Bill Simmons
Gossip

Bill Simmons is an ESPN columnist known as "The Sports Guy."

During his most recent NFL picks feature, Simmons pointed out the most effective way to stop Kim Kardashian's boyfriend, Reggie Bush, who is tied for the league lead with eight touchdowns this season. We'll let him share it with readers:

[During a] Saints road game, what if the home team handed out "faces on a stick," only the face on the stick belonged to Ray J, the guy who made the sex tape with Kim Kardashian? How could that NOT mess with Reggie's head?

You know that tape just kills him and continues to kill him. Why? BECAUSE HIS FIANCEE MADE A SEX TAPE WITH ANOTHER GUY!!!! Or what if the home team went a step further and hired Ray J to actually sing the national anthem before the game? These are the ideas we need to spice up the NFC South.

Sounds like a great idea to us. We're sure Ray J has some free time on his hands.

NFL opponents aren't taking advantage of a golden opportunity to get inside Reggie Bush's head... by showing Ray J getting inside Kim Kardashian.

ESPN's The Sports Guy, a.k.a. Bill Simmons, was recently asked a by a reader what The Hollywood Gossip itself ponders daily: If you had the No. 1 pick in a death pool draft, would you take Britney Spears over Amy Winehouse?

Indeed, it's a question for the ages. While we would prefer the musings of his wife, The Sports Gal, Bill Simmons' response is pretty funny...

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I'll do this in super-intense, face-turning-red, Todd McShay mode ...

"Mike, Amy Winehouse has to to be the No. 1 pick. This girl has every tool you'd want: She's addicted to drugs; she has no concern for her own safety; she hangs out with people who do drugs; and 'Rehab' feels like a self-eulogy every time she sings it!"

Which train wreck would you take in an office death pool?

"I judge No. 1 picks in a death pool by one thing: If CNN reports he or she died, would I be remotely surprised? In the case of Amy Winehouse? NO! As for Britney Spears, her stock has been falling with GMs across the league."

"She's getting help, she's on bipolar meds and she jettisoned some of the negative influences in her life. We're starting to hear whispers that she might drop out of the top five. I've had GMs across the league tell me that Mary-Kate Olsen and Dennis Rodman have moved ahead of Britney Spears on their boards ..."

The Hollywood Gossip is on its game.

Unlike a certain lazy, yet funny Sports Gal.

When Andy Baldwin chose Tessa Horst on The Bachelor a week ago Monday, we waited around for the Sports Gal's take on it. And waited, and waited. At long last, we got fed up and had to post our own recap.

Three days later, her Bachelor blog apparently goes live, when it was old news and noticed by no one (with the possible exception of Bill Simmons).

Anyway, for you hard core fans, we've got her post up.

Finally.

Below, we present the Sports Gal's long-awaited take on the passionate love affair shared by Andy and Tessa, the demise of poor Bevin Powers and the rest of the drama of The Bachelor season finale.

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I wasn't there when Bill watched the Celtics lose the lottery, but he couldn't have been more crushed than Bevin Powers after she got dumped on the final episode of The Bachelor.

I'd describe what happened, but I was too busy covering my face with my hands. It was a big blow to the confidence of tattooed divorcées everywhere.

They may never trust the intentions of an uptight, dorky Naval doctor again.

Earlier in the show, Bevin exchanged I love yous with Andy Baldwin and told the camera, "There's no chance in hell that he'll leave me without a rose in the last ceremony."

By the end, they were whisking her sobbing ass away in a limo as she whined, "This s--t happens to me all the time. This is the story of my life."

Continue reading the Sports Gal's take on The Bachelor ...

The drama on the 10th season of The Bachelor is peaking as Andy Baldwin cut the field down yet again, and it's time for The Hollywood Gossip's weekly recap of the always-enthralling Monday ride.

As usual, ESPN's Sports Gal will do the honors.

The wife of ESPN's beloved sports scribe, a.k.a. Bill Simmons, offers her thoughts below on last night's events and the three remaining would-be Mrs. Baldwins, and how his choice for the final twosome came as a shock. Not!

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I really enjoyed the "The Bachelor: Hawaii."

The show started with Andy Baldwin wearing his white Navy uniform, walking around Pearl Harbor and telling us, passionately but seriously, "It's not about yachts, it's not about sports cars, it's about being a U.S. Naval officer."

The camera showed him from various angles as Baldwin looked very serious and pretended the cameras weren't there. It looked like he was filming a photo shoot for a new Andy Baldwin cologne line called "Pearl Harbor."

The girls arrived one at a time (first Bevin Powers, then Danielle Imwalle, then Tessa Horst) and Andy didn't greet them with his usual dorky energy because he was busy feeling serious.

