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Two episodes of Jersey Shore? Back to back? Double fist-pump! The Hollywood Gossip has all the action from Seaside Heights recapped below as only it can.

Last night's seventh and eighth episodes of the season took the trashiness to a new level. Below, we award and deduct points as we deem fit. Let's get to it:

As the first hour gets going, Snooki catches the eye of an attractive non-guido, "Cowboy." He seems to take a liking to her for reasons unknown. Minus 3.

Mike is tapping some trashy chick in the hot tub when Snooki and the Cowboy break it up. That's right, Snooki just cock-blocked The Situation. Plus 10.

We thought the trash bag's friend coming to collect her was a dude. Minus 2.

Sammi lets Ronnie out of his cage for once. The Situation decides to stir up trouble by ratting him out for talking to some girl. D!ck move, Mike. Minus 4.

Duck Phone in Effect

Vinny makes a booty call. Duck phone stizzyle.

The Situation doesn't like Vinny mackin' in on his sister. He also doesn't like Vinny ditching her for the boss' girl Tanya. It's a total Catch (Situation?) 22. Plus 6.

Later, Mike pulls a robbery on Vinny's fake-breasted butter face trash bag, leaving V stunned. What a c*ck, but Even, because you gotta respect the execution.

As if Mike hadn't alienated enough people in one night, he refuses to walk JWoww home from the club because he's workin' on the nightly trash bag. Minus 5.

Plus 10 for JWoww pimp-slapping his ass at home.

Pauly D must confront a Stage 5 Clinger in some Israeli girl that is stalking him. Minus 7, because deep down he was into it and this was kind of wasted time.

Plus 3 for the hilarious phone impression of The Situation in an attempt to throw her off the trail, though. This guy's got The Situation quotes down pat.

Situation and Pauly

The Situation was cruisin' for a bruisin' last night.

Bored and determined to become the most hated man in N.J., Mike plants pickles around Snooki's room. Minus only 1, because a pickle sucker might like that.

Ronnie confronts Mike about his crush on Sammi. Mike says it's obvious "Sammi has a crush on me... it goes back to the days of prehistoric kindergarten." Plus 12.

After some dudes make fun of Snooki (a recurring theme in New Jersey and across the world), Ronnie gets arrested after he takes exception and knocks one of 'em the f*%k out. Minus 15, because the 'roid rage is off the hook with this guy.

TOTAL: +4! SEASON: +46! We wonder if Mike is really just a caricature of Mike, and doing everything he can to act like a jackass. Either way, we'll totally buy it.

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A New York University Law student recently had and pursued a brilliant idea - bring Nicole Polizzi (a.k.a. Snooki from the Jersey Shore cast) to a party at NYU.

For the low, low price of $2,000, the students learned from celebrity gossip blogger Perez Hilton that they could book a night to chill and party with Snookers.

Snooki, Jionni LaValle

Unfortunately, Perez unearthing that tidbit quickly caused her price to go up. Her booking fee rose to $5,000 the next week. The Situation commands $7,500.

The student first hatched the plan December 23. Since then, Snooki’s appearance fee skyrocketed well out of the NYU Law students' broke, academic league.

For $10,000, this could be yours for the night. That's right, you have to pay Nicole Polizzi that to get her to hang out. She should be paying you for such torture.

Snooki now commands serious dough - five figures - to do whatever it is she does. Namely wear unattractive outfits, get drunk and try to hook up with strangers.

Ones who may or may not knock her ass out at some point.

We're read a lot of crazy stuff, but this may take the cake. Ten thousand dollars for a guidette troll to act annoying and probably puke on the floor at 2 a.m.

If you're into that, it's not hard to find for free many a local watering hole. Being smart, the NYU crowd passed on Snooki. But you know someone will pay it.

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Yesterday, THG readers were given the challenge of writing the funniest caption for the picture appearing below. Mike Tyson. Jersey Shore. Endless material.

Your winner for this edition of our Caption Contest is chrissy.

The winning caption entry appears below. Click here to read the full list of submissions. Thank you to everyone for playing and good luck again next time!

Jersey Shore Cast and Mike Tyson

"Two metros, one midget and one tranny. By god, it must be Christmas!"

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Snooki 1, Meathead 0. The New York City gym teacher who punched the Jersey Shore star in the freaking face last summer is now losing his job as a result.

Given that Brad Ferro's job is to help shape young minds, one can understand how beating up a girl, however annoying she is, would be frowned upon.

