Heather Mills
Gossip

Heather Mills is standing tall.

Well, as tall as one can stand with a fake leg.

The evil ex-wife of Paul McCartney has declared herself "so, so happy" with her nearly $50 million divorce settlement from the singing legend, an amount that was finalized this morning in London.

There was actually a time when Paul McCartney and Heather Mills were happy and... ah, who are we kidding? She was always after his money.

Despite receiving an enormous sum for being nothing but a spoiled ball and chain, Mills stood on the courthouse steps and could not let the issue slide.

"I am standing here because Paul is insistent on the whole judgment being put out. I've said that if the whole judgment goes out then all the transcripts have to go out because it's going to be written in a way that they will try and make it that I wasn't successful," she said.

Let is now be known: Heather Mills is a successful gold digger!

Heather Mills doesn't have the best reputation in Great Britain (or anywhere), but Londoners were stumped when Heather's face for some reason popped up all over London - a series of naked pics on call-girl flyers! Check it out ....

Fake or not, Heather Mills is seriously nude in these enticing advertisements!

The photos are actually part of a random, guerrilla marketing effort by the National Coalition of Anti-Deportation Campaigns, though we can't imagine Heather Mills' sordid, high-end call-girl past can be a coincidence.

We can't help but point out, also, that there are real, actual Heather Mills naked pictures out there, and not exactly in short supply.

Way to waste time faking them, morons!

On an unrelated note, this is the second most random (and slightly foul) story we've reported today, following only the Gene Simmons sex tape.

Forget the gold-digging Heather Mills for a moment.

Let's focus on the unfaithful Heather Mills.

According to Great Britain's News of the World, the former model had marathon sex sessions with film editor Tim Steel for six months while she was still married to Paul McCartney.

Steel says the former call girl would even show him texts from Sir Paul before she'd ravage him with her one leg and lack of morals.

"I didn't mind; I suppose I was flattered that Heather still wanted to have sex with me despite being pursued by this musical demi-god," Steel said.

So - gulp - what was Mills like in bed, Tim?

"Heather was insatiable between the sheets and she liked to call me her four-times-a-night guy. Our record was six," he said. "Most of the time it was multiple orgasms. Heather has a very unusual erogenous zone: her stump. I used to massage one particular sensitive area of it and give her an orgasm!"

That's grosser than the image of Holly Wellin providing Hillary Clinton with oral sex.

Another day, another picture of Heather Mills naked.

As more shots of the former Mrs. Paul McCartney emerge, courtesy of a 1993 photo shoot, it's been our pleasure to present them to readers on a frequent basis.

So here's a look at Mills, taking a break from digging gold to hug her bare breasts. No doubt she's on her knees for some millionaire that's stepped aside for the moment...

No wonder Heather Mills is continually trying to spank Paul McCartney in the former couple's divorce case. It's all she knows.

We've uncovered yet another lewd photo of Mills from a 1993 photo shoot. The one below, along with other Heather Mills pics from that time, were part of a "sex education manual," according to the one-legged digger of gold.

Well, if that's the case, Kim Kardashian has read it cover to cover.

Heather Mills is a porn liar.

Despite numerous denials that she had ever posed in the buff, new pictures have surfaced that show Paul McCartney's embattled ex-wife baring it all in a photo shoot taken before she lost her leg in a 1993 accident.

In photos obtained by the Britain's News of the World, Heather Mills squeezes into a red lace teddy with matching stockings, exposing her breasts and opening her legs in a pose that would make Breann McGregor proud.

Back when talk of her posing in such a fashion began last year - in reference to a German sex book - the one-legged gold-digger said:

"They eliminate the whole 20 years of my life of campaigning and put in things like 'hardcore porn queen,'"adding that the pictorial in question was actually part of a "sex education manual.

Take a look at the picture in question while we stifle laughter...

One leg, no clothes: Heather Mills nude.

The latest shots making news are unlikely to help Mills with her ongoing battle against the media and McCartney.

"Paul has tried to give Heather the benefit of the doubt for the sake of their daughter, Beatrice. Now these pictures have surfaced, it's impossible," said a source.

It's also gross.

Happy Thanksgiving from all of us here at The Hollywood Gossip. What would this traditional holiday be without family, friends, food, football and reflection upon some of the things we most appreciate in our lives.

For this celebrity news site, that means expressing thanks to some of the biggest turkeys we've come to know this past year. Below is a look at our staff's Top 10 (take a wild guess who was voted our Biggest Turkey of the Year) ...

