Brandon Davis
Gossip

In just 24 short years on this planet, Ashlee Simpson has had her father purchase a singing career for her, had some bad plastic surgery, become a celebrity gossip mainstay, then gotten knocked up by and hitched to Pete Wentz. Not a bad life!

Here's a little photo tribute to Ashlee on her birthday today. Click to enlarge ...

She's not the only star turning another year wiser (she can only go up) today. Oh no. Other celebrity birthdays include someone even more worthless, Brandon Davis (a.k.a. Greasy Bear), as well as the coolest chick alive, Gwen Stefani! Pics below ...

What is the world coming to?

Victoria's Secret model Miranda Kerr and Brandon Davis - yes, the racist, loathsome Greasy Bear! - were spotted hooking up. Unbelievable.

On a similarly weird, if less oily note, mediocre NBA player Marko Jaric somehow got supermodel Adriana Lima to sign him to a lifetime deal.

Greasy and Miranda - who just dumped Orlando Bloom - have actually been linked more than once. The latter was seen last night at the ESPYs.

We don't know which pair is more shocking:

How do dudes like Marko Jaric (left) and Brandon Davis score Adriana Lima and Miranda Kerr (right)? That's not a rhetorical question, we really don't know.

Miranda Kerr’s romance with Orlando Bloom is over, says an insider who adds that she has rebounded into the arms of ... Brandon Davis.

A couple of disclaimers:

1. The source of this is InTouch Weekly. That is about as reliable as any music put out by Britney Spears being listenable.
   
2. This is not, however, the first time Miranda Kerr and Brandon Davis, the detestable oily heir, have been linked.
   

The Victoria’s Secret model and Greasy Bear were seen together shopping on L.A.’s Robertson Boulevard last November but at the time they both insisted they were just pals. We were praying it was the case, trust us.

But on July 12, the ursine being, who recently split from Aussie model Cheyenne Tozzi, took a romantic turn with Miranda Kerr.

Miranda Kerr and Brandon Davis in November 2007.

They were spotted canoodling at two clubs in NYC. Davis and Miranda Kerr were “full on making out” says a witness. The pair was also spotted kissing at Beatrice Inn later that night, and “They didn’t seem to care who saw.”

While a rep for Miranda Kerr denies she has split with Orlando Bloom, she was overheard telling Brandon Davis about the breakup.

“Miranda always seems to go to Brandon when she has a fight with Orlando,” the insider says. “He’s her rebound guy.”

When sleazy and/or obese ursine specimens collide, look out, people!

Jason Davis, a.k.a. Gummi Bear, had zero problem ratting out his brother Brandon Davis, a.k.a. Greasy Bear, as a coke fiend to a drug dealer who called up looking for money ... except the guy wasn't really a drug dealer.

It was a celebrity prank call - and the whole thing was recorded.

Jason and Brandon Davis: Such brotherly love.

During the phone call, Jason Davis cops to trying blow "once or twice" (he was busted for heroin possession fairly recently) and said it's really his brother who "does that stuff." Brandon Davis will surely love that.

Gummi Bear even gave the faux dealer Greasy's phone number. Sellout!

Wow.

Getting taunted by the celebrity news media sucks, fo' sho' - but retaliating with the most disgusting slurs in the English language? Gosh.

The only person happy about Brandon Davis' rant Thursday night may be Michael Richards, who was just dethroned as king of the offensive tirade.

A member of the celebrity gossip press was definitely laying into Brandon Davis at Foxtail on Thursday night, but Greasy Bear took it to whole 'nother level by calling the African-American photographer a "n!gger."

The pack of celebrity news photographers was stunned by this - and ripped back, calling Davis "Greasy Crotch" as well as a "d**chebag."

Brandon Davis: Possibly the worst human in Hollywood.

An hour later, cameras caught the pathetic scumbag oil heir fuming outside another club, Villa, where he called a TMZ photographer "a f@ggot."

That was just Thursday.

On Friday evening, the ever-disgusting Brandon Davis showed up at the nightclub / scene of the crime - and was arm-and-arm with some random, unidentified black man who told the paps, "I'm a n!gga man, he likes me."

How anyone would choose to hang out with Greasy Bear for any reason is beyond comprehension to us, but that's by no means anything new.

Ever the coward, Davis refused to say a word. No apologies, nothing. Guess he's the same guy who went on the legendary firecrotch rant.

Watch the video of this HERE.

Makes Jason Davis look downright huggable.

If Brandon Davis were an actual star, rather than a worthless, Paris Hilton-like freeloader, he'd be as big as Britney Spears in the Hollywood gossip world.

