by Free Britney at . Comments

This week on TLC's Here Comes Honey Boo Boo, we learn that Alana has started "dating" for the first time. Kids. They grow up so fast, don't they?

In her case, WOW is that fast.

Reality TV Family
This family is way more famous than you are. It's just unclear why, exactly.

How does Mama June Shannon, herself a mother at an extremely young age (she's 34 and one of her kids has already gotten engaged) feel about it?

Sugar Bear and the girls are more than willing to be alone, as we've seen, so after Anna and Kaitlyn moved out of the house, family time is sparse.

No longer. Alana is the only one left who's willing to hang out with her mom, which she won't tolerate and organizes a major forced family fun endeavor.

After Alana makes breakfast (only June comes), they paint pottery (Pumpkin causes a scene) and game night fails epically, June brings 'em all four-wheeling.

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This week on Here Comes Honey Boo Boo, Sugar Bear's still out of work because of dizzy spells, and needs to be stress free before he goes back to work.

The problem there is that June Shannon is the cause of more stress than ever, complaining and bossing like a ... well, like the boss of like everybody.

After growing generally fed up with all this, the family comes together to decide that if Mama didn't yell and "bitch," they might actually do something.

Novel concept.

This is June Shannon

Anna, who along with Kaitlyn, left last week to move in with her boyfriend, and as a housewarming gift, June gifted her her very own coupon stockpile.

That's the good news. The bad news is that the family dog was hit by a car and died, which did not help the efforts of Sugar Bear to calm down a bit.

In the second half of the hour, we learn that Mama June has been couponing more and more, even by her standards. It is taking over the house.

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by Free Britney at . Comments

The Shannons and Thompsons are back in Here Comes Honey Boo Boo Season 4 Episode 1. When we last left the family, Anna and Michael just got engaged.

Now, on the fourth season premiere that aired last night, we see that even more changes are afoot for the big family that is somehow still on a TLC show.

Here Comes Honey Boo Boo Season 4 Episode 1 saw Anna set out on planning her wedding and moving out of Mama June's house, to her chagrin.

It's not the birthday present she had in mind. June Shannon is turning 34 in this episode. She was born in 1979. Just take a moment and let that sink in.

In honor of this event, the girls decide to throw a tropical stay-cation, transforming the place into a Hawaiian beach complete with a Mario Lopez cut-out.

Unfortunately for June, Anna ultimately moves out with Michael and Kaitlyn, so it's a bittersweet moment, but also a rite of passage she can't oppose.

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by Free Britney at . Comments

To close out Honey Boo Boo Season 3 Thursday night, this past-its-prime TLC series posed the frightening possibility that June might be expecting again.

Where is Aunt Flowey, June wondered. That's her nickname for her period.

That's also the sound of vomit flowing from our stomachs into our mouths.

Before we found out if she's expecting, however, Here Comes Honey Boo Boo Season 3 Episode 11 got underway with June lamenting her "crazy mood swings."

She also admitted, "I don't need another kid." Uhhh, no kidding, June.

She then gave Honey B.B. Alana a lecture about how one's period is like "pinatas in your belly filled with candy" and how blood comes out of the "froot loop."

A demonstration of maxi pads and absorption followed. Incredibly, this is one of the least gross things you'll see if you watch Here Comes Honey Boo Boo online.

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by Free Britney at . Comments

Last night on Here Comes Honey Boo Boo Season 3 Episode 8, June came up with the idea of a curse jar. As in if the kids curse, they'll pay for it.

Side note: Remember when TLC really stood for The Learning Channel and you could actually learn stuff by watching it instead of having your brain rot?

We're just curious.

Anyway, if you watch Here Comes Honey Boo Boo online or on The Learning Channel when it airs live, you know June and the crew use some colorful language.

The winner of this game to clean up their mouths would earn a steak to shove into his/hers. The person who lost the most would have to eat salad.

The horror.

