Dina Lohan
Gossip

You gotta love Dina Lohan.

And by "love," we mean "hope she chokes on her daughter's drunken vomit and is never heard from again."

Speaking to Life & Style last week, the awful mother of Lindsay and Ali claimed money wasn't the motivation for starring in her ridiculous E! reality show, while adding that she was the one who put an end to Living Lohan.

"I only did the show to defuse the rumors," Dina said. "And then they wanted us to do these crazy things, like my son cheating on his girlfriend, me faking a pregnancy. I was like, 'No, no, no! They had ideas that weren't conducive to our ideas."

Sorry, Kate Gosselin. But even you have a long way to go before snatching the title of World's Worst Mother from Dina Lohan.

Fortunately, the world hasn't seen the last of the self-proclaimed "White Oprah" on the small screen.

"We're working with another network on another idea," she said. "Yeah, not reality per se, but a realistic show."

Rumors state that it may be called My Life as a Pimp: How to Spawn Attention-Starved Drug Addicts That Only Receive Hugs When They Bring Home Lots of Cash.

Dina Lohan is slamming reports that question her parenting skills and claim that her 15-year-old daughter, Ali, is socializing instead of studying.

"Ali is in a home-schooling program. She has never been pulled out of school," Dina tells People. "It's the same home-schooling program that Lindsay was in since the 10th grade. It's a wonderful program many celebrities are enrolled in."

Defending her parenting skills (and we use the term loosely), Dina Lohan says, "I am a single mom of four children, and I devote my life to my children."

As for recent reports that Ali Lohan has been bitten by the partying bug, Dina says her daughter "is working, working hard. She's recording, and she's working on a fashion line. Ali has also been supporting her sister."

Dina Lohan just wants money and attention the best for her children.

Lindsay Lohan, who recently split from girlfriend Samantha Ronson, is also focusing on her career (and we also use that term loosely), her proud mom says.

"Lindsay is working extremely hard," Dina said of her Adderall-addict daughter. "Her new spray tan line sold more than 100,000 units at Sephora in one day."

There are so many things wrong with that statement, and this woman in general, that we don't even know where to start. We'll just pass and move on.

Dina says she understands that her family's high profile garners attention, but says, "We just wish people would leave us alone – at least for Mother's Day!"

That's the problem with becoming a cheap media whore at your kids' expense - celebrity gossip sites scrutinize Lindsay Lohan pictures. Funny how that works.

Twitter is an incomprehensible, pathetic tool used by self-centered, insecure individuals that believe the world actually cares about their every move.

That being said, Dina Lohan almost makes the invention worthwhile!

The pathetic mother recently took to the Tweet to defend her daughter, following an interview in which Lindsay Lohan blamed coverage of her personal life for her lack of employment.

Two things stand out regarding these hilarious postings:

1. Dina can't grasp the fact that Twitter only allows for 140 characters at a time;
2. Even Dina can't bring herself to complete the thought that Lindsay is "one of the greatest actresses of her generation."

Dina Lohan and Ali Lohan got dressed up - sort of - for a Halloween costume party earlier this week.

Mother and daughter look absolutely thrilled to be photographed, don't they?

Perhaps the pressure of being talentless, famous and annoying is finally getting to these two. Ali needs to find her own Samantha Ronson, while Dina needs to find a way to slip into a coma.

Despite reports of a feud between Lindsay Lohan and America Ferrera on the set of Ugly Betty, Dina Lohan says her daughter had fun working on the show.

"It was just silly," Dina Lohan said. "America's a doll. And when they said [Lindsay Lohan] brought a posse with her, it was my mother and myself, and [sister Ali Lohan]. It was not a posse. We had sushi and no one trashed the room."

Dina adds that Lindsay doesn't know why her six-episode guest stint on the ABC show was cut to four, but says the actress enjoyed her time there.

"She had fun on Ugly Betty," says Dina at Animal Fair magazine's Halloween Pet Costume Party in New York City. "It was long hours and when you're on a movie set it's a lot different. She's not used to TV, but it was fun."

A LOHAN FAMILY MOMENT: America's favorite family smiles for the camera.

As for Lindsay's relationship with her girlfriend, Michael Lohan isn't the only parent signing off on the girl-on-girl action - Dina approves as well.

"We've known the family for years, so it's great," says the White Oprah of Samantha Ronson. "Sam is so tough and smart. "She's a sweetheart."

Adds sister Ali Lohan, "We just want to make a $h!tload of money Lindsay to be happy. Whatever she is happy doing, we're happy with."

The war of words between Michael Lohan and CNN anchor Anderson Cooper doesn't appear to be going away - or getting any less funny.

While guest-hosting Live with Regis & Kelly, Anderson Cooper went off the Lohans, calling their reality show, Living Lohan, a "train wreck."

