Britney Spears
Gossip (Page 69)

Streetwalking harlot? Fashion-challenged tigress? Midriff-baring carnie? Employee of a celebrity photo agency? Or fiesta queen? Who the heck knows!

Only Britney Spears - and perhaps not even Britney Spears - knows what the heck Britney Spears was supposed to be as she donned a variety of costumes - including a pink zebra showgirl getup and a TMZ press pass in honor of Halloween at Heidi Klum's annual costume bash at The Green Door in Hollywood.

Hey, it's not like she has anything better to do - like spend time with her sons, Sean Preston and Jayden James. The court says that's just not safe for the lil' mistakes.

Leave it to Britney Spears to find the ultimate Halloween outfit, truly becoming of her newfound image. The troubled singer donned a hot pink animal print leotard with a cut out middle that exposed her cleavage and midriff.

Spears attended a house party thrown by model Heidi Klum and husband Seal, and later hit the Green Door bar with friend Lucy Walsh. Then she was apparently all over some girl (possibly Lucy Walsh) in a car, as seen in the photo below ...

Earlier that day, Britney Spears gave her first interview to promote her hot new CD, Blackout, amid the widespread media frenzy over her child custody hearings.

Ryan Seacrest asked how often she was seeing sons Sean Preston and Jayden James, and the train wreck deferred to her attorneys. "That's, like, all in the court, stuff like that. My lawyers know all that stuff," Britney Spears said.

Despite great personal turmoil of late, "Gimme More" is getting a lot of radio play and Web downloads. Seacrest asked Spears about the message she meant to convey in one of the album's other talked about songs, "Piece of Me."

"There's a lot of people who like, you know, want to ask questions and ... sometimes you don't know their intentions and stuff," Spears said.

"It's just kind of a cute way of putting it out there, you know, like, ‘you want a piece of me,' and like, in a cool, cute, clever way."

Oh yes. Very clever. Always the first word that comes to mind when talking about Britney Spears. Her lawyers know, like, all that stuff, y'all.

We talk a lot about Britney Spears. A lot.

Yet the pop star train wreck herself offers relatively few sound bites of late. We're not counting the "singing" on her new album of course.

Wednesday morning, Spears broken her silence on the recent controversy over her parenting skills and her negative public image, talking to metrosexual radio host and American Idol personality Ryan Seacrest on his KIIS-FM show.

"I try to not let it get to me," she said.

As for the drama over her custody battle with ex-husband Kevin Federline for sons Sean Preston and Jayden James, she said, "People say what they want and do what they do... but it's sad how cruel our world can be."

When asked about recent fling Tony Romo (Ryan Seacrest personally said he saw her give him a lap dance at Les Deux October 26), she replied, "Who?"

Britney Spears said she thinks her new album, Blackout, was "cool" and her favorite song was "Heaven and Earth ... It is a really cool track."

Britney Spears calls her new album, which came out this week, Blackout. Which sure is convenient, since that's also what the lush calls Tuesday-Saturday nights.

She had a low-key celebration for the album release Tuesday. "We watched movies," she said. Probably not the Amy Fisher sex tape, although who knows.

As for whose idea it was for her to say "It's Britney, Bitch" in the intro to "Gimme More," Spears said, "the producer told me to say that." Well, there you go.

While Spears surprisingly made it to the interview with Seacrest and was halfway coherent, it wasn't exactly easy to get Britney's ass in gear. Or out of the sack.

At first, her "cousin" Alli Sims phoned in from Spears' Beverly Hills home and said she was trying to wake the train wreck up. Spears had overslept. Her producer pal, Sam Lutfi, was also overheard in the background.

For three of the most turbulent months of Britney Spears' life, Kalie Machado was a witness to the wreckage, a constant presence by the "singer's" side.

As the great train wreck's personal assistant starting in December 2006, Kalie Machado soon found herself a featured player in Britney's daily soap opera.

In other words, part-time nanny to her kids / full-time drinking companion and shoulder to cry on. And, in the case of Shannon Funk, occasional lesbian lover.

Now back in Northern California where she grew up, Machado tells Us Weekly some of the heartbreaking details of Britney's breakup with FedEx, and how Spears even desperately tried to win the deadbeat back for a time.

"She wanted so badly to have the father of her babies. When Britney thought about Kevin not wanting her, she would bawl," said Kalie Machado (pictured above with Britney Spears). "She would just look at Sean Preston and Jayden James and say, 'Where's your daddy? I need help. Where's your daddy?'"

