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I'm a competitive reality TV junkie and totally think I can do better than any contestant. Of course that's a bit dillusional. 

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America's Got Talent started off strong this week… then immediately disappointed. Until the second hour, there was only one standout performance, although at least we ended on a high note.

Come along now and see if you agree with the grades we handed out:

All Beef Patty on America's Got Talent

The Untouchables - Miami All-Stars Jr. had the advantage of being choreographed by a strong teacher that understood NBC's production values. The background did a huge disservice for the dancers because it created visual chaos. There were tons of visuals going on that a solid background would have helped. I liked the use of levels and the amount of tricks. It was smart to keep only a handful of dancers front and center to prevent even more chaos.
Grade: A-

"Rock Star Juggler" Mike Price - I don't think there is such a thing as a "rock star juggler," even though Mike's talented. He upped his game with the cheesy unicycle. The knives then went into fire clubs which he sucked at while he was on the unicycle. He then proceeded to drop a club. The next sequence involved him jugging over a girl, but with his wide stance you knew he wouldn't drop anything.
Grade: B-

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The America's Got Talent results this week remained straightforward... even though Howard didn't make any predictions. Howie, meanwhile, spent his time off messing with the contestants, mostly Big Barry and one of the members of LionDanceMe. Let's hope they could see through Howie's awful hairpiece.

I still can't believe how dumbstruck Sharon was to see the fourth and fifth place contestants. It's as if she didn't understand that she could only make a judgment in 20 seconds. She's been on the show longer than Howie and Howard but still wastes the most time.

Oh well. On to the results!

America's Got Talent Stage

Eliminations 1 - The Obvious Advances
Tim Hockenberry is a good singer, but I thought his choice of song was awful. His position as last to perform gave him a lot of help, because if he was first, the judges may have had heavier praise for Danielle or Ben Blaque. My biggest concern for Turf's voting was that he was on second on a two hour show. While his routine was clean, the fact that Howard continued to mention watching out for Unity In Motion could have also done Turf a disservice.
In: Tim Hockenberry, Turf

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After a week and a day of waiting, the second part of the America's Got Talent quarterfinals arrived with a bit of a whimper. There were only five strong acts overall, while a majority were clearly not prepared for the big stage.

But let's give them all a grade anyway, shall we?

Hawley Magic on America's Got Talent

LionDanceMe - There was an awkward fall in the practice but the group performed a clean act. The routine still looked like a lot of the same. I'm not discrediting that jumping on small posts takes talent and accuracy; there should be more.
Grade: B-

Turf - I would have been more impressed if the producers had the endless camera as he was performing during the whole routine instead of just during one section. The moves continued to be great, the only problem was when he casually walked from the side of the stage to the center. I agree with Sharon that there needs to step up, I'm not sure if that means better dancers or better pants.
Grade: B+

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The votes were in. The eliminations were announced. The tension was palpable on America's Got Talent last night.

Read on for a rundown of who advanced and who is going home...

America's Got Talent Elimination Night

Elimination 1 - Music
When Nick Cannon called the first three acts, it was clear who was safe. In comparison to the other two, Shanice & Maurice were the only ones that the judges even gave positive feedback to with their live performance. Harkening back to how good one was in Vegas won't help a public that may have only tuned in this week.

The obvious point is that all these acts can't have an off week like American Idol contestants can because we see them once in the quarterfinals. Michael Nejad was compared to the vacuum cleaner he played. Nikki chose a very sleepy song. While Shanice & Maurice picked a song that was from Pearl Harbor, the message worked perfectly for a father/daughter team.

Out: Michael Nejad, Nikki Jensen
In: Shanice & Maurice

Elimination 2 - Dancers
The biggest issue I have with 787 Crew was that it is repetitive. If you ever watched ABDC, it used that breaking circle choreography then as well. It doesn't help that Puerto Rico has such a small voting block that they couldn't really support him. For me child acts tend to be wild cards. In Vegas, all the young singers trumped the Female Vocalist category including Nikki Jensen.

