Hilton Hater

Hilton Hater

I am a senior staff writer at THG and a big fan of Taylor Swift, Justin Bieber and Robert Pattinson. I believe Kim Kardashian is bad for society, but great for attention, and that The Real Housewives should all be banned from existence.

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If the mother of your daughter died from a drug problem many people attributed to her life in the spotlight, would you take every opportunity to pose said child in front of the paparazzi and on magazine covers?

No? Then you're name is not Larry Birkhead.

The sorry excuse for a human being invited tabloid photographers to daughter Dannielynn's birthday party last year, which would have been his most disgraceful act as a parent to date... except that he actually did the same to Anna Nicole Smith's grave the year before. Yes, her grave.

Not as Cute as It Seems

Now, Birkhead has cashed in on his daughter again, revealing pieces of information about Dannielynn to E! News because... he's getting paid piles of money for it? He feels a responsibility to the public to share secrets about an innocent four-year old? Form your own opinions on this despicable man below, as you read excerpts from his interview:

On missing Smith: "I know what I had with Anna, and I have a 38-pound reminder walking around my house every day."

On how awesome of a father he is: "[Dannielynn is] with me every single day. I spend tons of time with her. That is one of my biggest accomplishments. She knows the happiness she gets at home and from the people around her."

On Anna's drug problem: "If she stopped taking methadone she could have died, the baby could have died."

On similarities between Dannielynn  and Anna Nicole: "She already has motherly like instincts. She's playing with her mom's dolls."

Read the full interview with E! now.

UPDATE: A disclaimer ...

Larry Birkhead is not a pimp in the literal sense that he manages a harem of prostitutes. He is merely a whore, figuratively, for the celebrity gossip industry, and likely making serious bank off his young daughter via features such as this. Thank you.

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Good Friday is arguably the holiest day on the Christian calendar, as it precedes Easter Sunday and commemorates the crucifixion of Jesus Christ and his death at Calvary.

Now, this is why we love Kanye West: the man is so hilariously egotistical that he hasn't merely Tweeted a plan to release a new single each week until Christmas - he's deemed the occasion "good Fridays." Perhaps we should just call him Jesus West from now on.

Wrote the rapper: I know yall need the music so I’m dropping 1 new song every weekend until Xmas. It may be my song it may be a new Jay song etc...

I’m calling it good Fridays. Yall know every Friday yall gone have a new joint from our family. We look at the game completely different now. It’s about the fans. No more holding back. That’s why I dropped see me now… It wasn’t about me it was about the Summer the BBQs etc.

Expect Kanye to remain in the news for awhile. He's scheduled to perform at next month's Video Music Awards and he'll likely collaborate with Justin Bieber in the near future.

That sound you hear is teenage girls screaming... and a few Christians groaning.

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If rumors are to be believed, Danielle Staub appeared in her final, non-reunion Real Housewives of New Jersey episode last night.

Fortunately, the mentally unbalanced nut job gave our reality show correspondent plenty to write about, as she wraps up her hilarious reviews below. Enjoy...

Saying goodbye to this show felt a lot like when I was a summer camp counselor and I had to say goodbye to the most annoying girl in my cabin.  It’s sort of like, oh, 'I’m going to miss her so much even though she’s mostly a gigantic pain in my ass.'

The Housewives Girl

You know that once in awhile (and I mean ONCE in a LONG, LONG while) she could be funny or entertaining and you start thinking that the times where she was funny and entertaining were much more numerous than they actually were.  And you get all nostalgic and think you selfishly pissed away your good times together, that you were a bitchy counselor who just focused on all the stupid shit she did.

And you throw yourself onto your metal bunk bed with the 30-year-old, plastic-encased, stained, thin-as-hell mattress and allow your eyes to fill with tears because you know you’ll never see each other again and you wish, despite all you experienced with her that summer, that you could catch one last glimpse of her and give her one final hug goodbye.

Well, sort of like that.

I’m not going to lie, I am happy to unlock from my ankle the ball and chain that is this show.  I toss it gleefully in the river.  But it did have its good moments.  Sometimes it was kooky and silly and gleeful in its trashiness.  But, nevertheless, I say goodbye for now, Franklin Lakes!  Goodbye, batshit crazy Housewives!  Let’s hope you manage to survive until next summer when we meet again.

The penultimate episode started out with the whole House clan heading over to Teresa’s house to feast upon bowls of olive oil with hunks of Parmigiano-Reggiano drowning in it.  They discuss, of course, the Prostitution Whore and the case against Ashley, the moron daughter.  Caroline is getting all hot and bothered about this stuff. 

“She just is so driven to try and hurt every single one of us.  The bottom line is, she just won’t go away.”  Caroline has the brilliant plan that she should go set things straight with our beloved Danielle.  (Hmmm..I wonder who came up with this idea?  Maybe…THE PRODUCERS?)  Caroline doesn’t seem to remember that every other Housewife has tried this only to have their various encounters with Danielle go spectacularly awry.  Caroline says she’ll don a bikini and dive into the mud pit with the Prostitution Whore as long as her homies have her back.  

