Britney Spears
Gossip (Page 76)

From Britney and Kevin to the Tommy Lee-Kid Rock fight to that crazy lesbian Anne Heche, the spectacle of a public, bitter celebrity divorces sure is certainly one to behold. Here's The Hollywood Gossip's field guide to some of the major celebrities whose nuptials have unraveled before our eyes.

KEVIN FEDERLINE vs. BRITNEY SPEARS

He says: Not a lot. Because he has a good lawyer, and she says it all for him by parading around Hollywood clubs in no pants.
She says: He's "the biggest mistake she ever made" (and a stoner with no income).
Custody (of the kids): Currently 50-50, though FedEx is seeking a higher ratio of time with Sean and Jayden. Britney Spears' antics make that a distinct possibility.
Custody (of the fans): Kevin, we think. But only by attrition.

PAUL McCARTNEY vs. HEATHER MILLS

He says: She's got "personality issues," possibly code for "she used to be a high-priced call girl who serviced Arab arms dealers.
She says: The Beatles legend used to slap her around a little.
Custody (of the kids): Amicably shared, of daughter Beatrice.
Custody (of the fans): Paul by a wide margin across the Atlantic, but Mills won millions of fans stateside with her turn on Dancing with the Stars. A one-legged former hooker and "instructional sex tape" star, what's not to love?

COLEY LAFFOON vs. ANNE HECHE

He says: Anne Heche a frickin' nut!
She says: Coley Laffoon is a deadbeat who is addicted to porn, strippers and poker, as well as downloading sexual photos online.
Custody (of the kids): Bitterly contested, but split evenly, of son Homer.
Custody (of the fans): We gotta side with Laffoon, if only because he has no money and Heche had an affair with the equally-married James Tupper.

EMINEM vs. KIM MATHERS

He says: "I'd rather have a baby through my penis than get married again," Eminem said in 2002, after getting a divorce from Kim, who he was married to from 1999-2001. Note: He got married again. To Kim. In 2006. That's over too.
She says: His penis is small, doesn't work.
Custody (of the kids): Changes frequently.
Custody (of the fans): Eminem. Bitch crazy!

TOMMY LEE vs. KID ROCK

Lee (Pamela Anderson's husband for several years) says: Kid Rock is a wuss.
Kid (married to Pamela Anderson for three months in 2006) says: "Tommy Lee said some things that were extremely disrespectful to me."
Custody (of the kids): Tommy and Pam share custody of theirs 50-50. Thank goodness Kid Rock and Anderson did not procreate.
Custody (of the fans): Kid... but talk about a Rock and a head case!

ALEC BALDWIN vs. KIM BASINGER

He says: Kim is a manipulative liar who dedicates most of her live to making him miserable and not allowing him to see daughter Ireland.
She says: Alec and Saddam Hussein are pretty similar.
Custody (of the kids): Almost all Kim, especially after Alec infamously tore Ireland a new one on that gotta-hear-it-to-believe it voicemail.
Custody (of the fans): Alec Baldwin. Sure, he's got some personal issues. But watch this guy on 30 Rock and you just can't stay mad.

Kanye West continues to bash MTV, saying Friday that the network "used" Britney Spears to get higher ratings for Sunday's Video Music Awards.

"I just felt like she wasn't ready and I felt like they had to get their ratings. ... It just shows you it's not a black and white thing; it's a money thing," the rapper said on Ellen DeGeneres' talk show.

"I felt bad for her too. I felt bad for everyone involved."

West, whose backstage meltdown behind the scenes at the VMAs is now part of YouTube lore, said MTV should have stopped Spears after seeing her rehearsal.

"Someone had to be at that practice and be like, 'Wow. This is not good.' All the lip-syncing, everything," West said. "I mean, that performance, even had it been pulled off perfectly, still wouldn't have been up to par to start off the MTV Music Video Awards."

Selling a reported 420,000 records on the first day his new album Graduation was released, West seems on track to be the victor in his battle to out-perform fellow rapper 50 Cent (whose new album dropped the same day) on the charts.

But Kanye West's battle with MTV continues.

