iPhone 5

Jenna Jameson is off the hook after her alleged assault on her transgendered porn star assistant with a brass knuckles iPhone 5 case last Saturday.

Catch all that?

The Orange County D.A.'s Office has decided there just ain't enough evidence to pursue the case, despite Jenna Jameson's arrest Saturday night.

The porn queen was originally cited for battery after allegedly using the brass-knuckles iPhone case to hit Britney Markham at a Newport Beach salon.

Britney has since asked a judge for a restraining order against JJ; it is not known if she plans to file a civil lawsuit now that criminal charges are off the table.

More details have emerged following Jenna Jameson's arrest for battery over the weekend in California. The alleged victim is her assistant, apparently.

The weapon of choice? A brass knuckles iPhone 5 case. That's a new one.

Britney Markham filed a restraining order request, alleging that Jenna Jameson barged into a Newport Beach salon and started screaming at her.

Eventually, she punched her in the stomach and back with the device.

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If you're still using your hands to answer your iPhone 5, well, obviously you're missing out. N00b. Let this Japanese guy show you how it's DONE, son.

This dude demonstrates the ballerest way to pick up the hottest phone ever - a custom, state-of-the-art quick-draw contraption. Bow down to the master.

Because hands are for punks.

Japanese Guy's iPhone Quick-Draw System

After seeing his diagram and demonstration, two thoughts come to mind:

1. This guy is King of the Internet, at least until the next video we post in 15 minutes.
2. We really need one of those in 17 months when we can get an iPhone upgrade.

After a fox nabbed Lars Andreas Bjercke's iPhone 5 and took off into the woods, the Norwegian teenager certainly never thought he'd hear from the creature again.

He thought wrong, apparently.

Fox Steals iPhone

Bjercke had downloaded an app on his iPhone to make it emit rabbit noises, then played it at night to coax a fox into his yard, just to see how that would play out.

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For those unsatisfied with a mere singular screen on your iPhone 5, popSLATE is for you.

An "E-Ink" screen in an iPhone 5 case, it's always illuminated and totally customizable, allowing you to live Tweet Vampire Diaries and text your mom at the same time!

Check out the promotional video demo for popSLATE here:

popSLATE

The only possible downsides: its .54-inch thickness, on top of the .30-inch iPhone 5, and its 2.64 ounce weight, on top of the iPhone 5′s 3.95 ounces.

With the iPhone 5's release captivating the tech-crazed world, a guy decided to glue one to the sidewalk on the device's release date and see if anyone would attempt to take it.

Spoiler alert: People did. Hard.

iPhone 5 Prank

The collective obsession with the world's hottest phone made for one of the hottest viral videos of the week, as people in Amsterdam's Leidseplein Square tried to snag that piece.

This could also be a great ad for Super Glue. Strong stuff! That thing was not going anywhere. A few people even attempted to kick the iPhone 5 loose, to no avail.

Surprisingly, Kris Jenner was not one of them.

Kris Jenner is far too important to wait in line for the iPhone 5. She has far too many decisions to make about the lives of her children.

Therefore, according to a new Radar Online report, the mother of Kim Kardashian and kompany did all she could last week to avoid any waiting in line for the new apparatus when it went on sale September 21.

Sources allege that Jenner called her local Apple store and grew irate when it would not set aside five phones for her.

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