Hilton Hater

Hilton Hater

I am a senior staff writer at THG and a big fan of Taylor Swift, Justin Bieber and Robert Pattinson. I believe Kim Kardashian is bad for society, but great for attention, and that The Real Housewives should all be banned from existence.

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It's a depressing time to be a sports fan, isn't it?

The Vikings have suspended Adrian Peterson until his child abuse case is resolved. That Ray Rice video of the Baltimore Ravens running back punching out his fiancee continues to send shudders around the NFL. And Derek Jeter is about to retire.

So thank goodness for Bryan Cranston.

The Emmy Award-winning actor is featured in the following ad for the Major League Baseball postseason, starring in a pretend one-man show that depicts Cranston as Jeter, Carlton Fisk, Kirk Gibson and other all-time greats.

He reenacts famous plays. He takes a ballerina class. He dons eye black.

This is a man who created arguably the most iconic character in television history... yet this commercial is his finest work to date. It's amazing. It's hilarious. And it's an absolute must-watch:

Bryan Cranston for ALL the awards, people. Emmys. Oscars. MVP trophies. Just send all shipments to this star forever and ever.

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You may wanna remove Adrian Peterson from your starting fantasy football team lineup, readers.

A couple days after saying Peterson would return to the squad and suit up for this Sunday's game against the Saints, the Minnesota Vikings have reversed course and placed the star on the NFL's exempt/commissioner's permission list.

He will remain there until his child abuse case is resolved and is now banned him from all team activities.

"After giving the situation additional thought, we have decided this is the appropriate course of action for the organization and for Adrian," Vikings owners Zygi Wilf and Mark Wilf said in the statement. "We are always focused on trying to make the right decision as an organization.

"We embrace our role - and the responsibilities that go with it - as a leader in the community, as a business partner and as an organization that can build bridges with our fans and positively impact this great region. We appreciate and value the input we have received from our fans, our partners and the community."

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And then there were two... who we believe should win America's Got Talent this summer.

Yes, AcroArmy is an impressive collection of acrobatic prowess; and, sure singer Miguel Dakota has some pipes.

We've been blown away at times by magician Mat Franco and we do hope the band Sons of Serendip has a bright future in front of it.

But last night's performance finale of America's Got Talent drove home the point, at least in our view: this is a two-person race.

There's Quintavious Johnson, who is somehow only 12 years old.

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Wait... who's that girl? Again, we ask: who's that girl? One more time: who's that girl?!?

Oh, it's Jess... ica Biel!

That's right, Mrs. Justi Timberlake herself guest-starred on New Girl Season 4 Episode 1, as Nick, Jess and company attended their final wedding of the season and all agreed to go home with someone from the event.

Jess set her sights very high, on the Best Man, portrayed by Reid Scott of Veep. But she has competition for his penis in the form of a ridiculously smart and gorgeous guest played by Biel.

"Here are the facts: I’m technically a genius, I have a photographic memory, and I lost my virginity to Malcolm Gladwell," Biel's Kat said, taunting Jess.

She added that she watches a half hour of porn each night just to keep up with trends and expect a "return to missionary," depending on what "happens in Syria."

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We know you're sick of counting bodies in Charming, Unser. 

But Sons of Anarchy Season 7 Episode 2 continued to drive the point home: you can't exactly put away your abacus away just yet.

No member of SAMCRO has been killed off just yet, but the actions of Jax and company have now placed them down a precarious path.

As part of their plan to tear down Lin this week, they asked for help from the charter led by Jury. He recommended a couple of freelancer killers to help with a ganking of Lin's gun delivery and, after it was completed, Jax, Bobbyand Chibs paid these two young men a visit.

They shot them dead, in order to cover their tracks, and this plot for revenge seemed to be running along smoothly. Except there was one major problem we learned at the end of the installment:

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Ladies and gentlemen, we have another Jelena sighting.

According to E! News insiders, Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez were at Lucky Strike in Los Angeles on Sunday night to celebrate good friend Ryan Butler's birthday.

And they were also spotted celebrating each other's good looks... if you know what we mean!

Justin and Selena Go Bowling

"Justin rented out Lucky Strike's Luxe room for the celebration. Additionally, he was seen kissing and flirting with his on-and-off again girlfriend, Selena Gomez," a witness tells E!. "The group enjoyed some of Lucky Strike's Esteban's Nacho's Grande, Cheeseburgers and wings.

"Specifically, Justin was seen eating the Mac & Cheese bites."

We're guessing he later also ate some of Selena's tasty bites... if you know what we mean!

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Beast Mode has been activated for Khloe Kardashian.

Annoyingly making like sister Kim Kardashian, Khloe is now intent on shedding pounds, having posted a photo to Instagram last night of herself (in dreadlocks) hitting the gym and trying to back to her "pre-hamptons, pre-sympathy kourtney pregnancy weight."

Now, the reality star has provided video evidence of her latest workout.

The 30-year-old Keeping Up With the Kardashians actress took to Instagram this morning to share a video of her intense routine with fitness guru Gunnar Peterson, stealing the nickname of Marshawn Lynch and writing as a simple caption:

"Beast mode with @gunnarfitness."

What serve as Khloe's inspiration for getting back into shape?

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Is Beyonce pregnant again?

That's the latest rumor going around about this global superstar, which stands in quite the contrast to the previous rumor, which went around all summer: that a Jay Z and Beyonce divorce is on the horizon.

In the latest series of photos posted to Beyonce's official website, the singer appears to address the break-up chatter, cuddling up with her husband while on vacation in Italy.

But is she also addressing the pregnancy talk by posing in a bikini and showing off a very svelte physique? 

We've examined the following photos closely and nary a baby bump can be found.

What do you think? Is Beyonce expecting another child? Are she and Jay Z meant to be? And just how adorable is Blue Ivy Carter in the final picture listed?!?

The answers to these pressing questions sort of await. Flip around now!

Beyonce with Jay Z
Take these divorce rumors and shove em! Beyonce posted this photo with Jay Z on her official site, sending a clear message to haters in the process.

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The dog in the following video just came off surgery and, like these hilarious dogs, he's stoned out of his adorable mind at the moment.

His owner - for reasons that will forever remain hysterically confounding - has decided to entertain her pet by placing him in front of her computer screen...

... which is playing a Nicki Minaj fart video, which is parodying the famous Nicki Minaj Anaconda video.

It's confusing, we know. But it's also easy to understand once you actually press Play and watch in amazement as Eugene gets mesmerized by Minaj's rear end and the sounds emanating from it.

Who thinks to do something like this? Who knows? Who cares?!?

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Think the Charlie Sheen-LeSean McCoy feud is random? 

What about Mayim Bialik dissing Ariana Grande for the way she dresses?

Now it's time to consider the latest Unexpected Feud of the Month, although this rivalry is rather one-sided at the moment.

Following U2 shocking the music world by releasing its new album “Sons of Innocence,” at last week’s iPhone 6 unveiling, Sharon Osbourne took to Twitter yesterday and slammed the iconic band.

The Big (Sharon) O

"U2 you are business moguls not musicians anymore," Osbourne wrote after U2 partnered with Apple to release the aforementioned album. "No wonder you have to give your mediocre music away for free cause no one wants to buy it."

Whoa! Shot fired!

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