"MTV didn't give me the opportunity to rock the way I wanted to rock," he said, calling his five VMA nominations but no wins a "slap in the face."

"I told the guy at MTV, 'There's only a few things important in music this year: Umbrella, Amy Winehouse,'" he said. "it's not just me. Britney Spears is not important in music, but she's important to the tabloids and stuff like that."

So basically, Kanye West is saying that Britney Spears is only relevant because celebrity news publications are obsessed with her, and she's no longer a force in the music business. A bold, bold statement. Way to go out on a limb there!

He's one. She's 25. Yet the precious little Jayden James Federline seems to have a better grasp of reality than does his crazy mama these days.

Not only that, but he seems more adept at everyday tasks. Such as putting on pants (at least diapers) and leaving the house fully clothed.

It's a state of affairs that's not lost on l'il Jayden ...

Britney Spears is falling out of her clothes. Again. Who knows if she's got any pants or underwear on. Sigh. Even Jayden James has to be shaking his head by now.

Being the focal point of celebrity gossip can be trying, but Jayden James, who turned one Wednesday, and his older bro Sean Preston, who's two years old today, can take solace in the fact that they somehow survived another year - while appearing smarter than Britney Spears and Kevin Federline combined.

And in a few years, they'll be able to make a run for it.

Hey, at least one person is still on Team Britney!

Well, two if you're gonna count that nut Chris Crocker.

Ding dang, wouldn't you know it, Britney Spears' "cousin" and "assistant," the aspiring "singer" Alli Sims, has jumped to her ol' boss' defense.

Alli Sims doesn't know why people don't weave Britney alone, and says Sarah Silverman's opening remarks at the MTV Video Music Awards just "mean."

"Have you seen Britney's kids? Oh my god! They are the most adorable little mistakes you will ever see!" Silverman said at the VMAs. "They are as cute as the hairless vagina they came out of."

THG NOTE: Britney had a C-section for both births, making Sarah's jokes off the mark. But the fact remains Britney goes clubbing with no underwear, so one can excuse Silverman's error. A comedian can't not go there, you know?

Anyway. Alli Sims was making a run to the grocery store for the 25-year-old star Wednesday when photographers asked if she had anything to say.

Alli Sims: Britney's cousin? Assistant? Pal?

"What about Sarah Silverman?" one guy asked Sims (on behalf of the venerable celebrity news agency X17 online. "Do you have anything to say to her?"

Alli's reply: "She's mean... MEAN! She'll have kids one day and she won't appreciate that crap."

THG NOTE: Sarah Silverman has said in the past that she does not want, and believes she won't ever have, children. But again, neither here nor there.

In any case, it's good to see Alli and Britney back together again. Maybe Sims' "solo" career didn't gain much traction? Here's hoping they can get Shannon Funk to come over for a some three-way girl-on-girl action and videotape it.

Her appearance at the MTV Video Music awards left Britney Spears' comeback up in the air. But the "star" seems intent on putting custody issues to rest.

Spears attended a meeting with Federline and his lawyer, Mark Vincent Kaplan, Wednesday. The exes arrived at offices of Spears' attorney, Laura Wasser.

The meeting fell on son Jayden James' first birthday and five days before they are due to face each other before a family court judge on Monday.

The meeting was Britney Spears' idea, according to a source close to her.

"Britney asked for [the meeting]. She wants to put an end to this public debacle," says a Spears source. "However, Kevin [has] refused. He needs more money so he's determined to win this."

Court documents released August 30 show that Spears' income is an incredible $737,868 a month and that Kevin Federline receives $20,000 a month in spousal support, but has no "net income after business expenses."

A source close to FedEx confirmed the meeting, but said that Federline was not - as is speculated - drawing out the process due to financial self-interest.

"He's not going for additional child support in the court papers that were filed. It's not about the money," says the insider.

When asked if Britney Spears was hoping to settle, the Kevin Federline source retorted: "She might settle, she's got stage fright."

Britney Spears' Las Vegas weekend featured eight party-hopping nightclub excursions and one epically disastrous nationally televised dance number.

