by Tyler Johnson at . Comments

It's here. After months of breathless anticipation, we finally have our first preview of Celebrity Sex Tape: In the Making the erotic novel "written" by Farrah Abraham, and it's ...

... every bit as awkward and inane as we had hoped!

Sure, Farrah hasn't read her own book, but that doesn't mean the rest of us can't enjoy the bizarre super sexually-charged drivel churned out by her seemingly drunk ghostwriter:

Kim Kardashian's Sex Tape Sort of Sucked!

It wasn't as titillating as I thought it would be with someone as attractive as Kim. If I ever did a sex tape, I'd want better quality footage for sure.

It wasn't as titillating as I thought it would be with someone as attractive as Kim. If I ever did a sex tape, I'd want better quality...

According to early reports from those who have read the entire book (poor SOBs), Farrah attempts to arouse the reader and establish herself as some kind of sex goddess.

At the same time, she casts herself as the victim and condemning the porn industry - a total contradiction, yet not at all shocking given the source.

Not surprisingly, she doesn't quite pull it off and the book (the first installment in a planned trilogy) ends up being more confusing than stimulating.

Check out the gallery above for some highlights from Farrah's literary debut. WARNING: the phrases "sex warrior" and "swimming with semen" are used in an entirely non-joking fashion.

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by Tyler Johnson at . Comments

James Franco has made no secret of his literary ambitions. The actor, artist and nude selfie enthusiast has already published multiple volumes of fiction, and his latest work is a gem of a short story about "a fictional Hollywood girl" who just happens to be named Lindsay.

  • Franco, James
  • Lindsay Lohan: Looking Good at Cannes!

In "Bungalow 89," Franco introduces his totally made-up character thusly:

"I ran my fingers through her hair and thought about this girl sleeping on my chest, our fictional Hollywood girl, Lindsay...I hope she gets better. You see, she is famous. She was famous because she was a talented child actress, and now she's famous because she gets into trouble. She is damaged."

Yeah, that doesn't sound anything like the cracked-out Lindsay we know.

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by Tyler Johnson at . Comments

By her own admission, Farrah Abraham claims to be a sex symbol (some would say "porn star"), but she apparently has very little interest in the erotic novel that she claims to have written.

So little, in fact, that she seems to have not even read the book.

Celebrity Sex Tape: In the Making Cover
Farrah Abraham on the cover of her new book, Celebrity Sex Tape: In The Making.

In a recent interview with The Huffington Post, Farrah discusses her sex tape, as well as her forthcoming trilogy of books about sex tapes, and she wants us to know those are two very different things:

"Yes, I had a sex tape, the book talks about sex tapes, but Fallon Opal is way different," Farrah explains. 

Fallon Opal, is not, as you might guess, a gemstone named after a late-night host, but rather the ridiculously named hero of Farrah's novels. A character about whom Farrah knows absolutely nothing: 

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by Free Britney at . Comments

The explosive Kate Gosselin tell-all book that resulted in multiple lawsuits is being put back on the market this summer, according to a new report.

Kate dropped her lawsuit against Robert Hoffman, who wrote Kate Gosselin: How She Fooled The World, The Rise and Fall of a Reality TV Queen, in 2013.

She alleged that Hoffman, with Jon Gosselin's help, stole her computer and sued them both for hacking and wiretapping, among other things.

The suit was dropped, however, and now, just days after Kate Gosselin’s special, Kate Plus Eight: Sextuplets Turn 10, airs, the book will be back online.

Get ready to go “INSIDE KATE GOSSELIN’S HOUSE OF HORRORS,” the author’s site touts. “Conspiracy. Massive Coverup. Lawsuits and Legal Threats."

"Exploitation. Fraud. Abuse. Animal Cruelty. Lies. Read The Book that two of the most powerful law firms in the country have tried to stop from being published.”

Hopefully Hoffman can use more than two-word sentences. But we're intrigued.

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by Free Britney at . Comments

New York Times best-selling author Farrah Abraham (a true title only slightly less hilarious than "Academy Award winner Juicy J") is one of a kind.

First, she penned a memoir, My Teenage Dream Ended, in 2012. Up next: Celebrity Sex Tape, an erotic novel triology “based loosely on her life.”

How do you follow up Celebrity Sex Tape, and the Farrah Abraham sex tape that inspired it? With a parenting book based on Farrah’s Christian faith!

Yes, you read that right. Watch for fire and brimstone outside.

