Britney Spears
Gossip (Page 66)

These latest pieces of celebrity gossip from the UK's News of the World are just too ridiculous for words, so much so that we couldn't bring ourselves to put it in our headline, lest you actually confuse it for real celebrity news.

The venerable publication is claiming, with no apparent sign of a practical joke - that Britney Spears is - just wait for it and let it sink in - adopting Chinese twins.

The twins are said to be six years old and Spears is hoping they will feel the void left by losing her l'il mistakes, Sean Preston and Jayden James, to K-Fed.

Oh, and that's not it. The News reports that Britney Spears is afraid she's going to die soon, so she's spending $50,000 to plan her funeral ... right now.

Britney Spears: Extremely sane and hot; Possibly dying soon.

"It doesn't seem that Britney has thought this through completely. Adoption and a funeral? The two don't exactly go hand-in-hand. Paying for a funeral is, of course, a sensible thing to do â€" but not when you're only 25," said a source.

Good point, source. Not to mention the fact that $50,000 is a paltry sum to spend on your own funeral... if you make $730,000 a month, anyway. Cheapskate.

Can you imagine if Britney really adopted Chinese twins? Ding dang, here come mah new Chi-niece babies y'all. Yee-haw! God help us. China? Rolling in grave.

No, we don't mean she beat on them in the literal sense, going to town with an umbrella or anything. But would that surprise you even a little bit at this stage?

We doubt it. Anyway. Reputed singer and venerable train wreck Britney Spears may have won The Hollywood Gossip's highly sought-after distinction of 2007's biggest turkey, but she had a less than traditional Thanksgiving day.

Rather than dine with her family, Spears did some pre-Black Friday shopping at the West Hollywood Virgin Megastore with her pal, Sam Lufti.

She celebrated the holiday with her sons, Jayden James and Sean Preston, earlier in the day before turning them over to their dad, FedEx, for the weekend.

Pictured above: Britney Spears. Not pictured above: Sam Lutfi.

Sadly, like the rest of us, it will be back to work for Spears on Monday. Yeah, right. Anyway, hope she got a good deal on the CD and movie she picked up.

Welcome to The Hollywood Gossip Caption Contest, a Friday tradition. Let's take a look at who won this week's Caption Contest, featuring a reckless Britney Spears behind the wheel and terrified sons Jayden James and Sean Preston in the back!

All the captions we received were terrific, but ultimately, we chose Lindie Lou as the winner. Congratulations! Scroll down the page to see the full list of captions we received, and check out the winning reply underneath the photo!

Thanks for playing The Hollywood Gossip Caption Contest, and we hope you'll play again this week! Happy weekend - and celebrity gossiping - from all of us!

Jayden: She just ran over a foot on this side.
Sean: Turned into a parked car on this side!

Trying to stay shaded from a celebrity news flashbulb storm, Britney Spears got a hand from actor, waiter and reported boyfriend, Michael Marchand, on Tuesday after dining at the Los Angeles restaurant Mirabelle, where he supposedly works ...

Britney Spears: Possibly dating Michael Marchand (left).

Whether Britney has "totally fallen for" Michael Marchand as Life & Style reported on Wednesday remains to be seen. But they are definitely hanging out. Looks as though this guy has big time Isaac Cohen or maybe even J.R. Rotem potential!

Move over, Reg Jones. You are so 1996. This is 2007.

Britney Spears reportedly went out for a late night dinner on Tuesday night to Mirabella restaurant in Los Angeles... to visit her (gasp!) new boyfriend!

His name, according to Life & Style: Michael Marchand.

The magazine claims the two have been quietly dating for a few weeks and are slowly going public. We're not sure when the last time Britney Spears did anything quietly was, but maybe this Michael Marchand story is legit.

An eyewitness tells Life & Style:

"Michael Marchand came a little after midnight, and Britney Spears came in right after. They were being discreet. Forty-five minutes later, they left the restaurant together. He was charming. He made Britney laugh and looked at her with this secret smile. They left in separate cars."

Is Michael Marchand Britney Spears' boy toy of the week?

Apparently Britney "instantly fell" for Marchand at Mirabella when she ate there in early November. Say the source close to the waiter: "Their chemistry was immediate. He's very turned on by her."

