Holly Montag
Gossip

This week on The Hills, Justin-Bobby continued to play mind games with Kristin, Holly got plastered again and Jayde Nicole went absolutely insane on Brody.

As always, The Hollywood Gossip editorial board looks back at back the previous night's The Hills (as we do for The City) awarding and taking away points  ...

This week's episode title comes from a text Justin sent Kristin after ditching her beach party, referring to her three strike rule. Yes, he wrote that. Minus 7.

Later, he surprises "boo" by showing up anyway. Plus 6, because like the naked guy on How I Met Your Mother, J-B's unpredictability totally works on girls.

Kristin Cavallari sure overdoes the fake Valley Girl accent, over-pronouncing each syllable trying to sound ditzy. Liiiiiike, yaaaaaa, Bro-dayyyyyy. Minus 5.

HOT preview for New Moon during commercials! Plus 3.

Holly Montag says her true love is Jack. As in Daniel. Minus 4 for this dreadful cliche and being one of the sloppier drunks out there. We hope she's acting.

Despite being wrapped around Justin's finger, Kristin admits she has feelings for Bro-dayyyyyy. Ahh, there's nothing like a freshly contrived love triangle. Plus 2.

Speaking of Brody's love life, either MTV's editors want to sabotage Jayde Nicole, or she is rapidly becoming mentally unbalanced. Jealous much. Jayde? Minus 6.

Random dude off-camera: "What is up with Holly?" Great question. Plus 9.

Team Enzo! Plus 7, because even Spencer Pratt is warming to his adorable little neighbor. He tries, but can't even pretend to hate him anymore. It's kind of cute.

For the love of G*d, what the hell is Holly wearing at Speidi's!? Minus 4. Is The Hills secretly a cult where you have to drop 25 pounds and get plastic surgery?

Concerned Heidi Montag tells her troubled, drunk sis that she would, like, do anything for her (going to her b-party without a fee notwithstanding). Plus 6. B!tch.

Obligatory Minus 5 for Kristin not being Lauren Conrad. Are we really supposed to care about this girl and become invested in all her personal drama? Fail.

For the Love of Ray J preview during commercials! Plus 3.

TOTAL: +5! SEASON TOTAL: +43! We're still having a hard time caring about Kristin in any way, but at least Holly, Jayde and Justin are total loose cannons.

Holly Montag celebrated her 26th Birthday party at Empire Hollywood in L.A. Saturday, a get-together that ended with Stephanie Pratt arrested for DUI.

An interesting subplot? The absence of Speidi, a.k.a. Heidi Montag (Holly's younger sister) and her husband, loathesome PR mastermind Spencer Pratt.

It made little sense that the gruesome twosome wouldn't be on hand (and makes even less that they have not commented on Stephanie's arrest since).

Well, according to reports, Heidi Montag was invited, but was a no-show. The reason? No one was willing to pony up cash for her to come. No freebies!

"Holly wished her sister could just be a sister and stop by her birthday party, but Heidi only goes places if she is getting paid," an insider said. "I mean, this is her sister and she wouldn’t even show up without a fee. That’s disgusting."

Would it surprise you if Heidi wanted to be paid to associate with Holly?

The evening did get some publicity, however, as the b-day girl’s BFF and The Hills star Stephanie Pratt was arrested on suspicion of a DUI after leaving.

The 23-year-old She-Pratt has a prior criminal record, having been arrested in Hawaii on both second-degree theft and drug violations back in 2006.

"She usually doesn’t drive to parties and is always really careful," an insider said. "Her mother is devastated, she is with her at home trying to lay low."

Ironically, Holly's drinking problem was the focal point of Tuesday's The Hills.

Neither Spencer or Heidi has commented on Stephanie's incident. Moreover, Speidi issued a denial of the above story, but only through their rep.

The rep said Heidi wanting to get paid to come is "absolutely not true." That's it. No hilarious statement from Spencer himself. Something is amiss.

Last night on The Hills, Justin-Bobby cast his familiar spell over both Kristin and Audrina, while Holly Montag was enraptured by something else toxic: Alcohol.

