Hilton Hater

Hilton Hater

I am a senior staff writer at THG and a big fan of Taylor Swift, Justin Bieber and Robert Pattinson. I believe Kim Kardashian is bad for society, but great for attention, and that The Real Housewives should all be banned from existence.

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What the what, Jennifer Love Hewitt?!?

The large-breasted Ghost Whisperer star appeared on Lopez Tonight last night and offered unusual, disturbing advice to women around the world.

Simply put, the actress said she often "vagazzles" her private area, making it sparkle like a disco ball. Like host George Lopez, we pretty much have no words for this, especially as we vomit at the thought of the only man that can vouch for the accuracy of this statement:

Jamie Kennedy. Barf!

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Following her widely-criticized Twitter rants and cries for attention, Tila Tequila had her apperance on Larry King canceled last night.

But People has gone ahead with a feature on Casey Johnson's quasi widow, who opens up to the publication about first meeting the woman she refers to as her "wife." Read the excerpts below at your own nauseating risk...

On her first impression of Casey: One day I texted and she was the cutest thing ever. She was nothing I had envisioned. I thought, I cannot believe this is the Casey Johnson people used to tell me about.

On their first date: She was so nervous at my house. Dropping things. I could tell she was nervous... We just ended up laughing all night. We just fell in love.

T Squared Photo

On their engagement: One night she comes over and she was so nervous. I was like what's wrong with you, calm down!" Tequila recalls. "She was so nervous and so cute and finally she pulled out this fat ring that I had never seen before.

On Casey's daughter: I was going to adopt Ava and we decided she would call her Mommy and me Mommy T. We were going to have a big family.

On reaction to Casey's death: My therapist put me on suicide watch. I've been getting help but I'm fine now. I know Casey wants me to be alive and she hates seeing me like this. She always hated it when she would see me cry.

In related news, Tila has posted 37 Tweets in the time it took you to read this article. She's good.

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Karissa and Kristina Shannon are moving on to bigger and better things. In other words:

They'd like to have sex with someone that possesses fewer wrinkles than Rex Ryan's game plans for the New York Jets' defense.

Timberlake and Biel Photo

Indeed, earlier today, Hugh Hefner confirmed that the twins are moving out of the Playboy Mansion and relocating all the way across the yard. The magazine magnate Tweeted:

"The Shannon Twins are growing up. They're moving to the Playmate House with my blessing so they will be free to do other things."

Hef said the busty blondes want to travel the world and partake in endeavors that other Playmates have recently enjoyed. Does that mean we should expect them to squeeze out a baby and pose for every tabloid imaginable over the next year?

Fortunately, things between the Playboy founder and 23-year Crystal Harris couldn't be better, Hefner added. But that doesn't mean we should start listening for wedding bells. He told E! News:

"I haven't had a lot of luck with marriage. I don't have a good track record and I don't want to screw this one up."

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When most people become parents for the first time, they're overwhelmed by the sounds of a baby crying.

For Kendra Wilkinson and Kourtney Kardashian, however, the only sound they hear when they look at little Mason and Hank is: Cha-ching!

Within days of giving birth, each of these publicity hounds graced the covers of various supermarket tabloids and website home pages.

Now, a few weeks after squaring off in a THG Tale of the Tape, Kendra and Kourtney continue to exploit their children in dueling magazine features.

Among the (utterly mundane) "exclusives" these issues offer readers this week?

  • Scott Disick (gasp!) changes diapers.
  • Hank Baskett loves his wife's backside.
  • Both Kourtney and Kendra are dropping their baby weight (thank goodness!).
  • Mason changed Kourtney's life (by putting a lot more money in her pocket).

Approximately four million women give birth each year in the United States. If any of the 3,999,998 feel like explaining to Kardashian and Wilkinson what motherhood is truly about, we encourage you to do so now.

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As Edward Cullen, Robert Pattinson tried to resist the urge to bed Bella Swan.

As one of the most sought after young actors in Hollywood, though, will Pattinson be able to resist the calling of another major movie franchise?

Following the news that Spider-Man 4 will reboot the series - doing away with Tobey Maguire as the lead and focusing on Peter Parker as a high school student - one question has been floating around Tinseltown:

Who will step into the costume of this webbed wonder?

Without quoting any sources or providing factual information of any kind, OK! Weekly claims Pattinson is a contender for the iconic role. Could this be true? Sure.

Could it also be another example of this tabloid making up a story about Robert in order to create buzz for itself? Most definitely.

Raw Sex Appeal

Reportedly, Michael Cera and Chace Crawford are also being considered for the role of Peter Parker.

While Pattinson's schedule is jammed with movies - he starts shooting Bel Ami with Uma Thurman in February; and begins production on Breaking Dawn in 2010 - one thing is for sure:

The guy would look good in tights! Do you wanna see Robert as Spider-Man?

 

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The first few episodes of American Idol are typically an exercise in patience and predictions.

Viewers must sit through an endless stream of pathetic auditions - some amusing, most annoying - in order to hear that one voice and/or see that one face that could truly become the next American Idol.

Did we meet him or her on last night's season nine premiere? It's possible, although only 32 golden tickets to Hollywood were handed out.

In between the crying, screaming and mannequin-like presence of Victoria Beckham in Boston, the following contestants stood out. Keep these names in mind. One of them could be the next Adam Lambert...