Aren't we all, Michael Marchand. Aren't we all.

Since then, the two have had at least one date at Britney Spears' mansion. "They're always texting each other," says the insider.

Maybe it was this guy she was texting last week ... while driving!

When Life & Style asked him about their romance, he said, smiling, "I can't talk about that right now." Your 15 minutes have begun, sir.

Happy Thanksgiving from all of us here at The Hollywood Gossip. What would this traditional holiday be without family, friends, food, football and reflection upon some of the things we most appreciate in our lives.

For this celebrity news site, that means expressing thanks to some of the biggest turkeys we've come to know this past year. Below is a look at our staff's Top 10 (take a wild guess who was voted our Biggest Turkey of the Year) ...

10. Riley Giles. Not only does he give Lindsay Lohan a good stuffing, this clown is a meathead to the max. See mug shots. Yeah. Prime turkey material.

9. John Mayer. Makes the list in spite (or perhaps because) of the fact that he dates Minka Kelly. Guy's dome is also roughly the size of Plymouth Rock.

8. Michael Vick. Oh, wait, he's a dog.

7. Jan Adams. Worst. Doctor. Ever.

6. Brad Womack. Worst. Bachelor. Ever.

5. Dancing with the Stars judges. These losers really dropped the ball this season with some dubious decisions. Sabrina Bryan was robbed worse than Native Americans by the New World's European settlers. Close, anyway.

4. Spencer Pratt. The Hills villain sure can gobble up publicity.

3. Heather Mills. Imagine the kind of Thanksgiving feast you could throw after gold-digging your way to more than $50M of your ex-husband's fortune!

2. Blake Fielder-Civil. Raging alcoholism. Massive quantities of hard ass drugs. The surprise wedding. The bloody melee. A barroom brawl. Some witness tampering. This holiday, Amy Winehouse's husband should be thankful he's alive.

Fnally, The Hollywood Gossip's Biggest Turkey of the Year award goes to ...

1. Britney Spears. Talk about a foregone conclusion. Like the New England Patriots of the NFL, it was Britney Spears in her own league and everyone else playing for second. We raise a turkey leg (and some pork rinds) to you, Brit.

Britney Spears is "sort of our new Michael Jackson," says Drew Pinsky (a.k.a. Dr. Drew) in an interview with Us Weekly. The sex, mental health and drug addiction expert talks about the traumas in Britney's past â€" and how they may explain the precipitous mental decline happening before our eyes. Excerpts below ...

US: What in Britney Spears' childhood led her to where she is now?
Dr. Drew: It's how her father (Jamie Spears) treated her, it's the divorce (of her parents, and of herself and two husbands) and it's the genetics.

US: What about the fact that she became a star at such a young age?
Dr. Drew: Her mental health has almost nothing to do with her career. But fame hinders getting to her now. It is hard to get through those who are enabling her (Sam Lutfi, Alli Sims) and find the people willing to potentially sacrifice either a salary or access to her (Larry Rudolph) by bringing her into treatment. That is what is putting her in danger. That is what killed Anna Nicole Smith.

Britney is bonkers, but not beyond help, says Dr. Drew.

US: What about the effects from Britney Spears being sexually active from age 14, dressing provocatively, losing her virginity (to Reg Jones), and yet at the same time maintaining this image of purity and virginity?
Dr. Drew: I have seen many cases of young girls who have been prematurely sexualized in one fashion or another who try to recapture their virginity. They claim that the abuse doesn't count. I see that quite a bit.

US: What can be done for Britney Spears? Is she permanently damaged?
Dr. Drew: She is not an untreatable situation, but she needs to go away and drop out of sight and focus on sobriety for at least nine months.

US: Can she leave her kids?
Dr. Drew: [Sean Preston and Jayden James] can be brought into the process. But, for at least 30 days, she is going to be mostly away from them. Then, for six months, she can be in an intensive environment. It's going to take a long time.

Continue reading Dr. Drew's Us interview regarding Britney's mental state ...

Kevin Federline's attorney, Mark Vincent Kaplan, is speaking out about a recent report that Britney Spears has hired a private investigator to dig up dirt in their ongoing custody battle.

