Hilton Hater

Hilton Hater

I am a senior staff writer at THG and a big fan of Taylor Swift, Justin Bieber and Robert Pattinson. I believe Kim Kardashian is bad for society, but great for attention, and that The Real Housewives should all be banned from existence.

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Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie have a Little League team worth of kids at home.

They give to numerous charities.

And nary a named witness has said a word about any fights between the couple.

Yet, according to a supermarket tabloid, the pair cutely dubbed "Brangelina" has broken up. Pitt has even moved out, as this reliable publication screams on its cover:

In Touch Cover

Beware, Robert Pattinson: There's a good chance this tabloid will next claim Brad Pitt is making a move on Kristen Stewart!

Despite appearances - as well as all sanity and logic - to the contrary, life for Hollywood's hottest couple has never been worse, sources told In Touch Weekly.

“Sure, they look happy in photos,” a friend said. “ [But] the cracks in their relationship are getting deeper and deeper. They are actors and can turn it on for the cameras most of the time.

Hmmm, they are actors! Each has even been nominated for an Academy Award! This story is seeming more likely by the second.

Following an argument in April, an insider said Pitt stormed out of the couple's rented mansion in Long Island, New York: "He told her very clearly that he just can’t live with her anymore."

In response, Jolie has allegedly offered Pitt $90 million for custody of their kids. If we were Brad, we'd totally hold out for $91 million.

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This is too bad. We were hoping to have more Shannon Funk in our lives.

A few hours after sources supposedly confirmed to Perez Hilton that Jamie Kennedy was cheating on Jennifer Love Hewitt with Britney Spears' former assistant and rumored lesbian lover, the actor isn't just shooting down the rumor.

He's taking action!

Said an insider of the false story, and Kennedy's subsequent firing of his employee:

"Jamie's assistant, Miguel, went nuts and started making s-it up. This is a David Spade situation, where the assistant gets jealous of the star's lifestyle and snaps. Miguel snapped and started texting Love late at night and just being a freak. Then he tried to take Jamie down by making s-it up. Jamie's lucky he didn't get tazered in his sleep by this guy!"

He's also lucky he gets to see this lovely lady nude any time he wants. Damn him.

Man, I'm Lucky!

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Britney Spears wrapped up the U.S. leg of her Circus Tour last night in true Britney fashion.

No, she didn't shave her head, endanger any children or have an unfortunate wardrobe malfunction.

Instead, Spears invited a male audience member on stage and seduced him with a lap dance; this time, though, we doubt it took: the special guest, as seen below, was Lance Bass!

Britney and Lance

Bass got an eyeful during the singer's rendition of "Breathe on Me." Fans in attendance say he smiled and sang along throughout the song. Wrote Britney on her official website:

My good friend Lance surprised me on stage last night for Breathe On Me. It was soooo funny!  Good to see you Lance!

The night before, Miley Cyrus and Melanie Brown caught Britney's concert. Neither of them appeared on stage, though.

Next, the pop star likely heads to Starbucks tonight at 2 a.m. Then, she heads Down Under for a string of dates in Australia in November.

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The Mackenzie Phillips story won't go away.

The former childhood star - who admitted to the world last week she carried on a long-term, sexual relationship with her father - appeared for the second time on Oprah last Friday and said she hopes she's setting a good example.

"I understand this is a difficult thing for my family," the recovering drug addict told Winfrey via satellite, "but nobody's talking about this, and if I've started a national dialogue, then I'm forever grateful."

Phillips has certainly started a dialogue, that's for sure.

Very Troubled

Half-sister Chynna Phillips is already on record, defending her sibling.

Now, Jessica Woods, the daughter of former Mamas & Papas band member Denny Doherty, has also taken her friend's side. She wrote in to Oprah and said her dad knew about the affair.

"I just watched your show," Woods wrote, "and everything she said is true. My dad told me the awful truth, and he was horrified at what John had done."

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At this point, they're just inventing magazines for Robert Pattinson to pose for.

The actor covers the latest issue of AnOther Man, which sources verify is a British men's fashion publication.

Inside the issue, the Twilight Saga star says he was shocked by the success of the movie franchise.

“It’s strange because even though the figures show that the books were successful and sold millions of copies, you couldn’t even buy them in London. I tried a couple of bookshops and they weren’t available," Robert said, adding:

"Hardly anyone I knew had read them apart from one girl, a friend of my sister. I had no idea at all. I’d seen Kristen Stewart in Into the Wild and some of the director Catherine Hardwicke’s other films, and that’s all I thought it was, something really small.”

It's safe to say he was mistaken.

We've never heard of AnOther Man. But, hey, at least it's not fabricating cover stories, like certain American tabloids.