Lil Starr could have made it through on another week with a song that wasn't LMFAO but it also didn't help that she went fourth. If she went tenth, she could have been clumped with the talented end acts. That being said, The Scott Brothers are great at what they do and floating hat trick, while kind of easy (you twirl your fingers around a hat), showed the variety that they needed to advance.

Out: 787 Crew, Lil Starr
In: The Scott Brothers

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America's Got Talent aired a two-and-a-hour episode last night, though a solid chunk of that was wasted by an extended introduction by Nick Cannon.

To New York. Even though the show was airing from New Jersey. Darn the New York Football Giants for messing everything up!

Now, on to the review...

Distinguished Men of Brass - I didn't understand the two sides with "fans" while they performed "Crazy in Love." There were way too many colors, too many swoops, and the fact that they were wearing black, that I couldn't appreciate their performance. I like them, but the producers didn't do them any justice at all cutting away to such far shots.
Grade: B

Edon - There was something nice seeing Edon go from an audition with a keyboard to grand piano with fog all around him. He attempted "Titanium" but he was nervous in the verse where he warbled through the sections. I liked the fact the arrangement went to somewhere intense. Edon generally hit the right notes; I think that he needed to pick a song that had more lyrics so it wouldn't have been as redundant.
Grade: B+

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The judges have chosen from the cream of the crop. Now, with only 20 spots left for the stand-bys to battle for the live shows, it's make or break time on AGT.

While the decisions were generally obvious, a handful of head-turners succeeded.

Without ice blue contact-wearing Andrew, we instead we left to focus on our struggling bone-breaker Turf. At least Turf didn't choke under the pressure.

Who else made it through? Let's find out in THG's America's Got Talent recap!

America's Got Talent Panel

Magic - Hawley Magic had the dramatic floating act with the twist that the man was also flying, but it was an elevator act. Please set it to "Total Eclipse of the Heart" for full cheese factor. Giani with cold sores spelled Milan as "Bilan."

It seemed a bit too instantaneous than predictive. Jarett & Raja used the phrase "diamond in the desert" and I was hoping they'd make one Aladdin reference. Their act was a disappearing act with a small orchestra popping up.

It showed that they had the ability to widen their act for Vegas stage.

Advanced: Jarett & Raja, Hawley Magic

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Night one in Las Vegas was clearly a ball of nerves for several acts. Did the judges' favorites on America's Got Talent overcome their nerves to perform at their best on Tuesday?

Let's find out!

The Untouchables Perform

Magic - Mind Reader Eric continued with his successful act by finding Sharon's first crush. While he managed to get "Robin" right, Sharon made up the name. Taylor Reed made a helicopter appear, but it was the same as the motorcycle he auditioned with down to the flashlight. Justin Rivera had a moving box sequence that was so obvious that it wasn't funny.

I think I get turned on by Spencer Horseman, escape artist extraordinaire, except for when his shoulders rise to his ears when he's nervous. The tie around the eyes added to the level of kink. He managed to get out but lost a pick with

Advanced: Spencer and Eric

Vocal Duos - Why did the judges even bother calling this category "groups" when they were all duos? Eric & Olivia continued to be jazzy with a rendition of "What a Wonderful World" and I started getting Regina Spektor vibes. The Father/Daughter street singers had the dad forget a few words and dad was off key. Father/Young Daughter was chipmunky, pitchy, and painful.

Advanced: Older Father/Daughter, the Not-Daters Eric & Olivia.

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America's Got Talent finally touched down in Las Vegas last night, with over 100 acts set to be whittled down to 48, group-by-group:

Judges Favorites, Standbys, Direct-to-NY, and Rejection.

According to editing, we only lost three acts to the instant eliminations: the uncle/son acrobats, one of the Luther Vandross’ and Ivy Rose. Why the latter? Who knows. On the other side William Close, the dog trainers and the human cannonball automatically made it through. Now, on to the recap...

