So shameless! Plus 2, and Plus 1 more for her reply to Audrina wanting no part of Kristin drama: "totes."

Minus 10 for the Kristin-Justin "confrontation" at the end. Nothing ever gets resolved on this show, likely because much of the conflict is staged.

TOTAL: +7! SEASON TOTAL: +50! The Justin-Bobby drama is starting to wear quite thin, isn't it? We need more cat fights at clubs, ASAP.

On tonight's episode of The Hills, Audrina Patridge and Kristin Cavallari finally come face-to-face in their contrived conflict over that loser Justin "Bobby" Brescia.

Audrina admits when she first heard that Cavallari was seeing her ex, "I wanted to distance myself." As in from the reality show, permanently, we're guessing.

"That's why I wanted to sit down with you," says Kristin. "He [said], 'Audrina and I were never together,' which I'm sure is hard for you to hear as a woman."

Patridge replies to her adversary, "I did meet with him for drinks the other night. He said basically you two were never together and that he never got over me."

Stung, Cavallari then sarcastically rolls her eyes. After that, Audrina Patridge added, "As far as Justin, keep your distance, and I'll keep mine. And that's it."

Snap. It's so ON. Choose your side:

Follow the jump for a clip from tonight ...

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Kristin Cavallari is apparently drinking the MTV Kool-Aid. Which was probably fresh 2-3 years ago before it went completely stale. Oh, snap, we went there.

At the Rock the Kasbah charity gala in Hollywood last night, the reality star told E! Online that The Hills "is the No. 1 show and we are doing really well."

What exactly it ranks #1 in, she didn't say. Likely because you'd pretty much have to completely invent your own category to make that statement true.

We don't suppose it's worth noting that a rerun of the actual top-rated show on TV, NCIS, received 16 million viewers this week. The Hills? 1.72 million.

The Hills' ratings are declining, at least 30 percent in fact, starting the season at 2.1 million and sinking since. Still, when asked about it, Kristin insisted:

"No, they're not! We had one drop because of the Hip Hop awards on VH1, but they went up the next week." Mmm. Not so much, but whatever you say.

Kristin Cavallari thinks The Hills is doing great. Psst. No one tell her.

The once-popular show's ratings decline has received quite a lot of press, with many critics blaming Kristin's replacement of Lauren Conrad for the dip.

Kristin Cavallari calls that unfair: "At the end of the day it's not up to me to make a great show. "It's the whole crew, the whole cast. It's not just me."

"I think to put all that pressure on me is pretty unfair."

She may be right, but that was clearly MTV's marketing strategy, hyping the living hell out of her "return" with "The Bitch is Back" and other taglines.

Clearly The Hills needs some better fake storylines than the so-forced, fake love triangle they tried to create with Kristin, Audrina Patridge and Justin.

The world may be getting over Speidi, too. Don't get us wrong, they still entertain, but it was better when they feuded with each other (and with LC).

Now they just talk about ca-ra-zy sibs Stephanie and Holly? Zzz.

This week on The Hills, Justin-Bobby continued to play mind games with Kristin, Holly got plastered again and Jayde Nicole went absolutely insane on Brody.

As always, The Hollywood Gossip editorial board looks back at back the previous night's The Hills (as we do for The City) awarding and taking away points  ...

This week's episode title comes from a text Justin sent Kristin after ditching her beach party, referring to her three strike rule. Yes, he wrote that. Minus 7.

Later, he surprises "boo" by showing up anyway. Plus 6, because like the naked guy on How I Met Your Mother, J-B's unpredictability totally works on girls.

Kristin Cavallari sure overdoes the fake Valley Girl accent, over-pronouncing each syllable trying to sound ditzy. Liiiiiike, yaaaaaa, Bro-dayyyyyy. Minus 5.

HOT preview for New Moon during commercials! Plus 3.

Holly Montag says her true love is Jack. As in Daniel. Minus 4 for this dreadful cliche and being one of the sloppier drunks out there. We hope she's acting.

Despite being wrapped around Justin's finger, Kristin admits she has feelings for Bro-dayyyyyy. Ahh, there's nothing like a freshly contrived love triangle. Plus 2.

Speaking of Brody's love life, either MTV's editors want to sabotage Jayde Nicole, or she is rapidly becoming mentally unbalanced. Jealous much. Jayde? Minus 6.

Random dude off-camera: "What is up with Holly?" Great question. Plus 9.

Team Enzo! Plus 7, because even Spencer Pratt is warming to his adorable little neighbor. He tries, but can't even pretend to hate him anymore. It's kind of cute.

For the love of G*d, what the hell is Holly wearing at Speidi's!? Minus 4. Is The Hills secretly a cult where you have to drop 25 pounds and get plastic surgery?

Concerned Heidi Montag tells her troubled, drunk sis that she would, like, do anything for her (going to her b-party without a fee notwithstanding). Plus 6. B!tch.

