Britney Spears
Gossip (Page 76)

Just hours after a judge ordered drug testing for Britney Spears, the singer hit the Los Angeles nightclub scene overnight Tuesday with ... Avril Lavigne.

Followed by a pack of paparazzi, Spears first was seen at Winston's in West Hollywood with Lavigne and Spears' friend/cousin/bitch Alli Sims.

The women left around 1 a.m., and Britney Spears was later spotted at Hyde Lounge in West Hollywood where she partied until the club closed.

"They kept bringing (Britney Spears) shots and so they were drinking," says a Hyde patron, who may or may not have been Spencer Pratt.

"She was dancing on the tables trying to be really sexy, even putting a black sock over her head as a hat, and putting on a show for everyone."

Wow. We're gonna have to change our pants after reading that account.

Britney Spears goes buck wild ... with clothes on this time!

It gets weirder. At one point in the evening, an irate Britney drove over to the Beverly Hills Police Department and complained that a pack of celebrity news photographers was following her, but no action was taken.

Spears' night of partying came after the judge in her brutal custody fight with Kevin Federline found that she is a "habitual, frequent and continuous" user of alcohol and controlled substances. Well, at least this clears it up.

Britney Spears must now submit to random twice-weekly testing.

Los Angeles Superior Court Commissioner Scott Gordon also ruled that both Spears and Federline may not consume alcohol or other substances at least 12 hours prior to being with their two children, Sean Preston and Jayden James.

After imploding on the MTV Video Music Awards, being dumped by her manager (Jeff Kwatinetz) and lawyer (Laura Wasser), and being forced into counseling in order to keep custody of her sons, Britney Spears is facing her darkest days.

Unfortunately, her problems aren't just affecting the 25-year-old pop star, reports Us Weekly in its cover story - they're having a negative impact on her two children, Jayden James Federline, 1, and Sean Preston Federline, 2.

"Dealing with the children after they come back from Britney's is really hard on Kevin," says a source close to Kevin Federline. "Sometimes it takes three days to get them back on any type of schedule."

And it turns out Britney Spears' friends and family aren't the only ones who have expressed great concern over the singer's (disturbing lack of) parenting skills.

In a closed hearing on September 18, the L.A. Superior Court issued a list of rules Britney Spears must follow to maintain shared custody of her children.

These stipulations include meeting with a parenting coach for a minimum of eight hours a week, and having supervised sessions with counselors and her children.

Yet at least one family source actually tries to defend Britney Spears, saying a lack of education is to blame for her recent problems.

"She loves her children so much, but she's never been taught how to properly take care of them," said the source, claiming a maternal bond seems to be missing. "She looks lifeless. It's like she doesn't understand the impact of being a mother."

Boy. Thank goodness The Hollywood Gossip staff writers all went to college and took classes to learn that partying every night is not the way to be a good mom.

Following the lead of Laura Wasser, Jeff Kwatinetz has effectively told Britney Spears, "B!tch, you someone else's problem now!"

Yes, Britney Spears' manager has officially jumped ship, and the reasons sound strangely similar to her former lawyer's gripes about the singer.

Jeff Kwatinetz, who took over for Larry Rudolph, said "It saddens us to confirm media reports that we have terminated our relationship with Britney Spears."

Noting Kwatinetz repped Brit for a grand total of one month, he continued, "We believe Britney is enormously talented, and has made a terrific record, but current circumstances prevent us from properly doing our job."

So what are the circumstances?

Maybe they're similar to what we hear about Laura Wasser said, that Britney makes terrible decisions in judgment and simply could not be controlled.

Sources close to the matter say Jeff Kwatinetz had similar problems, such as at the VMAs, when Britney decided to switch the costume she planned to wear for that glittery bikini, without telling anyone. We all know what happened next.
After the VMAs, Jeff Kwatinetz and his firm demanded to meet with her, but she refused. They felt she needed help, but she wouldn't hear it. Shocking.

Since the performance, Britney Spears has kept a low profile, moving into a new Malibu home with sons Sean Preston Federline, 2, and Jayden James Federline, 1.

Yesterday, lawyer Gloria Allred revealed that former a Spears bodyguard, Tony Barretto, is willing to testify at her custody case "on issues of nudity... drug use and safety issues involving [Spears'] children, post-rehab."

The mystery witness has been revealed.

Tony Barretto, a former bodyguard for Britney Spears, filed a declaration in the custody battle between Kevin Federline and Spears, which alleges the singer engaged in large amounts of "nudity, drug use and safety issues, post-rehab."

Stunning revelations, all of them.

