Nosy Neighbor

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It's the season finale of The Real Housewives of New Jersey and it's a "Strip Down Memory Lane" but whose memory is telling the truth?  We recap all of the lies, spies, and hidden texting in our THG +/- review!

Teresa Confronts Melissa

Angelo, the former strip club manager now supposed spa owner is back and not only is this guy sleazy, he's a horrible actor.  Minus 10.

I love Kathy's reaction to the guy.  She thinks he's just some sleazeball hitting on Melissa.  Well, she's half right. Then she rolls her eyes when she quips, "We're all married here.  Move along."  Plus 8.

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The Real Housewives of Miami are back with "Text, Lies, and Your Smile Is Fake." We recap the odd confrontations, commitment issues, and pirate ships in THG's +/- review.

Well, fake smiles hardly seem like an issue when so many other body parts are fake on the Housewives of Miami but we'll skip over that and head right to our update.

Elsa survived her collapse at the Food and Wine festival.  She was sent home from the hospital with a clean bill of health.  Plus 7.  Her only concern was whether she looked like a lady when she hit the floor.

Lisa & Lenny

Adriana drops in for a visit and Elsa gives her an opinion on her relationship with Frederic.  Frederic loves her more than she loves him and Adriana's still so scarred from her first marriage that she's not ready to get married.

Plus 10 because whether it's her psychic abilities or old fashioned common sense, Elsa is spot on.

Elsa's advice however leaves something to be desired.  She tells Adriana to put her head on the right pillow and that's the one that's full of money.  Minus 8.  Money helps but it won't keep you from getting your heart crushed.

Later Frederic tells her he wants to marry her now but he's willing to wait. He really seems to love her. Adriana says she wants to wait until the boat is finished. 

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The Real Housewives of New York City comes back from vacation and "What Happens in St. Barths Doesn't Stay in St. Barths." We'll break down all the self righteous ranting and why Karma's a bitch in THG's exclusive +/- review.

The ladies make their way back to the city where their trip to St. Barths is rehashed until I thought I'd be nauseous if I heard about it one more time. Minus 12.

But the one thing no one is talking about…Luann and Tomas.  As Luann hangs all over her French boy toy everyone wonders what he knows but no one says a word.

Minus 8. I know it's unusually good manners on their part but I'm a bit disappointed that Luann didn't have to own up to her cheating ways.

Can LuAnn hold onto Jacques

Luann is still in baby making mode, even while Jacques takes off for two weeks to France.  I suppose with the magic of in-vitro-fertilization anything is possible.  I'm still surprised Luann isn't pushing for a ring on her finger first.

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The Real Housewives of New Jersey are blindsided when "A Bald Canary Sings," or are they? We'll recap who got set up and who set the trap in our THG +/- review.

Let's go back to the beginning.  Melissa's getting ready for yet another meeting with some producer about her singing career. I couldn't care less about her musical future but I'd definitely pair the leopard print shoes with that dress.  Plus 7.

Oh, and if there is a God I will never be subjected to seeing Joe Gorga in a g-string.  I refuse to let my imagination go there.  Minus 12. The mere thought is frightening enough.

Joe Gorga Shows Off

The Manzos visit their boys in Hoboken for brunch and could Caroline make Lindsey feel any more uncomfortable?

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The Real Housewives of Miami returned with a  "A Tale of Two Miamis." I'm not sure even one was necessary. but let's recap all of the plastic faces and sleazy boyfriends in our THG +/- review.

Admittedly, I never watched season one of The Real Housewives of Miami. Apparently I'm not the only one. I believe it was one of the lowest rated Housewives premieres ever. 

And yet, we are blessed with a revamped season two. Minus 8.

I thought the Real Housewives of Orange County and Beverly Hills had cornered the market on plastic. Boy, was I wrong. Step aside California. The ladies of Miami are lifted, tucked, botoxed, and enhanced beyond your wildest dreams or my nightmares. Minus 12. The shine off of all of that plastic is blinding me.

What Happened To Elsa?

Marysol's mother, Elsa is the obvious horror story.  What happened to this poor woman?  Was she a plastic surgery addict?  She says it was a surgical accident but can one bad surgery cause that?  Too bad her psychic powers couldn't tell her to find a better surgeon.