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by Free Britney at . Comments

On Here Comes Honey Boo Boo Season 3 Episode 6 last night, Sugar Bear was SHUT DOWN in his attempt to fornicate and procreate with June Shannon.

If there's any chance you're still with us after reading that sentence, you'll be amused at the best/worst quote of the season, with which she negged him:

  • Sugar Bear Photo
  • Mother of Honey Boo Boo

"My biscuit is closed for business."

Unappealing as it may be to visualize June's biscuit, Sugar Bear astonishingly suggests marriage counseling (or TLC put that in this week's script).

In any case, they went there in Honey Boo Boo Season 3 Episode 6, and June admits she enjoys couponing more than sex, which is sad for Suge.

Saving money is pretty fun, though. You gotta give her that.

The Bear says it's not just about honey on the biscuit, though, but simple things such as a snuggle or a kiss goodnight that he feels he's not getting.

On that note, June comes around. It's quite touching.

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by Free Britney at . Comments

A double shot of Here Comes Honey Boo Boo? Oh yes. And you thought Thursday night TV couldn't get any better. Looks like you thought wrong.

The first installment, Here Comes Honey Boo Boo Season 3 Episode 4, was entitled “Get a Job.” Lacking money to buy a pool, they crew digs a hole.

Fun as that is, the go-getter Thompsons walk dogs, wash cars, clean toilets and the like in an effort to get their acts together and earn their keep.

Inspirational, really. As is Mama June warning Anna and Jessica about their impending double date, saying, “That’s how I got two of y’all by age 17.”

Words to live by right there. It would be effective as a birth control ad.

Afterward successfully chaperoning and making sure no pants come off, June exhales, saying, “It’s another day where my girls ain’t getting impregnated.”

High five.

Honey Boo Boo herself, Alana, basically serves little purpose these days, other than to weigh in on the older folks' antics with lines like “boys are gross, like boogers."

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by Hilton Hater at . Comments

The world of reality television gave us a lot of poop talk this week, along with Si Robertson finally catching up to the 21st century, a former NBA star being cast on Survivor and a young mother choosing to terminate her fetus.

On DANCE MOMS, the crew took off for Virginia and did battle with their arch rival, as a fight broke out among the parents over rehearsal time and other issues these adults take way too seriously.

Such as? Watch Dance Moms online for the answer:

On TEEN MOM 2, things grew quite serious, as we caught up with the four main ladies, learned one of their children had been diagnosed with a series disorder and also watch Jenelle chose to have an abortion.

Watch Teen Mom online for a lot more:

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by Free Britney at . Comments

Here Comes Honey Boo Boo Season 3 Episode 3 treated viewers to television of the highest quality as always, as June and Sugar Bear went honeymooning.

Yup, it was the scripted reality TV show staple, with producers sending a couple on the "honeymoon they never had" and waiting for silly antics to ensue.

Only in HCHBB's case, it was a familymoon, if you will.

NOTE: If you will, then we sort of feel sorry for you.

NOTE #2: We can't turn away either, it's okay.

While Suge didn't care where they went as long as a vibrating bed was involved, the ensuing trip brought the Thompson clan to museums, candy shops and such.

It's unclear what's less appealing to think about, those two copulating, or the entire family using the same RV toilet without flushing. Gotta conserve water?

Who's to say, really, with these individuals. Other "highlights" (term used loosely) from Here Comes Honey Boo Boo Season 3 Episode 3 included ...

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by Hilton Hater at . Comments

There was mud. There were mullets. There was pooting. And there was sex talk based around cereal.

Yes, folks, Here Comes Honey Boo Boo kicked off Season 3 in style last night.

The opening episode centered around Sugar Bear needing his own space, especially when talked to maxi pads and when Pumpkin turned the house into her own beauty parlor.

Enter The Manper.

This monstrosity was parked in the driveway, much to June Shannon's outrage, as the woman who "wears the stretch pants" in the family insisted she'd force her now-husband to get rid of it.

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