Gloria Allred, Tony Barretto's attorney, said in a press conference today that Britney's former bodyguard was prepared to testify under oath today.

However, neither the court nor Britney Spears' attorneys chose to cross-examine him. Rather, his declaration went "unrefuted and unchallenged."

Tony Barretto started working for Britney Spears when she got out of rehab, but was fired May 17 after he "did not hear her when he was asked to pick up her hat."

Barretto, himself the father of young children, chose to come forward, Allred says, because while working for Britney Spears, he became "very concerned" about the safety of her two boys, Sean Preston and Jayden James.

Allred also said that she has spoken to Los Angeles County Counsel for Child Protective Services about the concerns Tony Barretto brought forward.

It's hard to believe that the life of Britney Spears could get any worse, but reports suggest that her custody fight with ex-husband Kevin Federline is getting worse by the day.

First, there's the "secret witness" (pictured entering court today) that attorney Gloria Allred is produing - a person said to be the trump card K-Fed is counting on to win custody of Jayden James and Sean Preston.

Reports suggest this mystery person may be a drug dealer or bodyguard, but that remains unsubstantiated. Federline's legal team has already subpoenaed everyone from Daimon Shippen to Alli Sims and Larry Rudolph in the case.

As for Britney Spears' legal team? That's in turmoil as well.

Laura Wasser will officially submit legal papers formally withdrawing herself as the singer's attorney today, with sources saying Britney Spears' new lawyer will be another high-profile attorney by the name of Marci Levine.

Despite Spears' drinking habits, stint in rehab, repeated endangering of Sean and Jayden, and pattern of clubbing with no underwear, the cutthroat Wasser was somehow able to hammer out a 50-50 custody split with K-Fed.

But reportedly Britney was a problem client who just didn't listen and follow the advice Laura Wasser gave so Spears could maintain that custody and end this war.

Now Federline wants 70-30 custody, and it's someone else's problem, bitch.

Chris Crocker who?

While that rabid Britney Spears fan is making waves on the Internet for being attention-starved and insane, two other guys are showing off their talent... for making dance tracks by alcoholic bad mothers into melodic, acoustic songs.

Check out their version of Britney's "Gimme More" below. These fellas could give Greg Laswell a run for his song-writing money...

From Britney and Kevin to the Tommy Lee-Kid Rock fight to that crazy lesbian Anne Heche, the spectacle of a public, bitter celebrity divorces sure is certainly one to behold. Here's The Hollywood Gossip's field guide to some of the major celebrities whose nuptials have unraveled before our eyes.

KEVIN FEDERLINE vs. BRITNEY SPEARS

He says: Not a lot. Because he has a good lawyer, and she says it all for him by parading around Hollywood clubs in no pants.
She says: He's "the biggest mistake she ever made" (and a stoner with no income).
Custody (of the kids): Currently 50-50, though FedEx is seeking a higher ratio of time with Sean and Jayden. Britney Spears' antics make that a distinct possibility.
Custody (of the fans): Kevin, we think. But only by attrition.

PAUL McCARTNEY vs. HEATHER MILLS

He says: She's got "personality issues," possibly code for "she used to be a high-priced call girl who serviced Arab arms dealers.
She says: The Beatles legend used to slap her around a little.
Custody (of the kids): Amicably shared, of daughter Beatrice.
Custody (of the fans): Paul by a wide margin across the Atlantic, but Mills won millions of fans stateside with her turn on Dancing with the Stars. A one-legged former hooker and "instructional sex tape" star, what's not to love?

COLEY LAFFOON vs. ANNE HECHE

He says: Anne Heche a frickin' nut!
She says: Coley Laffoon is a deadbeat who is addicted to porn, strippers and poker, as well as downloading sexual photos online.
Custody (of the kids): Bitterly contested, but split evenly, of son Homer.
Custody (of the fans): We gotta side with Laffoon, if only because he has no money and Heche had an affair with the equally-married James Tupper.

EMINEM vs. KIM MATHERS

He says: "I'd rather have a baby through my penis than get married again," Eminem said in 2002, after getting a divorce from Kim, who he was married to from 1999-2001. Note: He got married again. To Kim. In 2006. That's over too.
She says: His penis is small, doesn't work.
Custody (of the kids): Changes frequently.
Custody (of the fans): Eminem. Bitch crazy!