Obligatory Minus 5 for Kristin not being Lauren Conrad. Are we really supposed to care about this girl and become invested in all her personal drama? Fail.

For the Love of Ray J preview during commercials! Plus 3.

TOTAL: +5! SEASON TOTAL: +43! We're still having a hard time caring about Kristin in any way, but at least Holly, Jayde and Justin are total loose cannons.

As love triangles on The Hills go, at least this one is semi-believable.

Brody Jenner and Kristin Cavallari were an item three years ago. He and Jayde Nicole are together now. So Jayde being jealous of Kristin makes some sense.

It's better than expecting us to believe Justin-Bobby would miraculously date someone. Yes, Audrina did. But the Justin-Kristin "romance" was a complete sham.

Anyway. In a new clip from MTV's long-running "reality" hit, Brody Jenner tells Jayde he's not sure if he still has feelings for Kristin, now the star of the show.

Jayde then issues her man an ultimatum: It's me or her.

Brody Jenner with his girlfriends, then and now. Team Kristin or Team Jayde?

"I don't want to hook up with Kristin, but do I know if I have feelings for her? Not really," Jenner said when asked to clarify his feelings for his ex-girlfriend.

Needless to say, that explanation isn't going to play well with Jayde Nicole. Some haters have labeled her a jealous girl. At the very least, she's passionate.

"Why are we even sitting here talking if you don't know if you have feelings for another girl?" Jayde responds. "You figure out what you want to do ... If you want to be back together and you want to apologize, you can call me."

Follow the jump for a clip from tonight's episode of The Hills ...

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Kristin Cavallari looks damn good in a bikini.

The same can't be said for how she looks on TV screens, however, according to The Hills fan base, which is dwindling with each passing episode.

MTV dredged up Kristin Cavallari, former Laguna Beach bad girl, in hopes that she could inject new life into its struggling cash cow, The Hills.

So far, the new season can be summed up in two words: Epic. Fail.

Somewhere in West Hollywood, Lauren Conrad is probably ROTFL.

Ratings for The Hills are down by a third this season, i.e. as soon as LC called it a reality TV career and the network inexplicably decided that the "reality" show could go on just as successfully if they inserted Kristin as the lead character.

Is Kristin Cavallari solely to blame for the viewership decline?

While Kristin's "return" has been disappointing for myriad reasons, Lauren leaving is probably just as big a factor behind the show's declining viewership.

Even though the show was at times contrived and she could be a bit exasperating, LC was always a real person, and one peeps generally liked watching.

Normal Lauren and insane, but entertaining Speidi struck a nice balance. Kristin Cavallari and Justin freaking Bobby as the focal point? Not so much.

A 33 percent dropoff is fairly significant, and will be hard to reverse. At this rate, you have to think the current season of The Hills will be its last.

Last night on The Hills, Justin-Bobby cast his familiar spell over both Kristin and Audrina, while Holly Montag was enraptured by something else toxic: Alcohol.

As always, The Hollywood Gossip looks back the previous night's episode of The Hills (as we do for The City) awarding and taking away points as we see fit ...

Kristin Cavallari's dad on Brody Jenner: "Is he still in love with himself?" Plus 4.

Kristin on Brody and Jayde Nicole: "They're one of those couples that's either all over each other in public or screaming and breaking up." So true! Plus 3.

Audrina Patridge hangs out with Justin's buddy Derek, who notes that Audrina and Justin were off-and-on for four years. Four years! Belated Minus 7.

Reflecting on Justin ditching her at Brody's, Kristin insists she's gonna make him work for it. Her annoying hair flipping tells us this is untrue. Minus 5.

Holly Montag gets plastered at Brent Bolthouse's Photo Exhibit. Plus 11 for leaving even Spencer speechless, and Plus 2 more for Holly's classic drunk-girl line: "Like, I feel like every second of my life is the greatest second of my life!"

Obligatory Minus 2 for Stephanie Pratt's awful plastic surgery, but Plus 9 for the irony of her commenting on Holly's drinking problem when just last Sunday, Stephanie got arrested for DUI ... after Holly's wild birthday party!

Spencer calls Holly the "girl version of Spencer Pratt" in referencing her drinking too much. Still, you can tell he kind of means it as a compliment. Plus 3.

Holly Montag arrives at Speidi's intervension and orders a margarita in the first five seconds. Perhaps a Mexican restaurant wasn't the best venue. Plus 5.

Justin-Bobby cooks Kristin dinner and half-heartedly apologizes for flaking on Brody's party. Naturally, Kristin's defenses (and pants) drop. He disposes of his shirt, they meander into the bedroom and bone. Absolutely pathetic. Minus 5.

For whatever reason, Audrina meets Justin-Bobby for drinks. He says nothing compares to her and that he and Kristin aren't together. He says she shouldn't hang out with Derek again. She agrees. Absolutely beyond pathetic. Minus 10.