As for acting, Pattinson sounds as humble as ever in the interview, saying: “It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life... I don’t find any particular pleasure in being an attention-seeker.”

Ironically, that's exactly what he's become, due to smoldering good looks, a relationship with Stewart and a head of hair most men would commit murder for.

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Earlier this month, Katie Price claimed she was raped by an anonymous celebrity.

In a new book by her former boyfriend, meanwhile, the busty British model is likely to feel violated in a different way.

Dwight Yorke, the soccer playing father of Katie's son Harvey, writes in "Born to Score" that Price's behavior soon after their son was born was "the most distressing thing I'd ever had to deal with."

The useless D-lister would come home after long, drunken nights out and make so much noise that she'd awaken the baby.

"I challenged her about this lifestyle. She'd desperately wanted our baby but was this her idea of motherhood?" Yorke writes. "I'm not by nature a bitter person, but no one's driven me quite so close to that as Katie. The woman is infuriating."

Like a Cartoon

Still, Yorke proposed to Price during a vacation in Barbados. She accepted the ring, but the relationship went to Hell the very next day because Price wouldn't let Harvey sleep over with York's mother.

"It was deeply upsetting," said Yorke. "The fact that Katie couldn't grant my mum that pissed me off like never before. I hated her at that moment. It was the final nail in the coffin - I wanted nothing more to do with her."

Sounds like a healthy relationship; one that apparently was made even worse when Price met ex-husband Peter Andre.

"When I met Andre I wanted to throttle him. I'm not a violent man and it takes an awful lot to rile me. But this man got under my skin at the outset."

These days, Price is dating Alex Reid. No word yet on how Yorke feels about him; or on the time table until he also pens a tell-all book about this atrocious human being.

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This is incredible.

A celebrity couple has managed to get married without alerting every member of the paparazzi or selling its photos to the highest bidder.

Luisana Loreley Lopilato de la Torre and Michael Buble

Earlier this month, Claire Danes and British actor Hugh Dancy got hitched in a low-key ceremony in France. This is actually the first we're hearing about it, and we loved My So-Called Life!

The event was attended by just family and a few close friends. Of her new husband, who she had dated for two years, Danes told BlackBook magazine:

“He’s such a cutie patootie. While relationships are work, this just didn’t feel like it. It’s the kind of work that feels energizing rather than enervating. I find it very freeing to know that, okay, it takes constant nurturing and attention, but I can also stop looking for the one.”

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Jessica Alba must get really bored.

We guess that happens when you're just a mediocre actress, but one would think daughter Honor Marie would keep Alba busy enough to not change her hair color every five minutes.

Instead, the beautiful celebrity is constantly messing with her look. The reasons why are unknown.

Perhaps if Alba is made aware of which color is best on her, she'll stop going to the stylist so often and go back to posing nude a lot. Help her out below...

Jessica Alba at the Golden Globes

Which hair color looks best on Jessica Alba?

 

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This just in, ladies: Taylor Lautner is not a piece of meat!

Able to relate to Megan Fox, Olivia Wilde and countless other scantily-clad women, Lautner is often seen these days without a shirt on. That's what happens when you pack on 30 pounds to portray Jacob Black in New Moon.

But the actor told Us Weekly on Saturday night that he gets a bit self-conscious.

"It's actually quite uncomfortable knowing so many people are seeing that! It's a little bit embarrassing!"

Totally Shirtless

Lautner said it took "a lot of hard work" to look this good, but it earned him a role in the Twilight sequel, following talk that he might get replaced.

As for getting embarrassed about his topless pics, we have to apologize to Taylor in advance. Sorry, but reader pressure has forced us to post the following shirtless photos. Everyone except Lautner himself, click on them and enjoy!

  • Tattooed and Cute
  • Topless Taylor
  • Taylor Lautner Poster

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This was inevitable.

With Khloe Kardashian married and Kourtney Kardashian pregnant, Kim Kardashian has to do something - or someone - to recapture the spotlight.

With that (and, perhaps, love) in mind, Kim actually went straight from her sister's reception to the airport last night, boarded a plane and took off for New Orleans to reunite with Reggie Bush.

Mismatched Couple

Reunited with her loved one, Kim Kardashian can smile again. [Photo: PacificCoastNewsOnline.com]

It's a reconciliation that's been rumored for weeks, as sources tell E! News the couple is definitely back together.

"The wedding made her miss him, so she flew to see him," an insider said.

Bush's mother was actually among the close friends and family in attendance at Khloe's wedding to Lamar Odom. Might she soon be sitting in the front row when Kim and Reggie tie the knot? It's possible.

Are you glad Kim and Reggie are back together?

 

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