Evil Danielle

Back at her moldering cave, Danielle gets Caroline’s text.  Caroline has written, “I’d like to put an end to all the nonsense,” and the Prostitution Whore doesn’t like that.  But Danielle is a strong, independent lady now and she’s going to this little get-together, come hell or high water.  She reminds her daughters to trust her because they’ve been praying about it.

What does this prayer sound like, you ask?  Danielle:  “Dear Gawd, please flip Dina’s Mercedes into a ditch.  And give Caroline the flesh-eating virus.  And have Jacqueline get run over by a freak escape bullet train.  And let Teresa’s daughters cannibalize her.  Oh, and let me find my biological mom and please make her an heiress.  Amen.”  Daughters:  “Dear Gawd, please send Child Protective Services to our house right now.  Mommy scares us.” 

In Danielle’s own words, “I’m not in fear no more.”  Her daughters roll their eyes as Mommy Dearest declares she will be heading into battle. 

“I will get the dignity and the respect that I deserve,” she declares.  Of course you will, honey!  Just like you did at the table-flipping dinner.  I mean, just like you did when you met with Dina at the restaurant.  No, I mean just like you did at the baby cancer dinner thing!  No, wait!, I mean just like you did at the fashion show!!  NO, HOLD ON, just like you did when you took Ashley to court!!!  Oh, screw it. 

You’ll never get the dignity and respect you deserve, Danielle, because you deserve no dignity and respect.  You deserve to be thrown face-first down into a sewer in a very heavily populated urban neighborhood.

Poor, poor Discount Danny shows up at Danielle’s fortress of solitude.  He hasn’t been fed or watered in a few days and is just looking for Danielle to throw some scraps his way.  Unfortunately for him, he gets the 4-1-1 on Danielle’s text from Caroline while he squats on the stairs in his stocking feet, stomach growling. 

Discount’s theory is that Caroline is the ruler of the clan.  He’s sort of listening to the Prostitution Whore but you can see in his eyes that he’s over it too.  He wants a hot meal and a spin-off show or he’s giving up this charade of being friends with Danielle.  Even trashy ex-con bodyguards with Supercuts haircuts and Wal-Mart jeans can take only so much.

Continue Reading...

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A competition that started with controversy over body paint concluded with Jimena Navarrete being named Miss Universe last night.

The Miss Mexico title holder beat out an impressive 82-woman field in Las Vegas, which included Miss USA Rima Fakih. She did not place in the final 15.

Upon taking home the crown, Navarrete made it clear she plans to promote Mexican pride throughout her reign, saying: "I want the whole world to know about my country and my people. I imagine that they're all going crazy in Mexico right now. I'm extremely proud."

The second-ever champion from her native country, Navarrete is a model. She was faced with questions about Arizona's recent immigration law during the pageant and replied afterward:

"Every country has the right to impose and enact their laws. But I tell you that all the Mexicans and the Latins that are living here in the United States are hardworking people - people who want to improve on their quality of life."

See that, Carrie Prejean? Not all contestants speak like third graders when asked questions about current events.

Mexican President Felipe Calderon is clearly proud of his nation's new spokesperson. He said in a statement: "Her triumph is a source of pride and satisfaction for all Mexicans, who see in her the fruits of perseverance.

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Miley Cyrus has made it clear: her next movie, LOL, will showcase a mature, edgy side to the actress.

Based on a few leaked script pages, we can confirm: she isn't kidding!

In Cut-Offs

In the movie, Miley portrays a rebellious teen named Lola. As first reported by Hollywood Life, this character loses her virginity in the film; smokes pot; makes out with a female friend; drinks a lot; and, oh, accidentally shows her mom her Brazilian wax.

Suddenly, Cyrus' on-stage antics look tame by comparison, huh?

Hannah Montana Who?!? Miley Cyrus turns 18 in November. Look out, world! Farewell, pants!

Miley isn't the only young actress ratcheting up the raciness in the film.

Twilight star Ashley Greene plays Lola's rival, a girl nicknamed “The Post It” because  “she sticks to every guy.”

There's no release date scheduled yet for LOL, but it should hit theaters in 2011. Will you go see it?

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Following last night's fifth season premiere of her family's reality show, which focused on Kourtney Kardashian refusing to leave baby daddy Scott Disick, sister Khloe has a message for her sibling.

At least we think she does. It's difficult to interpret her immature Twitter-speak. Over the course of several Tweets, Khloe made her feelings on Scott known. She wrote:

I dont allow peps 2 treat me like crapthen open my arms up 2 them so quickly. Kourt needs 2 think be4 she goes back in2 her comfort routine. I need 2 c a REAL change before I feel comfortable letting Mase and Kourt around him.