No argument here. But then he offered up this quote re: Ali Lohan:

"Allegedly a 14-year-old girl, who looks to be about 60, and I say that with concern and love," Anderson said of Lindsay's younger sister.

"She allegedly wants to be a singer and or actor-slash-performer of some sort ... striptease person, I don't even know."

Ali's mother, Dina Lohan, fired back at the CNN newsman, telling OK! Magazine, "People are just cruel! This is bad karma for him."

Rather than letting this fizzle out and moving on to something important, Anderson Cooper kept the war of words going on his show, AC360:

"Let me just reiterate, I feel bad for the 14-year-old daughter. She seems like a nice person, but she should be a kid, not in a [reality show]," he said.

That's when Ali Lohan's father, and Dina's ex, Michael Lohan, came to the teenager's defense, sounding off to Access Hollywood about the anchor:

"I think Anderson Cooper is an opinionated, hypocritical idiot who should be an adult and keep his opinion to himself. He is the last person to judge anyone, when he and his own family have their own issues."

Snap! Seems like AC is just calling it like he sees it - but did he go too far?

Dina Lohan - the woman responsible for raising Lindsay Lohan into the sex-crazed drug addict that she is - was presented with an award for being one of the Top 20 Moms in Long Island by the "Mingling Moms" of Long Island, a group that must lack an Internet connection and/or any ability to read about the celebrity gossip world.

Accepting the honor, Dina actually gave advice to Tish, the mother of Miley Cyrus.

"I don't know Miley's mom, but stay strong. Stay strong, keep your head up," Dina said, referring to Miley's controversial Vanity Fair photograph.

Dina also said Miley Cyrus is talented and added that Tish should always remember to be her mom before all else.

She then left to pose for more photos and sign autographs.

Excuse us while we vomit...

Okay, we're back and ready to announce that the name of Ali and Dina Lohan's summer reality show will be Living Lohan.

While we were hoping this series would be based around the mother and daughter dealing with different incapacitating illnesses every week, it looks like the show will focus on Dina once again pimping out a daughter instead.

"Viewers will go inside the Lohan's Long Island home for the first time to follow Dina as she works double duty as mom and manager to help Ali try to follow in her big sister [Lindsay's] famous footsteps," a press release for the show says.

Cameras will also follow the duo to Vegas as Ali Lohan becomes the latest untalented celebrity to record an album.

"Dina is determined to help each of her four kids fulfill their dreams and refuses to live in fear of what others may think, despite being under the paparazzi microscope," the press release adds.

We'd write more, but we're too in awe of how incredible a mother Dina Lohan is.

Because Lindsay Lohan nude images are typically associated with random dudes at a bar and multiple orgasms, Dina Lohan has felt the need to speak up about how classy her daughter's recent bare photo shoot is.

"It was very tastefully done," Dina told People magazine of Lindsay's recreation of Marilyn Monroe's legendary 1962 photo shoot shot by Bert Stern. "I respect the photographer as an artist, so I look at them artistically. For him to call Lindsay 46 years later and to say can you recreate these photos is an honor. I looked at it as art, and as Lindsay doing a character.

So I don't look at them like it's Playboy; she was being a character. So if you look at it that way, you can look at it as a mother."

The terrible mother also said her daughter viewed the shoot as a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.

"Lindsay was very excited when she first got the phone call," said the attention-starved Dina. "Of course we talked about how they would be done. Lindsay said, 'Mommy, I'm never going to get this opportunity to do it again.' She was very thankful she was asked."

After Lindsay Lohan's ex, Riley Giles, talked about seeing Lindsay Lohan naked and sold their lovemaking details and pics to the UK's News of the World, Lindsay's mom, Dina Lohan, did what any concerned, protective mother would do.

She got on the phone and chewed out Riley Giles' mom.

"Dina Lohan insulted her parenting," says a source close to Giles, without noting the irony of that statement (just imagine Britney Spears calling you insane).

Dina Lohan has always been a great role model for Lindsay Lohan.

Riley Giles, 25, met Lindsay Lohan, 21, during her August rehab stint. Yes, Riley was there as well. The upstanding citizen has been arrested at least four times.

Riley and Lindsay broke up late last year, and an insider at the News of the World says the tabloid paid $120,000 for Giles' tales of riding that ass. Among other things, Riley said Lohan is a sex fiend with an addictive personality. Shocking.

Says a Dina pal: "Dina did call Riley's mom." Lindsay's dad, Michael Lohan, said and Lindsay spoke to Giles since the story hit, and "he apologizes."

Lindsay doesn't seem too upset, though, having moved on to a trio of Italian dudes, Alessandro Di Nunzio, Eduardo Costa and Dario Faiella.