Celebrity Quotes

Thanks, as always, to People magazine for assembling these terrific sound bites from the entertaining world of celebrity quotes ...

"Do I look like I had 10 cheeseburgers or something?"
- The possibly pregnant, publicity-seeking media whore Ashlee Simpson, in response to Ellen DeGeneres asking if she's knocked up

"It's the Easter bunny."
- Minnie Driver, when asked who her unborn baby's father is

"This last pregnancy rumor really made me want to go back to the gym. I just didn't like the picture. I thought, 'You know what? My stomach is sticking out there! Let me get on the treadmill and do some sit-ups.'"
- Fergie

"I grew up watching Lindsay. It made me want to do what she does."
- Skank-in-training Ali Lohan

"I'm thrilled to be anywhere with high ratings these days."
- President Bush, appearing via satellite on Deal or No Deal

"I wore no underwear for you and look where it got me!"
- Kate Beckinsale (not Britney Spears), reneging on her "surprise" for Late Late Show host Craig Ferguson, after he made a crack about her age

"We played laser tag - it was really cool."
- Paris Hilton, on her "anniversary" with Benji Madden

"I'm content with 90 percent of me. I like my teeth. Sometimes I wonder if my orthodontist realizes how important he was."
- Carrie Underwood

"That was better than good sex!"
- Dancing with the Stars judge Carrie Ann Inaba, congratulating Mario and Karina

Thanks to People magazine for this great collection of celebrity quotes, featuring a pair of our favorite engaged celebrities and much more ...

"I'm a huge fan of gays. They love me; I love them."
- Tori Spelling

"Four words: Treasury Secretary Hannah Montana."
- Barack Obama, in a sketch at the CMT Awards, where he, Hillary Clinton and John McCain each tried to persuade Miley Cyrus to give them tickets

"I can't wait for the story about how I'm really in a gay relationship and this is all just a cover."
- Pete Wentz on rumors that he got Ashlee Simpson pregnant

  "It makes my butt look big, and I like that."
- Sara Evans (with fiancé Jay Barker), on her skin-tight dress at the CMT Awards

"She wore a power suit and had a teeny, tiny resume made of candy. That you don't find in the suburbs, I don't think."
Tina Fey on her daughter applying for preschool in New York City

"Wow, wow, wow... Can I meet you?"
- Snoop Dogg to LeAnn Rimes

"I was always pale. And I'm glad that I can be open about my paleness now."
- Evan Rachel Wood

"It's incredible to be young, live here and not have to clean up your dorm room."
- Gossip Girl hunk Penn Badgley, on being a successful actor in N.Y. City

Thanks to People magazine for this great compilation of celebrity quotes from the past week or so. Here's a glimpse inside the minds of the stars ...

"You've got me CRZ8'J"
â€" Kelly Ripa, texting bewildered cohost Regis Philbin

"I don't like ... things."
- Jerry Seinfeld, explaining his philosophy on life to Conan O'Brien

"I don't want to get slimed, but I am glad to be here."
- Miley Cyrus, at Nickelodeon's Kids' Choice Awards

"We don't communicate. She's 19 and from Utah and has been dancing since birth. I brought up Vince Lombardi and I think she thought it was a kind of ice cream."
â€" Adam Carolla on Dancing with the Stars partner Julianne Hough

"I'm barely a B cup!"
Kristen Bell, in Cosmopolitan, on her breasts

"Look at me. Does it look like it?"
- Ashley Tisdale, denying rumors that she had breast implants

"My biggest fear is falling for a man who wants a modern, minimalist interior."
- Dita Von Teese

"I asked my trainer, 'Can you give me Jessica Biel's butt?' "
- Christina Ricci

"I'm honored to have Heidi's support and I want to assure her that I never miss an episode of The Hills, especially since the new season started."
- Sen. John McCain, on getting Heidi Montag's endorsement

Thanks to People magazine for this great compilation of celebrity quotes. This is what some of our favorite celebs had to say this week ...

"I love Africa in general. South Africa and West Africa. They are both great countries."
- Paris Hilton

"This is, quite simply, untrue."
- John Mayer, responding to a New York Post gossip item that said he's "been know to respond to online rumors," on his blog

"There's lot of motion in the ocean. It's almost like riding a wave. I have to be the glass and [Karina Smirnoff] is the water."
- Dancing With the Stars contestant Mario, on his moves

"They had to tell people to calm down."
- Joe Jonas, on the boisterous response to the Jonas Brothers' Dancing with the Stars performance this week

"I need a rebondir."
- Lauren Conrad, admitting that she'd like to meet a "rebound" in Paris to help her forget Brody Jenner, on The Hills premiere, "Paris Changes Everything."