As always, The Hollywood Gossip looks back the previous night's episode of The Hills (as we do for The City) awarding and taking away points as we see fit ...

Kristin Cavallari's dad on Brody Jenner: "Is he still in love with himself?" Plus 4.

Kristin on Brody and Jayde Nicole: "They're one of those couples that's either all over each other in public or screaming and breaking up." So true! Plus 3.

Audrina Patridge hangs out with Justin's buddy Derek, who notes that Audrina and Justin were off-and-on for four years. Four years! Belated Minus 7.

Reflecting on Justin ditching her at Brody's, Kristin insists she's gonna make him work for it. Her annoying hair flipping tells us this is untrue. Minus 5.

Holly Montag gets plastered at Brent Bolthouse's Photo Exhibit. Plus 11 for leaving even Spencer speechless, and Plus 2 more for Holly's classic drunk-girl line: "Like, I feel like every second of my life is the greatest second of my life!"

Obligatory Minus 2 for Stephanie Pratt's awful plastic surgery, but Plus 9 for the irony of her commenting on Holly's drinking problem when just last Sunday, Stephanie got arrested for DUI ... after Holly's wild birthday party!

Spencer calls Holly the "girl version of Spencer Pratt" in referencing her drinking too much. Still, you can tell he kind of means it as a compliment. Plus 3.

Holly Montag arrives at Speidi's intervension and orders a margarita in the first five seconds. Perhaps a Mexican restaurant wasn't the best venue. Plus 5.

Justin-Bobby cooks Kristin dinner and half-heartedly apologizes for flaking on Brody's party. Naturally, Kristin's defenses (and pants) drop. He disposes of his shirt, they meander into the bedroom and bone. Absolutely pathetic. Minus 5.

For whatever reason, Audrina meets Justin-Bobby for drinks. He says nothing compares to her and that he and Kristin aren't together. He says she shouldn't hang out with Derek again. She agrees. Absolutely beyond pathetic. Minus 10.

TOTAL: +8! SEASON TOTAL: +38! The Hills thrives on such things, but a Justin-Bobby love triangle is hard to be enthralled by. We can't believe we're saying this, but more Speidi! Hopefully Stephanie's DUI was caught on tape.

Sunday morning's Stephanie Pratt DUI arrest took place following a wild and crazy night out at Empire to celebrate the birthday of Holly Montag, sister of Heidi.

Speidi was not on hand, although Stacie the bartender from The Hills apparently was. This was a Z-list party if ever there were one. Here's the three of them:

The Hills extras enjoy a night of fun. A little too much fun.

Click to enlarge more pictures of the drunken revelry below. These were taken earlier in the night, before Stephanie stumbled out of the club and attempted to drive.

Still no mug shot yet. Give it time.

Some more details have been revealed regarding the highly-anticipated and heavily airbrushed Heidi Montag nude photo spread in the September issue of Playboy:

She's not actually nude. How do we know?

"She's not nude," her sister Holly Montag told Us Weekly. "Her Maxim cover was so gorgeous and tasteful, and I know Playboy is going to be the same."

Yes. We would definitely call those Maxim pics gorgeous and tasteful.

Despite the lack of Heidi Montag nude, Holly says "It's really cool that she can be part of the Playboy family. I love it. I go there all the time and play poker."

"I love the girls there. It's very cool to be a part of that legacy."

Holly Montag has a way with words. Much like "Maxim" and "tasteful," you don't often hear"Playboy" and "legacy" intertwined in the same thought. [Photos: Fame]

Holly Montag is equally psyched for her newly-married, horse-faced sister to make ears bleed at the 2009 Miss Universe Pageant telecast on August 23.

"She will kill half the audience with it," Holly said of Heidi. "I know she will give the best performance ever. She's a phenomenal performer and dancer."

"That's what she's born to do. I think when she's stepping into her own in singing and concerts, people will see that that's where she really shines."

As for things with her new brother-in-law Spencer Pratt?

"We're actually getting along really well right now," Holly said. "I don't want to jinx it, but he's been awesome as a brother and better than ever."

The hottest reality TV non-star couple that wasn't is officially not. If that makes any sense. In other words, Holly Montag and Sanjaya Malakar are just friends.

