Howard K. Stern Gossip

Take this with a grain of salt as big as Jason Davis.

But the latest celebrity gossip rumor is based around a new tell-all about Anna Nicole Smith from former MSNBC journalist Rita Cosby. It alleges - make sure you're sitting down for this - that Howard K. Stern and Larry Birkhead were secret gay lovers.

The book, "Blonde Ambition: The Untold Story Behind Anna Nicole Smith's Death" describes a brief tryst between Stern and Birkhead. Jackie Hatten, described as a friend of Anna Nicole's, claims she found Stern and Birkhead with shirts off and pants around their ankles, engaged in the Antonella Barba special.

That's not all: the tome also accuses the feuding men of cutting a deal between them in which Birkhead would get custody of Dannielynn in return for Stern being named executor of Anna Nicoles estate.

Both Birkhead and Stern deny all of Cosby's accusations. The former said that he was disgusted by Cosby's assertions and "if she printed that then she is really getting sued," he said.

Stern's lawyer called the book "false and defamatory."

Yes, you read that right. Forget Matthew McConaughey, George Clooney and their annual battle for Sexiest Man Alive honors. This battle is for the complete opposite (dis)honor.

This list, compiled by the amazing Boston Phoenix, is chock full of irritating smirks, bad haircuts, possible murders and some seriously ugly mugs. Yup, the Phoenix list of The 100 Unsexiest Men Alive has it all, and we've got the highlights...

100. Tom Cruise. The heat that Tom Cruise emitted early in his career has long evaporated, leaving only a smirking corpse in its wake. Cruise struts around like a smaller, yappy version of Arnold Schwarzenegger as The Terminator, but comes off creepier, given his campaign to impregnate and wed enslave hot actresses.

92. Osama bin Laden. Here's a man that could use a makeover. Note to Osama: camouflage jackets have been out since the millennium. Sure, there's not a surplus of hip outlets â€" or even dry cleaners â€" in the caves of Afghanistan. But come on.

87. Joe Simpson. The former Baptist minister relentlessly pimps his daughters (Ashlee and what's-her-name) to MTV, John Mayer and Pete Wentz, then makes ourskin crawl by ogling his offspring's endowments. Gnarly.

79. Joe Francis. Skeezy creator of Girls Gone Wild stuck it to Paris Hilton and Tara Reid. If doing that disease-ridden duo wasn't enough to warrant his place on this list, he's headed to jail on contempt-of-court charges.

56. Kim Jong-Il. Besides an uncanny resemblance to Tom Cruise, the deranged North Korean demigod is a porn connoisseur, binge drinker and womanizer. Oh, and a mass murderer with nukes.

45. The Duke Lacrosse Team. You go to Duke. You play lacrosse. Yet your social life is so barren that you've got to rent a couple of cut-rate strippers? You dudes are guilty... of having no game whatsoever.

35. Kevin Federline. Would've placed even higher had Britney Spears not gone off the deep end and made FedEx look relatively stable by comparison.

33. Spencer Pratt. This obnoxious star of the MTV "documentary" series The Hills (left) has greasy hair, a veiny neck and forehead, circa 1994 gold chains and a cast-iron jaw. Yet he still manages to get Playboy playmates' numbers (while straight up playing Heidi Montag and making Lauren Conrad's life a living hell). Spencer Pratt, we loathe thee.

30. Howie Mandel. Few things are less sexy than obsessive-compulsive disorder and fear of touching others. That spells bad news for the freaky host of Deal or No Deal. No deal, Howie Mandel. No deal.

28. Dustin Diamond. Deviant, cretinous former child star who scammed his fans by selling shirts to help him avoid foreclosure â€" there were no such proceedings against him. Then there was the Dustin Diamond sex tape in which Screech gave two skanks the Dirty Sanchez.

27. Mr. Blackwell. His relevance is on life-support, but he nonetheless makes the news every year with his embarrassing list of the best- and worst-dressed celebrity fashion offenders.

25. O.J. Simpson. We're not even gonna go there.

23. Pete Doherty. "Heroin chic" is predicated on being able to do lots and lots of drugs without looking like a skid-row pin cushion. Somehow Pete Doherty (below) didn't get the memo. By association, he made coked-up gal-pal Kate Moss unsexy, too, for which men the world over will curse him forever.

20. Jared Fogle. Ubiquity and over-exposure has turned a merely annoying ex-fatty Subway pitchman into a serious pain in the ass.

18. Mel Gibson. Hateful director with massive alcohol problem.

11. Perez Hilton. Exponentially overhyped celebrity gossip blogger whose sense of entitlement far outweighs his contribution to society. Oh yeah, Perez Hilton is also gross.

7. Sanjaya Malakar. The class clown of American Idol is operating under the delusion that he's the class stud. Shyamali Malakar, on the other hand...

6. Don Imus. Long before Don Imus (below, left) got the ax for calling the Rutgers womens' basketball team a bunch of "nappy-headed hos," this talk-show troll established himself as one of the ugliest faces in an industry that prizes them.