Maddy Curtis: 16 years old, sung “Hallelujah” by Leonard Cohen. The ninth of 12 (!!!) chldren, she has two brothers with Down Syndrome and seemed awfully mature for her age. Simon made us chuckle by saying she's actually not an annoying teenager.

Boston Hopefuls

Amadeo Diricco: 28 years old, a classic Italian from Providence. Outsized personality will make for entertaining TV if he sticks around. Sung “Hoochy Coochie Man” by Muddy Waters.

Tyler Grady: A 19-year old drummer stood out for thre reasons. First, he broke both wrists when he fell out of a tree. Second, he had a smooth voice. Third, Kara appeared to want to jump him right on the table.

Katie Stevens: The best voice? No. The best story? Yes, on this night. Just 16 years old, sung “At Last” by Etta James and is very close to her grandmother, who has Alzheimer’s and only speaks Portuguese. The phone call between these two caused Ryan's eyes to tear up after Katie received her ticket to Hollywood.

Justin Williams: Also a great personal story, but we heard it last season when he advanced to Hollywood (and was part of the “White Chocolate” group with Kris Allen and Matt Giraud). A cancer survivor that has undergone multiple surgeries.

Leah Laurenti: A 22-year old from Medford, New York with a powerful voice. Grew emotional as she talked about her upbringing, dreams and religious family's quasi ban on secular music.

WHO WAS YOUR FAVORITE CONTESTANT?

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When Ray J plowed Kim Kardashian on tape, we all assumed the aspiring hip hop artist was simply trying to make a name for himself.

But might Ray J have had another motive? Could he have been proving to the world that he's capable of maintaining an erection around the opposite sex?

That's what Monica Danger has implied. The former For the Love of Ray J finalist went on record last week with a startling revelation, one that would rock VH1 reality programming to its very core: Ray J is gay.

"Ray, I love you, I respect you, but you are selling me everywhere," Danger confusingly said, outing the singer and even naming his boyfriend: "Ray J’s lover of years is Young Buck."

Of course, Danger - who's been hospitalized for mental problems and recently lost custody of her daughter as a result - has about as much credibility as Tila Tequila.

Therefore, we might need to side with Ray J when he said in response to this accusation:

"I still got love for Danger, that’s one of my peoples. But I didn’t return her calls for the last 2-3 weeks, so she threatened to say ‘I’m going to tell people you’re gay!’ She went along and actually did it! I’m not gay, but I got love for gay people because I work with gay people... girls and dudes. I’m comfortable with my sexuality."

Anyone that watched Kim Kardashian Superstar is well aware of that! So are the walking STDs that exchange bodily fluids with Ray J on a weekly basis, as filmed by VH1 and evidenced below:

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Earlier this week, Jessica Biel scaled Mt. Kilimanjaro.

No matter what you think of the actress' skills or her seemingly dour public demeanor, this is an astounding accomplishment, one undertaken to draw attention to the global water crisis.

Despite the feat and the message, though, Biel can't climb above the celebrity gossip fray. As soon as she (and Emile Hirsch and Isabel Lucas) reached the top of the mountain, new reports surfaced that her relationship with Justin Timberlake was over.

  • JT Pic
  • Biel

There's not much to the latest rumor. It's being spread by Hollyscoop.com, which simply states Timberlake had planned on accompanying Biel on her trip to Africa. Alas, he did not.

So, where is the sexy singer? In Jackson Hole, Wyoming, sources say. What does this prove about his relationship with Jessica? Nothing.

This isn't the first time insiders have claimed this pair is no longer together. In September, reports linked JT to Rihanna, a dream hook-up that never came close to materializing.

Is it really so difficult to believe that Justin and Jessica are simply a normal, boring couple? Must "journalists" continue to create controversy between the two, simply because there's no actual public drama to write about?

Sadly, it seems that way.

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While Conan O'Brien fans continues to express outrage and disbelief over the way the The Tonight Show host has been treated, Jimmy Kimmel is making his allegiance clear.

The comedian parodied the ridiculous mess of a late-night situation NBC has dug itself into by dressing up as Jay Leno last night and taking a few shots at his rival joke teller.

Kimmel, whose Jimmy Kimmel Live airs on ABC, joked that Leno was taking over everyone's program. Check out the clip below and then respond: Was this over the line?

After all, it's not Jay's fault that NBC is operated by people dumber than Paris Hilton. It's unclear what the network was ever thinking when it put Leno on primetime; nor are the reasons for his move back to 11:35 p.m. crystal clear right now.

What is clear: O'Brien is a funny, classy individual that won't be a part of the NBC family for much longer. We wish him the best of luck in all future endeavors.

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As NBC has counted down the days until this week's third season of Chuck, it's used the tagline: No More Mr. Nice Spy.

Caitlin Crosby knows what the network means.

Timberlake and Biel Photo

Show star Zachary Levi dumped his girlfriend of two years years on Saturday night, a day before "his big NBC premiere aired," a friend tells Us Weekly.

The actor and the singer had just returned from a supposedly "great vacation," the source added, in Turks and Caicos and Puerto Rico and Crosby never saw it coming. Seems like Levi went to Joe Jonas Break-Up School.

The source added that Levi explained his reasoning by telling his long-time love "it was bad timing and if God brings them together in the future it's meant to be." But this pal isn't buying it:

"Guess he thinks he's too big a star now... [Caitlin] is heartbroken, but she is already writing great songs about it."

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