An official at the NYC Department of Education tells the site it's drafting a letter to fire Ferro, who was arrested for the barroom attack, within 30 days.

"The termination is underway," the official says.

Snooki Got Dropped

THE MESSED UP INCIDENT: A screen-grab from the now-yanked promo of Snooki getting clocked. She did not deserve that. She was being really annoying, though.

Brad Ferro, who lives and works in Queens, had been assigned to a non-teaching role ever since the controversial footage aired during a recent MTV promo.

The network ended up not airing the actual knockout blow after negative reaction to the promo. Snooki, a.k.a. Nicole Polizzi, did get drilled pretty hard.

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Welcome to The Hollywood Gossip Caption Contest, where readers submit the funniest caption(s) for the photo below! Today's subjects should make it easy.

Yup, it's Pauly D, The Situation, Snooki and JWoww of Jersey Shore. With Mike Tyson, former boxing champ and current dude with a tattoo on his face. His face.

What could they be thinking or saying?

You tell us! Click "Comments" below and send in your very own Jersey Shore quotes for this pic. We'll announce a winner tomorrow. Have fun and go to it ...

Jersey Shore Cast and Mike Tyson

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You know it's sad when a Jersey Shore cast member is something you aspire to be. But that's exactly where The Hills star Kristin Cavallari is at these days.

"I'm not going to lie, I'm kind of jealous," Kristin Cavallari said when asked about the new hit MTV show at her 23rd birthday party Saturday night at Beso.

Jersey Shore brought in more than 3.2 million viewers during last week's episode, an all-time high for the freshman series in its brief, ultra-trashy history.

By comparison, ratings for The Hills ratings dropped significantly during this past season, the first one in which Kristin replaced retired star Lauren Conrad.

We're not sure that's a coincidence.

  • The Situation
  • Kristin C. Pic

The Situation (pun intended) at MTV right now is that Jersey Shore is clobbering The Hills' most recent season's ratings. Kristin Cavallari would jump ship if asked!

Just 1.72 million viewers saw the October season 5 finale of The Hills, while 2.6 million viewers watched the season 4 finale and more still the prior season.

No wonder Kristin Cavallari wants a piece of the Jersey Shore action. Her favorite character on that show: "The Situation," she said. "I mean, come on, right?"

Right.

She said she'd even date a guido herself. "Maybe, if I liked him," the blonde Laguna Beach alum confessed. "I mean, if I was attracted to him, absolutely."

How can you not be attracted to The Situation quotes? Come on.

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Ronnie Magro and Sammi Giancola of Jersey Shore are still together - and serious! That's not exactly surprising, as she's had him whipped from day one!

“I care about her deeply and I see it going for a long time,” Magro says, nauseatingly. “I don’t really want to jinx anything [but] I love being with her."

I have a best friend that’s my girlfriend, which is hard to find.”

Seconds Sammi Giancola, a.k.a. Sweetheart: “I’m very happy and content with my life right now. Things are just amazing. I’m just gonna go with it.”

Guess they made up after last week's "Boardwalk Blowups."

Neither of them expected to leave the beach house in Seaside Heights, N.J., in a relationship, but to hear Ronnie Magro tell it, he simply had no choice.

Sammi and Ronnie Photo

Sammi and Ronnie from Jersey Shore.

“Her legs caught my eye,” he says, laughing. “I have the best-looking girl. I’d rather be with Sammi than bring home disasters like Mike and Pauly!”

Sammi says that she doesn’t miss single life either. “Ronnie does a lot of romantic things for me all the time.” she says of her man, also nauseatingly.

“He’s brought me flowers to my house before, he takes me out to really, really nice restaurants, buys me dinner all the time. He’s just a great guy.”

“It’s great. He became my best friend, so we do everything together. The house is messier, but in every other aspect, he makes everything easier.”

They are kind of cute together, we suppose. Well, relatively. At least as much as two members of the Jersey Shore cast could possibly be together.

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MTV's Jersey Shore was in effect last night and The Hollywood Gossip was watching when the grenade went off, we assure you. Below is our weekly rundown.

Just for you, we've broken down the drama in Seaside Heights, N.J., on last night's episode six, awarding and deducting points as we deem fit. Let's get to it:

Vinny does not actually get fired from work. Plus 1, because he didn't deserve to, but we expected drama after he hooked up with Danny's girl last week.

They roommates are annoyed by Sammi and Ronnie doing their thing and ruining group bonding time. Didn't they all just meet on this MTV show? Minus 5.