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The Real Housewives of New York City quickly turned from "Vacation, All I Ever Wanted" to Get me the Hell out of here!  We recap who couldn't hold their alcohol and who had all the best lines in this THG +/- review.

Ramona and Sonja are still stinging from Aviva calling them white trash but they're also wondering what she meant…so they google the term.  HIlarious!  Plus 10.  How can you not laugh at these two?

Carole plans a dinner with just her, Russ, Aviva and Reid and doesn't invite the other women.  Minus 8.  She could have at least told them that she wanted some quiet time with Aviva.  Maybe that would have calmed things down.  Instead everyone ended up feeling slighted.

Aviva's Dark Side

Then Aviva barges in on a private conversation between Ramona, Sonja, and Carole.  Minus 7.  Not cool.

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On The Real Housewives of New Jersey the "Dinasty of Denial" only grows once everyone returns to Jersey.  We recap the cutest and scariest ways they all try to move forward in our THG +/- review.

It's back to Jersey and back to school for the Gorga and Guidice clans.  As Teresa has to yell and push to get everyone out of bed, Joe Gorga's making delicious looking pancakes for his brood. 

But despite the cute family scene the Gorga's still miss the bus for the first day of first grade.  Still, I've got to give them a Plus 8 for rolling with the punches.  Joe and Melissa both laughed it off, jumped in the car and drove off.  At least they got some fun family photos.

A Gorga Breakfast

Back at the Guidice home, Joe's comparing cousin Kathy to a frog and making fun of Caroline's hair.  Teresa gushes about how her husband is "really, really, smart."  Wow.  That's just scary.  Minus 10.

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St. Barts becomes "Slutty Island" as The Real Housewives of New York City kick their girl's vacation into high gear, but an extra guest changes everything.

We recap who's in need of medication and who should just go home in THG's +/- review.

It's the night after LuAnn's tryst with Tomas and she's being unusually quiet or as Sonja says, LuAnn is in "clamp down mode."  Whatever you want to call it, the Countess sure looks guilty.  Minus 7.  Was one night with Tomas really worth it?

I wonder if there's any real guilt here.  Would anyone be surprised if LuAnn and Jacques had an open relationship?

Sonja & Tomas

Tomas is certainly open for business as he flirts with the rest of the ladies.  Plus 10 to Tomas' broken English as he tries to use LuAnn's line and ends up with "money can't pay your class."  No.  No it can't.

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The Real Housewives of New York City head to St. Barts for a girls week but did a fun filled night turn into a "Pirate Booty Call" for one housewife?

We break down the lies, confessions, and speculation here in THG's +/- recap.

The ladies fly into to St. Barts and I must agree with Aviva and Carole.  That looks like a small plane and a bumpy ride.  Plus 10 to Carole for holding it together given her history.

The island is gorgeous. The house is beautiful and the chef is hot.  Plus 8.  What more can you ask for from a vacation?

Well, apparently admiring the eye candy isn't enough for some but we'll get to that in a bit.

Sonja & Ramona Drink

Plus 15 goes to Carole.  Love her analogy about dealing with Ramona.  Sometimes in order to avoid the toddler tantrum you just give her the lollipop.  In this case Ramona got the master suite. 

Of course she and Sonja decide to share not only the room but the bed.  Minus 7.  These two can't seem to spend ten minutes apart from one another or their favorite drink but I guess it is a girls vacation. 

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The Real Housewives of New Jersey's California vacation finally came to an end and it was all "Hot Tub of Sour Grapes" as Caroline and Teresa went at it.

We break down all the face grabbing fun in THG's +/- recap ...

Caroline Points Fingers

When Teresa left Kathy out of her toast last week, was it an unintentional slight or a purposeful shun. In the end it doesn't matter as Kathy turns the focus onto someone else.

Instead of dealing with her own issues, Kathy throws Caroline under the bus.  Minus 12.  Of course she swears she has the best of intentions but is Kathy really that naive?

With everyone listening in on Teresa and Kathy's conversation, am I the only one who hoped that Caroline really would walk over and dunk Teresa's head in the hot tub?  Plus 15.  That could have been awesome but unfortunately we never got to see it.

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