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This week on the Jersey Shore, the "family" continued to experience all kinds of ups and downs. Vinny fell for a lesbian, Pauly acquired a new stalker, JWoww fought with Roger, Snooki acted ridiculously and no one could figure Mike out.

Pretty standard stuff, really. We are happy/sad to report that no one threw down!

How did it all play out in Seaside Heights? Let's recap Jersey Shore, THG style!

The Duck Phone

The Situation gets the dirt from his brother on his recent date with Deena's sister. Yep, that happened. As if this crew weren't incestuous enough. Minus 12.

"The real Mike is back and I love watching all the $h!t he does." - Pauly, after Mike decides he's going all out to start some $h!t again. Game on, brah. Plus 5.

Mike's plan to CRUSH Snooki by having his boy The Unit tell Jionni all about Sitch and Snook's sexy times failed because Unit was in Miami. Too bad? Plus 11.

Snooki tries to hang out with The Situation. Always a dangerous move. Minus 3.

Vinny juggles two girls at the bar. Good to be back, right? Plus 11.

Deena keeps Vinny's other girl occupied. Wing-meatball! Plus 8.

The more "hotass" of the two is Nicki, who is a lesbian. Vinny tried to get it in anyway, and Plus 7 for the effort, but Minus 14 for delusions. She bounced.

JWoww ducks out early, hella annoyed that Roger was dodging her calls even though he was down the street on the boardwalk. We smell drama. Minus 9.

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After Hoboken passed, Jersey City, New Jersey's second largest city, is rolling out the reality TV welcome mat for Snooki and JWoww of Jersey Shore fame.

Jersey City is just a few miles south of Hoboken and across the Hudson River from New York City, so it's essentially the same locale for the classy gals.

Permits were issued for filming a Jersey Shore spinoff starring Snooki and JWoww. Filming is expected to begin this month in the Grove Street Path area.

JWoww and Snooki Pic

Nearby Hoboken last week denied the permit, citing safety and quality of life concerns for residents of the city. Its neighbor turned out to be more receptive.

Jersey City Mayor Jerramiah Healy says he believes the show is an opportunity to promote the city, and can be pulled off without adverse effects on taxpayers.

City spokeswoman Jennifer Morrill says the cast and crew must obey all laws and that producers must foot the bill for police to reduce impact on the public.

Fellow cast member Pauly D's spinoff, The Pauly D Project, is set to premiere March 29. As far we we know, the Snooki-JWoww project remains untitled.

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The man, the myth, the tattooed tanning bed legend - Pauly D of Jersey Shore fame - will officially star in his own spinoff. The Pauly D Project premieres March 29.

His show takes viewers away from Seaside Heights as Pauly D (real name Paul DelVecchio) pursues his DJ dreams, scoring a contract with 50 Cent’s record label.

Between partnering with G-Note Records, opening for Britney Spears on tour and paling around with his friends from Rhode Island, the Project will cover it all.

Pauly D's Hat

Season 5 of Jersey Shore wraps on March 15 and airs a reunion special a week later. The Pauly D Project premieres at 10:30 p.m. March 29, after the return of Punk'd.

That show no longer features Ashton Kutcher, but a rotation of guest hosts like Justin Bieber and Miley Cyrus. Khloe Kardashian and Demi Lovato are two "targets."

Pauly D's housemates Snooki and JWoww are also filming a Jersey Shore spinoff, though they were recently barred from their preferred filming location of Hoboken.

What do you think? Will you watch a Pauly D-centric program?

 

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This should come as no surprise to Jersey Shore fans.

After seeing Snooki and Deena make out and flash straight vagine in Italy, there was little doubt that the former plays for both teams - at least part-time.

She's now classifying herself as bisexual.

Asked directly by the Huffington Post whether or not she's bisexual, she replied: "Yes, I would consider myself bi. I've done stuff with girls before."

Bunny Sex

Snooki gives it to Deena doggy/bunny style on Jersey Shore.

Snooki, who's hooked up with more than half of her housemates (male and female), says she wouldn't actually date a woman. Most likely.

"I would never be with a girl because I like... penis. But I've experimented."

We know, trust us. She looks way too comfortable going to town on Deena with that costume on lately. One can only guess what happens off-camera.

Do you consider Snooki bisexual? Or just trashy?

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This week, the Jersey Shore gang was intact again - "Vinny's home, bitches!" - but the joy of being a family again quickly gave way to a new set of problems.

Both mental and physical.

Snooki legit peed herself (and worse), while Mike began acting very un-Mike-like and even level-headed JWoww experienced some drama with her BF Roger.

How did it play out after the team got Vinny back and returned to throw it town in Seaside Heights? Come along as we recap Jersey Shore, THG style!

Snooki Crotch Shot

Vinny unpacks after returning to the shore house. Good to be back! Plus 7.

Snooki was so excited she "legit" peed herself on the dance floor and rushed off into the restroom to grab some body spray for her kooka area (above). Minus 70.

Deena gets quasi-electrocuted trying to fix her hair extensions. Plus 9.

The following day, Snooki made sure to put on two pairs of underwear in case she had another "accident." In the daytime. Snooki is officially a toddler. Plus 14.

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Jersey Shore star Snooki Polizzi is pregnant, according to Star magazine. We'll believe it when we see it, but that's what they're saying in their latest issue.

The reality star and boyfriend Jionni LaValle are expecting, an "insider" says, spilling: “She is pregnant and has only told closest friends and some family.”

