Heather Mills
Gossip (Page 3)

We assume Heather Mills only listens to the voices in her head.

But let's hope the one-legged former call girl and Mrs. Paul McCartney at least heeds the advice of Mary Jo Eustace.

As the scorned ex-wife of Dean McDermott, who left her for Tori Spelling, Mary Jo Eustace speaks from experience when she offers advice to Mills.

"First rule of combat, Heather - if I can call you Heather - is to never, ever, let them see you sweat," Mary Jo recently said, in reference to Mills' public breakdown on British television.

"I really think it is time to stop trying so hard, because frankly even going on Dancing with the Stars again will not salvage this mess. Please listen carefully - no more TV interviews, or scrapbooking, or threatening to take a Beatle down, or saying you thought of suicide when you probably didn't, or asking for water at room temperature when nobody really know what that temperature is.

Now is the time to forget about the court of public opinion, because let's face it, even when you win that, what does it all mean in the end?"

Wow. Eustace sounds just like newswoman Melissa Theuriau, telling it like it is.

"A family has broken up," she continued. "There is a child involved and you will have to deal with that Sir Paul McCartney whether you like it or not. And for God's sake, look at the positives - financially, you will never have to worry about your daughter's well-being or your own.

As a matter of fact, you can probably enjoy a lovely quality of life and become anonymously involved with all the charities you so lovingly speak about. I can consider all of this a gift. Take it."

Amen, Mary Jo. We hope these words of wisdom prove to eligible bachelors out there that you're more of a catch than Mills and Spelling combined.

Hear that, Justin Brescia?

Heather Mills got dumped by both Paul McCartney and one of her legs a long time ago.

There's no word on the whereabouts of the latter, but the former is making out with Nancy Shevell these days.

Now, the latest entity to break up with Mills is the law firm that had represented her in her divorce from Sir Paul.

Following Heather's outburst on national TV earlier in the week, Shimon Cohen (of Mishcon de Reya Solicitors) confirmed news reports that the firm was no longer representing the nut job.

Mills also recently lost her media spokesman following the interview, during which she spoke on suicidal thoughts and railed against the celebrity gossip industry.

It's hard to say who had a worse week, Heather or Dog Chapman.

As the entertainment news industry continues to be abuzz with talk - and pictures! - of Paul McCartney and Nancy Shevell, the singer's insane ex-wife says she doesn't care about the relationship.

Which makes perfect sense. Heather Mills just wants her money.

"It's none of anybody's business what happens in Paul's love life," Mills said in another interview on British television.

Last week, of course, the one-legged former call girl went off about supposed suicide attempts and the unfair paparazzi. And while Mills claims those words were cathartic, they also appear to be detrimental to the literacy rate in England.

"A little girl came up to me and said, 'you made me cry last week,' and I felt bad," Mills said. "I said 'I didn't want to make you cry' and she said, 'I hate those bullying newspapers, I'm never going to buy a newspaper.'"

Way to go, Heather! This innocent child may not have a clue about the Iraq war, inflation rates or the health care system as she gets older. But at least she won't see you called any names!

If this story is true, Stella McCartney is our new hero.

According to Perez Hilton, Sir Paul's daughter has exacted revenge on her evil stepmother by reportedly designing a one-leg necklace.

Sorry. We're gonna need a few minutes to stop laughing.

The silver, single-limbed pendant dedicated to Heather Mills was unveiled to a select group of fashion industry players in Paris last month; it's set to launch in the spring or summer 2008.

"A lot of people thought it was really edgy, while others secretly thought it was out of order," a source told the Daily Mirror. "It's such an obvious dig. It will cause a stir when it goes on sale."

An hilarious stir!

Heather Mills says erroneous, irresponsible celebrity gossip reports that have referred to her as a gold-digging, one-legged former call girl have led this gold-digging, one-legged former call girl to contemplate suicide.

Paul McCartney's ex broke down in tears talking about it on Britain's GMTV on Wednesday.