Despite becoming close on I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here, Holly Montag insists there is no jungle fever with American Idol punch line Sanjaya Malakar.

"We are not dating but just very close," the sister of Heidi Montag said at the Sports Dream Celebrity Poker pool party in Beverly Hills over the weekend.

Although they aren't a couple, a source told Us Weekly the two had plans to go to Hawaii together and drove from L.A. to Seattle to meet his parents.

What does the 25-year-old Montag make of the romance rumors?

"It was funny," Holly said. "I was shocked because we were such close friends, and I had no idea that anyone else thought there was anything romantic going on. People in camp joked about it, but we knew it was a joke so it was funny to us."

No matter what, Heidi Montag doesn't let all the celebrity gossip and rumors stop her from being best friends with the great Sanjaya Malakar. [Photos: Fame Pictures]

"We will continue our friendship forever," she says.

If they do decide to take their relationship to the next level, however, they can rest assured that Spencer Pratt will give them his blessing.

I will very happily hand the famed cup of superstar couple on planet Earth to Sanjaya and Holly in a second," he said recently. "Go for it!"

This story seems far-fetched, but we must remember, Sanjaya Malakar is a sexy beast. The man exudes hotness. He is the personification of raw lust.

How could Holly Montag possibly resist?

Holly, who starred on I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here after her sister Heidi Montag and her husband Spencer Pratt infamously bailed, reportedly began a romance with fellow contestant Sanjaya Malakar during her stint in Costa Rica.

What's more, The Hills "star" and the former American Idol "star" are keeping the romance alive after leaving the show! They're going on a vacation!

"Holly and Sanjaya are headed to [the Hawaiian island of] Kauai tomorrow morning so she can meet his parents," an insider tells Life & Style Weekly.

"It's getting serious!"

We can only hope this lasts, if only so Speidi can try to make Holly and Sanjaya's wedding all about them. And so Sanjaya can sing at the reception.

After the tumultuous last week that saw her sister quit, return, be locked in the "lost chamber," hospitalized and quit again, Holly Montag made her debut on NBC's I'm a Celebrity... Get Me Out of Here on Wednesday night.

"I'm Holly Montag, you might know me from a little show called The Hills," Heidi's sister said upon arriving last night and leaving the cast wanting answers.

The group froze and was instantly suspicious, but seemed to come around as they saw Holly for what she is - a far less interesting version of Heidi Montag.

Heck, Celebrity is pushing it harder regarding Holly than it is with the Baldwin brothers. Although Janice Dickinson quickly took Holly under her ancient wing.

Speidi has departed Costa Rica for good, leaving Holly Montag to take over for the gruesome twosome. No offense, Holly, but please, do something for once.

Holly did make an impression early in her tenure on I'm a Celebrity... Get Me Out of Here, however, helping the women's team win a crucial food challenge.

Stephen Baldwin referred to Holly as "the sister-in-law of the thing that was," which is one of the better ways we've heard someone describe Spencer Pratt.

"Holly appears to be less high maintenance then Heidi," brother Daniel said. "Thank Jesus Christ almighty she hasn't pulled out a spray bottle of shampoo!"

Check out a video of Holly's moments in the jungle below ...

It's official. Heidi and Spencer Pratt have left the island. And unlike the Oceanic Six (Lost spoiler alert!), in the case of Speidi it looks like it's for good.

After multiple attempts to quit, allegations of torture by NBC and a trip to the hospital, the gruesome twosome finally bailed on I'm A Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here - even though they were welcomed back into the competition Monday night.

The Hills stars were pretty much unanimously allowed back into the fold on the program after emerging from a night in the "Lost Chamber."

"No surrender, no retreat," Spencer Pratt could be heard screaming. "The only way we got through was praying, and Jesus delivered us."

But Speidi's alleged resurrection didn't win over everybody.

"I don't believe them for a second," newcomer Daniel Baldwin opined on Spencer and Heidi. "This is the wolf in sheep's clothing."

Even Daniel's brother Stephen Baldwin, a born-again Christian himself, thought Spencer was exhibiting a "spiritual hemorrhoid" in his zeal.