Farrah Abraham Candid Photo

“I have to say faith is a big part of my life. I’m not perfect that’s just life. There really is no perfect Christian,” said the porn star who isn't a porn star.

“I go to church as often as possible and I have great Christian friends ... and those aren’t the ones who say they’re Christian and then act like other ...”

Regarding the obvious irony of penning a Christian parenting book when you're Farrah Abraham, she says she is not perfect, but she is still Christian.

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by Tyler Johnson at . Comments

Kylie and Kendall Jenner have written a book. Yes, that's high on the list of sentences we never thought we'd type, but here's what's even more unexpected - according to some early reviews...it's actually not bad!

Despite, the fact that Kendall Jenner can't read, the sisters clearly know what's hot in the Young Adult fiction market and their novel - the epically titled Rebels: City of Indra, The Story of Lex and Livia - tells a girl-powered dystopian tale in the vein of The Hunger Games or Divergent

We first heard rumors that Kendall and Kylie planned to release a novel back in February, but we had our doubts that they'd be able to tear themselves away from Instagram long enough to complete the book.

Thank God for ghost writers!

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by Free Britney at . Comments

Courtney Robertson will soon released her intriguingly-titled tell-all book, I Didn't Come Here to Make Friends: Confessions of a Reality Show Villain.

The question: Do you even remember Courtney Robertson?

She won The Bachelor two seasons ago, getting engaged to Ben Flajnik, who starred on the ABC reality hit before Juan Pablo Galavis and Sean Lowe.

They lasted for awhile and then broke up, which came as no surprise to most viewers, as Court was almost universally disliked by fans and co-stars.

Not that she gave a rat's arse then, or does now. At. All.

She actually delivered on her vow to pen a "super dishy" Bachelor tome. Short of The Bachelorette spoilers 2014, she reveals quite a lot of stuff, such as:

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by Free Britney at . Comments

What's a girl to do after joining 16 & Pregnant, graduating to Teen Mom, then achieving a surprising level of celebrity for having unprotected sex as a teen?

If you're Farrah Abraham, become a hard core porn star, erotic novelist and wannabe musician, as well as write a memoir, My Teenage Dream Ended.

Now it looks like Jenelle Evans is following suit ... with the last part, at least. Like Farrah, Kailyn Lowry and Maci Bookout, she's reportedly writing a book!

This week, Jenelle Evans tweeted to her fans that when she gets time, she will be writing down the sordid details of her past and how she overcame them.

It's an inspiring story if ever there were one.

Clearly, Jenelle has some EPIC tales to tell. The term wild child seems almost too tame to describe her in some of her craziest moments (below).

She's also getting things back on track lately, and kudos to her for that, but are we expected to believe the turnaround is as complete as she makes it sound?

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by Free Britney at . Comments

Pippa Middleton and her "Sport and Social" column have been axed from her post at Britain's respected Daily Telegraph after just six months on the job.

Kate Middleton's little sister confirms that her contract is not being renewed by the publication, which brought her on board to great fanfare late last year.

The younger Middleton's column with the Telegraph began with a piece on her new athletic passion, boxing, which she calls "a pure but pleasing agony."

Her columns went on to depict a string of exciting antics, from flipping pancakes to cycling underwater. However, a source at the newspaper says that:

"The readers just weren’t into it. There was a lot of negative mail coming in after each column and there were too many off-limit subjects for her. They ran out of ideas."

It's a second literary disappointment for Pippa Middleton, who was criticized for cashing in on connections, not talent, to secure a publishing deal.

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by Free Britney at . Comments

With her erotic novel trilogy due out later this summer, Farrah Abraham's memoir My Teenage Dream Ended has received a well-deserved makeover.

Somehow, whomever Farrah had ghostwrite this did a good enough job to propel it to 11th on The New York Times E-Book Best Sellers list at one point.

Not exactly worthy of NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER status, as Ellora's Cave Publishing proudly boasts at the very top, but also not total B.S.

Here's the new Farrah Abraham book cover along with the original:

  • My Teenage Dream Ended Book Cover
  • Farrah Abraham Book

It makes perfect sense that a retooled cover would be in the offing.

Farrah Abraham's name is now big enough to sell books (for better or worse) and gets top billing, rather than the title of My Teenage Dream Ended.

The former Teen Mom star has also been retooled ... so to speak.

With her new breast implants and nose job, and the removal of her chin implant, it's a new Farrah these days. Oh, and Sophia is a little older too.

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