David Letterman
Gossip

As he makes the talk show rounds in order to promote New Moon this week, one thing is clear:

Robert Pattinson is a cool guy!

The actor was as laid back and relaxed as we've ever seen him during an appearance on the Late Show with David Letterman last night.

Pattinson joked about fame, fans and biting babies. When the host finally asked Rob the question on everyone's mind - is he dating Kristen Stewart? - the star hemmed and hawed until Letterman hilariously cut him off with:

"Ah, bite me. What do I care?!?"

If only supermarket tabloids, desperate for sales, felt the same way...

Sure, he's curmudgeonly and crotchety. Sure, he had an affair with Stephanie Birkitt and got blackmailed for it. But David Letterman is great at what he does.

That's due in part to his ability to create great comedy out of nothing. When he goes over to his desk after the monologue, you never know what’s coming.

Case in point? Last night, Dave went off on a New York Times’ front page story from last weekend on the increasing usage of the word “douche” on TV.

“Who knew The New York Times had enough money to pay a guy to count the word ‘douche’?” Dave asked, persistently ridiculing the paper's "journalism."

Check out Dave's rant about the piece below ...

Letterman also mocked terrorist mastermind Khalid Shaikh Mohammed, whose trial is approaching and whose photo appeared above the "douche" story.

In a hilarious aside unrelated to his overall point (or maybe this was the point, and the douche bit was the aside, who knows), he compared Mohammed to a sad, lost puppy longing to be adopted (left) and a drunk who just woke up (right).

One might describe Khalid by a certain term beginning with a D, a word often paired with its twin sister "bag." But that's normally reserved for wastes of space like Jon Gosselin and not actual terrorists. Better luck next time, Khalid.

This morning on CBS' Early Show, Joe Halderman's attorney further outlined a strategy to show he didn't blackmail David Letterman, and it's dubious to say the least.

What prosecutors call extortion, Halderman laywer Gerald Shargel calls a business transaction. He was just offering Dave rights to a screenplay about his life! Duh!

Halderman claims he asked Letterman for $2 million for the "screenplay," which admittedly was "a premium price" for a film about a sensational celebrity story.

Of course, if he truly wanted it made, one would think he'd shop it to real producers, rather than trying to embarrass and coerce Dave himself into buying it.

Minor details, right?

David Letterman's questionable personal decisions may have indirectly gotten him into this mess, but that doesn't mean he isn't the victim of a criminal act.

If Letterman thought it was a legitimate transaction, why would he call the police, therefore requiring him to out his own cheating on wife Regina Lasko anyway?

And if the police thought it was a business deal gone awry, why would they arrest Halderman to begin with? Such moves aren't exactly made based on hearsay.

Despite Shargel's claim that this is just "the way Hollywood works," Dave's lawyer, Daniel Horowitz, countered that there's no way it wasn't a blatant extortion plot.

Do you buy it? Here's their legal point-counterpoint this morning ...

The CBS producer accused of trying to extort $2 million from Late Show host David Letterman filed a motion seeking dismissal of all charges against him.

Attorney Gerald Shargel, who represents Robert Joel "Joe" Halderman, challenged the constitutionality of the laws in question in a 34-page document.

Judge Charles Solomon said he will rule on the motion at the next hearing on January 19. Prosecutors have until December 15 to respond to the motion.

Halderman is accused of telling Letterman in September that he would disclose the funnyman's sexual dalliances with female staffers unless he paid up.

The 27-year CBS veteran, a producer for the network's 48 Hours, was charged with first-degree attempted grand larceny and suspended from his job.

He pleaded not guilty, but prosecutors say evidence is "compelling" that he was trying to "destroy" Letterman's reputation and "humiliate his family."

Shargel, however, said that Joe Halderman is the father of two children, ages 11 and 18, has an "impeccable reputation" and denies any extortion plot.

Can Joe Halderman really explain his way out of this one?

"There was no extortion," Shargel said Tuesday. "This was a commercial transaction, nothing more. [Letterman's] celebrity is why we are here today."

Many expected Halderman, who is believed to have financial problems that may have fueled the incident, would seek a prompt plea bargain in the case.

But his attorney said today there will be "no compromise."

Letterman's attorney, Daniel Horowitz, acknowledged as much, saying "this case will proceed to trial" and that Letterman "is prepared to testify."

Manhattan District Attorney Robert Morgenthau said Letterman gave Joe Halderman a $2 million check and Halderman deposited the money into a Connecticut bank account the day before he was arrested and released on $200,000 bail.

The defendant's explanation? Halderman's attempt to sell the Late Show host a screenplay about Letterman's own sexual liaisons was a just business.

