Nosy Neighbor

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The Real Housewives of New York City comes back from vacation and "What Happens in St. Barths Doesn't Stay in St. Barths." We'll break down all the self righteous ranting and why Karma's a bitch in THG's exclusive +/- review.

The ladies make their way back to the city where their trip to St. Barths is rehashed until I thought I'd be nauseous if I heard about it one more time. Minus 12.

But the one thing no one is talking about…Luann and Tomas.  As Luann hangs all over her French boy toy everyone wonders what he knows but no one says a word.

Minus 8. I know it's unusually good manners on their part but I'm a bit disappointed that Luann didn't have to own up to her cheating ways.

Can LuAnn hold onto Jacques

Luann is still in baby making mode, even while Jacques takes off for two weeks to France.  I suppose with the magic of in-vitro-fertilization anything is possible.  I'm still surprised Luann isn't pushing for a ring on her finger first.

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The Real Housewives of New Jersey are blindsided when "A Bald Canary Sings," or are they? We'll recap who got set up and who set the trap in our THG +/- review.

Let's go back to the beginning.  Melissa's getting ready for yet another meeting with some producer about her singing career. I couldn't care less about her musical future but I'd definitely pair the leopard print shoes with that dress.  Plus 7.

Oh, and if there is a God I will never be subjected to seeing Joe Gorga in a g-string.  I refuse to let my imagination go there.  Minus 12. The mere thought is frightening enough.

Joe Gorga Shows Off

The Manzos visit their boys in Hoboken for brunch and could Caroline make Lindsey feel any more uncomfortable?

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The Real Housewives of Miami returned with a  "A Tale of Two Miamis." I'm not sure even one was necessary. but let's recap all of the plastic faces and sleazy boyfriends in our THG +/- review.

Admittedly, I never watched season one of The Real Housewives of Miami. Apparently I'm not the only one. I believe it was one of the lowest rated Housewives premieres ever. 

And yet, we are blessed with a revamped season two. Minus 8.

I thought the Real Housewives of Orange County and Beverly Hills had cornered the market on plastic. Boy, was I wrong. Step aside California. The ladies of Miami are lifted, tucked, botoxed, and enhanced beyond your wildest dreams or my nightmares. Minus 12. The shine off of all of that plastic is blinding me.

What Happened To Elsa?

Marysol's mother, Elsa is the obvious horror story.  What happened to this poor woman?  Was she a plastic surgery addict?  She says it was a surgical accident but can one bad surgery cause that?  Too bad her psychic powers couldn't tell her to find a better surgeon.

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The Real Housewives of New York City quickly turned from "Vacation, All I Ever Wanted" to Get me the Hell out of here!  We recap who couldn't hold their alcohol and who had all the best lines in this THG +/- review.

Ramona and Sonja are still stinging from Aviva calling them white trash but they're also wondering what she meant…so they google the term.  HIlarious!  Plus 10.  How can you not laugh at these two?

Carole plans a dinner with just her, Russ, Aviva and Reid and doesn't invite the other women.  Minus 8.  She could have at least told them that she wanted some quiet time with Aviva.  Maybe that would have calmed things down.  Instead everyone ended up feeling slighted.

Aviva's Dark Side

Then Aviva barges in on a private conversation between Ramona, Sonja, and Carole.  Minus 7.  Not cool.

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On The Real Housewives of New Jersey the "Dinasty of Denial" only grows once everyone returns to Jersey.  We recap the cutest and scariest ways they all try to move forward in our THG +/- review.

It's back to Jersey and back to school for the Gorga and Guidice clans.  As Teresa has to yell and push to get everyone out of bed, Joe Gorga's making delicious looking pancakes for his brood. 

But despite the cute family scene the Gorga's still miss the bus for the first day of first grade.  Still, I've got to give them a Plus 8 for rolling with the punches.  Joe and Melissa both laughed it off, jumped in the car and drove off.  At least they got some fun family photos.

A Gorga Breakfast

Back at the Guidice home, Joe's comparing cousin Kathy to a frog and making fun of Caroline's hair.  Teresa gushes about how her husband is "really, really, smart."  Wow.  That's just scary.  Minus 10.

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St. Barts becomes "Slutty Island" as The Real Housewives of New York City kick their girl's vacation into high gear, but an extra guest changes everything.

