Justin-Bobby Brescia
Gossip

The hour-long finale of The Hills began with Lauren Conrad and Lo Bosworth packing up their house. Guess now that Lauren is retiring from The Hills, she has to move out of the $2.2 million house MTV was paying for. Just kidding. Maybe.

The roommates decide to throw a final party for their closest friends.

What a perfect opportunity to stage awkward conversations about Spencer and Heidi's wedding and tie up plot points bring the whole gang together for a fun time.

Encouraged by Frankie Delgado to attend the upcoming Speidi wedding, LC responded with, "I'll be at the next one." Ohhhhh, snap, Spencer. No way she's going now, right? Well, don't be so sure. Because we already know she is.

After all, Spencer Pratt is a changed man if you haven't noticed. He even convinced Heidi Montag's mom, Darlene, to give him her blessing. Impressive.

Brody Jenner, however, was not buying Spencer's "nice guy" persona.

"You have lost your mind," Brody laughed during a guys' lunch with his childhood BFF, who admitted going to marriage counseling. "I have a beautiful relationship with a beautiful girl. We have a great time - we don't need to go to therapy!"

Notwithstanding cheating on Jayde Nicole with Audrina Patridge, sparking Audzo's feud with Jayde that has dominated much of this spring, of course.

Meanwhile, Heidi was in full wedding-planning mode. Too bad her maid of honor was the most inept, unstable and worthless maid of honor in history.

Amazingly, we are not talking about Stephanie Pratt!

Heidi's big sister Holly Montag had the big title and managed to mess it up at every turn. She didn't write down the gifts Heidi got at her shower, gave a comically bad speech at the rehearsal dinner, and had an epic, drunken meltdown later.

Absolutely amazing showing, Holly.

Once the big day arrived, all anyone could talk about was whether LC would show up. And she did. A little awkwardly. Their exchange went as follows:

Lauren Conrad:  "You're getting married!"
Heidi Montag: "It's crazy! And you're here!"
Lauren Conrad: "I'm supposed to be."

Read: Because the producers made her. Knowing she's not returning to The Hills after this particular event, she can't even hide her disdain and fake it.

The guests at the wedding included Justin-Bobby, who clearly did not bother to shower, along with Perez Hilton, Spencer's Nana and Heidi's dad, Bill.

Oh, and lightning rod Kristin Cavallari, who shockingly returned to the MTV payroll witness the nuptials of the couple she helped set up many years ago.

As Lauren Conrad realized that she had been replaced, by Kristin Cavallari, on her own show, and reacted with what appeared to be legitimate disgust, her former rival successfully recaptured the spotlight in a matter of minutes.

She flirted with Justin-Bobby for reasons unknown, rubbed in Audrina's face that she flirted with him for obvious reasons (no wonder Audrina hates her already), flashed do-me eyes at Brody, glared at LC and caught Heidi's bouquet.

Oh, and Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag officially tied the knot. Hooray, we guess.

Last night on The Hills, the tables were finally turned on Justin-Bobby.

Audrina Patridge's moronic on-off boyfriend was apparently pretty steamed when he heard about her hookup with Brody Jenner in Hawaii, and was calling her 24/7.

When Audzo finally agreed to see the scraggly-ass loser, she was unapologetic for her actions and totally blew him off. Hurts to be on the receiving end, eh, J-Bob?

“We’re at a dead end right now and need to go our separate ways," she said, adding that they were never exclusive. "We can't be friends. It doesn’t work. I came to say goodbye face-to-face. Don’t call. Don’t text. It’s over.” Iced!

Audrina abruptly left the restaurant, and Justin-Bobby, showing more genuine concern in this one scene than he has in the previous two years, chased after her.

Is Audrina Patridge finally done with Justin-Bobby?

“If I spent the night in Lauren’s room, you would freak out,” Justin-Bobby said, clearly worked up about her and Brody. While true, this comment left her unmoved.

Good riddance.

At People's Revolution, Stephanie Pratt was basically ignoring her job and blabbing on and on and on to Lauren Conrad about this hunky DJ she had just met. Lauren hinted subtly, then not subtly, that she needed to focus on work.

Alas, Stephanie Pratt has an IQ of 20.