Not sure how if one will hold water. But his attorney says Joe Halderman should be applauded, not punished, for exposing Letterman's various workplace affairs, which he says "amounted to actionable sexual harassment."

Letterman's former personal assistant, Stephanie Birkitt, had a long-running sexual relationship with the host, and later lived with Halderman.

In a new piece for Vanity Fair, Nell Scovell, a contributor to that magazine and former writer for David Letterman, makes damaging claims about the embattled host.

No, for once, there's no allegations of an affair. But she does say NBC's Late Night was a "hostile, sexually charged atmosphere" where "sexual politics" ruled the day.

Moreover, that played a role in why she eventually quit.

Nell Scovell spent five months working for Dave back in 1990. During that time, Dave and other high-level male employees were sleeping with female staff members.

One of those women was Holly Hester, although Scovell does not name anyone. Years later, Dave's affair with Stephanie Birkitt led to an extortion plot against him.

Scovell has no knowledge of the Stephanie Birkitt affair, but at NBC, she says Dave's favorite girls "benefitted professionally from their personal relationships."

Nell Scovell did not have an affair with David Letterman, nor was she harrassed by him. But she says he fostered an unprofessional work environment just the same.

She says he created an "atmosphere that is demeaning to women." "Did that make me feel demeaned? Completely. Did I say anything at the time? Sadly, no."

In 27 years, she notes that Late Night and Late Show have hired only seven female writers, and those women spent a total of just 17 years on staff combined.

On her last day, Letterman summoned her to his office and asked why she was quitting the show. With Dave’s rumored mistress within earshot, Scovell balked.

She is not seeking legal action of any kind but is speaking out for three reasons:

1. People with no knowledge of the situation are weighing in.
2. David Letterman himself opened this to a public discussion.
3. Because of what she feels is a greater issue: That almost 20 years later, the situation for female writers in late-night-TV hasn’t improved.

An $2 million blackmail plot allegedly masterminded by Robert Halderman led David Letterman to shock fans with an on-air confession that he had sex with women who work for him, making the Late Show host's personal life a hot topic.

He's known as extremely private, even reclusive, but what little is known about David Letterman's love life has always been both idiosyncratic and messy.

A People source says Letterman's affairs, including an alleged liaison with former assistant Stephanie Birkitt, "pre-existed his marriage" to Regina Lasko.

Dave married Regina Lasko last March, and Letterman will be working hard to make sure he makes it to next March as he heads on vacation next week.

Lasko, 48, dated Letterman, 62, for 20 years-plus and is the mother of his 5-year-old son, Harry. She never speaks to press and is rarely photographed.

David Letterman and Regina Lasko got married earlier this year.

She is "wonderfully nice" but "long-suffering because of the length of time Letterman dated her but wouldn't marry her," says a longtime Late Show insider.

"She was crazy about him, so she put up with the situation."

Yet David Letterman was always drawn to other smart, funny women as well, including Holly Hester, but more recently and more significantly, Birkitt.

"Stephanie is sweet, goofy and quirky, which is a major lure for David," says the source, who has discussed both Lasko and Stephanie Birkitt with Letterman. "She's a peculiar character and David is fascinated with peculiar women."

Still, another source close to the TV host says, if forced to make a choice, Letterman will opt to do whatever he can to shore up his marriage.

"The truth is," says the source, "he's 24-7 focused on his wife and son."

A Connecticut judge agreed to unseal police search warrants related to police raids on the home of Robert Halderman, David Letterman's alleged blackmailer.

Suffice it to say, there were some interesting findings.

NYPD Detectives targeted "computers and loose media, floppy disk, hard disc, cassette tapes, magnetic tapes, removable media, tape and/or data cartridges."

Robert Halderman had some good stuff too.

The Emmy-winning CBS News producer sent the comedian's attorney a package that included a demand letter, the outline for a screenplay exposing Letterman's in-office affair, as well as "personal correspondence, telephone records and photos."

For good measure, Halderman threw in copies of a diary kept by Stephanie Birkitt, his ex-girlfriend and the Late Show employee at the center of the scandal.

THG NOTE: Way to leave your private diary behind when you moved out, Stephanie! Don't girls guard these things with their lives? Especially if there's info in there about cheating on the guy they LIVE WITH? No wonder Halderman lost his $h!t.

Robert Halderman is accused of trying to extort David Letterman.

"In the letter, Halderman states he needs to make a large chunk of money by selling... client #1 a screenplay treatment," reads the search warrant.

It continues: "The documents then describes that client #1's world is about to collapse as information about his private life is disclosed leading to a ruined reputation and severe damage to his career and family life."

The documents state that Letterman's lawyer, James Jackoway, told investigators in the case that Halderman "demanded $2 million to ensure the information in the screenplay treatment and supporting materials would not be made public."

