Hilton Hater

Hilton Hater

I am a senior staff writer at THG and a big fan of Taylor Swift, Justin Bieber and Robert Pattinson. I believe Kim Kardashian is bad for society, but great for attention, and that The Real Housewives should all be banned from existence.

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It wasn't that long ago that Bret Michaels was banging everything with two lips.

The singer was taking full advantage of his rock star status, anchoring VH1 reality shows that made The Bachelor look like an actual search for love. It was all about groupie sex and bandanas for Bret.

But then he suffered a brain hemorrhage and Bret's life instantly became about more than STDs tests and tour bus liaisons. The guy knows he's lucky to be alive.

A reinvented family man, Michaels posed with his daughters and girlfriend Kristi Gibson outside The Late Show with David Letterman studio yesterday. He's on the mend physically and spiritually and we couldn't be happier for this rocker...

The New Family Man
  • Nice Family
  • Bret's Family
  • New and Improved Bret
  • Settled
  • Family Photo

Asked about his relationship with Gibson, Michaels told The Early Show:

"We are not engaged yet, it's a work in progress. She has a beautiful promise ring - it's a promise ring, or a friendship ring, with benefits. That's what we call it. But yes, is it a work in progress? Absolutely."

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Selena Gomez is making like Miley Cyrus.

No, the teenager isn't ditching pants or putting out a failed album.

But Selena is leaving the TV show that made her famous, announcing this week her plans to exit Wizards of Waverly Place when its fourth season concludes.

“Unfortunately, I’m doing my last season of my show, which I’m really heartbroken about. That’s gonna be a terrible time for me,” the 17-year old told MTV.

Gomez has played Alex Russo on the Disney Channel series since its pilot episode.

Pic of Selena

However, just because Gomez is walking away from the small screen doesn't mean she's leaving the role of Alex forever.

“I’m gonna do a movie for my show, which I’ll be excited to end it with, and then a tour,” she said.

Selena has made news recently for her life away from the set. She briefly dated Nick Jonas, only to break up with him in April. That's right, teenage male readers: this pretty star is available!

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You've gotta love reality TV.

On Monday night, Bravo aired an epic fight between Danielle Staub and Teresa Giudice. It eventually resulted in Jacqueline Laurita’s 19-year-old daughter (Ashley Holmes) ripping out the former's weave.

This confrontation actually took place in November, however, as it was documented at the time and Holmes was forced by the court to pay a $189 fine. Case closed, right?

Wrong says Staub's lawyer, Paul Giblin. Speaking to Hollywood Life, he said of the incident:  “We are going to use this footage and prepare a case against these women. We are seeking assault and battery charges, defamation of character and punitive damages as well.”

Don't You Ever!

First, we'll need a few minutes to stop laughing over the concept that anything could defame Staub at this point. Pretty sure her arrest record and sex tape have done that on their own already.

Second, any case Staub and her lawyer wished to have brought against her castmates would have been filed months ago. This incident is old news. It was simply shown to the world this week, on a series for which Staub makes hundreds of thousands of dollars to appear.

This makes Giblin's concluding comments positivelty hilarious:

“We will get restraining orders by the judge against Teresa, Ashley and all others involved... We are going to ask to impose sanctions against these women, whatever the law allows... This is some kind of conspiracy, it’s like a gang mentality.”

If Giblin is referring to the gang of Bravo writers that came up with this storyline, then he's absolutely correct.

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Eat your heart out, Reggie Bush.

Kim Kardashian and Miles Austin made one of their first public appearances as a couple last night, stepping out at a private residence in Bel Air as guests Serena Williams' Pre-ESPYs House Party.

Tweeted Kim prior to the event: Kardashian Tweeted: "Soooo excited for @serenawilliams party tonight!!! Woooowhoo"

Kim Kardashian and Miles Austin

Kardashian and Austin spent all of July Fourth weekend together. They even shut down a club in New Jersey in order to get their groove on.

Kim also threw her new man a birthday bash at NYC steakhouse STK on June 30. Sorry to break this to you, Ty Lawson. Maybe someone else is available for 17 minutes.

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In a new interview with Great Britain's The Daily Mirror, Robert Pattinson touches on a number of topics.

We'll get to those momentarily, but first props must be given to the actor for calling out Courtney Love.

R. Patt

Asked about the rumor that he was up for the role of Kurt Cobain in an upcoming biopic, Pattinson said he never considered it - and then blasted Love for her negative remarks (when she referred to that possibility as "stupid") in April.

"You see all these comments, like from Courtney Love, saying ’What the f*ck! He’s totally wrong for it’, and I’m like, ’I f*cking said no, you d*ck!’ I didn’t get offered it. For one thing, I’m too tall, and I can’t sing like him, I’m nothing like him!’ It’s ridiculous."

You go, boy!

Pattinson was also asked about similarities to Edward, along with his next movie, Bel Ami. Excerpts from the interview follow:

On identifying with Edward: It’s changed a bit in this film. In the first two, I guess there was his feeling that you can’t relate to anyone, or no one can relate to you. I was like, ’I never want to talk to anyone’. I used to feel like that when I was younger. I’ve grown up now.

On his next role: There’s something fun about Bel Ami, going from Edward to some guy who pretty much abuses women to get money out of them. Edward so wouldn’t approve – and I thought that was a funny irony.