LC was pulling clothes for an important photo shoot at Smashbox (where Lo of all people recently got a job). She had to run to the shoot and left Steph to finish packing the clothes and inputting the order into the computer.

But Steph’s mind - what little there is of it - was elsewhere. Shockingly, when LC arrived at the big photo shoot, all of the necessary clothes did not.

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It was out with the old, in with the new (and insane) on The Hills as Speidi started couples’ counseling, Stephanie Pratt started her new job with Lauren Conrad, and Audrina Patridge started looking for a new man - with unexpected results.

We begin at the workplace ...

Stephanie started at People’s Revolution and in no time, head honcho Kelly Cutrone berated her for leaving a drink on a desk and eating crackers over clothes.

The next day, she ignored a ringing phone, hung up on someone, put off some key tasks, didn’t check in the right clothes and doodled on a sheet of paper.

A clearly-pissed Lauren Conrad warned her friend, who she helped land the posh fashion-house gig with no experience whatsoever, to focus or she’d be fired.

Then, on the romance front ...

On “boy lookout” since breaking it off with that loser Justin-Bobby, Audrina Patridge pondered her next move. LC suggested that there was no time like the present.

With multiple dudes, if that's what it takes to move on.

Everyone got in on the action on last night's The Hills.

The girl posse, including Lo and Stephanie, met up for a night out with Frankie Delgado and Brody Jenner, who partook in crazy PDA with girlfriend Jayde Nicole.

Certainly nothing new for those two.

Justin-Bobby happened to be there too, natch, but ignored Audrina’s attempts to get his attention, then snapped at her a bit later on. What an absolute tool.

Comforting her, Brody told Audzo she needs to have more fun and called her a beautiful girl. Jealous, Jayde Nicole responded by trying to inhale Brody's face.

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Joaquin Phoenix is a nut job who has gone off the rails.

Justin-Bobby rails Audrina Patridge of MTV's The Hills.

The Oscar-nominated actor and motorcycling deadbeat may have little in common - except that Phoenix has decided to adopt J-Bobby's style of late!

When you are this cool, modern practices such as showering, speaking in complete sentences and taking sunglasses off indoors just aren't necessary.

What do you think? Are these two hipsters look-alikes? At least in the style they both have (for reasons unknown) adopted in the recent months?

Even Justin-Bobby can't help but stare at Joaquin.

Do you see a Justin-Bobby / Joaquin Phoenix resemblance?

Last night's season premiere of The Hills kicked off with a bang - sort of literally in the case of Stephanie Pratt's ex-boyfriend, who pushed Spencer too far.

The Hollywood Gossip's recap will consist of awarding and deducting points as we see fit. Season Five began at Lauren Conrad's birthday party on a yacht, and Stephanie convincing Heidi she could come too, despite not being invited and stuff.

On to the rankings! Chime in with your own!

Audrina didn’t invite Justin-Bobby or Heidi to a surprise party for Lauren Conrad because she wanted to avoid drama. Plus 4 for being the rare voice of reason!

Minus 5 for Heidi being the worst liar ever and pathetically non-confrontational when telling Spencer her plans. But Plus 2 for his calling LC the "queen beeyotch" and describing his guys' night with just a techno beat - "nnts nnts nnts."

Minus 10 for instigator Stephanie Pratt's dishonesty and uselessness. Heidi did have reservations about coming, yet Steph lies and says it was all her idea. Weak sauce.

Spencer flirts with bartender Stacie at The Dime. He gets drunk and acts like a major tool, but this is completely in character and he does not care. Plus 6.

Stephanie's ex, Cameron, is present to witness Spencer's banter with Stacie, and texts Stephanie, who warns Heidi. We don't care if it's Spencer Pratt - what a d!ck move and blatant violation of the bro code, How I Met Your Mother style. Minus 7.

At the party, LC talked to Heidi, who rationalized that fighting is what boys do. Plus 4, because that is kind of totally true, and Plus 2 more for Lauren calling Spencer an a$$hole to her face, after which Heidi apologized for causing drama.

Spencer decided he was gonna go all Chris Brown on Cameron, and made good on that boast. Quite uncalled for, but Plus 5, because he landed like six good punches before getting thrown out, which is impressive, and the dude sort of had it coming.