10. Riley Giles. Not only does he give Lindsay Lohan a good stuffing, this clown is a meathead to the max. See mug shots. Yeah. Prime turkey material.

9. John Mayer. Makes the list in spite (or perhaps because) of the fact that he dates Minka Kelly. Guy's dome is also roughly the size of Plymouth Rock.

8. Michael Vick. Oh, wait, he's a dog.

7. Jan Adams. Worst. Doctor. Ever.

6. Brad Womack. Worst. Bachelor. Ever.

5. Dancing with the Stars judges. These losers really dropped the ball this season with some dubious decisions. Sabrina Bryan was robbed worse than Native Americans by the New World's European settlers. Close, anyway.

4. Spencer Pratt. The Hills villain sure can gobble up publicity.

3. Heather Mills. Imagine the kind of Thanksgiving feast you could throw after gold-digging your way to more than $50M of your ex-husband's fortune!

2. Blake Fielder-Civil. Raging alcoholism. Massive quantities of hard ass drugs. The surprise wedding. The bloody melee. A barroom brawl. Some witness tampering. This holiday, Amy Winehouse's husband should be thankful he's alive.

Fnally, The Hollywood Gossip's Biggest Turkey of the Year award goes to ...

1. Britney Spears. Talk about a foregone conclusion. Like the New England Patriots of the NFL, it was Britney Spears in her own league and everyone else playing for second. We raise a turkey leg (and some pork rinds) to you, Brit.

We assume Heather Mills only listens to the voices in her head.

But let's hope the one-legged former call girl and Mrs. Paul McCartney at least heeds the advice of Mary Jo Eustace.

As the scorned ex-wife of Dean McDermott, who left her for Tori Spelling, Mary Jo Eustace speaks from experience when she offers advice to Mills.

"First rule of combat, Heather - if I can call you Heather - is to never, ever, let them see you sweat," Mary Jo recently said, in reference to Mills' public breakdown on British television.

"I really think it is time to stop trying so hard, because frankly even going on Dancing with the Stars again will not salvage this mess. Please listen carefully - no more TV interviews, or scrapbooking, or threatening to take a Beatle down, or saying you thought of suicide when you probably didn't, or asking for water at room temperature when nobody really know what that temperature is.

Now is the time to forget about the court of public opinion, because let's face it, even when you win that, what does it all mean in the end?"

Wow. Eustace sounds just like newswoman Melissa Theuriau, telling it like it is.

"A family has broken up," she continued. "There is a child involved and you will have to deal with that Sir Paul McCartney whether you like it or not. And for God's sake, look at the positives - financially, you will never have to worry about your daughter's well-being or your own.

As a matter of fact, you can probably enjoy a lovely quality of life and become anonymously involved with all the charities you so lovingly speak about. I can consider all of this a gift. Take it."

Amen, Mary Jo. We hope these words of wisdom prove to eligible bachelors out there that you're more of a catch than Mills and Spelling combined.

Hear that, Justin Brescia?

Heather Mills got dumped by both Paul McCartney and one of her legs a long time ago.

There's no word on the whereabouts of the latter, but the former is making out with Nancy Shevell these days.

Now, the latest entity to break up with Mills is the law firm that had represented her in her divorce from Sir Paul.

Following Heather's outburst on national TV earlier in the week, Shimon Cohen (of Mishcon de Reya Solicitors) confirmed news reports that the firm was no longer representing the nut job.

Mills also recently lost her media spokesman following the interview, during which she spoke on suicidal thoughts and railed against the celebrity gossip industry.

It's hard to say who had a worse week, Heather or Dog Chapman.

As the entertainment news industry continues to be abuzz with talk - and pictures! - of Paul McCartney and Nancy Shevell, the singer's insane ex-wife says she doesn't care about the relationship.

Which makes perfect sense. Heather Mills just wants her money.

"It's none of anybody's business what happens in Paul's love life," Mills said in another interview on British television.

Last week, of course, the one-legged former call girl went off about supposed suicide attempts and the unfair paparazzi. And while Mills claims those words were cathartic, they also appear to be detrimental to the literacy rate in England.

"A little girl came up to me and said, 'you made me cry last week,' and I felt bad," Mills said. "I said 'I didn't want to make you cry' and she said, 'I hate those bullying newspapers, I'm never going to buy a newspaper.'"

Way to go, Heather! This innocent child may not have a clue about the Iraq war, inflation rates or the health care system as she gets older. But at least she won't see you called any names!