GTL = Gym, tanning and laundry. That's how The Situation and Pauly D roll. Plus 3. Vinny says he prefers basketball, pool and beach. Amen. Plus 2 more.

The Situation at the club: "It's like the Navy Seals. I get sent out first, do a little reconnaissance, bring girls back." Too bad he never goes MIA. Minus 1.

Vinny's family comes to visit and his mother cooks a big meal for the cast. Approximately 73 Italians rolled with her. We didn't even bat an eye. Plus 3.

Situation

GTL: Gym, tanning, laundry. That's how guidos roll.

Ronnie and Sammi get into one of the lamest fights in the history of reality TV, which is really saying something. She is becoming a real nightmare. Minus 17.

The Situation is doing his thing and meets up with some girl. Standard. Little does he know's bringing "The Grenade" back and a friend, "The Hippo." Plus 8.

Pauly D won't take "The Grenade" on again. Mike then asks Snooki if she'll "take out the trash." Minus 5, because that's a little low, even for this show.

Plus 10 for "The Hippo" charging Snooki, though. Plus 2 more for Pauly D's awesome quote: "Someone needs to teach her how to fight or duck."

Ronnie goes into "prime creep mode." Minus 2 for the overuse of "creepin'" this week, and Minus 2 more for the obvious attempt to rile Sammi up.

Big fight! Synopsis: Ronnie and Sammi are walking. Guy insults them. Sammi insults him back. Ronnie shoves Sammi, telling her stop. She storms off. Ronnie charges guy. Plus 5 because this isn't even the fight that got Ronnie Magro arrested.

TOTAL: +5! SEASON: +42! Such tools. And yet we watch.

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Jersey Shore just premiered like a month ago, but what we're hearing is that the cast of MTV's new hit will be back for another summer in Seaside Heights.

Vinny Guadagnino let it slip this week that he and the fist-pumping, beer-guzzling Italian-Americans we've come to laugh at with will be back next summer.

"They want us to do another season," he said at a Youth in Revolt after-party at La Pomme. Really, who can blame the network for wanting to run it back?

The self-proclaimed guidos have gained instant celeb status, becoming staples on TV, celebrity gossip sites and at various nightlife events around the U.S.

So which venues meet the criteria? Those that can cough up cash!

Jersey Shore Cast Picture

Jersey Shore is a virtual lock for a second season.

Getting the entire Jersey Shore cast to an event can cost $30,000, and it's not like that's an asking price that no one's biting at - these tools are everywhere.

Individually, they aren't any cheaper. Fist-pumping with Mike (The Situation) and DJ Pauly D costs $7,500 per tough guy. Vinny, meanwhile, gets $3,500.

Those interested in getting to know lovebirds Ronnie Magro and Sammi Giancola can take advantage of a special package deal: A modest $3,000! A steal!

As for the shore's resident drama queen, an event featuring the annoying Oompa Loompa Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi goes for as much as $7,500.

Fire and brimstone not included.

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Move over, Snooki. You aren't the only Jersey Shore cast member involved in a physical altercation on the new reality show that's become a hit for MTV.

Ronnie Magro, known as the most juiced up of all the guidos but (mostly) a softie at heart, was arrested back in September after getting into a fight.

Snooks is Back

You better believe the cameras were rollin' too.

According to Seaside Heights, N.J., Police Chief Thomas Boyd, Ronnie (who also goes by Ronnie Ortiz-Magro) was arrested Sept. 4 for aggravated assault.

Ronnie told People that the charges were later dismissed, but adds that he did spend a few hours in jail, had a mug shot taken and paid $600 for bail.

However, Mike Mohl, chief of detectives with the Ocean County prosecutor’s office, says the case is with prosecutors and under review for further action.

Either way, Ronnie Magro won't repeat this mistake.

“I definitely felt out of place,” Ronnie Magro of being behind bars. “It’s definitely a place I never want to go back to again. Definitely a lesson learned.”

Still, Magro says he was provoked while walking home from a bar with Snooki and costar Sammi “Sweetheart” Giancola, who he is currently dating.

Magro says the other person involved was being disrespectful to his friends andshouting “racist” remarks at their African-American security guards.

Footage of the altercation will air in a future Jersey Shore episode, unlike the footage of Brad Ferro knocking Nicole Polizzi out cold in a separate fight.

“I’m really not a person who likes to fight,” Magro said. “He was just being a drunk jerk, saw the camera … [and] I think he chased us down like two blocks or something like that. At that point, you’re like, ‘What am I gonna do?’”

Magro also gets into a separate brawl on this week's episode.

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