Heidi was hospitalized Saturday after a night in the shack, setting off a war of words between Spencer (who may sue), NBC (which will sue back), Stephanie Pratt (who says Heidi was tortured) and Speidi's publicist (who says no torture occurred).

From what we've gathered, it turns out Heidi came down with intense stomach pain and started vomiting, she hadn't eaten since the night before and, according to her fellow contestants, she wasn't drinking enough water, either.

"I threw up at least 10, 15 times last night," said the ailing Heidi Montag, who was hospitalized in Costa Rica and treated before being released.

Spencer added: "If Heidi is sick, then I'm sick because we are of one flesh."

Later in the episode, camp leader Lou Diamond Phillips informed his fellow celebrities (term used loosely) that Speidi would not be returning.

"They are no longer a part of this competition," he said. "They are gone."

Calling it the "best decision of their lives," Spencer Pratt confirmed they are leaving for good, and that it was the "best decision" of their lives.

"We gave it our all in the competition," he said.

"Now, it's about our health. At the end of the day, we went back in and proved it wasn't about us. This was a life-changing experience."

But not to fear, Speidi followers. NBC - surprise - had anticipated such an event. Heidi's sister, Holly Montag, is now coming aboard this week!

The hour-long finale of The Hills began with Lauren Conrad and Lo Bosworth packing up their house. Guess now that Lauren is retiring from The Hills, she has to move out of the $2.2 million house MTV was paying for. Just kidding. Maybe.

The roommates decide to throw a final party for their closest friends.

What a perfect opportunity to stage awkward conversations about Spencer and Heidi's wedding and tie up plot points bring the whole gang together for a fun time.

Encouraged by Frankie Delgado to attend the upcoming Speidi wedding, LC responded with, "I'll be at the next one." Ohhhhh, snap, Spencer. No way she's going now, right? Well, don't be so sure. Because we already know she is.

After all, Spencer Pratt is a changed man if you haven't noticed. He even convinced Heidi Montag's mom, Darlene, to give him her blessing. Impressive.

Brody Jenner, however, was not buying Spencer's "nice guy" persona.

"You have lost your mind," Brody laughed during a guys' lunch with his childhood BFF, who admitted going to marriage counseling. "I have a beautiful relationship with a beautiful girl. We have a great time - we don't need to go to therapy!"

Notwithstanding cheating on Jayde Nicole with Audrina Patridge, sparking Audzo's feud with Jayde that has dominated much of this spring, of course.

Meanwhile, Heidi was in full wedding-planning mode. Too bad her maid of honor was the most inept, unstable and worthless maid of honor in history.

Amazingly, we are not talking about Stephanie Pratt!

Heidi's big sister Holly Montag had the big title and managed to mess it up at every turn. She didn't write down the gifts Heidi got at her shower, gave a comically bad speech at the rehearsal dinner, and had an epic, drunken meltdown later.

Absolutely amazing showing, Holly.

Once the big day arrived, all anyone could talk about was whether LC would show up. And she did. A little awkwardly. Their exchange went as follows:

Lauren Conrad:  "You're getting married!"
Heidi Montag: "It's crazy! And you're here!"
Lauren Conrad: "I'm supposed to be."

Read: Because the producers made her. Knowing she's not returning to The Hills after this particular event, she can't even hide her disdain and fake it.

The guests at the wedding included Justin-Bobby, who clearly did not bother to shower, along with Perez Hilton, Spencer's Nana and Heidi's dad, Bill.

Oh, and lightning rod Kristin Cavallari, who shockingly returned to the MTV payroll witness the nuptials of the couple she helped set up many years ago.

As Lauren Conrad realized that she had been replaced, by Kristin Cavallari, on her own show, and reacted with what appeared to be legitimate disgust, her former rival successfully recaptured the spotlight in a matter of minutes.

She flirted with Justin-Bobby for reasons unknown, rubbed in Audrina's face that she flirted with him for obvious reasons (no wonder Audrina hates her already), flashed do-me eyes at Brody, glared at LC and caught Heidi's bouquet.

Oh, and Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag officially tied the knot. Hooray, we guess.