Lauren to Heidi: “You were my best friend but you started dating this person who did really mean things to me. I don’t like him but I still love you.” Sniff. Plus 3.

Minus 2 for Stacie throwing Spencer under the bus when Heidi came around, then doing the same with the circumstances reversed! Shrewd, but a bit duplicitous.

Side note: Anyone know who makes the lipstick LC was wearing? We weren't huge fans of the color, but it held up throughout the weekly deluge of tears. Plus 5.

Heidi's mom, Darlene, really hates Spencer Pratt - and offers to set Heidi up with a high school ex named Colby! A noble thought, but Minus 4, because no way Colby even recognizes the silicone, duck-lipped Barbie doll Heidi has become.

Obligatory Brody Jenner sightings and dueling heart-to-hearts! Plus 4.

Lauren to Steph: “I think it was inappropriate for her to be there and if you were really my friend you would have been like, ‘Hey don’t go.’ You have to stop pushing [her] on me. It’s not fair.” A tough overdramatic, LC, but kind of true. Even.

TOTAL: +7! Not a bad season premiere for The Hills. Comment away!

We've documented the revealing statement made by the shirt of Audrina Patridge the other night - but that wasn't the only noteworthy thing about the inauguration party attended by the celeb at West Hollywood hot spot Coco de Ville.

Reports says Audrina was enjoying kissy-time with some mystery man in a red plaid shirt - and while he would definitely wear that, it wasn't her usual beau.

Justin-Bobby (real name Justin Brescia) is certainly not gonna like it when he reads this. Assuming he's even literate, that is. The jury's still out on that one.

Throughout the night, the unnamed fella smooched The Hills star on her neck and, at one point, even picked her up - or at least tried. The smooth one stumbled and then dropped her. Ow. Fortunately, Audrina Patridge didn't miss a beat.

Picking herself up and smiling ear-to-ear, Audzo threw up her hands as the DJ played Barack Obama-related tunes. The reality star proceeded to grab a couple of drinks and chat with her female friends before calling it a night.

It's getting hard to keep track of how many times she and J-Bobby break up, but we're sure he'll turn up eventually. In other Hills couple news you won't see on TV, Lauren Conrad and Kyle Howard appear to be going strong!

British comedian Russell Brand is best known for raunchy routines, a role in Forgetting Sarah Marshall, hosting the MTV VMAs, and for his heroin, alcohol and sex addictions, plus his frequent trouble with the law (he's been arrested 11 times).

That's quite a resume - to which he can now add Justin-Bobby stand-in. As he left his London apartment this week, Brand bore quite a resemblance to The Hills loser:

If Justin-Bobby (real name Justin Brescia) is famous for three things, those would be mumbling, not showering and treating Audrina Patridge like crap while somehow managing not to get dumped. It's actually fairly impressive.

But if J-Bob is known for a fourth thing, it's dressing like a hobo. Brand fashions himself more of an "S&M Willy Wonka," but still, the similarities are there!

Got celebrity look-alikes for us? Leave a comment with a suggestion!

Last night's season finale of The Hills was about what you'd expect - equally parts funny, awkward, strange and annoying, partially staged and, well, totally awesome.

Our recap will consist of awarding and deducting points as we see fit. Season Four ended with Speidi possibly making its wedding legal, Heidi Montag possibly making up with Lauren Conrad, and Justin-Bobby definitely being the biggest loser on Earth.

On to the rankings! Chime in with your own!

Lo calls everybody "sweetie." Reminds us of our mom. Minus 4.

For all of her supposed animosity toward Heidi, Lauren Conrad seemed pretty genuine during their reconciliation. Plus 13, because as catty as girls can be, this showed us what we've always believed - that LC is a "sweetie" at heart.

During her emotional heart-to-heart with Lauren, Heidi pronounces irreparable "ir-re-PAIR-able." She is the anti-THEE-sis of smart. Minus 2.

Plus 17 for Brent Bolthouse's non-reactions to Heidi's story about marrying in Mexico - like, the "craziest thing she's EVER done!" In all 22 years on this planet, really? Staging your fake wedding after getting hammered? Moron. Minus 9.

Man, Darlene hates Spencer Pratt. We all do, of course, but she really does not like the man. And as convoluted and fake as the show is at times, you can tell just how fearful she is that her daughter will marry this jackass. Plus 11.