Follow this link to continue the Sports Gal's recap of The Bachelor …

The drama on the 10th season of The Bachelor continues to intensify and it's time for The Hollywood Gossip's weekly recap of the always-enthralling Monday night fiasco that is Andy Baldwin's search for everlasting love.

As usual, ESPN's Sports Gal will do the honors. The wife of ESPN's beloved Sports Guy, a.k.a. Bill Simmons, offers her thoughts below on last night's events and the final four aspiring brides... and how she likes none of the above.

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ABC needs to give The Bachelor a mulligan during the course of the season. It's only fair. Poor Andy Baldwin spent the sixth episode visiting the Final Four's hometowns and not one of the girls seemed like a promising match.

It's amazing that Andy narrowed the field from 25 to four without finding a prospective wife, but this whole season has been amazing.

Andy Baldwin confirmed this by saying the word "amazing" 10 different times during this week's show. That was pretty amazing.

Here's what happened:

Before introducing Andy to her parents in Seattle, Bevin Powers, a.k.a. the Ankle Faker, finally admitted to Andy Baldwin that she's ... gulp ... divorced.

Andy looked just as confused and overwhelmed as he did a few weeks back when he was on Jimmy Kimmel Live, only if he had also pooped in his pants.

Thank God that doctors follow a specific set of rules for every medical emergency. After all, if Andy always looked this confused in a pinch, there would be a lot of dead Navy divers.

Follow this link to continue reading the Sports Gal's recap of The Bachelor ...

The 10th season of The Bachelor rages on, and it's time for The Hollywood Gossip's recap of last night's episode (#5). As usual, The Sports Gal will do the honors.

The wife of ESPN.com's renowned Sports Guy offers her thoughts below on the many aspiring Mrs. Andy Baldwins, so let's get right down to business.

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[Bill Simmons] made a top-10 list of revelations you should never bring up if you're trying to win over The Bachelor. I thought it was funny so I'm passing it along. He's enjoying this show way too much. He calls it the "I have to tell you something ... " list...

1. "I have herpes."
2. "I have a kid."
3. "I can't have kids."
4. "I used to date (fill in any NBA player over 6-foot-3)."
5. "Not only am I in a Girls Gone Wild video, I'm on the cover."
6. "I can't legally come within 100 yards of my ex-boyfriend."
7. "I lost my virginity to Joe Buck."
8. "I don't really enjoy sex that much. I just don't get it."
9. "When we meet my mom, just be prepared, she's a very heavy woman."
10. "I'm divorced."

This list was created immediately after we found out that Bevin the Ankle Faker is divorced. She claims that she wanted to tell Andy Baldwin sooner, only she "never had a chance."

Suuuuuurrrrrrrre.

Once Bevin revealed this news to the camera, I quickly revised my final two. She's done and she knows it - I think she was in denial.

She's had a look on her face like she slept with her best friend's fiancée and has to tell her the night before her wedding. She's freaking out.

During one scene, she told Amber Alchalabi that it bothers her that Andy is falling for multiple girls, especially ones who are 23 and haven't had enough "life experiences" to be ready for marriage.

Follow this link to continue reading the Sports Gal's recap of The Bachelor ...

It is time, yet again, for The Hollywood Gossip's recap of last night's episode (#4) of The Bachelor on ABC.

As usual, the Sports Gal will do the honors. The wife of ESPN.com's The Sports Guy (a.k.a. Bill Simmons) does a tremendous job of blogging the adventures of Andy Baldwin, so why mess with a good thing.

The drama only intensified last night as Andy Baldwin bid farewell to not one, not two, but three aspiring trophy wives who don't seem to mind that this Navy diver and doctor has no sense of humor whatsoever.

Guess with abs like these, who needs jokes? Anyway. Take it away, Sports Gal!

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On Jimmy Kimmel last week, Andy Baldwin came off like someone who had two glasses of champagne at an office party, forgot to eat anything, then ran into his boss and tried to be outgoing and crack jokes, only he came off like a rambling, brain-damaged goofball.

Jimmy Kimmel tried to rescue The Bachelor, but finally just started teasing him at the end. He apparently never had a chance to test his comedy chops growing up in Amish country.

Follow this link to continue reading the Sports Gal's recap of The Bachelor ...

It is time, yet again, for T.H. Gossip to break down last night�s gripping episode of The Bachelor: Officer and a Gentleman on ABC.

Oh, who are we kidding. We're going to do the usual thing and let the Sports Gal do the honors. The wife of ESPN�s beloved Sports Guy (a.k.a. Bill Simmons) does a tremendous job, as we know.

She recapped episode 2 brilliantly last week, and the drama only intensified last night as Andy Baldwin bid farewell to more aspiring trophy wives. Without any further delay, we turn it over to the Sports Gal!

