by Hilton Hater at . Comments

While all eyes were on Jake Pavelka Monday night and his decision to marry Vienna Girardi, ABC used its time in the TV spotlight to reveal the new cast of Dancing with the Stars.

The season will NOT include Kym Johnson, Dmitry Chaplin, Jonathon Roberts or Karina Smirnoff as professional partners. But the set of celebrities taking the stage will be comprised of one woman with a large vagina and one with large breasts, among others.

They are:

  • Kate Gosselin: Mother of eight
  • Chad Ochocinco: NFL wide receiver
  • Pamela Anderson (Billed as "The World's Sexiest Woman")
  • Aiden Turner: Soap opera stud
  • Erin Andrews (Should have been billed as "The World's Sexiest Woman")
  • Shannen Doherty: Washed-up actress
  • Buzz Aldrin: Former astronaut
  • Niecy Nash: Reno 911 star
  • Evan Lysacek: Gold Medal ice skater
  • Nicole Scherzinger: Professional singer
  • JAKE PAVELKA: The most-recent Bachelor/ABC-sponsored celebrity
Chad Ochocinco

The season kicks off on March 22. Considering the presence of Andrews, it will likely draw in more men than any previous edition.

Considering the presence of Jake, it will hopefully elicit more eye-rolls from anyone that believed for a second that The Bachelor was ever about love.

Think there are any early favorites?

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Kate Gosselin will be one of the contestants on the upcoming season of Dancing With the Stars, according to reports. This poses an interesting dilemma:

How do they even introduce her on the show? Mother of eight? Bitchy single former reality star? Shameless, self-promoting author with awful hair?

Ugly Kate Gosselin

In any case, the official Dancing With the Stars cast announcement will be made this evening as a cross-promotion with The Bachelor season finale.

"I want to laugh at myself. I so cannot dance. It would be a terribly sad sight," said the grating mother of eight on the Jay Leno Show recently.

Which begs the question: what would Gosselin do with her kids during the hours of grueling daily rehearsals for the reality competition show?

FEAR THE PORCUPINE: Whatever that is on her head, it is a force to be reckoned with as Kate Gosselin is ready to kick ass and take names on Dancing with the Stars.

She will actually prepare her routines in Pennsylvania, near where she lives, instead of in the show's rehearsal studios on the West Coast, according to sources:

"Kate's the kind of woman who will do whatever is necessary for her children. It's great for her to be on the show, but only in a way that benefits her family."

The show was willing to make such a concession since producers believe she will be a ratings bonanza for Dancing with the Stars, and they're probably right.

Kate is now the primary breadwinner for her brood, as the legal battle waged by Jon Gosselin against TLC ate up a big chunk of his money - and notoriety.

He can't do any more TV appearances now until they cut him loose. Which pretty much takes away his only source of revenue - being a douche, but on TV.

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On Monday, ABC will announce the new cast of Dancing with the Stars. It will only be comprised of 11 celebrities, which means a few professionals won't return to the competition.

Foremost among them? Karina Smirnoff.

Anna and Evan

While the brunette beauty won't be seen on camera, she'll be "helping with choreography," a source told E! News. "It's just going to be behind the scenes."

Added another insider: "She's always been choreographing for the show. She's a big part of the result shows. She's like family there."

The family will shrink a bit in season ten, however, as Lacey Schwimmer and Jonathon Roberts also haven't been invited back. One of these sources said the decisions to axe long-time contributors "wasn't easy," but:

"Producers cut people based on the celebrities and who they'd be a good match with."

So far, the only set of breasts name to have been leaked as part of the new cast is Pamela Anderson. She ought to make for a bouncy, poorly-dressed competitor.

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It sounds like Dancing with the Stars is about to become Bouncing with the Breasts.

Sources have confirmed to Radar Online that Pamela Anderson will compete on the new season of this ABC competition. It premieres on March 22.

“Pam is thrilled. She really wanted to do the show and the show thought it was a great idea,” said an insider, who refrained from commenting on whether or not ABC would air the series on a 27-second delay, in anticipation of all impending wardrobe malfunctions.

Pam Anderson

[Photo: Splash News]

Earlier this week, Anderson hosted a fashion show that was only attended by 20 people. She also looked like this at the event.

What do you think of her addition to the Dancing with the Stars cast? ABC will announce the celebrities competing on the new season during the March 1 season finale of The Bachelor. If Pamela is chosen, the debate will begin:

Which is more fake, her breasts or Jake Pavelka's love for rumored winner Vienna Girardi?

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Samantha Harris is exiting the ballroom.

The Dancing With the Stars co-host has announced her resignation from the show. She won't return for the its tenth season, which kicks off on March 22.

“[Dancing with the Stars] could not have been more of a dream job,” she said. “I loved every single second of it and I’ve made lifelong friends at the show.”

So, why is she leaving? Harris majored in journalism at Northwestern University (go Wildcats!) and wants to focus on other projects, such as her correspondent duties at The Insider.

“I interned at Entertainment Tonight 15 years ago, the summer after my sophomore year at Northwestern and I dreamed of working in the same space as hosts Mary Hart and Mark Steines and now I’m living that dream,” Harris said.

