Tattle Taylor

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As the old saying, goes "the bigger they are, the harder they fall."

Off the face off the planet, that is. In the case of certain celebrities, they're rising superstars one day and mysteriously disappeared sort of has-beens the next. 

We're not just asking where are they now. We're asking where are they AT ALL! Have you seen these people? They might as well be on milk cartons ...

Freddie Prinze, Jr.
After firming up his 90s heart throb resume, Freddie Prinze Jr. went blonde for Scooby Doo and then disappeared. He's busy raising kids with Sarah Michelle Gellar.

While some stars make questionable job choices and inadvertently tank their own careers, the main reason celebrities leave the Hollywood lights is family.

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Yesterday it was announced that Kate Middleton is pregnant with Royal Baby #2. For real! No tabloid rumors this time! Finally, we can put all that speculation to rest.

The third in line for the throne will be gracing us in 2015, but before this baby's arrival, mother Kate Middleton's baby bump will be gracing the world with some maternity fashion.

Blazer of Glory
This trim blazer perfectly highlighted Kate Middleton's baby bump during her pregnancy with Prince George.

Kate Middleton has become quite the style icon, before and during her tenure as Duchess of Cambridge, and her first pregnancy was no exception.

While she was carrying Prince George, maternity retailers routinely sold out of fashions identical and similar to Kate's. And for good reason.

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Kanye West literally wrote the song about gold diggers, probably thanks to one-time girlfriend Amber Rose (a former stripper married to Wiz Khalifa).

Or maybe he wrote it with now-wife and baby mama Kim Kardashian in mind. 

Or maybe he just spent a lot of time observing the comings and goings of other notorious celebrity gold diggers. Regardless, here's a tribute to them!

Kim Kardashian
Sure, she was rich in her own right, but she married the guy who wrote the song! We couldn't NOT include her!

Gold diggers come in all shapes, sizes and genders. Some of the ones on our list come to mind more quickly than others, but all are mining it hard.

In the time-honored, profound and compelling words of Alicia Keys, some people live for the fortune and some people live for the fame.

And in the words of 'Ye, "if you ain't no chump, holler WE WANT PRENUP!"

Truly, a mantra to live your life if ever there were one right there.

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If you're the kind of person who is terrible with directions, well, this post isn't going to help you be better at navigation. It will, however, validate your belief that YOU are not the one with the problem!!

You see, sometimes we look at the signs around us and think that maybe, just maybe, there's at least a halfway decent chance that the person in the Public Works department who made the traffic signs might have been drunk on the job.

(Or they're just too dumb to breathe.)

See? With confusing and hilarious traffic signs like these, it's no wonder people get lost! 

But the funny doesn't stop here. Oh no, nope. There's a plethora of funny street names just waiting to make you laugh below. Don't giggle and drive?

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It's a problem in offices around the world. You spend the morning grueling away at your desk imagining that tasty, delicious lunch you put in the shared refrigerator.

The time comes for you to partake of that meal prepared the night before and... it's gone. Someone stole your lunch. The realization hits you like a ton of bricks.

From that point on, you have two choices: 

  1. Get mad
  2. Get even
  3. Okay, three choices, because you could be like this guy and decide to get really, really passive aggressive with your shadowy note-writing ...

It Begins
In the beginning there was a sandwich, and it was good. (There was also Comic Sans, which was not good.)

We're at least 98 percent certain that this is the most passive aggressive office fight in the history of office fights.

We're actually sort of shocked that Comic Sans didn't set up a surveillance system to catch the Sandwich Thief in the act! 

No worries, though, HR maven Tina saved the day. But not in time to save the sandwich. 

Bummer.

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If respiration weren't an automatic function, some people would be in capital T-R-O-U-B-L-E because they are, quite frankly, too dumb to breathe.

(This actually includes the person/people who leaked the Jennifer Lawrence nude photos this weekend...FYI.)

Grammar Counts
If we put Grandpa in a COMMA, we would have to shrink him.

We're not saying these people didn't pay attention to ANYTHING AT ALL in school, but we are saying they didn't pay attention to much. Particularly history, geography, biology, English, and sex ed.

Gym, tan, laundry might have been their mantra. 

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With news that Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are married (SURPRISE!) we started thinking about the many, many celebrity weddings we've witnessed over the years.

And man, have we witnessed a lot of celebrity weddings!

Some stars have even managed to get married more than once recently coughKimK​cough leading us to take a look at some of the best celebrity wedding dresses we've ever seen:

Kate Middleton Wedding Dress
Wow. That's all we can say about Kate Middleton's wedding dress. She looks simply stunning.

Regardless, when brides like Kate Middleton step out in front of the cameras, the world takes notice. Likewise with famous faces such as Kaley Cuoco and Kim Kardashian.

It's no surprise that their fancy frocks fuel an entire industry, because what woman doesn't want to look like a LITERAL princess on her big day?

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There's one perk of being a freelance writer: working from home in the comfort of my yoga pants while listening to Taylor Swift's "Shake It Off" on repeat.

All with nary a concern that I might offend the entire office simply by using the microwave. Imagine the people that have to go to the office and deal with ... PEOPLE.

That's when the passive-aggressive behavior kicks in, and kicks in hard. But it also results in some hilarity, such as these classic responses to others' notes:

Then there's apartment life, where the fight for parking, the neighbors having loud sex, and community trash collection cause people the same sort of rage.

So what do people do when they experience this sort of anger, frustration and stress? Why they confront the offenders, of course! No. No they do not do that.

They send passive aggressive notes and become MY PEOPLE. Then people respond to those notes in similar fashion and also become my people.

Even though I don't actually want to work around people. Shrug.

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Let's face it. Some people just shouldn't use the Internet.

This list includes embarrassing parents, celebrities without PR agents to stop them from saying stupid things on Twitter, and anyone who thinks Justin Bieber's music is actually good.

And then there are the people who haven't quite figured out just how obnoxious they are when sharing on social media. People like this ...

The Does It All Mom
You know the type. She's waxing the car, shaving her legs, making organic, free range, Bento box lunches for five children, WHILE chairing the PTA ALL AT ONCE. And never chipping a nail.

"Just had a great workout! Now I'm going to juice a carrot! If you don't juice your carrots you'll die!" 

"It's Obama's fault the Steelers lost! THANKS, OBAMA!"

"My sweet little snookums dollbaby angel face just bought me lingerie and we're gonna get frisky later!"

Uhhhh....

If you're one of those people, well, don't be one of those people.

And if you KNOW one of those people, we feel sorry for you.

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Odd behavior is sort of a hallmark of being famous. We've come to expect some celebrities to pull ridiculous stunts in the name of art or self-promotion.

When Shia LaBeouf wears a paper bag on his head, we tip our heads to the side and tap our chins and go "hmmm..." and wait for answers.

When James Franco hits on an 18 year old on Instagram, we accuse him of being a dirty old man and then realize that's exactly what happens in his newest flick, label it a publicity stunt, and move on to the next scandal.

But then there are our pop stars and the Twitter users who love and loathe them who ask questions that really make us think ..

Why Does Lady Gaga Look Like a Hash Brown?
Good question, @luisspears. Very good question indeed.

Too bad the only answers we can really come up with for these 23 questions for pop stars which cannot actually be answered are "because" and "drugs, of course."

But there's really no way to explain Miley Cyrus' right knee. 

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