Kevin Smith

Kevin Smith might want to consider alternate forms of transportation.

Seriously, you can pimp out your own tour bus and just enjoy the ride, John Madden style. Sure it takes longer, but the director and air travel just don't mix.

Smith, who famously feuded with Southwest after he was kicked off a flight for being too large in February, had issues with Virgin America this time around.

BLOWING SMOKE: When it comes to flying, Kevin Smith tends to.

Smith says on his blog that he, his wife Jennifer Schwalbach, and their friend Jason Mewes arrived at New York's JFK airport in plenty of time for a flight.

"Boarding started at 11:15, and we arrived at the gate at 11:35 – a full 10 minutes before scheduled departure," Smith wrote in a blog post on Monday.

"But as we reached the gate, we saw a man closing the door ... We told him we were on the flight and he told us it was too late; the flight was closed."

"It was 11:36."

Ding! You are now free to get your fat ass off this plane.

Kevin Smith, director of Mallrats, Clerks, Chasing Amy and similar films, was told to take a hike from a Southwest Airlines flight for apparently being obese.

"You [messed] with the wrong sedentary processed-foods eater!" Smith, whose next film, Cop Out, comes out February 26, posted in an epic Twitter rant.

That was one of many Tweets (many not G-rated) fired off recounting the 39-year-old actor/director's expulsion Saturday from an Oakland-Burbank flight.

Southwest said officials had called Smith to offer their "heartfelt apologies," but also stated his removal was for the "safety and comfort of all customers."

Here's how it all went down:

Smith had two tickets, but then decided to fly standby on an earlier flight, where only one remained. He was asked to leave after being seated. Southwest said:

"If a customer cannot lower the armrest and infringes on a portion of another seat, an adjacent customer would be very uncomfortable and a timely exit from the aircraft in the event of an unexpected emergency might be compromised."

THG NOTE: Isn't any emergency unexpected. Random question. Just asking.

"I know I'm fat," Smith says, having battled weight issues for years but. "I broke no regulation, offered no 'safety risk' (what, was I gonna roll on a fellow passenger?)"

"I saw someone bigger than me on THAT flight! But I wasn't about to throw a fellow Fatty under the plane. He & I made eye contact, he was like 'Please don't tell...'"

At least the humiliated director didn't lose his trademark sense of humor.

After landing in Burbank on a later flight, he wrote, "Don't worry: wall of the plane was opened & I was airlifted out while Richard Simmons supervised."

Kendra Wilkinson would've also worked. Whose side are you on?