Could she have avoided sych public embarrassment? According to a report in the The New York Times, the singer's record label, Jive, was reluctant to put her on stage, until one of her lawyers, Gary Stiffelman, advised otherwise.

Meanwhile, American Idol, which specialize in turning embarrassments around, reportedly wants to do the same for Spears, according to FOX News.

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Completely buried by the fact that Britney Spears humiliated herself and gave celebrity news sites endless fodder with her god-awful performance at the MTV Music Video Awards is the controversy over one of her new songs.

As we reported last Thursday, Britney Spears' "Baby Boy" (a.k.a. the slow jam leaked by Perez Hilton that sounds nasally, whiny and incomprehensibly bad) sounds eerily similar to a song by singer-songwriter Kim Ross.

Follow the link to listen to Kim Ross' "Beautiful Lies."

Did Britney and her managers steal the song? It certainly looks that way, but one reader isn't buying it. The tracks sound more than just similar - they're exactly the same, says Jz (no relation to Beyonce's boyfriend), who believes this to be a stunt.

Here's what this reader of The Hollywood Gossip writes:

"Just a minute. I listened to both tracks. Usually when I hear a rip off, I hear something very similar. BUT in this case, the two songs have THE SAME EXACT, IDENTICAL instruments and sound effects! Normally when someone rips off a track, the musicians disguise it by changing the instruments etc.

For some reason I can't under stand one person had to have access to the others source recordings! No one would rip that blatantly. For that, I'm suspecting this is some kind of publicity stunt to get Kim Ross noticed.

I mean, HOW could Britney Spears' producers get a hold of the EXACT sounds from Kim's recordings unlesshe [sic] shared them? Is there a karaoke version with no words to one of the songs? What going on here? I realize that with EXTREME effort a songs instruments could be made to sound that close, but WHY? Copying instruments isn't needed to rip a song... Plus it gets the person doing it caught. Again, something is fishy about this claim. I wish I understood it better."

So do we. What do you think? Did Britney Spears bogart the track? Or do you buy this alternate theory? And did anyone see her at the VMAs? She was bad!

We know these are old pictures, but as a tribute to the U.S. Open this month, and to the train wreck that is Britney Spears, we present to you this photo finish....

Which bald individual has the better backhand: A rehab-fleeing, umbrella-wielding Britney Spears, or eight-time grand slam champion Andre Agassi?

These two have gone at it in our celebrity look-alikes feature, but the battle continues. Even if Britney now rocks the weave instead of the cue ball look.

Of course, Andre Agassi had the sense to retire before he became a joke. After Britney Spears' VMA disaster, she might want to give it some thought.

A quiet life with Sean Preston and Jayden James has to be better than this.

Move over, Hillary Clinton.

50 Cent is singing the praises of another buzzed-about woman - Britney Spears - and saying Kayne West's outburst against her Sunday was unwarranted.

"He was upset," 50 told Ryan Seacrest on his radio show, referring to West's backstage meltdown. "He's not used to not being recognized. Period."

Kanye West, however, will be recognized in one unlikely place â€" Seacrest announced Wednesday that Kanye will perform at Sunday night's Emmys.

As for 50 and Kanye, both rappers appeared on BET's 106 and Park on Tuesday, and West said he wished he could have opened the VMAs.

"It was always my dream to open the show with 'Stronger' but they talked me into doing the suite thing," he said. "Then when they had Britney Spears open, I said, 'How are you going to have Britney open? Because she's not ready'."

But, according to 50 Cent, Kanye West was out of line.

"[Kanye] expressed that he felt that Britney Spears shouldn't be actually opening the Video Music Awards - almost like he forgot that Britney Spears sold 50 million records. She did," the rapper told Seacrest.

"He is not thinking about her full body of work. She deserved to headline the show better than anybody else that was on it ... even in the state she is in."

Asked if he thinks West will go through with his threatened boycott of MTV, 50 Cent answered: "I don't think he can. I don't think it's possible. I think he [got] carried away in the moment. MTV doesn't need him."