The 48 Hours Mystery man has pleaded innocent to one count of attempted first degree grand larceny, which carries a maximum penalty of 15 years.

He is currently free on $200,000 bail.

Last week, Norwalk, Conn., prosecutor Suzanne Vieux filed a motion objecting to the warrants' release, arguing that disclosing such information could put the witnesses named in the documents under intense media scrutiny.

More importantly, she said it could hurt the case against Robert "Joe" Halderman. THG NOTE: How is the guy's name both Robert and Joe? Confusing!

Nevertheless, Norwalk Superior Court Judge Bruce Hudok disagreed and authorized the release, provided the names of witnesses were redacted.

With all the attention paid to Stephanie Birkitt - the former assistant David Letterman had an affair with, and whose cheating on Robert Halderman may have sparked the alleged extortion plot - Holly Hester has been all but forgotten.

She is probably grateful for this.

But the "other" other woman in Letterman's life sure was comfortable in Dave's offices back in the day, as some new photos unearthed by TMZ today show ...

Holly Hester at David Letterman's offices back in his NBC daze.

An intern on Late Night 20 years ago, Holly Hester says she had a secret relationship with the host when she was a student at NYU and fell head over heels for him.

She says they dated for like a year.

Like the first pictures of Hester we posted a week and a half ago, these are from the early '90s and completely innocent. David Letterman himself is nowhere in sight.

Click to enlarge some more photos of Holly kicking back at Dave's desk with one of his beloved cigars, and displaying some vintage '90s jeans near the office throne:

After David Letterman announced last Thursday that he had been involved in sexual affairs with female staff members, most fans were surprised by his conduct, but nevertheless appreciative of his decision to go public.

Letterman said he had sex with unnamed staffers. One of them, Stephanie Birkitt, was dating Robert Halderman, who stands accused of blackmailing Dave over it.

But Letterman's admission of the sex and extortion scandal was not enough for Regina Lasko, the Late Show host’s wife of six months and partner of two decades.

Lasko, who is also the father of Letterman's son Harry, born in 2004, demanded he apologize a second time on his program Monday, according to news reports.

Dave spoke directly about how "incredibly hurt" Regina was by his behavior while insisted that his affairs "are in the past" and that he committed to fixing this.

Letterman was clearly chastened and humbled by that prospect.

"Let me tell you folks, I got my work cut out for me," he said.

Can David Letterman salvage his marriage to Regina Lasko?

Dave was praised again for this display of emotion, despite the antics preceding it. But sources say the on-air apology “wasn’t something Dave wanted to do.”

“He wanted the whole thing to blow over,” said a source. “But [Regina Lasko] told him he better make an apology to let everyone know how sorry he was."

The source adds that Regina made Dave go over what he was going to say, and allowed Letterman to make “one or two jokes that weren’t at her expense.”

However it seems Dave didn’t do well enough: “Regina felt like Dave’s humorous take on the apology lessened the sincerity of it, and she’s not happy."

His work is cut out for him, indeed.

It turns out the woman at the center of David Letterman's sex and extortion scandal is not banned from the The Late Show set as some media outlets reported.

"Stephanie Birkitt is on a paid leave of absence. TMZ's reporting that she is banned from the set or the building is incorrect," a rep for Worldwide Pants said.

Worldwide Pants is Letterman's production company.

Whatever Birkitt's status, Letterman has escaped any kind of official reprimand so far, remaining on air, cracking jokes at his expense and raking in ratings.

Stephanie Birkitt, 34, worked as David Letterman's former assistant on The Late Show before moving on to bigger and better things as his personal attorney.

Her ex-boyfriend, CBS News producer Robert "Joe" Halderman, was arrested for trying to extort $2 million from Letterman by threatening expose the affair.

Stephanie Birkitt was a recurring comic muse for Letterman.

But it wasn't just money motivating Halderman, according to reports. It was a grudge the star held against him for years, and most of all, it was jealousy.

As recently as August, Halderman saw Letterman and Birkitt passionately kissing in a car in the driveway of the Norwalk, Conn., home he shared with her.

According to a People source, Letterman and Birkitt "were seen making out in the driveway in August," despite her telling Halderman they were just friends.

"He drove her home once a week. The interesting thing was he lives in North Salem, New York. Driving her home to Norwalk wasn't exactly the next town."

Halderman and Birkitt lived together for several years. He reportedly left Dave a package with a copy of her diary and emails elaborating on their hookups.

It was previously believed that their affair had ended in 2003, before the birth of Letterman's son Harry, but these ecent reports seem to suggest otherwise.

Letterman apologized to his staff and his wife, Regina Lasko, who he married in March, on the air Monday, his first day back at work since the alleged plot.