We made history on The Bachelor this week! The show started with a drill sergeant waking up the girls and dragging them out for calisthenics. Bill thought the drill sergeant looked like Dick Bavetta on steroids. I'm not sure who he is, but okay.

I was more shocked that none of the girls was wearing makeup during an HD broadcast. They should've had a follow-up show with the girls watching this show in HD. I guarantee half would cry, two would pass out and the rest would flee to the MAC counter.

But that wasn't the history-making part. Running through a set of tires, Bevin wrenched her ankle and ended up with a displaced fracture plus a rose from a guilty Andy. Here was the history-making part:

The other girls became jealous because Bevin got a rose and 1-on-1 time with Andy Baldwin at the hospital. Now others may start maiming themselves for more time with Andy. We might see Tessa throw herself down a flight of stairs within the next three shows.

Obviously, Andy wasn't too upset because he made his first group date at the mud baths. Not a lot of highlights here except that BBBD ("Big Boobs/Bad Dresser") was in heat and kept rubbing mud on Andy as an excuse to molest him.

She's a tramp. Bill thinks there's an 80 percent chance she has a sex tape floating around out there and claims he has never Googled this to find out for sure. I don't believe him.

Follow this link to continue the Sports Gal's unique, in-depth coverage of The Bachelor ...

We've recapped Dancing with the Stars.

We've given you the blow by blow (and Spencer Pratt really blows) of last night's season finale of The Hills.

Now it's time for T.H. Gossip to break down last night's third television event, the premiere of the 10th season of The Bachelor.

But we really can't do it justice, so we're turning it over to the Sports Gal, wife of ESPN's beloved sports scribe, the Sports Guy (a.k.a. Bill Simmons).

She's going to be recapping each riveting episode for ESPN and ABC. We're just passing the word along. Let's get down to business. Take it away, Sports Gal!

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ABC wants the new season of The Bachelor to remind people of Richard Gere in "An Officer and a Gentleman." We know this because they're calling this season, "The Bachelor: An Officer and a Gentleman."

At least they came right out and said it. The Bachelor himself, Lt. Andy Baldwin, isn't as sexy as Richard Gere in that movie, but I liked him immediately and thought he was the cutest bachelor yet. He works as a doctor in the Navy's dive unit with Ashton Kutcher and Kevin Costner, does charity work and Ironman triathalons and even has a hot body.

Of course, Bill (my husband) was suspicious as soon as we learned Andy's alma mater was Duke. He kept saying, "You watch, you watch, he's going to end up being a [bad word]."

Not even 30 seconds later, we watched Andy get into his fancy sports car, which looked like a DeLorean (do they still make those?) and had those dorky doors that open straight up.

I hate when Bill's right. You should know that my friend Terera and I have a list of things that instantly bother us about guys - like guys who wear man sandals (those leather ones that look like the ones girls would wear, only they're for guys, I call them "mandals"); guys who wear black jeans or black tennis shoes; guys who wear Speedos at the beach; guys who drink daiquiris or frozen mudslides; guys who tuck their sweaters into their pants; and especially, guys who drive weird sports cars (like Miatas or Corvettes). I don't know the name of Andy's car, but it should be called "The Overcompensator."

We watched Andy Baldwin tool around in his DeLorean hoping he'd pick up Doc and head back to the future. Instead, he pulled up to the clock tower, I mean, bachelor mansion, and was greeted by our old friend Chris Harrison.

I like Chris Harrison - he knows his place and never interferes, not even when a girl has too much champagne during the opening cocktail reception and might drown in the pool. Meanwhile, Andy looked so excited to meet the girls, it was uncomfortable. It looked like he was going to burst. Bill described him as "a much, much, much hornier Richie Cunningham."

Continue Reading...

Ray J.

Kim Kardashian.

Some things are just meant to be together.

With this philosophy in mind, ESPN and ABC decided to collaborate with the Sports Gal for weekly recaps of The Bachelor, the new season of which debuts Monday.

Her recaps will run Tuesdays after the show.

Suffice it to say, the Sports Gal's worse half, the Sports Guy (a.k.a. Bill Simmons) is pretty psyched up about her efforts, which will run alongside his ESPN columns.

He writes:

"She's aiming for four paragraphs per recap. So alert your girlfriends, wives, mistresses and platonic female friends that you're secretly trying to sleep with - on April 2, the Sports Gal returns. In the words of Pete Carroll, I'm as shocked as you guys."

Well put. Like the Sports Gal, T.H. Gossip will be tracking the progress of Andy Baldwin as he attempts to follow in the footsteps of Lorenzo Borghese.

And after what he pulled with Sadie Murray, those are some big footsteps.