Jenna Jameson turns 34 today, although there’s no truth to the rumor that she’s celebrating by sleeping with that many men.

It’ll obviously be 35 instead. One for good luck.

In all seriousness, folks, we wish Jenna nothing but the best. We doubt she’ll have trouble blowing out her candles.

According to our calendar of celebrity birthdays, Jameson will be joined today by a number of stars. Here’s a look at that eclectic mix of celebs:

• Hugh Hefner
• Leighton Meester
• Dennis Quaid
• Austin Peck (from As the World Turns)
• Cynthia Nixon

Jenna Jameson has made a living out of faking orgasms on camera.

Now, she’s faking the use of leather in a new ad campaign for PETA.

Jameson supports the use of “pleather,” a leather substitute whose manufacturing doesn’t involve the harming of animals.

The stance is only logical, coming from someone known for being an animal in bed. She doesn’t wanna see those of her ilk killed.

Here’s what we wanna know about this poster:

How does it not involve Jenna Jameson nude?

PETA is known for milking attention from the bare bodies of its spokesmen, such as Holly Madison, Joanna Krupa and Alicia Silverstone.

Yet, remarkably, the first porn star to appear in an ad is covered up?

Truly shocking.

Welcome, all you celebrity gossip and Hollywood news readers across the globe, to The Hollywood Gossip Caption Contest, a Friday tradition.

Who who this week’s contest, featuring porn star Jenna Jameson and boyfriend, UFC badass and Celebrity Apprentice star Tito Ortiz? Let’s find out.

It was a tough call, but we picked Kelly Belly as the winner. Woo! The winning caption appears beneath the photo. Scroll down for the full list of entries!

Thanks for playing and good luck again this week!

Jenna: I’m a virgin, Tito.

Now, if only we could get the former porn star to eat some of it.

As a surprise for boyfriend Tito Ortiz, Jenna Jameson recently popped out of his birthday cake.

She then shocked onlookers by doing her best Nicole Richie and Mischa Barton impression. Guests looked on, aghast. Chefs looked on, pleased that there was one less person they had to cook for at the party.

Jenna Jameson may no longer have giant boobs - a plastic surgeon cut those down to size last month - but it doesn’t appear as though Tito Ortiz cares, does it?

This huge-headed Ultimate Fighter is psyched to go home with his girlfriend in the scene captured below. Forget Paulina James, he’s thinking. I get to do naughty things to the world’s most famous porn star.

Score.

There was a time when Jenna Jameson nude was a common sight. Now, sadly, this image has been replaced by one of a gaunt former porn star.

We can’t even imagine what current adult film celebrities such as Paulina James would say about the fall of this industry icon. We’ll try to ask these actresses, once they get off their knees and off any Xerox machines. 

Jameson’s ex-husband, Jay Grdina, appears to have pulled out just in time. But that’s not too shocking. After all, the man is a former porn star himself.

He knows all about that kind of timing.

Jenna Jameson is the anti-Heidi Montag.

No, we don’t mean she’s dating a perfect gentleman (although we’re sure UFC figher Tito Ortiz is very nice). Instead, we’re referring to the fact that this former adult film star actually underwent a breast reduction two weeks ago.

As Victoria Beckham and her enormous boobs shake themselves in dismay over this notion, Jameson spoke with Us Weekly about the procedure and more…

On why she had her implants removed:
“When I had implants, I felt uncomfortable. I would be shy at the beach. I know it sounds funny, but I’d wear high-necked clothes – unless I was at an adult-film convention. So I thought, Why don’t I be who I am and get my real ones back?”

On how removing the implants changed her:
“Even for women with naturally large boobs, getting a reduction is so freeing. I feel like I can stand up straighter…before, when I jogged, I had to hold my boobs. I looked like I was molesting myself!”

On how she felt post-surgery:
“Ecstatic. The first thing I did when I got home was open my bra. I wasn’t supposed to but I did. I was so happy, I cried. It was like looking into the mirror when I was 17.”

On whether she’s done with porn forever:
“Yes. A hundred percent.”

* The Hollywood Gossip note: More roles just opened up for Paulina James.

On who will play her in a movie about her life:
“I would love Scarlett Johansson to play me. I think Rachel McAdams is amazing, and Sienna Miller.”

* The Hollywood Gossip note: Maybe that’s why a nude Sienna Miller was showing off her body this week. She’s practicing for the role.

On celebrating her one-year anniversary with boyfriend Tito:
“I had my surgery while he was in Iraq on a USO tour. He was so excited: ‘I’m coming home to brand new boobies.’”