And Sean Preston, 2, and Jayden James, 1, were with Britney Spears when she and Federline had their final fight, something Kalie Machado says Brit felt she was tricked into. After following him to New York with their sons, "She stood up for herself, and it backfired... That was what [K-Fed] wanted."

Spears also hung her wedding dress in the bedroom of her Malibu home and kept framed photos of K-Fed all over the house. "She would ask, 'Why did he do this to me?'" Kalie Machado said, adding that "It just made her crazy and depressed."

Kalie Machado's conclusion? "She needs mental help," she says.

Heck, we could have told you that for less money, Us. But we're glad for Kalie's comments. Move over, Sam Lutfi. There's a new Spears pal grabbing headlines.

Dallas Cowboys QB Tony Romo, who just signed a new $67 million contract, credits his football position for the public interest in his love life.

Asked at a team press conference, the NFL star was asked this: "How do you respond to reports that you were with Britney Spears this weekend?"

Romo laughed and replied simply, "I think [it] sometimes goes with this position. Being the quarterback ... you're at the same place with someone else and people just run with it now." Well, okay, if you say so, Tony.

The Cowboys signal-caller says he's no stranger to being celebrity gossip fodder, having been linked to Jessica Simpson and Carrie Underwood.

"So it's just the position, I guess, in some ways. And you just learn that and shake your head every once in a while and you move on."

Spears and Romo were spotted together last weekend at the L.A. restaurant Ketchup, where Romo was having dinner, and then later with Spears pal and possible cousin Alli Sims and others at the Hollywood hotspot Les Deux.

Alli Sims and Britney Spears: Kissin' cousins... or somethin'. 

Alli Sims takes issue one some of the accounts of their evening - such as the widespread reports that Spears gave a lap dance to Tony Romo.

Explaining their activities, Sims said, "We were in a private area upstairs and sat down talking most of the night, but did get up to dance a little."

"The story is untrue," says Alli Sims, Britney's former assistant. "Tony is a gentleman, and Britney wouldn't do that, especially to a friend of mine."

She would pass out in a hotel room full of hard drugs and Howie Day... or be bent over and railed wheelbarrow style by JR Rotem, though. Just saying.

Guess Nicole Narain was right.

Commissioner Scott Gordon did not return custody of Sean Preston Federline and Jayden James Federline to Britney Spears, limiting her to three monitored visits per week, two from noon-p.m. and one overnight.

Spears and Kevin Fedrline have been ordered to figure out holiday schedules, and she must give evidence that she childproofed her pool area by Friday.

The Commish wrote that when Britney has Sean and Jayden, "the environment at the house ranged from chaotic to almost somber, with little communication at all."

Gordon also recounts what Britney Spears' parenting coach complained of - that "Spears rarely engaged with the children in either conversation or play."

Britney Spears: No custody for you.

According to the report, the coach wrote, "It seems that [Britney Spears'] choices are dependent more upon what she wants to do at any given time rather than what would be more enjoyable for the children."

At the custody hearing, the coach also said Spears has a "lack of general attention at times" but nothing she "would characterize as abusive in a traditional sense."

And then perhaps the most damning comment from the nutjob's parenting coach: "The problem is that unless Ms. Spears realizes the consequences of her behavior and the impact that it has [on] her children, nothing is going to be successful."

Nicole Narain, the ex-Playmate and co-star of the Colin Farrell sex tape - and Kevin Federline's reported new girlfriend - is calling out Britney Spears, calling the toxic "singer" mentally unstable and wholly unfit to be a mother.

Let us reiterate that. A Playboy Playmate and sex tape star is chastising Britney Spears. If that doesn't sum up Britney's fall from grace, what does?

In any case, in an interview with The Sun, Nicole Narain made some shocking claims about the incomparable Britney Spears, including, but not limited to:

• Britney was caught breast-feeding Jayden James while drunk on vodka.
• Kevin Federline fears she has left their two sons permanently damaged.
• Britney has been warned several times not to leave Jayden James and Sean Preston in her pool unsupervised and in her car without seat belts.

... and finally ...

• Britney once made a pass at Nicole when they were in the toilet together.

As absurd as it sounds, do you doubt that story? Of course not. That also tells you a lot about Britney. K-Fed reportedly told Nicole Narain:

"I'd see her walking around the house guzzling vodka and Coke and looking tipsy. Then a few moments later, I saw her pick up Jayden and start breast-feeding him."