On other career aspirations: I want to produce a film. It would be so satisfying to turn up to work and not have to go into costume or make-up. You stand behind the monitor and don’t even have the responsibility of the director.

On Kristen Stewart: I can't wait to marry her.

JUST KIDDING with that last one! Wanted to see if you were paying attention.

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First, Tammy Lynn Michaels was "blindsided" by her break-up with Melissa Etheridge.

Then, she was denied $25,000 in court this week to help her cover the legal fees of their split and upcoming custody battle.

Melissa Etheridge, Tammy Lynn Michaels Picture

Now, the scorned mother of two has penned a poem on her official website. It's titled ulcers to gallbladder to pancreas to liver and then...? and, well, here it is:

a dillar
a dollar
a trick or treat
hollar
need some help
need some honesty
need some real
call 'er
no answer


gallbladder
pancreas
liver
ulcers
MRIs
ultrasounds
gotta get it done
on pennies now?
somethings going on

gotta get a job
with barf bag in hand?
and leave my twins with who?
and with what babysitting money?

a dillar
a dollar
a trick or treat
hollar

this too shall pass
cuz i believe in miracles
and
miracles look like rainbows.

oh. and we have to be out of our rental in 45 days.
man, i love a challenge.

It's unclear what rhyme scheme this is in, but it's apparent Michaels is suffering. Please give her some money, Melissa. At least to save us the pain of reading more of these missives.

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We're very sorry, Joe Jonas.

Multiple sources have confirmed that this singer is smitten with Ashley Greene, while others have reported: "Joe has been trying to date Ashley for awhile now, but it looks like it’s never going to work out for him.”

There's a good reason, however, and it's one Jonas doesn't have to take seriously: Greene is spoken for! She's actually been dating actor Brock Kelly, insiders say.

Busty Greene

"Ashley's really falling for Brock, and he's just as into her," a friend told Star Magazine. "It's new, but she thinks it could be the real thing."

Kelly appeared last year on an episode of Supernatural. Based on the photo above, there's something both super and natural about Greene, as well. Think about it.

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You're gonna have to step up your game, Kourtney Kardashian.

You've been surpassed as Hollywood's most shameless mother.

Amanda Bynes Twit Pic

Tori Spelling has actually opened up a Twitter account for her three-year old son, Liam. The attention-starved mother is publicizing it every chance she gets and updating its 14,000 followers with the latest one-liners from her tyke.

(In related news, 14,000 people REALLY need to get lives.)

Follow THG on Twitter today! (Please, we can't be losing to a three-year old.)

Among the Tweets "Liam" has posted:

"Mama the moon ate the sun and made it dark. Will he burp him up tomorrow so it'll be a nice day?" and "I love making jello castles. Jello wiggles and parties in my tummy."

Of course, Liam's main concern lies with his ailing father, as McDermott crashed his dirt bike earlier this month and is resting at home.

"Once Dean came home from the hospital, Liam told Dean, 'You have to stay in bed. Doctor said you're sick. You have a boo boo,'" Spelling told People. "Dean is slowly recovering. He has a long road ahead and is still in a lot of pain. He's just taking it day by day, and the kids and I are good nurses!"

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Love and light. Stay in the positive, bitch! - Ashley Holmes to Danielle Staub

Last night, Bravo offered up an unbeWEAVEable episode of The Real Housewives of New Jersey. The utter insanity was highlighted by a fight between Danielle Staub and Tersea Giudice, culminating in Ashley Holmes - the 19-year old daughter of Jacqueline Laurita - yanking out Staub's hair extension.

The writers of this installment deserve an Emmy, though Holmes posted this week on her Facebook page yesterday: "YIKES... not one of my finest moments in life."

Weave Me Alone

Police were called to the scene of the chaos, which was filmed months ago.

Therefore, Laurita has had time to reflect on the events and Tweeted late last week:

"It's like at train-wreck you can't look away from... We are a disgrace! It's bad. Shameful but... a little bit humorous, dare I say, in parts. Hope we can still be friends. Lol!"

Friends?!? Bravo likely just gave you all raises and lifetime contracts. Go out and celebrate! We know where you can find a good coke whore for the occasion...

A Coke Whore

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If we were the cynical type, we'd say Kim Kardashian is only pretending to be Lindsay Lohan's friend these days because it makes her look like a caring individual.

After all, Kim stopped by Lindsay's house for dinner the day after Lohan was sentenced to 90 days in prison - and we challenge anyone to come up with the last time these two hung out prior to that verdict.

At the Amp Energy Bullrun Rally this weekend, Kardashian was asked about this newfound connection and told OK! Weekly: “I just think that no matter what your friends go through you just have to support your friends, no matter what.”

Speaking of support, Kim's outfit at this random event supported her curves quite well:

Hot Suit

Kardashian was also asked about Lamar Odom at the rally and had nothing but praise for her brother-in-law:

“Lamar is a really strong guy... I think it takes a real man to be able to handle living this crazy life. And having him and his wife be in it together is a lot to deal with, but everyone does a good job at it. You have to not let it really affect your life too much.”

Not affect your life too much?!? This is your life, Kim! The press and the paparazzi and the tabloid covers are how you and your family make a living.

Don't make it sound like it's a burden. That rings even more hollow than your friendship with Lohan.

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