"Everything they write is complete rubbish," the former Dancing with the Stars contestant said. "They've called me a 'whore', a 'gold-digger,' a 'fantasist,' a 'liar' and the most unbelievably hurtful things. ... I've been so close to suicide."

As reported by People, Mills went on to say she hasn't actually been offered anything in her divorce battle with McCartney.

"I've been offered nothing, okay? Nothing!" she said, claiming to be nearly $3 million in debt in lawyers fees.

"And that's as much as I can say now, or I go to jail for telling the truth. So I'm gagged at the moment, because I'm not allowed to say a word while the media are fed this spin by a certain corner."

And what corner is that?

"A certain part of the tabloid media created such a hate campaign against me, that they put my life and my daughter's life at risk," she continued. "That's why I considered killing myself because I thought, if I'm dead, she's safe and she can be with her father. And that's the truth. I'm sick of it."

We don't wish any actual harm on anyone... but we do hope Lynne Spears and Dina Lohan are paying attention. Free Britney and Lindsay!

Paul McCartney used to sing that you can't buy him love.

The Beatles' star's ex-wife, however, doesn't seem to agree.

For months now, Heather Mills has been limping around on one real leg. She's also been trying to milk McCartney for all he's worth.

And Sir Paul has finally had enough. He recently told London's The Radio Times that "going through a divorce is a very painful thing." The statement follows a report that Mills rejected a $100 million settlement offer because she refused to sign the accompanying gag order that banned her from speaking about the failed marriage.

This woman redefines the term "gold digger" the way Britney Spears redefines "train wreck."

Meanwhile, Us Weekly reported that McCartney hinted to The Radio Times that he will persevere until the end of this ugly, drawn out drama.

"As Winston Churchill once said, 'If you're going through hell, keep going! The only solution is to remain dignified. If I don't keep a silence about it, I lose this idea of being dignified."

Furthermore, the icon said there was "no truth" to rumors linking him to Renée Zellweger.

He also isn't dating Tila Tequila.

From Britney and Kevin to the Tommy Lee-Kid Rock fight to that crazy lesbian Anne Heche, the spectacle of a public, bitter celebrity divorces sure is certainly one to behold. Here's The Hollywood Gossip's field guide to some of the major celebrities whose nuptials have unraveled before our eyes.

KEVIN FEDERLINE vs. BRITNEY SPEARS

He says: Not a lot. Because he has a good lawyer, and she says it all for him by parading around Hollywood clubs in no pants.
She says: He's "the biggest mistake she ever made" (and a stoner with no income).
Custody (of the kids): Currently 50-50, though FedEx is seeking a higher ratio of time with Sean and Jayden. Britney Spears' antics make that a distinct possibility.
Custody (of the fans): Kevin, we think. But only by attrition.

PAUL McCARTNEY vs. HEATHER MILLS

He says: She's got "personality issues," possibly code for "she used to be a high-priced call girl who serviced Arab arms dealers.
She says: The Beatles legend used to slap her around a little.
Custody (of the kids): Amicably shared, of daughter Beatrice.
Custody (of the fans): Paul by a wide margin across the Atlantic, but Mills won millions of fans stateside with her turn on Dancing with the Stars. A one-legged former hooker and "instructional sex tape" star, what's not to love?

COLEY LAFFOON vs. ANNE HECHE

He says: Anne Heche a frickin' nut!
She says: Coley Laffoon is a deadbeat who is addicted to porn, strippers and poker, as well as downloading sexual photos online.
Custody (of the kids): Bitterly contested, but split evenly, of son Homer.
Custody (of the fans): We gotta side with Laffoon, if only because he has no money and Heche had an affair with the equally-married James Tupper.

EMINEM vs. KIM MATHERS

He says: "I'd rather have a baby through my penis than get married again," Eminem said in 2002, after getting a divorce from Kim, who he was married to from 1999-2001. Note: He got married again. To Kim. In 2006. That's over too.
She says: His penis is small, doesn't work.
Custody (of the kids): Changes frequently.
Custody (of the fans): Eminem. Bitch crazy!