3. Howard K. Stern. We understood the zillion-year-old billionaire: Anna Nicole Smith would sleep with anything for money. But her dalliance with this glassy-eyed salamander of a man (above, right) forced Americans to lower her standards: she'd screw anything with... kidneys? At least she was smart enough not to have a baby with him.

1. Donald Trump. It's not the greed, the preposterous comb-over, or the public bullying that turns us off any more: it's the pursed lips and the scrunched stare. Actually, scratch that: it's still the hair, the greed, and the bullying.

Forgive us if we don't believe everything Howard K. Stern says.

But in a recently released statement, the immoral lawyer claims Anna Nicole Smith could have been saved if she'd been hospitalized before her death â€" but she refused emergency care, fearing a "media frenzy."

After announcing Smith's autopsy results on Monday, Broward County Medical Examiner Joshua Perper said Smith had been suffering from a stomach flu, a 105-degree fever and an infection from repeated drug injections.

At the same time, she was using a long list of medications, including the powerful sleeping drug chloral hydrate, methadone, valium, several antidepressant and anti-anxiety drugs, longevity medications, vitamin B12 and growth hormone, the Associated Press reports. The loving mother of Dannielynn died from an accidental drug overdose.

If Smith had sought treatment for her flu, she might have been saved, Perper said, if only because her drug use could have been controlled:

"If she would have gone to the hospital she wouldn't have died because she wouldn't have had the opportunity to take the excessive amount of chloral hydrate."

But according to a statement from lawyers for Stern, she refused emergency care in the days before her death because "she did not want the media frenzy that follows her." We wish Larry Birkhead could've stepped in.

The only issue that people are more focused on than the possibility of Britney Spears nude pictures is about to be settled:

A Bahamas Supreme Court judge has urged Howard K. Stern to submit Anna Nicole Smith's daughter to DNA testing to determine her father.

Justice Stephen Isaacs's directive Tuesday does not carry the force of an outright order, and Stern can still appeal, a high-ranking official who asked not to be identified tells People magazine.

But Stern's American-based lawyer, James Neavitt, said: "We will do whatever the court wants and he will comply with any orders."

He adds that Stern "is concerned about getting things over with and getting this behind him." And The Hollywood Gossip adds that he may be a murderer.

Smith's former boyfriend, Larry Birkhead, who claims to be IS the father of 6-month-old Dannielynn, said as he left the Nassau courtroom: "It was a good day for me."

He also expressed surprise that Shanna Moakler and Travis Barker were back together. Just kidding.

Move over, Rosie O'Donnell.

Donald Trump might actually hate someone more than you at this point.

The Donald called-in to the Don Imus Show on MSNBC this morning, just as the body of his "friend" Anna Nicole Smith was being transported from Broward Country Morgue to Miami International Airport.

At that point, Trump unleashed a verbal tirade aimed squarely at Howard K. Stern, calling him a "total loser" and a "hanger-on."

"There's something more to him than meets the eye," said Trump, adding: "the baby has got about a less than one percent chance of being his."

Less than that, we say. Dannielynn Hope Marshall Stern has suffered long enough without her actual father. Meanwhile, Trump appears to be on the side of justice in this case.

Just like he was with Tara Conner.

The list of unusual occurrences at the trial currently taking place to determine the burial grounds of Anna Nicole Smith is too long to delve into now.

But we can start with this: the dream of Judge Larry Seidlin is apparently to become the next Judge Judy. He yearns to be on TV so badly that Seidlin has even made a demo tape of cases that were recorded in his courtroom.

If that doesn't work out, he plans to make a sex tape with Kim Kardashian. Just kidding.

Anyway, back to the case: Scummy murderer Howard K. Stern testified that Anna wanted him to look into how secure cemetery ground plots were in the Bahamas because she and son Daniel were "afraid of bugs."

He also said Smith wanted to be buried near Marilyn Monroe in Los Angeles, but it was too expensive. Anna also talked about death often, fearing that she's pass away while giving birth to Dannielynn Hope.

Larry Birkhead is also inside the courtroom. Before entering, he said:

"I just look at a picture of my daughter and that's all I really need to see, to keep me strong."

Someone please give this man the child. He'll make a much better father than Dr. Sandeep Kapoor.

Why would Howard K. Stern commit murder?

Millions of dollars, of course.

Now that TMZ.com has obtained the will of Anna Nicole Smith (aka Vickie Lynn Marshall), we can see how much of a role Stern played in it.

The will is dated July 30, 2001.

It was drafted prior to Dannielynn Hope being born; therefore it indicates that Anna only had a son.

The will - which you can read by clicking here - entrusts all of Anna's property and names Stern as executor. There's a lot of legal talk in it, but let's just say that Howard isn't likely to be a poor man after its carried out.

Donald Trump may soon have company on millionaire's row.

We can't say for sure if Howard K. Stern murdered Anna Nicole Smith or not.

But we can state for the record that this lawyer's crying is pretty much as fake as Tara Reid's boobs. And those are really fake!

Here is the supposed father of Dannielynn Hope Marshall Stern in an interview he gave on The Insider. The show paid Howard $1 million for these crocodile tears.

The only question remaining, therefore, is: Who is less respectable, Stern or David Hans Schmidt?