TOMMY LEE vs. KID ROCK

Lee (Pamela Anderson's husband for several years) says: Kid Rock is a wuss.
Kid (married to Pamela Anderson for three months in 2006) says: "Tommy Lee said some things that were extremely disrespectful to me."
Custody (of the kids): Tommy and Pam share custody of theirs 50-50. Thank goodness Kid Rock and Anderson did not procreate.
Custody (of the fans): Kid... but talk about a Rock and a head case!

ALEC BALDWIN vs. KIM BASINGER

He says: Kim is a manipulative liar who dedicates most of her live to making him miserable and not allowing him to see daughter Ireland.
She says: Alec and Saddam Hussein are pretty similar.
Custody (of the kids): Almost all Kim, especially after Alec infamously tore Ireland a new one on that gotta-hear-it-to-believe it voicemail.
Custody (of the fans): Alec Baldwin. Sure, he's got some personal issues. But watch this guy on 30 Rock and you just can't stay mad.

Kanye West continues to bash MTV, saying Friday that the network "used" Britney Spears to get higher ratings for Sunday's Video Music Awards.

"I just felt like she wasn't ready and I felt like they had to get their ratings. ... It just shows you it's not a black and white thing; it's a money thing," the rapper said on Ellen DeGeneres' talk show.

"I felt bad for her too. I felt bad for everyone involved."

West, whose backstage meltdown behind the scenes at the VMAs is now part of YouTube lore, said MTV should have stopped Spears after seeing her rehearsal.

"Someone had to be at that practice and be like, 'Wow. This is not good.' All the lip-syncing, everything," West said. "I mean, that performance, even had it been pulled off perfectly, still wouldn't have been up to par to start off the MTV Music Video Awards."

Selling a reported 420,000 records on the first day his new album Graduation was released, West seems on track to be the victor in his battle to out-perform fellow rapper 50 Cent (whose new album dropped the same day) on the charts.

But Kanye West's battle with MTV continues.

"MTV didn't give me the opportunity to rock the way I wanted to rock," he said, calling his five VMA nominations but no wins a "slap in the face."

"I told the guy at MTV, 'There's only a few things important in music this year: Umbrella, Amy Winehouse,'" he said. "it's not just me. Britney Spears is not important in music, but she's important to the tabloids and stuff like that."

So basically, Kanye West is saying that Britney Spears is only relevant because celebrity news publications are obsessed with her, and she's no longer a force in the music business. A bold, bold statement. Way to go out on a limb there!

He's one. She's 25. Yet the precious little Jayden James Federline seems to have a better grasp of reality than does his crazy mama these days.

Not only that, but he seems more adept at everyday tasks. Such as putting on pants (at least diapers) and leaving the house fully clothed.

It's a state of affairs that's not lost on l'il Jayden ...

Britney Spears is falling out of her clothes. Again. Who knows if she's got any pants or underwear on. Sigh. Even Jayden James has to be shaking his head by now.

Being the focal point of celebrity gossip can be trying, but Jayden James, who turned one Wednesday, and his older bro Sean Preston, who's two years old today, can take solace in the fact that they somehow survived another year - while appearing smarter than Britney Spears and Kevin Federline combined.

And in a few years, they'll be able to make a run for it.

Hey, at least one person is still on Team Britney!

Well, two if you're gonna count that nut Chris Crocker.

Ding dang, wouldn't you know it, Britney Spears' "cousin" and "assistant," the aspiring "singer" Alli Sims, has jumped to her ol' boss' defense.

Alli Sims doesn't know why people don't weave Britney alone, and says Sarah Silverman's opening remarks at the MTV Video Music Awards just "mean."

"Have you seen Britney's kids? Oh my god! They are the most adorable little mistakes you will ever see!" Silverman said at the VMAs. "They are as cute as the hairless vagina they came out of."

THG NOTE: Britney had a C-section for both births, making Sarah's jokes off the mark. But the fact remains Britney goes clubbing with no underwear, so one can excuse Silverman's error. A comedian can't not go there, you know?

Anyway. Alli Sims was making a run to the grocery store for the 25-year-old star Wednesday when photographers asked if she had anything to say.

Alli Sims: Britney's cousin? Assistant? Pal?

"What about Sarah Silverman?" one guy asked Sims (on behalf of the venerable celebrity news agency X17 online. "Do you have anything to say to her?"

Alli's reply: "She's mean... MEAN! She'll have kids one day and she won't appreciate that crap."

THG NOTE: Sarah Silverman has said in the past that she does not want, and believes she won't ever have, children. But again, neither here nor there.

In any case, it's good to see Alli and Britney back together again. Maybe Sims' "solo" career didn't gain much traction? Here's hoping they can get Shannon Funk to come over for a some three-way girl-on-girl action and videotape it.