Like his brother Jason Davis, some of the news and celebrity gossip that comes out about this oily loser continues to amuse and amaze.

Brandon Davis, a.k.a. "Greasy Bear," and the grandson of late oil tycoon Marvin Davis, has worn out his welcome as a house guest of one of his few remaining friends, music producer Scott Storch, according to the New York Post.

The other night, "[Brandon Davis] and Scott went out and Brandon went back to Scott's place and crashed on the couch," a source said.

Next to Brandon Davis, Scott Storch suddenly appears a lot cooler.

"The next morning, when Scott got up, Brandon Davis was already gone - and so was Scott's $100,000 diamond encrusted watch that had been in the same room the night before. Scott called Brandon and told him the watch was missing but, ‘It's OK - I just got a new security system, so everything's on tape.'"

"After learning he would be caught, Brandon Davis "started crying hysterically and saying, ‘Please don't tell anyone, I'll bring it back.' Scott felt bad for him and got his watch back like an hour later, so he didn't call the police."

When the Post asked Scott Storch about the episode, he would only say, "I heard about this. Give peace a chance." Davis couldn't be reached for comment.

We're sad and shocked to report this, but Brandon Davis, a.k.a. Greasy Bear, just can't seem to catch a break. Or get a life of some sort.

The oil heir, who wears quite a lot of it on his head apparently, was tossed out of West Hollywood's Sunset Marquis Hotel last night.

Wearing a headband, the oil heir, who appeared to be under the influence, "was lying on a couch in the bar, making a scene," a source says.

After about 20 minutes, Greasy Bear was asked to leave. A friend, which apparently he has, then escorted him out of the hotel.

It's a familiar pattern for Brandon Davis, who's been kicked out of house parties, clubs, casinos and even his own brother Alexander's wedding.

That's just in the past year, too. A problem may be emerging here.

Still, at least the Greasy one hasn't gotten arrested for heroin possession like, say, his other brother, Jason Davis (a.k.a. Gummi Bear).

Not a good couple of weeks for these rotund ursine creatures.

A veteran of rehab 2001 and again in 2006, Brandon Davis actually been linked to some hot girls in the past. He also dated Mischa Barton.

On a day that has already brought us Andy Roddick and Brooklyn Decker and Lindsay Lohan with J.R. Rotem, we're still shocked by the pairing below.

Stacy Ferguson (a.k.a Fergie) is a woman who once peed her pants in concert and who used to do mounds of crystal meth. Yet seeing her do lunch with Brandon Davis, a.k.a. Greasy Bear, grosses us out most of all. Yes, it's true. See below ...

Fergie dines with Brandon Davis. Something tells us it was a greasy meal.

Reports say Fergie and Greasy Bear may have dated a few years ago. If so, it must have been during a crystal meth-induced haze. Right? God, we hope so.

Either way, we don't think they're together now. Fergie has been with Josh Duhamel since forever, and Greasy is back with Aussie model Cheyenne Tozzi.

Also known as Koala Bear.

Farewell, Miranda Kerr. We barely got to know you. But we trust that you'll be back and dating another random celebrity in no time. Keep your chin up.

Sources say Brandon Davis has been cut off from his oil tycoon family's fortune, which would seemingly ruin his chances of getting laid forever.

Well, think again on that. After a reported dalliance with Miranda Kerr, Davis' previous fling, Australian model Cheyenne Tozzi, is back in the picture!

A photo of Cheyenne Tozzi. Yes, Brandon Davis hits this.

Yes, Cheyenne Tozzi is dating the oil heir. The pair were spotted hitting up the Whiskey Bar in L.A. on Sunday night - great for Brandon Davis' sobriety.

Davis, a.k.a. Greasy Bear, has already been to rehab numerous times. Hopefully Tozzi, a.k.a. Koala Bear, can restrain him from his usual obnoxious antics.

Victoria's Secret angel Miranda Kerr left Diavolina in L.A. on Monday night with her arm wrapped around ... say what!? ... greasy oil heir Brandon Davis.

When Miranda Kerr spotted members of the celebrity news media, she broke off and walked the other way. Guess what they always say about sleeping with a fat, Greasy Bear is true - it's all fun until your friends find out.

Miranda Kerr and Brandon Davis: Now that's a strange couple for you!

We're guessing this means the demise of Cheyenne Tozzi (a.k.a. Koala Bear), the Aussie model who Brandon Davis was somehow shagging earlier this year.

As for Kerr, she had reportedly been seeing Orlando Bloom for a few months, and was spotted apartment hunting together with the hunky star back in March.

Another wrinkle: Bloom was reportedly backstage this past week to cheer on Miranda Kerr at the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The plot thickens!