Never one to keep quiet, the 24-year-old can’t resist hinting that something's up: “She’s been telling people that she has a big announcement coming.”

Snooki on Jersey Shore

... Possibly a great deal for the poor kid.

Snooki (a.k.a. Nicole Polizzi) will soon be starring in a Jersey Shore spinoff with JWoww ... if they can find a place to film after Hoboken kicked them out.

Wherever it films, Star claims Snooki/Jionni Jr. will be part of the plot.

“They are having to redo the creative direction of her Jersey Shore spinoff because of Snooki's pregnancy,” says the alleged insider of the guidette.

Despite Snooki's weight loss in recent months, the reality star has been dropping clues on social networking sites that she may be in the family way.

“I feel sick,” Snook admitted in a January 25 post on her Facebook page, then later tweeted: “Late night craving... yogurt hits the fricken spot!”

That doesn't really prove much. Much like her craving to get it in, Snooki's odd food cravings can take place at any time and involve any thing.

Then again, that could also explain the pregnancy. Congrats, maybe!

UPDATE: Snooki's rep tells E! News that there is no truth to the rumors and that the MTV star is not pregnant. Snooki herself denied the rumor later.

"I'm not [pregnant]. Does that mean they're calling me fat?" she asked on Opie and Anthony in the morning. "That means that I have a belly, then."

UPDATE, 2/29/12: The rumor has been rekindled, with reports suggesting Snooki really is pregnant and lying about it. Follow the link for details.

UPDATE, 3/5/12: Yup, she's preggers. Yikes. And reportedly engaged, too!

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Snooki and JWoww need a new place to set up a smush room shop.

The classy gals' new Jersey Shore spinoff just hit a snag after Hoboken, New Jersey's film commission voted (unanimously) to deny permits to film in the city.

The Mayor of Hoboken, Dawn Zimmer, said the decision was made by officials "based on protecting public safety and quality of life concerns for Hoboken residents."

According to the mayor, there's a list of problems with a 24-hour permit in Hoboken, such as a policy that prohibits ALL filming after 11 p.m. in residential areas.

JWoww and Snooki Picture

Explaining the decision, the mayor says that filming would result in an "unacceptable lessening of the quality of life for the local residents and businesses."

No, not due to pickle shortages.

Traffic, noisy crowds, and completely disrupting day-to-day life would likely be real problems, though, so the city decided to give the Jersey Shore stars the axe.

Of course, Snooki and JWoww, plus all their crew, can also stimulate a local economy, so the good could outweigh the bad ... is booting them really smart?

Eh, most likely.

[Photo: WENN.com]

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That douche The Unit from Jersey Shore claims there is no way he was in possession of a powerful horse tranquilizer when he was arrested in N.J. last year.

Yes, Unit got popped with horse tranquilizer in Seaside Heights.

The Situation's boy, whose real name is John (or Jonny) Manfre, entered a not guilty plea to possession of a controlled substance stemming from the July bust.

The substance was determined to be Ketamine, a horse tranq.

The Unit

The Unit from Jersey Shore does his thing. The girl's face sums it up.

After the hearing, Unit's lawyer Raymond Raya offered TMZ a classic non-explanation: "There were some issues regarding my client's constitutional rights."

"We entered the not guilty plea NOT because that's the normal thing to do ... we've actually entered the not guilty plea because we believe John is not guilty."

He added, "We expect a very favorable outcome." Good to know. We don't expect Snooki's girl Ryder can say the same after she gets tested, however.

[Photo: WENN.com]

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This week, the Jersey Shore house was in turmoil with possibly two men down. Could they turn it around by the end of the night and restore order to Seaside?!

It's been two episodes since Vinny Guadagnino peaced out, and it looked like The Situation - saddened by his lack of popularity - was about ready to follow suit.

He seemed to have a change of heart, though, after some joint birthday attention with Pauly. The question is whether the gang would also be Vinning again.

How did it play out? Come along as we recap Jersey Shore, THG style!

Vinny and Pauly D Photo

Mike was never really leaving, despite last week's birthday blues. He was sad, yes, but it was his own fault and even he knew it, and can you see Sitch turning down attention and sitting at home? Vinny, yes. Mike, no. Plus 6.

He's also sensitive deep down. Cancer, obvi. Plus 4.

"This is my family," insists Snooki. True, girl. Plus 2.

Shore Store boss / house owner Danny pretended to be upset about them not putting in effort at work and threatened to bring in some replacements. Right. Minus 10.

He says "the deal" was eight people under his roof and working for him, so, time to put up a fake Help Wanted sign. Can we just drop the pretense of work? Minus 17.

Jersey Shore thrives on authenticity - Team Meatball may be repulsive, but it is the real deal - so why stir up fake Shore Store drama? Oh yeah, to fill time. Plus 3.

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Deena Cortese is the latest Jersey Shore star to go without makeup in a self portrait on Twitter, ditching the fake eyelashes, contacts and orange skin that are her staple.

The Meatball shared the no-makeup pic herself yesterday, writing "Lol no makeup n hairs in a pony but makos [the cat's] face is too cute not to tweet." Indeed. So true.

Minka Kelly Emmys Dress

Deena follows in the footsteps of her BFF - remember Snooki without makeup earlier this month? - and we have to say, the change is a positive (albeit short-lived one).

Doesn't she look good? And probably 10 pounds lighter when you take off all that crap? You tell us. Check out these Deena Corese pics and vote on her best look!

And the Winner is?

What's Deena's best look? Makeup or No Makeup? View Poll »