Who do you think should replace Harris on the show? We hear Paula Abdul is available.

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All of a sudden, crazy is in crazy demand.

Paula Abdul is reportedly fielding a major offer from ABC. It comes with many zeroes attached to it, but one major catch:

TMZ reports the network has told Abdul it will give her a $1 million development deal... as long as she appears on this season of Dancing with the Stars.

For whatever reason, ABC wants Paula so badly it would still allow her to judge The X Factor with Simon Cowell on Fox, as those two met a week ago to discuss pairing up again on that upcoming show.

Paula Photograph

But, again, this deal is contingent on Abdul taking part on the new edition of Dancing with the Stars, which kicks off in March. It's not the first time she's been considered for the competition.

Our reaction to both parts of this rumor? First, does The X Factor really wish to replicate two judges from American Idol? Secondly, how can Abdul possibly be allowed to compete on Dancing with the Stars?!?

She's made her living as a choreographer. That would be akin to asking the THG staff to take part in Celebrity Blogging with the Stars. We wouldn't feel right doing it.

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As an encore to his nut-busting ad, GQ and Vanity Fair spreads and not-totally-nude Playgirl pictorial, Levi Johnston is toying with all potential career options.

One he'd totally be down for? Dancing with the Stars!

Watching the show's season finale with Entertainment Tonight, Levi Johnston says, "I think if my phone were to ring right now, I would probably say yes."

The 19 year-old is a novice, but thinks being a hockey player could help him: "I mean, I'm pretty athletic so I think I could do just about anything."

His amateur dancing experience? He boasts that he can "slow dance like no other man." How do you think he got in the pants of Bristol Palin?

Levi Johnston and Dancing with the Stars are a natural fit.

They don't cast actual stars on that show anyway, so he's already cleared that possible hurdle. And he's clearly, well, uninhibited by the spotlight.

Yet the hunky Alaskan whose nude Playgirl pictures caused a stir this month, says that "being able to loosen up" would be his biggest challenge.

How would they introduce Levi if he were cast? Teen dad? Sarah Palin enemy? Nude Playgirl model? Male prima donna? You have to wonder.

As revealed Tuesday, Donnie Osmond won the ninth season of DWTS.

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Dear America: you're a moron.

Despite the fact that Mya was clearly the better mover and shaker, Donny Osmond was crowned the winner of Dancing with the Stars last night.

Upon hearing the news, Osmond ran into the crowd and hugged his wife. He later said: "I'm so happy. I'm so happy. I'm so happy right now! I'm on cloud nine!"

Seriously, Donny. Chill. You beat the likes of Louie Vito and Tom DeLay to win a trophy reserved for those whose careers passed them by years ago. Relax.

Dancing with the Stars Winner

Mya, meanwhile, couldn't help but express disappointment.

"There's so much. There's disappointment, dedication, passion and commitment... I've learned multiple amount of things. It's an experience that you'll never forget for the rest of your life and that you want to share with others."

Do you think the right contestant won? Or do you now shudder at the thought of Osmond racing around from talk show to talk show this week, talking about his hard-earned, BS victory?

by Hilton Hater at . Comments

Not since the Classic period of 250 AD to 900 AD has a Mayan dominated the world stage as much as Mya has controlled season nine of Dancing with the Stars.

It's been the most boring couple months in show history largely due to the random set of contestants chosen by ABC; but also because the winner has been clear from the outset.

Has anyone really threatened Mya's reign atop the leaderboard? Is there any way American can justify voting for Kelly or Donny this week, following Mya's most recent pair of perfect scores?

Check out a full rundown of performances and critiques from last night and then let us know who you think should win.

A Dip

We'll know the season nine champion in a few hours. Who do you think it should be?

 

by Hilton Hater at . Comments

The ninth season of Dancing with the Stars is limping toward a finish line.

Months after the largest, most random field of contestants in show history was announced, the competition has been whittled down to three: Mya, Donny Osmond, and Kelly Osbourne.

The trio will perform a series of routines this evening and the winner will be announced tomorrow night. Let's take a look at each celebrity's odds of taking home the title:

Mya: 2-1. Easily the most talented, consistent performer of the season. Attractive, jovial, flexible. They should have canceled the series weeks ago and handed Mya the trophy.

Donny: 5-1. Way too cheesy for our taste. He also takes the competition far too seriously. Someone has to tell Mr. Osmond that DWTS is where celebs go once there's no shot at mainstream stardom any longer.

Kelly: 10-1. She has no business being here. Throughout the season, Joanna Krupa was more impressive and much better looking. Fans likely voted Kelly in because they felt about her dad being mentally unstable.

  • Kelly and Louis Picture
  • Donny on DWTS
  • Top Dancing Stars

Who do you think should win this season of Dancing with the Stars?

 

Dancing with the Stars Quotes

We should have started dancing with one arm waaay before.

Cristian de la Fuente [following his injury, trip to the hospital and subsequent stellar performance]

I am not the best dancer, and I have not been the best dancer from the beginning. I am happy we made it this far.

Cristian de la Fuente
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