"I flipped a couple haters at Benihana just last night."
- Spencer Pratt, dispensing wisdom in his Radar advice column

"Say what?"
- Mariah Carey, asked if she is a fan of The Hills on the live after-show

"I'm just like them. I just happen to be a little more famous."
- Kentucky native George Clooney, on his fellow Kentuckians

"We make web videos for Jesus."
- Miley Cyrus

Thanks, as always, to People magazine for this great collection from the week in celebrity quotes. Here are some highlights ...

"He's really big."
- Kimora Lee Simmons, on boyfriend Djimon Hounsou's Hong Kong billboard

"I'll go to a soccer game or whatever the girls are doing, then go home, have dinner with my wife [Demi Moore], watch a little A&E."
- Ashton Kutcher, on his typical day

"Sometimes you just do really feel like an ATM machine with a wig on it."
- Mariah Carey, on fame

"She's got a potty mouth."
- Dancing with the Stars pro Fabian Sanchez, on Marlee Matlin

"Can we have sex and then go shopping?"
- Britney Spears' first line on How I Met Your Mother

"Let me think about it."
- Carrie Underwood, after learning she would be inducted into the Grand Ole Opry

"If he had asked me to make peanut-butter sandwiches for the catering, I would have said, 'Crunchy or smooth?'"
- Renée Zellweger, on what she'd do to work with George Clooney

"Sometimes you just do really feel like an ATM machine with a wig on it."
- Mariah Carey, on fame

"It's kind of like finding a winning lottery ticket in the cushions of your couch."
- Joe Francis, on discovering old footage of Ashley Alexandra Dupre

"I have a deeper agenda in this life than to make people giggle at breaking bones and shoving things up my butt."
- Steve-O

Thanks to People magazine, as usual, for this collection of some of the funniest and most most memorable celebrity quotes from the past week ...

"She looks at me and says, 'Nice top shelf.' That was one of the greatest days of my life." - Justin Timberlake on Madonna

"He'll have to restrain his hair." - A Waffle House employee, on Kid Rock

"Do not pull them up tight and have your bulge showing. Let it hang!" - Victoria Beckham on the way to wear jeans

"You always want to point out the elephant in the room." - Jim Carrey, dressed as an Dr. Seuss' Horton the Elephant, on American Idol

"She knew her lines better than me." - How I Met Your Mother's Josh Radnor, on Britney Spears' visit to the set

"I had to face some difficult spending decisions and I've had to conduct sensitive diplomacy. That's called planning for a wedding." - President George W. Bush

"I really romanticized being pregnant. Then I realized, this is awful!"
- Marcia Cross, reminiscing about pregnancy

"A little later on I'll be at the Dinah Shore Golf Tournament, of course. That's if it doesn't conflict with my women's basketball games that I go to." - Ellen DeGeneres, leaving a message for Rep. Sally Kern of Oklahoma

"I just don't want to be thought of as a monster." - Ashley Dupre

Below are some enlightening highlights from the world of celebrity quotes, courtesy of People magazine and other Hollywood news sources...

"Every day I have eaten ham and cheese sandwiches, I can't get enough of them. Wish they had these back in the States." - Jessica Alba

"To me, Botox is no more unusual than toothpaste. It works. You do it once a year. Who cares?" - Simon Cowell

"I hope Santa Claus rapes your f%*king mothers." - American Idol reject Danny Noriega, in a special holiday video tape that surfaced this week

"I actually texted her. It was really sad. She must be going through a hard time." - Audrina Patridge on the death of Heidi Montag's stepbrother

"Models are back to what they were in the '70s: clothes hangers." - New America's Next Top Model judge Paulina Porizkova

"I'm so happy. I can't ask for anything more ... except big boobs." - Nicole Kidman on pregnancy

"I love everything she does. If she does a poop and I have to change the diaper, I love that!" - Salma Hayek, on her daughter with Francois Henri-Pinault

"I like Britney. Today, first we were dancing slow, and then faster and faster ... Then we did the fish-move and lots of other fun things." - an impressionable 5-year-old after taking a dance class with Britney Spears

"It's just rumors, man." - Adnan Ghalib on reports that he has been cheating on Britney Spears and sending sordid text messages to other girls

Credit goes to People magazine for this terrific collection of celebrity quotes from the past week. As you can see, many topics are covered ...