After he appeared with 50 Cent and looking friendly on BET, later that day Kanye West bailed on a scheduled TRL appearance.

"He's nervous," 50 Cent joked about West's cancellation. "You think he had a problem with MTV? Nah. He knew he had to be here today ... He was like, 'You don't want to give me no trophies? Okay, I quit.'"

West also pulled out of a scheduled appearance on the Today show.

A rep for West told the New York Post: "It was a creative decision. There were problems ... Kanye wanted to do things a certain way with an elaborate light show and he would have had to move indoors for that ... He was contrite."

Please, no one tell Chris Crocker the following.

We fear for what that insane YouTube poster and Britney Spears fan would do if he discovered that terrorists were out to murder his beloved train wreck. And this was before they saw her MTV Video Music Awards performance!

According to Aaron Klein's new book, "Schmoozing with Terrorists," our nation's enemies love celebrity gossip as much as we do.

In an interview with hater Muhammad Abdel-Al, the bad guy referred to Britney and Madonna as "prostitutes" and said: "If these two... keep doing what they will do, we of course will punish them... We can stone them and even we can kill them."

It's true. Check out the book's table of contents for yourself:

 

Of course, there are some celebrities the terrorists love, such as Richard Gere, Jane Fonda and Sean Penn. We're also guessing they won't do harm to Miss Iran, Sepideh Haftgoli... although she is dating an American in Andy Baldwin. So it's hard to say.

Naturally, the book also claims Jihadists love Mel Gibson.

Which is ironic. Because they hate freeeedooooom!

No one was more shocked watching Britney Spears' stinking up the joint at MTV's Video Music Awards Sunday night than the 25-year-old pop "star" herself.

"She was also able to see video of herself playing throughout the auditorium," a backstage source tells Us Weekly.

"She flipped out. She came running off the stage, yelling ‘Oh, my God, I looked like a fat pig! I looked like a fat pig!' She was inconsolable."

We wouldn't that far, but clearly, Spears has no one to blame but herself for her incredibly hyped and disastrous performance at the VMAs.

The lip-synching pop tart showed up late for her big comeback, reports the New York Post - completely unprepared and with a drink in her hand.

On Saturday, the day before the VMAs, Britney Spears was scheduled to arrive at rehearsal at around 1 p.m. You know where this is going.

"She didn't even get to Las Vegas until 4:30 p.m. It was ridiculous," an inside source tells the Post. "The production people at MTV were freaking out. Nobody can tell Britney what to do anymore. No one can control her. She is a mess."

To make matters worse, when she arrived in Vegas, Britney Spears didn't go straight to rehearsals, but instead to the mini-bar.

"She went to her hotel and ordered a bunch of food and some margaritas," the spy said. "She came down an hour later with a frozen margarita in her hand."

When Spears preformed, she stumbled a couple times and couldn't remember the words she was lip-syncing. She covered her mouth at one point but by the end of the song simply gave up any pretense of singing.

"The dance number was spectacular ... without Britney," said a Post source who witnessed the rehearsal. "When a stand-in was rehearsing with the dancers, in the hours they were all waiting for her, it was amazing. Then Britney showed up and refused to do anything."

Reportedly, the dancers were supposed to lift and twirl Spears in the air a few times, and that just wasn't going to happen in her condition. All of the more complicated dance moves had to be erased because she couldn't cut it.

Meanwhile, Britney Spears grew increasingly agitated because she didn't like the outfit MTV had selected for her. Says a source:

"MTV wanted her to wear a corset. It would have looked great and covered a lot of things up, but she hated it and didn't think it was sexy enough."

Instead, Spears changed into a bra-and-underwear outfit she'd brought with her - one that emphasized her weight gain over the last year.

Yes, Chris Crocker. We know she "had two f*%king kids." We're just sayin' there's a little more junk up in that trunk nowadays.

MTV execs weren't the only ones worried about the impending debacle. Another spy said worried dancers were texting pals, asking them to pray for them.

After the debacle, she allegedly broke down in tears but then partied until 3 a.m. and once again was photographed by paparazzi wearing no underwear.

You know, standard operating procedure.