Teresa Giudice gave birth to daughter Audriana in September. But this ratings-grabbing magical event wasn't show on Bravo until last night's new edition of The Real Housewives of New Jersey.
We've reviewed the episode in-depth, so sit back, get comfortable and try not to vomit over the anticis of these ridiculous, spoiled women...
The focal point of this week's episode was Teresa’s delivery of her fourth daughter. This new baby joins her gaggle of girls who are destined to become complete bitches. They run around their McMansion wearing hot pink tutus and dancing provocatively to inappropriate music. Teresa delights in getting them to fling their arms in the air and scream, “Fabulous!” multiple times per day.
The eldest daughter, Gia, is a model/pageant contestant who likes to act like she’s on a catwalk no matter where she goes. It’s both disturbing and fascinating to watch this eight-year-old bump and grind and shake her booty wearing Daisy Dukes and a cropped top during a dance recital while Teresa cheers from the audience.
This Teresa is an interesting woman. First of all, she seems to have the lowest hairline of any post-Neanderthal. Her hair grows out of her forehead almost all the way down to her eyebrows. It’s somewhat disturbing, yet she seems to pull of this unusual look.
Teresa gained fame last season for referring to the despised Danielle Staub as a “prostitution whore” just before flipping a table at a restaurant. This came just before she made out with her husband next to the overturned table and shattered glasses. Something about a trashed restaurant made them just so damn hot for each other!
When Teresa realizes she’s in labor, she quickly rushes around her house to pack the necessities. She’s ready to pop, but is still wearing a strapless top and full costume jewelry. If it were me, I would be wearing a muumuu and slippers and cramming ice cream down my throat chased with full-fat chocolate milk.
Teresa knows how to prioritize as she packs. She says, “At the last minute I was packing my makeup case and jewelry. You know, last minute things if you’re going to go to the hospital.” Of course! I always make sure to bring all my makeup with me to the hospital. That and my stilettos and floor-length ball gowns. She also tells a friend on the phone about her progressing labor, “You know I have the runs so that’s a sign."
Way to know your body’s signs, sister.