I'm there 4 Kourt by not letting scott continue 2 hurt her. Tough love it is. Im not going to 4give some1 6 times. Ur not me.

Words to think about, huh, Kourt? We mean that literally. One has to really read each syllable slowly.

  • Kourt Pic
  • Khloe in Black

Of course, any celebrity gossip follower - or human being with a pulse - knows that Khloe is simply Tweeting this nonsense to make headlines.

After all, episodes of Keeping Up with the Kardashians were filmed months ago. Since then, Scott has reportedly entered rehab and the family is mostly giving him another chance.

Looks like some1 has 2 get caught up on her own show's scripts b4 jumping 2 judgment. u hear us, klo E?

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THG has already introduced readers to Cynthia Bailey.

Now, it's time to meet the other woman that will debut as a cast member on The Real Housewives of Atlanta in October. Let's give it up for Phaedra Parks!

As the Managing Partner of The Parks Group, P.C., an Atlanta-based law firm, Parks has represented such celebrities as Jermaine Dupri and Bobby Brown. She likes to brag about the charities with which she's involved, but the main focus of her time on this Bravo series will be her marriage to Apollo Nida.

A younger man, Apollo is on parole for running an auto theft ring and has spent six years in prison for a pair of unrelated crimes.

Parks is knocked up with the couple's first child and a network press release says she "has thrown herself into planning the perfect southern baby shower." If that doesn't make for must-see viewing, we have no idea what does! **

** With the exception of anything else on television.

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Director John Chu doesn't wish to over-hype the upcoming Justin Bieber movie, but, well, it "will be a pretty cool story for our time," he told MTV in a recent interview.

Chu said he is currently touring with the singer and trying to figure out the exact format of the film. All he knows for certain right now is that it will be released in February 2011.

"There's not going to be acted-out scenes and I can't talk about the rest. It's not your typical concert film and it's not going to be a biopic ... but it is about his life," Chu said. "I think it's more of a documentary. We're going to figure it out as we go."

As long as Bieber's hair and smiling face are on screen, we're guessing fans will be satisfied. And as long as he isn't groping Kim Kardashian, Bill O'Reilly won't complain.

Taking Over the World

[Photos: PacificCoastNewsOnline.com]

Describing Bieber as a "really cool guy" and "legitimate talent," Chu sold the film as a biopic for anyone and everyone:

"[It's] a movie for his fans, a movie for people who don't know him, and we're gonna tell the underdog story of where he came from. Because it's a really fascinating story and it has a lot to do with our sort of digital lifestyle now... we're gonna make a really fun movie."

With all this hype, the flick may be considered a disappointment if it doesn't earn more money than Avatar.

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Kate Winslet has gone public with Louis Dowler.

The Oscar-winning actress and the British model were spotted on the streets of London over the weekend, walking hand-in-hand as they went to dinner and a nightclub on Saturday night.

Louis Dowler and Kate Winlset

[Photo: PacificCoastNewsOnline.com]

In March, Winslet and director Sam Mendes announced they had split after nearly seven years of marriage and one son together. (Winslet also has a daughter from a previous marriage to Jim Threapleton).

Dowler and Winslet reportedly met through a mutual acquaintance and have "been on lots of dates and really enjoy each other's company," a source told Great Britian's The Mirror.  "Louis has a good sense of humor and is a lovely guy. He gets lots of attention when he's out and about - but he's not your typical model. Not at all big-headed.

"Kate certainly seems smitten... They've really got something special."

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Over the next few weeks, Fantasia Barrino has a new album and a new season of her reality show coming out.

For that reason, it's been hard for some people to not question the authenticity of her recent problems, which started with an accusation that she made a sex tape with a married man and climaxed with a hospitalization for a pill overdose.

But the former American Idol champion says she really did sink that low on August 9.

"I didn't have any fight in me. I didn't care about anything. I just wanted out," Fantasia tells VH1 in a new Behind the Music interview, which airs tomorrow, the same day her new CD comes out.

Continuing to defend her against accusations that this is all an orchestrated PR stunt, Barrino added:

"I just sat in the closet and looked at the mirror and took all the pills in the bottle. I wanted to go to sleep and just be at peace. I knew exactly what I was doing. You can't accidentally take a whole bottle of pills." 

True. But you can ensure you'll be found before it's too late, as Fantasia did by texting manager Brian Dickens about 10 minutes after ingesting the pills.

Still, the singer - who reality show cameras have filmed alongside scandalous boyfriend Antwaun Cook over the last few days - insists she was upset when she awoke in the hospital and realized she was "still in this hellhole."

"I was tired of people doing me wrong, constantly, over and over again, dealing with my family – my father, dealing with men and their shit – I was tired," she says of the incident. "My head was hurting me. I was over it."

What do you think? Was the overdose truly a sign of Fantasia wanting to end her life? Or, we shudder to even think it, of her wanting to increase album sales and reality show ratings?

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