"Angelina Jolie couldn't be here - it's hard to find 17 babysitters on Oscar night."
- Host Jon Stewart

"Clothes!"
- Johnny Depp, on what he was wearing to the Oscars

"It's fun trying to get pregnant."
- Gwen Stefani

"I don't know a lot about balls."
- Ellen DeGeneres, to Heidi Klum, during a cooking segment on her show

Like Zac Efron, neither of these couples is actually gay... or are they?

"You had to be painting toes and blow-drying hair."
- Ben Affleck, on teaming up with Jimmy Kimmel to spoof Sarah Silverman's video with Matt Damon

"You know when you go around to your aunty's and the little chihuahua gets on your leg because they think it's something else? That's my relationship with Ryan. It's like: Off!"
- Simon Cowell, on how he gets along with American Idol co-star (and celebrity gossip presidential primary candidate / partner) Ryan Seacrest

"My cheeks hurt, I'm so happy."
- Drew Barrymore, on beau Justin Long

"I like Barack. He's like a great boyfriend. He's a great talker. You wake up the next morning and you go: 'I don't know how I took my clothes off.'"
- Sherri Shepherd, on Barack Obama

"It's double the love, and it's also double the crying and the screaming."
- Diddy, father of twins, giving advice to Jennifer Lopez

Twice in one week? We know, it's crazy.

Some of these celebrity quotes, courtesy of People magazine, make this feature worth another shot, however. When celebs are sounding off on everything from Britney Spears to Oscars reality TV to politics, well...

See for yourself in the week's top celebrity quotes:

"For me, it's like being Hillary Clinton. If it weren't for Barack Obama, it would have been a very good year." - George Clooney on his Oscar hopes

"Dressed like a rocker, but kinda looks like Justin Timberlake, doesn't he?" - Ryan Seacrest, after a performance by American Idol contestant Robbie Carrico, who once dated Britney Spears

"She can call me and come live in our house with us for a couple of months. I would help set her straight." - Heidi Klum, on Britney Spears

"We're like puppies right now. It's a lot of adrenaline and enthusiasm."
- Jon Stewart, on prepping for the Oscars

"It's a special thing if you get a nomination, or your film does. Then you go. But we don't have any nominations or anything like that in the house, so we sit in our jammies and watch it on the couch." - Charlize Theron

"I'm not trying to be cool, I'm not trying to be hip." - Clay Aiken

"I was told I'm doing The Bachelor." - Steve Guttenberg, who opted to appear on Dancing with the Stars instead

"We are not a very conservative couple. For decorations we put up penis balloons all over the place." - Christina Aguilera, on her son's Bris

"Madonna, eat your heart out. Britney Spears, eat your heart out. I would say we have diamond records coming - they're gonna sell 10-million plus." - Spencer Pratt, on girlfriend Heidi Montag's upcoming album

Here's a feature we haven't posted in awhile. Some highlights from the world of celebrity (and quasi-celebrity) quotes, courtesy of People magazine ...

"I feel like all artists inspire music in one way or another."
- Heidi Montag

"She's a gay man trapped in a woman's body. Like me."
- Courtney Love, on daughter Frances Bean

"Hundreds of you said Paris Hilton - with the tagline that you wouldn't want to do that to the pig."
- Former Miss USA and Dancing with the Stars cast member Shanna Moakler, on the contest she's running to name her pet pig

"I think I have a really great mug shot. It looks like a magazine shoot."
- Paris Hilton

Shanna Moakler and her pet pig, which may be named Paris Hilton ...

"It was just like Yom Kippur, the Jewish holiday where you have to fast."
- Amy Winehouse's Grammy-winning producer Mark Ronson, on sitting through the awards show while starving

"Do you really need to pick this exact moment, when there is nakedness and motorcycles, to take me away?"
- Bret Michaels, on being called away by a disapproving Aubry to talk while he was clearly enjoying himself, on Rock of Love

"He's easily distracted by food, much like me. I can be swayed from any task if buffalo chicken wings present themselves."
- Knocked Up and Superbad star Seth Rogen, on playing goblin Hogsqueal in The Spiderwick Chronicle