"I think that if that is what they need to do, or have to do, to have at it," said Kaplan. "I don't think it will, in any way, be a good use of funds. But I can't stop that from happening."

Mark Vincent Kaplan said it would be a waste of time for them to follow around K-Fed.

"I don't think he would be concerned about it, and I don't think he has to change anything he is doing in order to address that," the attorney added.

Meanwhile, Britney Spears' attorney, Anne Kiley, revealed Monday that Spears â€" who has been banned from driving with her kids in the car â€" has decided to hire a driver to avoid any dangerous incidents with the paparazzi.

Although Mark Vincent Kaplan said he hasn't seen proof that Britney Spears, 25, has hired a driver or read Kiley's statement, he said that "anything that puts the children in a car that reduces the risk ... I am all for that."

Kaplan said his client, Federline, tries his best not to take his kids out in front of the press: "He's pretty good about keeping the kids at home with him unless there is a compelling reason they need to be somewhere."

Hard to argue with that logic. Unless you're Britney.

It's been a tough day for Britney Spears, who we also learned lost her virginity to Reg Jones at age 14. But she's got George Clooney in her corner! The star commented on the celebrity news media following Britney:

"You look at the footage of Britney running that red light - there's eight guys with cameras at night in the middle of the street. There are no rules now," he told ET. "It's getting to a point where people that are not involved are getting hurt."

"What they're doing is dangerous and illegal," George Clooney added. "They are not trying to just catch me doing something stupid; they are trying to create something stupid. You don't get to break all these laws and then say, 'I'm just doing my job.' The guys that commit all these crimes are rewarded for it."

Britney Spears made a name for herself as a barely legal cute, wholesome cock-tease pop star ... just a smoking-hot smiling, normal teen from small-town Louisiana.

That seems like an eternity ago.

Lawyer Eric Ervin, who worked with Spears as a teenager, tells Us Weekly in its new cover story that the "virgin" image Spears portrayed was just a "PR blitz." In fact, Britney lost her virginity at 14 to boyfriend Reg Jones. Moreover, Britney and then-beau Justin Timberlake were intimate from the beginning.

Britney Spears' tragic family history has also been kept secret.

Spears' paternal grandmother, Emma Jean Spears, committed suicide in 1966 at age 31. Britney's grandmother suffered from depression and shot herself in the chest with a shotgun at the grave of her infant son - who had died eight years earlier.

Emma Jean Spears left behind four other children, including Britney's dad, Jamie Spears, then an 8th grader. Two of Jamie Spears' brothers ended up homeless. Fortunately, Jamie Spears met Lynne Spears, although they later divorced.

The magazine has many troubling details from Britney Spears' childhood, but we're focused on the fact that Britney and Reg Jones were boning each other at 14.

Reg Jones? Come on. And we thought Britney Spears was all virtuous and wholesome when she first got big. Oh wait, no we didn't. At least Reg Jones hit that piece before it became an overused factory used to create Sean Preston and Jayden James.

Props to him!

Normally it's just K-Fed and his lawyer, Mark Vincent Kaplan, who haul Britney Spears' ass to court. Guess they're letting Louis Vuitton in on the action today.

The French luxury company won a court injunction in Paris to keep the pop star's 2005 "Do Something" video â€" in which Britney Spears, 25, drives around in a pink Hummer with a counterfeit Vuitton "cherry blossom" monogrammed dash â€" from airing on European TV stations, according to several news sources.

Britney Spears totes around poor her Yorkie pup, London - but it's the singer who's the bitch according to a ruling by a judge awarding damages to Louis Vuitton.

The civil court ruling also ordered the music video's producer to pay $117,600 for damages to Louis Vuitton's image, in addition to $1,470 per day until the video is removed from the Internet. No word on whether Brit wears pants in the video.

Named in the suit are Spears' record label, Jive Records, parent company Zomba Label Group and Sony BMG and MTV Online, where the video has appeared.

Vuitton, Jive and reps for Spears did not respond to requests for comment from WWD. No word on whether Britney Spears was too busy driving in sunglasses at night with Sean Preston and Jayden James to comment.