TOTAL: +8! SEASON TOTAL: +38! The Hills thrives on such things, but a Justin-Bobby love triangle is hard to be enthralled by. We can't believe we're saying this, but more Speidi! Hopefully Stephanie's DUI was caught on tape.

The fake relationship of Kristin Cavallari and Justin-Bobby has been a theme on the current season of The Hills, with the b!tch blatantly moving in on Audrina's ex.

Audrina Patridge says she stopped caring awhile ago, however.

"At the end of the day, it's a show," Patridge said at MTV's Los Premios in Los Angeles Thursday. "It's entertainment. You can't take anything serious on that show."

Kristin Cavallari and Audrina Patridge clashed on the season premiere because the former pursued the latter's ex-boyfriend, despite his lack of personal hygiene.

Asked if she and Cavallari have ended their feud, Patridge said, "I don't know. I don't know how it's going to play out. We have three weeks of filming, that's it."

Sounds like she's checked out already. Not that we blame her.

OMG RLY!? Kristin Cavallari can't even fake act on a reality show. Audrina Patridge can't take her seriously. Neither can we. [Photos: PacificCoastNewsOnline.com]

Patridge is getting ready to leave The Hills after this season to star in her own reality TV show, to be executive produced by Survivor creator Mark Burnett.

The 24-year-old, who just split with Corey Bohan, who she dated after she and J-B broke up, is happy to leave the contrived nonsense bitchiness behind.

"I'm an adult now, and I don't need to put up with all the petty drama and drinking and fighting ... I've been there, done that, and I'm ready to move on."

Sadly for MTV, many fans may start to feel the same.

Whose side are you on?

Last night on The Hills, the gang threw a surprise party for Brody, Speidi bickered over kids, and Kristin and Justin-Bobby's fake relationship took a familiar turn.

As always, The Hollywood Gossip staff looks back the previous night's installment of MTV's hit "reality" show, awarding and deducting points as required ...

Stacie and Kristin go shopping for Brody Jenner's birthday. For sex toys, at the Hustler store. Kristin says Brody is too "vanilla" in the sack. Plus 5 for TMI.

In case you were concerned, the opening scene on the beach makes clear that Justin-Bobby has not become less of a douche since last week. Minus 3.

WTF happened to Stephanie Pratt's face? Bad plastic surgery alert! Minus 4.

Brody's surprise party clearly wasn't a surprise. The camera crew typically gives it away. No negative points, though, because people blow surprises in real life, too, and Plus 1 for Brody's first birthday request: "Frankie, give me a hug!"

Brody is now listed as "Kristin's ex" instead of "Lauren's friend." Plus 2.

Brody and Jayde Nicole, who he straight up calls a "b!tch," get into a major fight at the party for no discernable reason. Plus 3, though, because it's Jayde Nicole, and it's The Hills. The show is nothing without unexplained female implosions.

Audrina agrees to meet a guy named Derek who was Justin's friend, and who Justin always got jealous of because he thought Derek liked her. Hold on a second, Justin-Bobby has friends? Who apparently bathe? We don't buy it. Minus 2.

Speaking of guys who you wouldn't think have friends, Spencer Pratt confides in pal Charlie about Heidi wanting to procreate. Enter neighbor Enzo, and subsequent tube-tying comments by Spencer. All we have to say? Team Enzo! Plus 9.

Justin-Bobby pulls a no-show at Brody's party, ditching Kristin Cavallari. At least he's consistent. Maybe she and Audrina can bond over this. Okay, not really, but Plus 4.

Another Plus 2 for how happy this makes Audrina when she hears about it.

Spence: "Only a true man can wear a beaver-skin hat out to dinner." Minus 3. Seconds later: "Is this a marriage or a dictatorship?" Says the guy who was most overbearing, obsessive-compulsive boyfriend in history. Minus 4.

TOTAL: +10! SEASON TOTAL: +30! The Hills rarely disappoints. Especially when adorable little kids get Spencer all riled up, or that b!tch Kristin gets hers.

Looks like the fake relationship Kristin Cavallari and Justin-Bobby have been building on The Hills will heat up even more on next week's episode.

Living up to her scripted reputation as a "man-eater" and a "boyfriend-stealer" on the reality show, Kristin gets all cozy with Justin on the beach.

"C'mere, you sexy bitch," Cavallari seductively tells Justin-Bobby (real name Justin Brescia) from the afar, watching him surfing. "Lookin' good!"

J-B then shows off his awesome "Italy" tattoo across his stomach, prompting Kristin Cavallari to remark that she wants two more tats on her feet.

Absolutely scintillating stuff, we know.

He is unable to entice her into the water, as she says rather kick it and have a glass of wine. Justin notes that it's a little early to start drinking.

Her response? "It's never too early."

Classy babe, she. Here's the clip:

You Sexy Bitch