Nicole Narain went on to describe K-Fed's fears for Britney Spears' life:

"She's lost all grasp on reality and is dragging the children through hell. Her mood swings are so wild, I live in fear of getting a call telling me she has killed herself."

When Nicole Narain and K-Fed are the voices of reason, you know you've got some problems. We all know Britney is following in the footsteps of Anna Nicole Smith, and is seemingly uninterested in getting help. Will she ever turn this around?

A new low, even by her standards? Kinky photos of a practically naked Britney Spears perched on a priest's lap and leaning seductively up against a church confessional have sparked outrage among Catholic leaders.

At least one said the Britney Spears photos, which grace (if you can call it that) the singer's new dance album, Blackout, are a "bottom of the barrel" stunt from a girl who really could use some time in a real confessional.

"This is all the puzzle pieces coming together. This girl is crashing," said Bill Donohue, president of the New York-based Catholic League.

"[Britney Spears] is not even allowed to bring up her own kids because she's not responsible enough. Now we see that she can't even entertain."

A call placed to Britney Spears' record label, Jive Records, by the New York Daily News, which reported this story, was not returned. 

Britney Spears: Getting kinky with sexual photos in church.

Her new album, which hits store shelves today, comes amid the "Gimme More" singer's custody battle with ex-husband Kevin Federline.

The judge who stripped Spears of all but monitored visitation with her two young sons, Sean Preston Federline and Jayden James Federline, dubbing the walking train wreck a "habitual" user of drugs and alcohol. She's also bonkers!

Judge Scott Gordon, who is expected to issue new custody orders this week, has chastised Spears for courting the celebrity news media's attention with her many non-essential daily trips to places like gas stations and Starbucks.

"It does not seem [Britney Spears] has been taking many steps to not keep herself in the public eye at all times," the judge said.

Now there's an astute observation. In related news, Brad Womack is hot!

Ryan Seacrest was at Les Deux October 26 when Britney Spears mingled with Dallas Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo and said he saw her give Romo a lap dance.

"I spoke to her for a minute. She seemed to be in a very, very good mood," Ryan Seacrest said on his KIIS-FM radio show this morning. Meds will do that.

"She had her sunglasses on. I said, 'Busy day, huh?' She smiled and laughed and said, 'Yeah.' And then I believe I saw her and Tony Romo frolicking."

"Lap dancing?" a co-host asked.

"I mean, some would say," Seacrest said.

"She's on his lap," the co-host continued.

"Yeah," Seacrest replied.

Spears and Alli Sims first met up with Tony Romo when they made a five-minute stop at Ketchup restaurant in L.A. after her frenzied custody hearing on Friday.

Britney Spears and Alli Sims left after about five minutes.

The pair hit Les Deux around 10:30 p.m., with Tony Romo (who was recently linked to Sophia Bush) and his friends joining them a short time later.

"She was dancing and talking a lot with Tony," an onlooker told Us Weekly.

Britney Spears, the witness added, "seemed in a really good mood and was super happy when [one of her] songs came on."

Her pal, Avril Lavigne, also popped by her table to say hi. No word on whether Sam Lutfi was there or whether he just came over later that night.

In typical Britney Spears clubbing style, the singer changed into a new dress and shades in the club bathroom midway through the night.

By 1:15 a.m., Spears left with Alli Sims, but returned to Les Deux a short time later after realizing she accidentally left her cell phone behind.

And it's a good thing she did. You don't want some random idiot getting ahold of your meth dealer's phone number. Or Tony Romo's.

Britney Spears' new tactic for dealing with members of the celebrity news media - bring along Sam Lutfi and spray them with windshield wiper fluid!

The train wreck and her frequent sidekick were spotted yesterday at - where else - a gas station, according to our friends at TMZ.

In breaking news, Spears stayed in her car as Sam Lutfi pumped the gas - which usually ends up being the job of the celebrity photo personnel who follow her.

Before taking off, Sam Lutfi motioned for the paparazzi to come closer to the windshield and then splashed some photographers with washer fluid.

Then they went back to aimlessly riding around town. You can check out the video of Britney, Sam and the celebrity gossip media by clicking here.

In other news, some Britney Spears fan sites talk positively about Sam Lutfi, while others seem to believe he is a dangerous enabler and hanger-on.

Do you know anything about this mystery friend of Britney? If you do, please drop The Hollywood Gossip a line and let us know!

  The celebrity news media surrounds Britney Spears and Sam Lutfi.