America's Got Fire

Danger - All Wheel Sports feels like a better overall group for Vegas compared to American BMX. American BMX called it "a lot of filler," and in a wonderful twist of karma the one guy on his motor-scooter (not a BMX) wiped out.

The Drill team seemed too clean; the girl looked bored. The balancing act was cool, but I couldn't watch balancing for that long without falling. Ben Blaque showed a questionable rehearsal where his act missed because of "lighting issues." The act proceeded to do well, though a lot of the same. He ended with a successful backwards blindfolded sequence.

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Last night's America's Got Talent auditions were a hodgepodge of good contestants and epic failures the producers conveniently decided to place near the end so we'd remember them during Vegas week.

We started with a pig and ended with a woman full of Olympic spirit. In between? Which acts have a chance to advance far this summer? Read on. Find out. Chime in.

Awesome
Lil Starr - The over-done, one step away from being a pageant girl, wants a million dollars of headbands. Luckily the 40-year annuity will cover her until she's 46. She actually has power in her moves which was something I didn't expect from a six-year-old and she was giving face. She mysteriously had a large fan base in the audience and didn't run out of energy the whole time. I don't she needs all the makeup and glitter to cover up the true potential that she has.

Jacob Williams - The loner that doesn't seem like he ever blinked started off with some nerves but he nervously had this great material that tied in with his awkward personality. I'm not sure how well that would work in a three minute set for the future because his jokes seem to be more story-oriented.

787 Crew - I'm pretty sure that they are exactly the same crew as the Season Six crew from America's Best Dance Crew even though their hair color threw me off, but the Puerto Ricans gave a good show that had solid tricks and strong formations. I see why they lost on ABDC: compared to I aM mE they were very typical. They had some good variation of heights and formation shapes, so I hope they could evolve their crew with some better visuals and costumes.

Mary Joyner - The daughter of Flo-Jo (Florence Griffith-Joyner) and Al Joyner may not have been a runner, but she was a vocal runner. She's perfect for a tie-in with the Olympics. She's obviously not the first child of a star on reality show (see: Jim Carey's Daughter on AI or even Jordin Sparks). She had a few moments of flat notes before the chorus; it may have been trying to give Sara Bareilles more of an R&B undertone. She needs to perform more in the R&B genre. I like her story, I didn't like the rendition, but I wish her the best anyway.

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America's Got Talent visited Tampa, Florida last night for more of the same: an awkward mix of the really talented and really hopeless. While we were treated some surprises - such as two older men with strong pop and lock routines or the guy who reminded me of Luther Vandross - there was a lot of weird and wacky.

Case in point: What person in his right mind says he's amazing at "air sex?"

Let's break down all the acts that aired, shall we?

Five-Hives
The Untouchables - The leader of last year's Miami All-Stars returned with a children's group from 8-13, which included his children. They managed to solve the issue that Miami All-Stars had last year: too much happening at once. I think people will like them, but like Miami All-Stars won't win. I have to hope that these kids know things outside of Latin; they showed some strong Contemporary turns, but they lacked a lot of outside content otherwise.

American BMX Stunt Team - I liked the fact that this team had not only way too many people on a stage, but it also had a scooter and a rollerblader for some extra added effect. The definition of BMX really is specifically for bicycles and motocross so the scooter and rollerblader was a point of difference. It was a little bit of people in circles doing a trick at a time at the beginning (I was reminded of Gymkhana from last season), but the second half with some of the team using half the pipes in an almost synchronized way gave it some theatrics. Let's add fire the next time for real excitement and danger.

Lindsey Norton - The acrobatic dancer had a built in fan base with signs and a cute giggle. The performance mesmerized me and I could see the next stage of this with cool (albeit generic) cloud backgrounds and smoke machines. She's dedicated to her acrobatics and it makes it better to watch. In the big picture Lindsey is part of a Vegas act, but she's really talented. She's also good cross-promotion for people to watch the Olympics.

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