We recap who's in need of medication and who should just go home in THG's +/- review.

It's the night after LuAnn's tryst with Tomas and she's being unusually quiet or as Sonja says, LuAnn is in "clamp down mode."  Whatever you want to call it, the Countess sure looks guilty.  Minus 7.  Was one night with Tomas really worth it?

I wonder if there's any real guilt here.  Would anyone be surprised if LuAnn and Jacques had an open relationship?

Sonja & Tomas

Tomas is certainly open for business as he flirts with the rest of the ladies.  Plus 10 to Tomas' broken English as he tries to use LuAnn's line and ends up with "money can't pay your class."  No.  No it can't.

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The Real Housewives of New York City head to St. Barts for a girls week but did a fun filled night turn into a "Pirate Booty Call" for one housewife?

We break down the lies, confessions, and speculation here in THG's +/- recap.

The ladies fly into to St. Barts and I must agree with Aviva and Carole.  That looks like a small plane and a bumpy ride.  Plus 10 to Carole for holding it together given her history.

The island is gorgeous. The house is beautiful and the chef is hot.  Plus 8.  What more can you ask for from a vacation?

Well, apparently admiring the eye candy isn't enough for some but we'll get to that in a bit.

Sonja & Ramona Drink

Plus 15 goes to Carole.  Love her analogy about dealing with Ramona.  Sometimes in order to avoid the toddler tantrum you just give her the lollipop.  In this case Ramona got the master suite. 

Of course she and Sonja decide to share not only the room but the bed.  Minus 7.  These two can't seem to spend ten minutes apart from one another or their favorite drink but I guess it is a girls vacation. 

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The Real Housewives of New Jersey's California vacation finally came to an end and it was all "Hot Tub of Sour Grapes" as Caroline and Teresa went at it.

We break down all the face grabbing fun in THG's +/- recap ...

Caroline Points Fingers

When Teresa left Kathy out of her toast last week, was it an unintentional slight or a purposeful shun. In the end it doesn't matter as Kathy turns the focus onto someone else.

Instead of dealing with her own issues, Kathy throws Caroline under the bus.  Minus 12.  Of course she swears she has the best of intentions but is Kathy really that naive?

With everyone listening in on Teresa and Kathy's conversation, am I the only one who hoped that Caroline really would walk over and dunk Teresa's head in the hot tub?  Plus 15.  That could have been awesome but unfortunately we never got to see it.

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The Real Housewives of New York City never fail to amaze and confuse. It really is "All How You Spin It" as the ladies overreact as only they can.

We break down all of their drama in THG's +/- recap ...

We take another look at the end of last week's party and it's almost worth it to see Ramona's hit and run again.  She comes up behind Heather, screeches that she's always talking behind her back and then makes a run for it. 

Minus 12. Funny thing is Heather wasn't talking about Ramona at all.  She was trying to chastise Aviva

A Shocked Ramona

Can someone tell me when Aviva decided she was the keeper of the moral high ground? Her self righteousness even manages to shock Ramona.  Minus 10.  I want to say it's entertaining but it's really not.  Someone please make her shut up.

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Too good to be true. That's what The Real Housewives of New Jersey's trip to "Whine Country" has been so far, but that's all about to change.

We'll break down all the sexcapades and snubs in our THG +/- recap!

The Russian River Valley looks like such tranquil place until the Jersey crowd pass through.  An immediate minus 12 to Teresa showing off her potty mouth.

And just how desperate is this woman to get her husband's attention?  She's asking him "Do you want to stick your finger in my ***?" and telling him she wants to do him in the vineyards all in front of her brother and sister-in-law.  What is she overcompensating for?

Teresa Rides in the RV

We find out all too soon but let's stick to our RV ride for a moment.

Plus 10 to Melissa for pointing out to Teresa that once she gives quotes about her life to magazines, she's given up the expectation of privacy.  If she didn't want people to ask her if she's going to jail, why talk about it and pose for a magazine cover?

Jacqueline says something about Teresa seeing the truth about herself.  Ha!  Jacqueline is so naive. Minus 11.  I don't see Jacqueline being able to keep their relationship casual in a way that she doesn't end up in tears yet again.

Then we're off to do some wine tasting. Why in Hell would Chris invite the Guidices and Gorgas along if he wanted to make a good impression on his new business associates?  Minus 15.  What was he thinking?

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