Good grief, is Justin-Bobby wearing effing overalls? Minus 3.

Justin offers his brunette babe some ring, but it has no definition. Shrewd maneuver by J-Bobby. This appears to say so much, yet means jack. Plus 6.

But Minus 3 because Audrina continues to date a guy who does not shower.

This has to be explained: After dodging questions about their sham wedding all week, Spencer brought Heidi to a courthouse to make it official, then abruptly changed his mind. She had already said "I do," but when it was Pratt's turn he hesitated. The reason? A sudden epiphany, the need to create a fantasy ceremony for Heidi that would include patching things up with her family, who were disappointed to have been shut out of the couple's union. So basically, this entire thing - the trip to the courthouse (after hours), the MTV promo of only Heidi's vows, their interviews on the subject, the episode's frickin' title - was a setup. Worst. Wedding. Ever. Minus 30.

Much as we are going to miss Whitney Port on The Hills, giving her The City was a good move by MTV. She never meshed with The Hills crowd, preferring to live her own life, and The Hills has evolved into a couple of separate shows as it is. So Plus 25 for The City debuting next week - and The Hills returning for Season Five!

TOTAL: +4. A huge deduction for the wedding nonsense, but a great episode - and season - overall! Leave a comment with your scores!

What can one even say about the upcoming season finale of The Hills (Monday, December 22, 10 p.m.) that the preview below does not encompass?

Scruffy Spencer Pratt basically defies Heidi Montag's irate mom, Darlene, and heads to the courthouse to make their sham wedding in Mexico official.

Lauren Conrad then decides to make amends with one-time BFF Heidi.

Justin-Bobby makes up with Audrina Patridge and gives her a ring.

What a loser. Anyway, looks like a great episode on tap, culminating the "reality" show's best season yet. Take a look at the preview below ...

The Hills Season 4 Finale Preview

Last night's episode of The Hills was delightful, funny, poignant and nauseating at the same time. Our recap will consist of awarding and deducting points as we see fit.

When Whitney Port receives the call at work from Diane Von Furstenberg, she announces she's moving to The City. Meanwhile, Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag embark on a romantic trip to Mexico that ends with them getting drunk and married.

On to the rankings! Chime in with your own!

Like, nobody knows where Spencer and Heidi are, Stephanie Pratt says. Except the MTV camera crew that's filming you morons. Just ask them! Minus 6. 

Whitney getting the call about the job at work was so fake. But we loved Whitney's expressions (and LC's "OMG" face) so much, who cares? Plus 4.

Good Lord, Heidi's fake Mexican accent at the restaurant made us want to claw our eyes out. No amount of Patron should make you that lame. Minus 5.

Trying to railroad Heidi into getting married, Spencer says Heidi "makes him want to be nicer." Not a true romantic, but the best he could do. Plus 6.

Audrina fills the girls in on Heidi's absence. She's useless, but Minus only 3 for the obligatory (mercifully quick) Justin-Bobby cameo. We hate him so hard.

Heidi Montag rocks her typical outfit of clubbing makeup, a red bikini and high heels. LOL. What a skank. Minus 7 for lowering her standards each week, but Plus 14 for the Playboy spread she's subtly auditioning for and will get.

Tell us that Lauren Conrad and Whitney Port talking about feelings during their lunch date at the end didn't elicit a tear or two from you. Pass the tissues! Plus 17!

No footage of the actual ceremony, except on Spencer's camcorder? MTV follows them all the way to Cabo and falls asleep at the wheel then? Fishy. Minus 11.

Oh, how totally sweet are Whitney's parents? Watching them interacting with her, they seem like just the sort of people who would raise Whitney. Plus 9.

Obligatory Plus 1 for the After Show, because we were too harsh on Jessi and Dan last week. They are actually okay. Lo was kinda boring last night though.

Heidi tells Spencer she'll "show him what a wife does." We think we know what she means. And we're talking about Spencer Pratt. *shiver* Minus 23.

Heidi says her mom is going to freak, which we already know is totally accurate. And we thought Darlene was crazy to suggest Spencer drugged her before the wedding. Alcohol could be considered a drug, technically ... Plus 10.

TOTAL: +6. Major swings, but great overall! Leave a comment with your scores!