TOMMY LEE vs. KID ROCK

Lee (Pamela Anderson's husband for several years) says: Kid Rock is a wuss.
Kid (married to Pamela Anderson for three months in 2006) says: "Tommy Lee said some things that were extremely disrespectful to me."
Custody (of the kids): Tommy and Pam share custody of theirs 50-50. Thank goodness Kid Rock and Anderson did not procreate.
Custody (of the fans): Kid... but talk about a Rock and a head case!

ALEC BALDWIN vs. KIM BASINGER

He says: Kim is a manipulative liar who dedicates most of her live to making him miserable and not allowing him to see daughter Ireland.
She says: Alec and Saddam Hussein are pretty similar.
Custody (of the kids): Almost all Kim, especially after Alec infamously tore Ireland a new one on that gotta-hear-it-to-believe it voicemail.
Custody (of the fans): Alec Baldwin. Sure, he's got some personal issues. But watch this guy on 30 Rock and you just can't stay mad.

In a world of self-centered, spoiled celebrities, it's nice to see that Heather Mills isn't going the way of Lindsay Lohan or Britney Spears.

No, the ex-wife of Paul McCartney is completely grounded, lacking any air of self-entitlement. She just won't settle for anything under $100 million in the former couple's divorce case.

The Times of London is reporting that Mills turned down a $40 million offer - and the former Dancing with the Stars contestant won't budge on her demand for a large chunk of McCartney's billion-dollar net worth.

Lawyers in the case are wary of any settlements.

"It could well go to trial because they are both quite stubborn," one lawyer told the Times. "Five days is only a relatively short hearing, but then the issues are fairly straightforward and it was a short marriage."

But not short enough for Mills to realize how little she deserves, of course. Even Nicole Richie saw when she was beaten recently, pleading guilty in her DUI case and accepting jail time.

So get over yourself, you fake leg, attention-seeker. You've got plenty of money coming to you no matter what. And if you need more, there are always Heather Mills nude photos you can sell.

The Hollywood Gossip has learned to never say never when it comes to celebrity couples reuniting.

Shanna Moakler and Travis Barker taught us that lesson.

Now, the supposedly selfish, definitively handicapped Heather Mills is telling friends she'd actually like a second chance with Paul McCartney. Even - gasp! - if it costs her millions of dollars.

Such an admission came in a heart-to-heart with a close pal at the American Idol after show party in Los Angeles last week. The friend revealed: "She said she'd been devastated by the divorce and has become an emotional wreck.

"Heather doesn't care about the huge load of money coming her way. She'd much rather be happily married than rich and miserable."

This comes as a shock to us. It's like hearing that Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag would rather enjoy a quiet night alone than pose for every camera they see.

"She said she would gladly give back every penny for another shot at happiness with Paul," the source continued."She loved being married to him and it was the biggest regret of her life that things became so awful between them that divorce was the only option."

It looks like Dancing with the Stars may have truly changed Mills, as it has for so many celebs before her.

At one point during the bash at the Mondrian Skybar, one of LA's hottest nightspots, Heather was seen gazing mournfully out over the glittering skyline.

One surprised guest said: "She didn't sound like the total money-grabber we all thought she was. It's clear she still cares for Paul."

Wow. Next thing you know, word will spread that Paris Hilton's pussy is actually well taken care of.

Heather Mills is no longer Dancing with the Stars.

But she is loaded with cash.

Reports are coming in that Paul McCartney and his gold-digging ex-wife have buried what had been a very sharp hatchet, even going so far as to make plans - along with daughter Beatrice - for Sir Paul's 65th birthday in June.

The fact that Mills will be receiving $200 million in the couple's final divorce settlement may have helped matters along. This woman is more greedy than Dustin Diamond is horny.

Celebrity gossip photographers actually spotted the former couple smiling in each other's presence with little Beatrice around recently, a far cry from the rancor and bitter name-calling that had been the norm in months past.

The Hollywood Gossip is very disappointed by this development. Our news department relied on Mills/McCartney dustups like we relied on Britney Spears going insane.

We can only hope that Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt don't stop staging loving pictures any time soon.