This Week’s Sign of the Apocalypse:

Nicole Richie may have bigger boobs than Jenna Jameson.

We’re barely kidding. New photos of Joel Madden’s pregnant girlfriend make it apparent her previously gaunt figure and chest are receiving sizable boosts from the baby growing inside her stomach.

Jameson, meanwhile? Yikes. What would fellow porn star Kendra Jade say about the image of this former busty blond below?

While previous stick figures such as Richie, Keira Knightley and Kate Bosworth are actually packing on some pounds, Jenna looks less healthy than the relationship between Lauren Conrad and Heidi Montag. It’s getting sad.

In the past, ex-flame Jay Grdina mocked Jameson for her tremendous weight loss, but this is no longer a laughing matter. Someone needs to shove something in Jenna’s mouth ASAP.

Tito Ortiz, that’s your job, right?

It’s been a tough week for guys hoping to ogle their favorite hotties naked.

First, pimp/father Joe Simpson announced there would be no Jessica Simpson nude in a porn star role anytime soon.

Now, it’s Scarlett Johansson turning away a similar option.

Despite circulating reports and Jenna Jameson’s hopes that the actress is just the right mix of sexy and mysterious, Scarlett Johansson will not play the porn star in the film adaptation of her autobiography. Possibly since she’s not skinny enough?

“Scarlett has never seen a script nor been approached about this project,” says her rep. “She also has no interest in playing this role.”

Maybe Scarlett Johansson could be convinced? Sorry, but a body like that is just made for certain roles. Can’t someone talk her into it? Anyway, moving on.

Speaking at the Comic Con convention in San Diego this weekend, Jenna Jameson, 33, said she was smitten with the 22-year-old Johansson after seeing her Golden Globe-nominated turn in the 2003 film Lost in Translation.

“I remember thinking to myself, this girl has such a sexuality without even really trying to be sexy,” Jameson said. “I was like, ‘This girl could play me.’”

Though she has met Scarlett Johansson only briefly, Jameson said their encounter left an impression. “I love her,” Jameson said. “She’s amazing. She’s smart, she’s funny… stunning.”

Jameson said it will be called Heartbreaker, based on Jameson’s 2004 book, How to Make Love Like a Porn Star, in which she detailed her rise to stardom in the porn industry.

Casting is crucial, said Jenna Jameson, emphasizing that the film needs more than just a pretty face. You know what she’s talking about.

“I don’t want someone who’s going to go in there and be like bouncing around,” she said. “I want someone who can bring some depth.”

Alas, the only screening Scarlett is going to make of this kind will be a private one, for reported beau Ryan Reynolds.

How risque Jenna’s movie is remains to be seen. Asked if it will be explicit, Jameson said, “It has to be. Not because we want to draw fans. Because I want to tell the true story.”

Jenna, let us be the first to recommend Eva Mendes or Megan Fox for the part. They may look nothing like you, but they don’t shy away from nude photos!

This just in: Tricia Helfer is sexy.

Fans of Battlestar Gallactica - and hot women in general - are shocked by that, we know.

But it’s now official: the actress has been listed at #63 on FHM magazine’s ranking of the 100 Sexiest Women in the World.

Who joined this blonde goddess?

Model Marisa Miller was considered the tenth hottest babe. Here are a few more from the poll:

88. Rachel Bilson. She’s moved beyond Summer Roberts and The OC by now. And while she may be in the arms of Hayden Christensen, she’s also in the hearts of men everywhere.

65. Megan Fox. Will star in this summer’s blockbuster, Transformers. May also star in the fantasy of many men after this quote: “I have the libido of a 15-year-old boy. My sex drive is so high. I’d rather have sex all the time than leave the house.”

37. Jenna Jameson. Yes, a porn star can still be sexy.

Even when the mystery of Jenna Jameson nude is pretty much gone at this point. Helping this hottie’s cause? She has been rumored to have had a sexual tryst with Jenny McCarthy.

21. Christina Aguilera. Remember when there was a debate between her and Britney Spears?

Seriously, we weren’t sure who was sexier a couple years ago. Now, though? Let’s just say we’re very jealous that Jordan Bratman gets to see Christina Aguilera nude every Sunday.

2. Katharine McPhee. With apologies to Haley Scarnato and Antonella Barba, this is the true American Idol beauty.

While Taylor Hicks may have somehow beat her out as last year’s champion, few top Katharine McPhee in the looks department.

1. Jessica Alba. We agree. Damn that Cash Warren.